-
Y'know
I'm a vampire
-
I want to suck your blood
-
(Director) Adam Sandler for Twilight
-
I'm, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry Bella
My mama said that girls are the devil
-
Vampires are better
No
-
(Director) Alan Rickman
-
I suck the blood of little animals
-
Are you afraid?
-
(Director) This is Austin Powers
auditioning for Twilight
-
Hey Bella (inaudible)
-
I can turn into a werewolf,
baby (animal noise)
-
(wolf howling) Yeah, baby
-
(Director) Got Bam Margera here,
auditioning for Twilight
-
So, what, he's like a
werewolf or something?
-
(Director) Jacob, yes
-
Who actually watches these movies?
-
(Director) Mostly teen girls
and their moms
-
This is so weird
-
(Director) Bear Grylls
-
I'm just so parched
-
Hopefully if I find a small animal
like a squirrel
-
then I'll be able to suck their blood
-
I've been waiting a century
to marry you, uh, Bella Swan, so uh
-
(Director) Can you put more
emotion into it, like you care?
-
Yeah, yeah. Hey Bella, I'm a vampire!
Just tell me I'm a vampire
-
You want my girl, Jacob?
You ain't gonna get it. Aight?
-
(Director) Clint Eastwood
-
What the hell is this story about again?
-
(Director) It's about
vampires and love and
-
Listen, wolf boy, the only thing
-
standing between me and you is Bella
-
Sorry, Bella, must've
put my baby inside you
-
That's my baby! We have to save Bella,
before she dies.
-
I've already played a vampire before
-
(Director) We're aware, that's
why we called you in, Colin
-
So did I get the part?
-
(Director) This is Jack Sparrow,
auditioning for Twilight
-
I know what you are, you're a vampire
-
(Director) Jeff Goldblum
-
Bella, not to be afraid, no, no,
no no no
-
Uh, uh, I do have a thirst for blood
I have a flir-, er, first, er thirst
-
right, but I'm not going
to suck your blood
-
No! No, I'm not going to, uh,
uh, I'm not going to drink your blood
-
No, no no no
You're safe, yes, yes yes yes yes yes
-
But, uh, perhaps you should, you you you
you you should maybe perhaps trust me
-
Yes yes
-
(Director) Could you do it
less like stuttering and noises?
-
Ahhh
-
Do you really want a
werewolf in your life?
-
I am a vampire,
so I can live forever
-
Jacob, he's a wolf, so he's probably
like 3000 years old in dog years
-
He's probably going to die any second,
so why not go with me?
-
How you doing?
-
(Director) Leonardo DiCaprio for Twilight
-
You did this. Now she's gonna die.
-
We have to protect the tribe!
-
You, Edward!
-
(animal noises)
-
(Director) Leo, what are you doing?
-
I'm turning into a wolf
-
Oh no Bella, don't listen to Jacob.
He's a meanie and he'll hurt you.
-
And if you have sex with Edward
-
you're gonna have a little baby
vampire in your stomach
-
and he'll be eating at you,
and it'll be your fault.
-
(Director) Orlando Jones for Twilight
-
Orlando Jones?! I'm Orlando Bloom!
-
I was in Troy, Pirates of the
Caribbean, Elizabethtown
-
I don't want 7 Up, I'm on a diet
-
(Director) What's with the sweater?
-
It's not a sweater, I'm a werewolf!
-
(Director) This is Russell Brand,
auditioning for Twilight
-
Bella, don't listen to Jacob,
he's just a little wolf boy
-
I promise, Bella, that
I won't suck your blood
-
(Director) Ryan Gosling
-
Bella, I just wanted you
to know that you're
-
the best thing that ever
happened to me
-
♪ I've been waiting all my life,
all my life ♪
-
♪ for someone like you,
like you, like you ♪
-
♪ I've been waiting here
all night, all night ♪