Кухня - 2 серия (1 сезон)

English version

(Max) As they say: there are two sides to every coin

I absolutely agree.

On one side, you get a job at the trendiest

and tastiest restaurant of the city.

On the other hand, it didn't impact the quality of what you eat.

On one side - you are the respectable patrons of this restaurant,

but on the other - you will never find out

what how they really treat you.

On one hand, you think you are at the most gorgeous

and peaceful place on earth,

on the other…

Chef: - Veal "Palantine" with capers!
- Yes, Chef!

Chef: - Two trouts "Tarragon"!

Chef: - Senya, where is my Bechamel (sauce)?
-- Right away, Chef. 20 seconds!

Chef: And you, what are you standing here for?

(Sound of falling plates)

(Max) And finally, on one side, you are two hours late

and you think you will be crucified,

but on the other…

Butthead, I love you!

He was late. I win. Everyone who bet, fork it over.

Hurry, hurry! (Laughter)

Because you have improved my mood in such a horrible day,

i’m rewarding you with a very important, and more significantly , socially useful work:

You will...

...unload groceries.
Max: - But Chef!

Chef: - And don’t thank me; it’s straight from my heart!
- Chef, I thought I would cook!

Chef: Look at you. You relied on your two non-existent abilities

– to think and cook. March!

Nastya, because of you
I will end up with a heart attack!

Chef, what’s the word for a female Chef?
Chefess?

Mistake of nature.

Well then, the mistake of nature
from the neighbouring restaurant
is sitting in the dining lounge.

Chef: What is s she sniffing here for?

- Do you want me to ask?
Chef: - No need.

Chef: - What did she order?
Nastya: - Coffee.

That’s it?

Chef: - What are we? A coffee house?

- Chef, are you afraid of her?
- Yeah right. Why would I be?

My shoelace was untied.

Vika: - You didn't get fired yesterday?
- Well, first of all, good day.

Secondly, smoking harms your health.

Thirdly, who would fire such a specialist?
Vika: - Haha

Wait... Were you really upset that I might leave?

You will miss me.

In memory of our wonderful night!

Hi, Ainura!

Listen, If anyone here finds out
something happened between us, I’ll…

(voice from the kitchen) - Viktoria Sergeevna!
- Yes, Kostya.

Viktoria Sergeevna, the cooktop cleaner at the bar broke down again.

I told you yesterday that you need to call a repairman.

Now you’ll have to fix the problem on your own.

- So the cooktop cleaner is broke?
- Yes. Do you know how they work?

What’s there to know?

Ar my last job, the cooktop cleander broke down every day.

I left. I don’t know who can fix it now...

L-listen, c-can you fix mine?

In return, I’ll unload everything for you?

Well, ok.

(Max): - So, the unloading problem is solved. The only thing left is to find out what a cleentop cleaner is.

- Good day!
- Hello!

- What brings you here?
- Work.

They brought chic dish sets to our restaurant.

While they’re offloading, I decided to kill a half hour at your place.

Yes, good tableware often helps.

And what, you’re not ordering anything?

Well, I said I wanted to kill time - not myself.

- Bad joke, huh?
- Yeah, but never mind!

Everybody knows there are two things women can’t do

– joke and cook.
(Nastya's laughter)

I think that a cup of disgusting coffee won’t keep you for too long

ar our horrible restaurant. Good bye.

Perhaps, I will order.

(Chef sighs)

Oh, fricassee partridge. Chef’s specialty. How intriguing!

Sasha, take this lady's order.

Silly cow! And she calls herself a Chef!

She worked in India!

There they roll any trash in curry and call it food.

And where is my knife?

And what are you doing here?
Weren't you designated to unload groceries?

Everything is fine there.
I just need to get to the bar.

Chef: Who took my knife?

I repeat:

Who took MY knife?

Understood.

Senya, come here.

Senya, buddy, isn't it you who took my knife?

Senya: - No.
Chef yelling: - Then who?

Well, here it how it is, invalids...

Until you find my knife, none of you will go home!

Understood?

(Sasha) Chef, I punched a Partridge Fricassee.

(Chef yelling) And I won’t cook anything until my knife is found!

(He slams the door)

So, everybody looks for the knife. Get to it!

Listen, what is the problem? Why don't we buy the same knife quickly?

Buy? Do you have any idea what kind of knife it is?

Understood? We cannot just buy the same knife

- What is up with you? Go on – look for the knife!
- Yes...

And how the hell this cleentop cooker looks like?

Oh wow, that’s a C-Keeper?

I thought it was a cash register.

Kostya, make two espresso, please.

Ushastik (Russian cartoon character), what are you doing there?

I’m the new bartender. They fired Kostya because he doesn’t know shit.

