Кухня - 2 серия (1 сезон)

English version

They say, that every medal has two sides.

I absolutely agree.

On one side, you get a job in the fanciest

and tastiest restaurant in the city.

On the other hand, that didn't influence the quality of what you eat.

On one side - you’re beloved guests of a restaurant,

but on the other side - you will never know

what they really think about you.

On one side, you think you are in the most beautiful

and peaceful place on earth,

on the other hand…

Veal with capers!
Yes, Chef!

Two orders of tarragon trout!

Senya, where's my bechamel?
-- Right away, Chef. 20 sec!

And you, what are you standing around for?

(falling plates)

And finally, on one side, you’re two hours late

and you think you will be crucified,

but on the other hand…

Chicken-butt, I love you!

He was late. I win. Everyone who bet, fork it over.

Hurry, hurry!

Because you improved my mood in this hideous day,

I’m rewarding you with a very important, and more specifically, socially useful work:

you will

unload the groceries.
But chef!

And don’t thank me; it’s straight from my heart.
Chef, I thought I was going to cook.

Well look here. You relied on your two non-existent abilities

– thinking and cooking. March!

Nastya, because of you
I will have a heart attack at some point.

Chef, what’s the word for a female chef?
Chefina?

Nature's mistake.

Well then, the nature's mistake
from the restaurant next door
is sitting in the dining hall.

What’s she sniffing around here for?

Want me to ask her?
No need.

What did she order?
Coffee.

That’s it?

What are we, a coffee house?

Chef, are you afraid of her?
Yeah right. Why?

My shoelaces were simply untied.

What, they didn’t fire you yesterday?
Well, first of all, good day.

Second, smoking is bad for your health.

Third, who would fire such a specialist?

Wait! Were you really upset that I might leave?

Were you going to miss me?

In memory of our wonderful night!

Hi, Ainura.

Listen, you. If anyone here finds out
something happened between us, I’ll…

Viktoria Sergeevna!
Yes Kostya.

Viktoria Sergeevna, the C-Keeper in the bar broke again.

I told you yesterday that you need to call the repairman.

Now you’ll have to fix the problem yourself.

So the C-keeper broke?
Yes. Do you know how they work?

What’s to know.

In my last job, the C-Keeper broke every day.

I left, and don’t know who fixes it now.

Listen, can you fix mine?

In return, I’ll unload everything.

Well, ok.

So, the unloading problem was solved. The only thing left is to find out what a C-Keeper is.

Good day.
Hello!

What brings you here?
Work.

They brought chic dishes to our restaurant.

While they’re unloading, I decided to kill a half hour at your place.

Yes, good tableware often helps.

And what, you’re not ordering anything?

Well, I just said I wanted to kill time, and not myself.

Bad joke, huh?
Yeah, but never mind.

Everybody knows there are two things women can’t do

– joke and cook.

I think that a cup of disgusting coffee won’t delay you too long

in our horrible restaurant. Good bye.

Perhaps I will order.

(sighs)

Oh, fricassee partridge. Chef’s specialty. How intriguing!

Sasha, take this ladies order.

There’s a silly woman. All the same to me, chef.

She worked in India!

There they roll any trash in curry and call it food.

And where’s my knife?

And what are you doing here? You were coronated to unload groceries.

Everything’s fine there. I just need to get to the bar.

Who took my knife?

I repeat,

who took my knife?

Understood.

Senya, come to me.

Senya, buddy, was it you who took my knife?

Then who?

Well then, invalids,

until I find my knife, none of you can leave here to go home.

Understood?

Chef, I made a ticket for partridge fricassee.

And I won’t cook anything until I find my knife!

(slamming door)

So, everybody look for the knife. Hop to it!

Listen, what’s the problem? Somebody hurry up and buy him the same kind of knife.

Buy it? Do you know anything about that knife?

Now do you understand? Quickly buying him the same kind of knife won’t do.

You not responding or... Go on – look for that knife!

And what the hell does this C-Keeper look like?

Oh wow, that’s a C-Keeper?

I thought it was a cash register.

Kostya, make two espresso, please.

Ushastik (Russian cartoon character), what are you doing there?

I’m the new bartender. They fired Kostya because he doesn’t know shit.

Yeah right, what are you lecturing me about? I saw you in the kitchen. You’re a cook.

I have many talents, but in my heart I’m a bartender.

--

The bottle was empty; there was no balance. What are you after, coffee?

Yeah, make two espressos please.

I’m a bartender too.

Get outta here. I’ll do it myself.

Maybe a cup of tea?

