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English version
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(Max) As they say, there are two sides to every coin.
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I absolutely agree.
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On one side, you get a job at the trendiest
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and tastiest restaurant of the city.
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On the other, it made no impact on the quality of what you eat.
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On one side, you are respectable patrons of an elite restaurant,
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but on the other - you will never find out
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how they really treat you.
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On one hand, you think you are at the most gorgeous
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and peaceful place on earth,
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on the other…
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Chef: - Veal "Palantine" with capers!
- Yes, Chef!
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Chef: - Two trouts "Tarragon"!
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Chef: - Senya, where is my Bechamel (sauce)?
-- Right away, Chef. 20 seconds!
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(Chef) What are you standing here for?
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(sound of falling plates)
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(Max) Lastly, on one side, you are two hours late
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and you think you will be crucified,
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but on the other…
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(Chef) Butthead... I love you!
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He was late. I win!
Everyone who bet, fork it over!
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Hurry, hurry!
(laughter)
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Because you have improved my mood in such a horrible day,
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i’m rewarding you with a very important, and more significantly , socially useful work.
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You will...
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...unload groceries.
Max: - But Chef!
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Chef: - And don’t thank me. It’s straight from my heart!
- Chef, I thought I would cook!
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(Chef) Look at you. You relied on your two non-existent abilities
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– to think and cook. March!
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Nastya, I will end up with a heart attack thanks to you!
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Chef, what’s the word for a female Chef?
Chefess?
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Mistake of nature.
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Well, the mistake of nature
from the neighboring restaurant
is sitting in the dining lounge.
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(Chef) What is she sniffing here for?
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- Do you want me to ask?
Chef: - Do not!
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(Chef) What did she order?
(Nastya) Coffee.
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That’s it?!
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(Chef) What are we? A coffee house?
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- Chef, are you afraid of her?
- Yeah right! Why would I be?
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My shoelace was untied.
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Vika: - You didn't get fired yesterday?
- Well, first of all, good day.
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Secondly, smoking harms your health.
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Thirdly, who would fire such a specialist?
Vika: - Haha
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Wait... Were you really upset that I might leave?
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You will miss me.
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In memory of our wonderful night!
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Hi, Ainura!
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Listen, If anyone here finds out
something happened between us, I will...
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(voice from the kitchen) - Viktoria Sergeevna!
- Yes, Kostya.
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Viktoria Sergeevna, the C-keeper at the bar broke down again.
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I told you yesterday that you need to call a repairman.
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Now you’ll have to fix the problem on your own.
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- So the C-keeper is broke?
- Yes. Do you know how they work?
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What’s there to know?
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At my last job, the C-keeper broke down every day.
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I left. I don’t know who fixes it now.
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L-listen, c-can you fix mine?
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In return, I’ll unload everything for you?
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Well, okay.
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(Max) So, the unloading problem is solved. The only thing left is to find out what a C-keeper is.
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- Good day!
- Hello!
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- What brings you here?
- Work.
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They brought chic dish sets to our restaurant.
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While they’re offloading, I decided to kill a half hour at your place.
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Yes, good tableware often helps.
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Aren't you ordering anything?
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Well, I said I wanted to kill time - not myself.
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- Bad joke, huh?
- Never mind!
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Everybody knows there are two things women can’t do -
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– joke and cook.
(Nastya laughs)
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I think that a cup of disgusting coffee won’t keep you for too long
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at our horrible restaurant.
Good bye.
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Perhaps, I will order.
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(Chef sighs)
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Oh, Partridge Fricassee.
Chef’s signature dish. How intriguing!
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Sasha, take this lady's order.
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Chickenhead! She calls herself a Chef!
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She worked in India!
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There they roll any trash in curry and call it food.
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Where is my knife?
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What are you doing here?
Weren't you designated to unload groceries?
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Everything is fine there.
I just need to get to the bar.
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(Chef) Who took my knife?
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I repeat.
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Who took MY knife?
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I see.
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Senya, come here.
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Senya, buddy, is it you who took my knife?
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Senya: - No.
Chef yelling: - Then who?
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Okay. Here it how it is, invalids.
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Until you find my knife, none of you will go home!