Yeah right, what are you lecturing me about? I saw you in the kitchen. You’re a cook.

I have many talents, but in my heart I’m a bartender.

--

The bottle was empty; there was no balance. What are you after, coffee?

Yeah, make two espressos please.

I’m a bartender too.

Get outta here. I’ll do it myself.

Maybe a cup of tea?

You just asked me that 10 minutes ago.
Well, maybe you already want another one.

Would you mind finding out how things are going with my order?

Sure.

Well, will you find out?

Ah, you want to know right now! Ok.

Excellent. It’s not ready. It pleases me that

Dmitri Vladimirovich’s favorite chef refuses to cook.

(door slams)

Be happy. Soon you’ll have a new chef,

provided, of course, the old one doesn’t make his frikken fricassee.

Let’s make it ourselves.

If we make his meal, he’ll…we…

He’ll chew us out, you’re right. Better not risk it.

And if we don’t make it, he will be fired!

Exactly, your right, we have to make it.

Or you’re right. Krap, I’m confused.

It’s a bad idea.

As out captain says,

“better to crap your pants because of a storm, than because of a weather forecast”.

(something in Kyrgyz)

Is that good or bad?

(something in Kyrgyz)

Is she eating it?
Of course she’s eating it, what else is she going to do?

Miss, can you come here for a second?

Please call your head chef.

(something in Kyrgyz), she said something to Sasha.

Maybe she asked for seconds!

The guest…the guest requests the chef!

I warned you!

You evil prophet!

Go to Chef’s office.
Why me?!

Go! Go!

I was generally against it from the beginning. Fyeda though the whole thing up. Let him go.

Why me? You go! You're his right hand. You're his right hand. He won’t touch his right hand.

Go!
I’m not going!

Let Luis go. He has nothing to lose, he’s just a Frenchman.

Listen – let’s write Chef an SMS.

Write!
Yeah, we’ll write it

on our dismissal letter.

Don’t panic!

(arguing)

(knocking)

Chef!

What now?

That attractive neighbor of the future restaurant
is calling you.

You know…the one that you like.

Aunura, don’t talk nonsense. I don’t like anybody.

She still hasn’t left?

How may I be of help?

I tried your fricassee.

Well, how did you like it?

Truthfully?

You know, I liked it. Yeah, it’s a good recipe.

Yeah, it’s not really a recipe. There was a partridge left over and we didn’t want to throw it away.

Oh, I see.

Well, it was nice to leave your place in good health.

What, you’re leaving already?

How unfortunate! Imagine that – I have absolutely no time left.

Your chef’s special took a very long time to prepare.

Good bye!

Not only was my knife stolen,

but they spoiled my dish too.

Ah well, you all go to hell!

Chef...

Chef, we wanted to make it better.

I don’t give a damn what you wanted. Do you know what she said about your fricassee?

? I was disgusting!

Chef – that’s exactly what I told them!

The chef’s speciality – disgusting!

You invalids!

(door)

Kostya, did you repair the C-Keeper?

No, but I'm working on it.

What are you doing here?
Fixing the C-Keeper.

Get out of the bar! Over there, I said!

Artyom, call Kostya quickly.

Why are you standing there? Get out of the bar!

Ok, ok. What’s gotten into you?

Yes Vicktoria Sergeevna?

Kostya, is this normal? Why is there a mess and outsiders in the bar?

Well it’s just that…he was fixing the C-Keeper.

Yeah?

Well then where’s the congac?

I don’t know.

Well than who does know? Koctya, do I need to fire you?

It was there, I saw it.

That bastard!

Excuse me, I’ll be right back.

Listen – where’s the congnac?

What congac?
The 20,000 ruble congac.

20,000? Oh wow!

You’ve got a really big problem dude!

This will really knock you out, dude!

Listen, you big bull, you’re outta’ control. Have you ever heard “the bigger they are the harder they fall?”

I’ll take you apart! Do you know how many years I’ve been boxing?

Lord, I’m so fed up with all this! Why am I always taking it up the ass?

Why couldn’t I ever, not even once, have a normal day?

One day, my God!

(commentator) Spartak ...

Ari with the ball, he kicks..

Goal!

(laughs)

Literally in the last minute

Great guy, Ari! He did not leave any change to that Akinfeev!

It came out somewhat akward.

What, are you deaf? I haven’t seen your congac!

There, the bottle was right there in that place.

Surprised?

You’re lucky that you caught me offgard. I would have bowled you over for sure.

I don’t understand.

(c-keeper turns on)

Listen, Kostyan, in the meantime I fixed your C-Keeper.

Old buddy, please forgive me.
What does your “please forgive me” mean to me?

? Your mistake, I know, a big mistake.

What are you looking at? Make me something fresh. My head is spinning.

Right away!

So what do I do now, Arkady.

