1
00:00:01,014 --> 00:00:03,894
Y'know
I'm a vampire

2
00:00:04,497 --> 00:00:07,913
I want to suck your blood

3
00:00:08,081 --> 00:00:09,939
(Director) Adam Sandler for Twilight

4
00:00:10,037 --> 00:00:13,931
I'm, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry Bella
My mama said that girls are the devil

5
00:00:14,171 --> 00:00:17,001
Vampires are better
No

6
00:00:17,291 --> 00:00:18,731
(Director) Alan Rickman

7
00:00:18,934 --> 00:00:25,911
I suck the blood of little animals

8
00:00:26,031 --> 00:00:28,188
Are you afraid?

9
00:00:29,461 --> 00:00:31,963
(Director) This is Austin Powers 
auditioning for Twilight

10
00:00:32,533 --> 00:00:35,385
Hey Bella (inaudible)

11
00:00:35,385 --> 00:00:39,445
I can turn into a werewolf,
baby (animal noise)

12
00:00:39,937 --> 00:00:43,821
(wolf howling) Yeah, baby

13
00:00:44,453 --> 00:00:46,951
(Director) Got Bam Margera here, 
auditioning for Twilight

14
00:00:47,737 --> 00:00:49,609
So, what, he's like a 
werewolf or something?

15
00:00:49,612 --> 00:00:50,858
(Director) Jacob, yes

16
00:00:50,858 --> 00:00:53,191
Who actually watches these movies?

17
00:00:53,202 --> 00:00:55,123
(Director) Mostly teen girls
and their moms

18
00:00:55,407 --> 00:00:56,995
This is so weird

19
00:00:57,342 --> 00:00:58,557
(Director) Bear Grylls

20
00:00:58,709 --> 00:01:00,086
I'm just so parched

21
00:01:00,086 --> 00:01:03,493
Hopefully if I find a small animal
like a squirrel

22
00:01:03,493 --> 00:01:05,989
then I'll be able to suck their blood

23
00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:11,111
I've been waiting a century
to marry you, uh, Bella Swan, so uh

24
00:01:11,651 --> 00:01:13,887
(Director) Can you put more 
emotion into it, like you care?

25
00:01:13,887 --> 00:01:19,021
Yeah, yeah. Hey Bella, I'm a vampire!
Just tell me I'm a vampire

26
00:01:19,245 --> 00:01:22,610
You want my girl, Jacob? 
You ain't gonna get it. Aight?

27
00:01:23,110 --> 00:01:24,372
(Director) Clint Eastwood

28
00:01:24,521 --> 00:01:26,651
What the hell is this story about again?

29
00:01:26,662 --> 00:01:28,874
(Director) It's about 
vampires and love and

30
00:01:28,874 --> 00:01:31,500
Listen, wolf boy, the only thing

31
00:01:31,500 --> 00:01:34,510
standing between me and you is Bella

32
00:01:34,813 --> 00:01:38,159
Sorry, Bella, must've 
put my baby inside you

33
00:01:38,401 --> 00:01:42,361
That's my baby! We have to save Bella, 
before she dies.

34
00:01:43,229 --> 00:01:44,844
I've already played a vampire before

35
00:01:44,844 --> 00:01:46,913
(Director) We're aware, that's 
why we called you in, Colin

36
00:01:46,913 --> 00:01:48,393
So did I get the part?

37
00:01:48,676 --> 00:01:50,933
(Director) This is Jack Sparrow, 
auditioning for Twilight

38
00:01:51,157 --> 00:01:54,855
I know what you are, you're a vampire

39
00:01:55,826 --> 00:01:57,212
(Director) Jeff Goldblum

40
00:01:57,619 --> 00:02:00,230
Bella, not to be afraid, no, no,
no no no

41
00:02:00,230 --> 00:02:05,625
Uh, uh, I do have a thirst for blood
I have a flir-, er, first, er thirst

42
00:02:05,625 --> 00:02:07,790
right, but I'm not going 
to suck your blood

43
00:02:07,790 --> 00:02:11,480
No! No, I'm not going to, uh,
uh, I'm not going to drink your blood

44
00:02:11,492 --> 00:02:15,140
No, no no no
You're safe, yes, yes yes yes yes yes

45
00:02:15,140 --> 00:02:20,153
But, uh, perhaps you should, you you you
you you should maybe perhaps trust me

46
00:02:20,153 --> 00:02:21,526
Yes yes

47
00:02:21,536 --> 00:02:23,991
(Director) Could you do it 
less like stuttering and noises?

48
00:02:23,991 --> 00:02:25,018
Ahhh

49
00:02:25,024 --> 00:02:26,903
Do you really want a 
werewolf in your life?

50
00:02:26,903 --> 00:02:29,214
I am a vampire,
so I can live forever

51
00:02:29,214 --> 00:02:33,738
Jacob, he's a wolf, so he's probably 
like 3000 years old in dog years

52
00:02:33,738 --> 00:02:36,232
He's probably going to die any second,
so why not go with me?

53
00:02:36,642 --> 00:02:37,956

How you doing?

54
00:02:38,144 --> 00:02:39,773
(Director) Leonardo DiCaprio for Twilight

55
00:02:39,976 --> 00:02:43,667
You did this. Now she's gonna die.

56
00:02:43,738 --> 00:02:45,638
We have to protect the tribe!

57
00:02:46,049 --> 00:02:47,783
You, Edward!

58
00:02:48,089 --> 00:02:51,228
(animal noises)

59
00:02:51,228 --> 00:02:52,582
(Director) Leo, what are you doing?

60
00:02:52,603 --> 00:02:54,483
I'm turning into a wolf

61
00:02:54,823 --> 00:02:58,823
Oh no Bella, don't listen to Jacob.
He's a meanie and he'll hurt you.

62
00:02:58,823 --> 00:03:00,093
And if you have sex with Edward

63
00:03:00,106 --> 00:03:02,466
you're gonna have a little baby 
vampire in your stomach

64
00:03:02,466 --> 00:03:05,277
and he'll be eating at you,
and it'll be your fault.

65
00:03:05,509 --> 00:03:07,413
(Director) Orlando Jones for Twilight

66
00:03:07,754 --> 00:03:09,912
Orlando Jones?! I'm Orlando Bloom!

67
00:03:10,195 --> 00:03:14,566
I was in Troy, Pirates of the 
Caribbean, Elizabethtown

68
00:03:15,132 --> 00:03:17,561
I don't want 7 Up, I'm on a diet

69
00:03:17,561 --> 00:03:19,394
(Director) What's with the sweater?

70
00:03:19,394 --> 00:03:21,622
It's not a sweater, I'm a werewolf!

71
00:03:22,237 --> 00:03:24,353
(Director) This is Russell Brand, 
auditioning for Twilight

72
00:03:24,598 --> 00:03:27,954
Bella, don't listen to Jacob,
he's just a little wolf boy

73
00:03:28,174 --> 00:03:31,680
I promise, Bella, that 
I won't suck your blood

74
00:03:31,905 --> 00:03:33,275
(Director) Ryan Gosling

75
00:03:34,168 --> 00:03:35,699
Bella, I just wanted you 
to know that you're


76
00:03:35,699 --> 00:03:37,667
the best thing that ever 
happened to me

77
00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:50,371
♪ I've been waiting all my life,
all my life ♪

78
00:03:50,381 --> 00:03:54,343
♪ for someone like you,
like you, like you ♪

79
00:03:54,353 --> 00:03:57,352
♪ I've been waiting here 
all night, all night ♪