You just asked me that 10 minutes ago.
Well, maybe you already want another one.

Would you mind finding out how things are going with my order?

Sure.

Well, will you find out?

Ah, you want to know right now! Ok.

Excellent. It’s not ready. It pleases me that

Dmitri Vladimirovich’s favorite chef refuses to cook.

Be happy. Soon you’ll have a new chef,

provided, of course, the old one doesn’t make his frikken fricassee.

Let’s make it ourselves.

If we make his meal, he’ll…we…

He’ll chew us out, you’re right. Better not risk it.

And if we don’t make it, he will be fired!

Exactly, your right, we have to make it.

Or you’re right. Krap, I’m confused.

It’s a bad idea.

As out captain says,

“better to crap your pants because of a storm, than because of a weather forecast”.

(something in Kyrgyz)

Is that good or bad?

(something in Kyrgyz)

Is she eating it?
Of course she’s eating it, what else is she going to do?

Miss, can you come here for a second?

Please call your head chef.

(something in Kyrgyz), she said something to Sasha.

Maybe she asked for seconds!

The guest…the guest requests the chef!

I warned you!

You evil prophet!

Go to Chef’s office.
Why me?!

Go! Go!

I was generally against it from the beginning. Fyeda though the whole thing up. Let him go.

Why me? You go! You're his right hand. You're his right hand. He won’t touch his right hand.

Go!
I’m not going!

Let Luis go. He has nothing to lose, he’s just a Frenchman.

Listen – let’s write Chef an SMS.

Write!
Yeah, we’ll write it

on our dismissal letter.

Don’t panic!

--

--

Chef!

What now?

That attractive neighbor of the future restaurant is calling you.

You know…the one that you like.

Aunura, don’t talk nonsense. I don’t like anybody.

She still hasn’t left?

How may I be of help?

I tried your fricassee.

Well, how did you like it?

Truthfully?

You know, I liked it. Yeah, it’s a good recipe.

Yeah, it’s not really a recipe. There was a partridge left over and we didn’t want to throw it away.

Oh, I see.

Well, it was nice to leave your place in good health.

What, you’re leaving already?

How unfortunate! Imagine that – I have absolutely no time left.

Your chef’s special took a very long time to prepare.

Good bye!

Not only was my knife stolen,

but they spoiled my dish too.

Ah well, you all go to hell!

Chef...

Chef, we wanted to make it better.

I don’t give a damn what you wanted. Do you know what she said about your fricassee?

? I was disgusting!

Chef – that’s exactly what I told them!

The chef’s speciality – disgusting!

You invalids!

Kostya, did you repair the C-Keeper?

No, but I'm working on it.

What are you doing here?
Fixing the C-Keeper.

Get out of the bar! Over there, I said!

Artyom, call Kostya quickly.

Why are you standing there? Get out of the bar!

Ok, ok. What’s gotten into you?

Yes Vicktoria Sergeevna?

Kostya, is this normal? Why is there a mess and outsiders in the bar?

Well it’s just that…he was fixing the C-Keeper.

Yeah?

Well then where’s the congac?

I don’t know.

Well than who does know? Koctya, do I need to fire you?

It was there, I saw it.

That bastard!

Excuse me, I’ll be right back.

Listen – where’s the congnac?

What congac?
The 20,000 ruble congac.

20,000? Oh wow!

You’ve got a really big problem dude!

This will really knock you out, dude!

Listen, you big bull, you’re outta’ control. Have you ever heard “the bigger they are the harder they fall?”

I’ll take you apart! Do you know how many years I’ve been boxing?

Lord, I’m so fed up with all this! Why am I always taking it up the ass?

Why couldn’t I ever, not even once, have a normal day?

One day, my God!

(commentator) Spartak ...

Ari with the ball, he kicks..

Goal!

(laughs)

Literally in the last minute

Great guy, Ari! He did not leave any change to that Akinfeev!

It came out somewhat akward.

What, are you deaf? I haven’t seen your congac!

There, the bottle was right there in that place.

Surprised?

You’re lucky that you caught me offgard. I would have bowled you over for sure.

I don’t understand.

(c-keeper turns on)

Listen, Kostyan, in the meantime I fixed your C-Keeper.

Old buddy, please forgive me.
What does your “please forgive me” mean to me?

? Your mistake, I know, a big mistake.

What are you looking at? Make me something fresh. My head is spinning.

Right away!

So what do I do now, Arkady.

. I can’t go out like this as if nothing had happened.

Or can I?

Hide it somewhere?

What are you all standing around for, slackers? Have you found the knife?

No...