. I can’t go out like this as if nothing had happened.

Or can I?

Hide it somewhere?

What are you all standing around for, slackers? Have you found the knife?

No...

Lyova come here.
Yes chef.

What?

What’s with you? You’d do something like that? Why did you take it? He’ll cut you up!

I didn’t take it. I was inside of the fish.

Listen, it’s better to stretch it out a while longer and let the chef find it.

Hey chicken-but, why are you leaving that dirty box here?

Take it a way quickly!

Don’t do it again.

Lyova, has the knife been found?
Not yet chef.

Did they look everywhere?
Everywhere.

Well look! Well, maybe someone cut something and left the knife there,

well, for example, in a fish.

In a fish?

Well, in some meat. I don’t know where. Look everywhere.

Yes chef.

(something in Kyrgyz) Hide the knife! If the chef sees it, he’ll cut you up.

It’s better to let him find it himself. Hide it! Hide it!

Well, what – did you find it?

Chef, we looked everywhere, and it isn’t anywhere.

There was a fish here. Where did it go?

They took it to the dining hall.

Chef, you’re being called. They found a knife inside a fish.

So what? It happens. Once we found a monkey inside a shark.

Alive.

Oh, something needs to be done. Two slip-ups in two days.

They’ll fire me for sure.

Good evening.

Hi.

I’m the head chef of this restaurant. I was told you wanted to see me.

Yes I did. Can you explain to me what this is?

Please allow me, Chef.

What?

Tell the guests what you told me.

Good evening.
Hi.

Here is a unique recipe with more than a thousand years of history.

So lets go back to the time of the crusades.

War. Hunger. The year 1107. Godfrey of Bouillon passes through the Bosporus

and invents a unique way of cooking fish

by skewering it on the edge of a sword.

The uniformly heated blade gives the fish a refined flavor and aroma.

Try it.

Yes, really.

As I say. It’s real poetry cooking.

Chef, did I miss anything?
No, it’s all correct.

Excuse me, can I have the same fish?
In a minute. Go Max.

Enjoy your meal.

Thank you.

Chef, you called me by my real name.

Oh yeah, forgive me.

Chicken-butt, if you go to the dining hall again without my permission, I’ll fire you.

Understood.
Make sure that guy doesn’t steal the knife.

I warned you. That’s all, bye. I can’t now. I told you I can’t.

Dima, what happened? Vika, what, are you quitting?

Yeah, what’s up Vika? What have you got there?

Dmitri Vladimirovich, God only knows what’s going on in this restaurant.

As a woman, I can’t oppose Victor Petrovich,

(phone rings)

and he breaks all the rules.

Yes. I’m tired of this. I told you I can’t now. Ok.

Please, I have to run, so quickly Vika.

Yes, ok. Maxim Lavrov started work as a cook in the kitchen yesterday. I want him fired.

But for what reason? Why? Is he a complete idiot?

Yes. Today he made a mess in the bar.

Smashed a bottle of liquor, glasses, and broke the coffee machine.

Kostya, is that true?

Sorry, sorry, actually it's my fault. I asked Max to fix the C-Keeper.

Incidentally, he repaired it.

The coffee machine is running, and the bottle was almost empty.

Well, thank God, guys,

the C-Keeper works. I love happy endings like this.

So, everything’s alright. I can run…

No, everything isn’t alright. He also approached some guests in the dining hall.

I asked him to do that. We presented a new dish.

Generally, he’s a good guy. Intelligent.

A regular guy. And when he’s not smiling his face isn’t goofy.

. Anything else, Vick?
Yes. Today he also started a fight.

Hey now! I don’t like fighting in our restaurant.

Is it true?

Yeah, we were just fooling around…

Fooling around? Fooling around…Just a second, I filmed the whole thing. Here.

Thanks to Vika, who films everything in her life.

(on the video) Max, are you filming? Stop it.

Sh-h-h…We haven’t finished watching it yet.

Yeah. We find it interesting too.

This beauty should have been documented.

We still haven’t finished watching it.

I like it. I love these kinds of movies. Arms, legs, screaming.

Well, what kind of fight is this? It’s not a fight – you aren’t even resisting.

So there’s no reason to fire him for that.

. Thank you very much. I hope that you won’t bother me over such trifles anymore.

Yes, I saw my goodbyes to you. Not to you, idiot.

What are you whining about? Yes, I hear you. Yes, yes. Speak.

Know this, fools, and don’t let anybody else find out about it.

Vika is a bitch, of course, but she’s not the worst art director.

She still has to work here. Understood?

There you have it. Every coin has two sides,

and one day everything can turn around.

The one you liked starts to hate you.

The one who hit you in the face becomes your friend.

The one who seemed like an angry tyrant becomes less so.