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Understood?!
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(Sasha) Chef, I punched a Partridge Fricassee.
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(Chef yelling) I won’t cook anything until my knife is found!
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(he slams the door)
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So, everybody looks for the knife. Get to it!
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Listen, what is the problem?
Why don't we buy the same knife quickly?
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Buy? Do you have any idea what kind of knife it is?
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Get it now? We cannot just buy the same knife.
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- What is up with you? Go on – look for the knife!
- Yes.
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How the hell does this C-keeper look like?
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Oh wow, that’s a C-Keeper?
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I thought it was a cash register.
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Kostya, make two espressos, please.
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Floppy Ears, what are you doing there?
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I’m the new bartender.
They fired Kostya because he doesn’t know shit.
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Yeah right, who are you trying to fool?
I saw you in the kitchen. You’re a cook.
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I have many talents, but at heart I’m a bartender.
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(sound of breaking glass)
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The bottle is half empty. The till is not right!
What do you want? Coffee?
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Yeah, make two espressos, please.
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He calls himself a bartender!
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Get out of here! I’ll do it myself.
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Perhaps, a cup of tea?
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- You just asked me that 10 minutes ago.
- Well, maybe you want one now.
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Would you mind finding out how things are with my order?
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(Nastya) Sure.
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So? Will you?
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Ah, you want to know right now! Okay.
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Great. It’s not ready! Let me please Dmitriy Vladimirovich.
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His favorite Chef refuses to cook!
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(door slams)
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Rejoice! You’ll have a new Chef soon.
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Of course, provided that the old one
doesn’t cook his damn Fricassee.
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Let’s make it ourselves.
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(Lyova) If we cook his signature dish,
he’ll c-cook u-us...
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(Senya) He’ll devour us! You’re right.
Better not risk it.
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(Fedya) And if we don’t make it, he will be fired!
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(Senya) That's right!
We have to make it.
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Or you’re right. I’m confused now.
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(Lyova) No, i-it’s a bad idea!
I-its...
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(Fedya) As out captain used to say:
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“Better to crap your pants during the storm, than because of the weather forecast”!
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(Ainura speaks in Kyrgyz): Very good!
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(Fedya) Is that good or bad?
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(Ainura speaks in Kyrgyz): What idiots!
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Lyova: - Is she eating it?
- Of course she is! Why wouldn't she?
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- Miss!
Could you come here for a second?
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Waitress: - Yes?
- Could you please call your head Chef.
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(Ainura): Oh God, she said something to Sasha!
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(Louis speaks with a French accent)
Maybe she asked for a second helping?
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The guest…the guest requests the Chef!
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I w-warned you!
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You jinxed it!
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- Go to the Chef’s office!
Senya: - Why me?!
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(Nadya) Go! Go!
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(Senya) I was against it from the very beginning.
It was Fedya's idea. He should go!
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(Fedya) Hello? Why me? Lyova, you go!
You're his right hand man. He won’t do anything to you.
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I-i... a-am n-not going! No!
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(Fedya) Louis should go. He's got nothing to lose.
Anyway, he’s just a... Frenchman!
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(Senya) Listen – let’s send Chef an sms.
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(Fedya) Write!
We’ll all end up writing
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resignation letters!
(Senya): Hell no!
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(Nadya) Don’t panic!
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(arguing)
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(knocking)
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Chef! Chef!
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What is it?
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That attractive lady from the future
neighboring restaurant is asking for you.
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The one that you fancied.
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Ainura, don’t talk nonsense!
I didn’t fancy anyone.
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She hasn’t left yet?
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How may I be of help?
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I have tried your Fricassee.
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So, how was it?
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Well, truthfully?
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You know, I liked it.
Yes, it’s a good recipe.
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It’s not really a recipe.
We didn't want to throw away partridge leftovers.
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Oh, I see.
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Well, it is nice to leave your place in good health.
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What? Are you leaving already?
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How unfortunate!
You know I have absolutely no time left.
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Your Chef’s signature dish took too long to cook.
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Good bye.
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As if my stolen knife was not enough,
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but they ruined my signature dish too!
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Here! All of you!
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(Lyova) Chef... w-we...