Lyova come here.
Yes chef.

What?

What’s with you? You’d do something like that? Why did you take it? He’ll cut you up!

I didn’t take it. I was inside of the fish.

Listen, it’s better to stretch it out a while longer and let the chef find it.

Hey chicken-but, why are you leaving that dirty box here?

Take it a way quickly!

Don’t do it again.

Lyova, has the knife been found?
Not yet chef.

Did they look everywhere?
Everywhere.

Well look! Well, maybe someone cut something and left the knife there,

well, for example, in a fish.

In a fish?

Well, in some meat. I don’t know where. Look everywhere.

Yes chef.

(something in Kyrgyz) Hide the knife! If the chef sees it, he’ll cut you up.

It’s better to let him find it himself. Hide it! Hide it!

Well, what – did you find it?

Chef, we looked everywhere, and it isn’t anywhere.

There was a fish here. Where did it go?

They took it to the dining hall.

Chef, you’re being called. They found a knife inside a fish.

So what? It happens. Once we found a monkey inside a shark.

Alive.

Oh, something needs to be done. Two slip-ups in two days.

They’ll fire me for sure.

Good evening.

Hi.

I’m the head chef of this restaurant. I was told you wanted to see me.

Yes I did. Can you explain to me what this is?

Please allow me, Chef.

What?

Tell the guests what you told me.

Good evening.
Hi.

Here is a unique recipe with more than a thousand years of history.

So lets go back to the time of the crusades.

War. Hunger. The year 1107. Godfrey of Bouillon passes through the Bosporus

and invents a unique way of cooking fish

by skewering it on the edge of a sword.

The uniformly heated blade gives the fish a refined flavor and aroma.

Try it.

Yes, really.

As I say. It’s real poetry cooking.

Chef, did I miss anything?
No, it’s all correct.

Excuse me, can I have the same fish?
In a minute. Go Max.

Enjoy your meal.

Thank you.

Chef, you called me by my real name.

Oh yeah, forgive me.

Chicken-butt, if you go to the dining hall again without my permission, I’ll fire you.

Understood.
Make sure that guy doesn’t steal the knife.

I warned you. That’s all, bye. I can’t now. I told you I can’t.

Dima, what happened? Vika, what, are you quitting?

Yeah, what’s up Vika? What have you got there?

Dmitri Vladimirovich, God only knows what’s going on in this restaurant.

As a woman, I can’t oppose Victor Petrovich,

(phone rings)

and he breaks all the rules.

Yes. I’m tired of this. I told you I can’t now. Ok.

Please, I have to run, so quickly Vika.

Yes, ok. Maxim Lavrov started work as a cook in the kitchen yesterday. I want him fired.

But for what reason? Why? Is he a complete idiot?

Yes. Today he made a mess in the bar.

Smashed a bottle of liquor, glasses, and broke the coffee machine.

Kostya, is that true?

Sorry, sorry, actually it's my fault. I asked Max to fix the C-Keeper.

Incidentally, he repaired it.

The coffee machine is running, and the bottle was almost empty.

Well, thank God, guys,

the C-Keeper works. I love happy endings like this.

So, everything’s alright. I can run…

No, everything isn’t alright. He also approached some guests in the dining hall.

I asked him to do that. We presented a new dish.

Generally, he’s a good guy. Intelligent.

A regular guy. And when he’s not smiling his face isn’t goofy.

. Anything else, Vick?
Yes. Today he also started a fight.

Hey now! I don’t like fighting in our restaurant.

Is it true?

Yeah, we were just fooling around…

Fooling around? Fooling around…Just a second, I filmed the whole thing. Here.

Thanks to Vika, who films everything in her life.

(on the video) Max, are you filming? Stop it.

Sh-h-h…We haven’t finished watching it yet.

Yeah. We find it interesting too.

This beauty should have been documented.

We still haven’t finished watching it.

I like it. I love these kinds of movies. Arms, legs, screaming.

Well, what kind of fight is this? It’s not a fight – you aren’t even resisting.

So there’s no reason to fire him for that.

. Thank you very much. I hope that you won’t bother me over such trifles anymore.

Yes, I saw my goodbyes to you. Not to you, idiot.

What are you whining about? Yes, I hear you. Yes, yes. Speak.

Know this, fools, and don’t let anybody else find out about it.

Vika is a bitch, of course, but she’s not the worst art director.

She still has to work here. Understood?

There you have it. Every coin has two sides,

and one day everything can turn around.

The one you liked starts to hate you.

The one who hit you in the face becomes your friend.

The one who seemed like an angry tyrant becomes less so.