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(Fedya) Chef, we did it for the better!
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I don’t give a damn what you wanted.
Do you know what she said about your Fricassee?
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That it was disgusting!
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(Senya) Chef, that’s exactly what I told them.
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The chef’s signature dish is disgusting!
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You! Invalids!
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(slams the door)
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Kostya, did you fix the C-Keeper?
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No, but I'm working on it.
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- What are you doing here?
Max - Fixing the C-Keeper.
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What? Get out of the bar!
Out, I said!
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Artyom, call Kostya quickly.
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Why are you standing there? Out of the bar!
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Ok, ok. What’s gotten into you?
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Yes, Vicktoria Sergeevna?
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Kostya, is this normal?
Why is there a mess and outsiders in the bar?
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Well it’s just that…he was fixing the C-Keeper.
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Really?
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Well, where’s the cognac then?
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I don’t know.
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Then who knows? Kostya, do I need to fire you?
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It was there. I saw it myself.
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Damn it!
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Excuse me, I’ll be right back.
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Listen – where’s the congnac?
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Max: - What cognac?
Kostya: - The 20,000 ruble cognac.
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20,000? Oh wow!
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You are screwed, dude.
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(Kostya) It is you who is screwed, dude!
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Listen, big bull, are you messing with me?
The taller you are the harder you fall.
Have you ever heard that before?
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Buddy, I will rip you apart!
Do you know how many years I’ve been boxing?
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God, I’m so sick of it!
Why does everything always get fucked up?
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Why can't I ever, not even once, have a normal day?
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One day, my God!
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(commentator) Spartak is at the penalty corner,
CSKA is in defense...
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Ari with the ball, he kicks..
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Goal!
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(Chef laughs)
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(commentator)
Literally in the last minutes of the match!
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Well done, Ari! Akinfeev had no chance!
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It is no good.
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(Max) Are you deaf or what? I haven’t seen your cognac!
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There, the bottle was right there.
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Surprised?
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You’re lucky that you caught me off-guard.
I would have nailed you for sure.
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(Kostya) I don’t understand.
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(c-keeper turns on)
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Listen, Kostyan, by the way, I did fix your C-Keeper.
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Kostya: - Sorry, buddy!
Max: - I don't need your apology!
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You owe me, buddy, got it?
Big time!
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What are you looking at? Make me something fresh.
My head is spinning.
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(Kostya sighs) Sure!
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(Chef speaks to the fish)
So what do I do now, Arkadiy?
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I can’t come out like nothing happened.
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Or can I?
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Hide it somewhere?
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What are you all standing around for, lazybones?
Have you found the knife?
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(Louis replies in French): No.
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Chef: - Lyova come here.
Lyova: - Yes, Chef.
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(Fedya whistles)
Syoma: - What?
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What’s wrong with you? Are you nuts?
Why did you take it? He’ll cut you open!
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(Fedya) I didn’t take it. It was inside of the fish.
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Listen, I better hide it before Chef sees it.
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Hey butthead! Why did you leave this dirty box here?
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Take it a way! Quickly!
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Unbelievable.
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Chef: - Lyova, have you found the knife?
- Not yet, Chef.
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Chef: Did you look everywhere?
Lyova: E-e-everywhere!
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(Chef) Well, keep looking! Maybe someone was cutting something and left the knife there.
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Inside a fish, for example.
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I-i-in a fish?
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(Chef) Okay, in some MEAT!
How would I know? Look everywhere.
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Y-yes, Chef.
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(Ainura speaks in Kyrgyz) Oh God! What an idiot! Hide the knife! If the chef sees it, he’ll circumcise you.
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It’s better he finds it himself. Hide it! Hide it!
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Well, have you found it?
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(Lyova) Chef, w-w-we looked everywhere, i-i-it isn’t anywhere.
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There was a fish here. Where did it go?
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(Fedya) They took it to the dining lounge.
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(Sasha) Chef, they are asking for you.
They found a knife inside a fish.
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So what? It happens.
Once we found a monkey inside a shark.
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It was alive.
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(Max) Well, something needs to be done.
Two screwups in two days.
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I'll be fired for sure!
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(Chef) Good evening.
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(Guest) Good evening.
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I’m the head Chef of this restaurant.
I was told you wanted to see me.
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Yes, I did. Would you explain to me what this is?
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Chef: - This is...
Max: - Please, allow me, Chef!
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(Chef) What?
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(Max) Allow me to tell the guests what you once told me.
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Max: - Good evening.
Guest: - Good evening.
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(Max) Here is a unique recipe with more
than a thousand years of history.
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So, lets go back to the times of crusades.
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War. Hunger. It is 1107. Godfrey of Bouillon passes through the Bosphorus
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and invents a unique way of cooking fish,
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by skewering it on the blade of a sword.
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The evenly heated blade gives the fish
a refined flavor and aroma.
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Try it.
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Yes, indeed!
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That's what I am saying.
It is truly culinary poetry!
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Max: - Chef, did I miss anything?
Chef: - No, it’s all correct.
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- Excuse me, can I have the same fish?
Chef: - In a minute. Max, with me!
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Enjoy your meal!
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(Guest) Thank you.
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Chef, you called me by my real name.
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(Chef) Oh yeah, forgive me.
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Butthead, if you ever go to the dining lounge again
without my permission, you are fired!
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Max: - Understood.
Chef: - Make sure they don't steal the knife.
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(Dima laughs) I did warn you.
That’s all, bye. I can’t right now. I told you I can’t.
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(Chef) Dima, what happened?
Vika, are you quitting?
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Bring it on, Vika!
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Dmitriy Vladimirovich, God only knows
what’s going on in this restaurant.
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As a woman, I cannot oppose Victor Petrovich,
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(phone rings)
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and he breaks all the rules.
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(Dima) Enough! I told you I can’t right now. Okay.
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I have to run. Please, Vika, wrap it up.
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Yes, okay. Maxim Lavrov started as a cook
in the kitchen yesterday. I want him fired.
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(Dima) I see? Why? Is he a complete idiot?
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(Vika) Yes. Today he made a mess in the bar.
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Smashed a bottle of liquor, glasses,
and broke the coffee machine.
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(Chef) Kostya, is that true?
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Sorry, actually it's my fault.
I asked Max to fix the C-Keeper.
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By the way, he did fix it.
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The coffee machine is working and
the bottle was almost empty.
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(Dima) Well, thank God, guys!
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The C-Keeper works. I love happy endings like this!
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So, everything’s alright. I gotta run...
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(Vika) No, everything is not alright.
He also approached some guests in the dining lounge.
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(Chef) I asked him to do that.
We presented a new dish.
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He’s a good guy overall. Quick-witted.
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(Dima) He is fine.
He doesn't look dump if he doesn't smile.
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Anything else, Vika?
(Vika) Yes. Today he also started a fight.
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(Dima) Did he?
I don’t like savagery in our restaurant.
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Is it true?
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(Max) We were just fooling around.
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(Vika) Fooling around? Fooling around…
Hold on, I filmed the whole thing. Here.
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(Dima) Thanks to Vika, who films everything in her life.
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(sound of the video) Max, are you filming?
Stop it! (music playing)
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(Chef) Sh-h-h…We are not done watching it yet.
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(Dima) Yeah. We find it interesting too.
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(Max in the video) Such beauty should be documented.
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(Chef) We still haven’t finished watching it.
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(Dima) I like it. I love this kind of movies. Arms, legs, screams. Hehehe.
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As if it is a fight? It’s not a fight – you did even resist.
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So, there’s no reason to fire him for now.
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Thank you very much. I hope that you won’t bother
me over such trifles anymore.
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(phone rings) Yes!
Good bye to all. Not to you, idiot!
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What are you whining about? Yes, I hear you.
Yes, yes. Speak. (leaves)
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(Chef) Here is the thing, fools.
Don’t let anybody else find out about it.
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Vika is a bitch, of course,
but she’s not the worst art director.
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She still has to work here. Understood?
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(Max) There you have it.
There are two sides to every coin.
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One day everything can turn around.
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The one you liked starts to hate you.
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The one who hit you in the face becomes your friend.
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The one who seemed like an angry tyrant becomes less so.