0:00:01.014,0:00:03.894
Y'know[br]I'm a vampire

0:00:04.497,0:00:07.913
I want to suck your blood

0:00:08.081,0:00:09.939
(Director) Adam Sandler for Twilight

0:00:10.037,0:00:13.931
I'm, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry Bella[br]My mama said that girls are the devil

0:00:14.171,0:00:17.001
Vampires are better[br]No

0:00:17.291,0:00:18.731
(Director) Alan Rickman

0:00:18.934,0:00:25.911
I suck the blood of little animals

0:00:26.031,0:00:28.188
Are you afraid?

0:00:29.461,0:00:31.963
(Director) This is Austin Powers [br]auditioning for Twilight

0:00:32.533,0:00:35.385
Hey Bella (inaudible)

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I can turn into a werewolf,[br]baby (animal noise)

0:00:39.937,0:00:43.821
(wolf howling) Yeah, baby

0:00:44.453,0:00:46.951
(Director) Got Bam Margera here, [br]auditioning for Twilight

0:00:47.737,0:00:49.609
So, what, he's like a [br]werewolf or something?

0:00:49.612,0:00:50.858
(Director) Jacob, yes

0:00:50.858,0:00:53.191
Who actually watches these movies?

0:00:53.202,0:00:55.123
(Director) Mostly teen girls[br]and their moms

0:00:55.407,0:00:56.995
This is so weird

0:00:57.342,0:00:58.557
(Director) Bear Grylls

0:00:58.709,0:01:00.086
I'm just so parched

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Hopefully if I find a small animal[br]like a squirrel

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then I'll be able to suck their blood

0:01:06.567,0:01:11.111
I've been waiting a century[br]to marry you, uh, Bella Swan, so uh

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(Director) Can you put more [br]emotion into it, like you care?

0:01:13.887,0:01:19.021
Yeah, yeah. Hey Bella, I'm a vampire![br]Just tell me I'm a vampire

0:01:19.245,0:01:22.610
You want my girl, Jacob? [br]You ain't gonna get it. Aight?

0:01:23.110,0:01:24.372
(Director) Clint Eastwood

0:01:24.521,0:01:26.651
What the hell is this story about again?

0:01:26.662,0:01:28.874
(Director) It's about [br]vampires and love and

0:01:28.874,0:01:31.500
Listen, wolf boy, the only thing

0:01:31.500,0:01:34.510
standing between me and you is Bella

0:01:34.813,0:01:38.159
Sorry, Bella, must've [br]put my baby inside you

0:01:38.401,0:01:42.361
That's my baby! We have to save Bella, [br]before she dies.

0:01:43.229,0:01:44.844
I've already played a vampire before

0:01:44.844,0:01:46.913
(Director) We're aware, that's [br]why we called you in, Colin

0:01:46.913,0:01:48.393
So did I get the part?

0:01:48.676,0:01:50.933
(Director) This is Jack Sparrow, [br]auditioning for Twilight

0:01:51.157,0:01:54.855
I know what you are, you're a vampire

0:01:55.826,0:01:57.212
(Director) Jeff Goldblum

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Bella, not to be afraid, no, no,[br]no no no

0:02:00.230,0:02:05.625
Uh, uh, I do have a thirst for blood[br]I have a flir-, er, first, er thirst

0:02:05.625,0:02:07.790
right, but I'm not going [br]to suck your blood

0:02:07.790,0:02:11.480
No! No, I'm not going to, uh,[br]uh, I'm not going to drink your blood

0:02:11.492,0:02:15.140
No, no no no[br]You're safe, yes, yes yes yes yes yes

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But, uh, perhaps you should, you you you[br]you you should maybe perhaps trust me

0:02:20.153,0:02:21.526
Yes yes

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(Director) Could you do it [br]less like stuttering and noises?

0:02:23.991,0:02:25.018
Ahhh

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Do you really want a [br]werewolf in your life?

0:02:26.903,0:02:29.214
I am a vampire,[br]so I can live forever

0:02:29.214,0:02:33.738
Jacob, he's a wolf, so he's probably [br]like 3000 years old in dog years

0:02:33.738,0:02:36.232
He's probably going to die any second,[br]so why not go with me?

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[br]How you doing?

0:02:38.144,0:02:39.773
(Director) Leonardo DiCaprio for Twilight

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You did this. Now she's gonna die.

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We have to protect the tribe!

0:02:46.049,0:02:47.783
You, Edward!

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(animal noises)

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(Director) Leo, what are you doing?

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I'm turning into a wolf

0:02:54.823,0:02:58.823
Oh no Bella, don't listen to Jacob.[br]He's a meanie and he'll hurt you.

0:02:58.823,0:03:00.093
And if you have sex with Edward

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you're gonna have a little baby [br]vampire in your stomach

0:03:02.466,0:03:05.277
and he'll be eating at you,[br]and it'll be your fault.

0:03:05.509,0:03:07.413
(Director) Orlando Jones for Twilight

0:03:07.754,0:03:09.912
Orlando Jones?! I'm Orlando Bloom!

0:03:10.195,0:03:14.566
I was in Troy, Pirates of the [br]Caribbean, Elizabethtown

0:03:15.132,0:03:17.561
I don't want 7 Up, I'm on a diet

0:03:17.561,0:03:19.394
(Director) What's with the sweater?

0:03:19.394,0:03:21.622
It's not a sweater, I'm a werewolf!

0:03:22.237,0:03:24.353
(Director) This is Russell Brand, [br]auditioning for Twilight

0:03:24.598,0:03:27.954
Bella, don't listen to Jacob,[br]he's just a little wolf boy

0:03:28.174,0:03:31.680
I promise, Bella, that [br]I won't suck your blood

0:03:31.905,0:03:33.275
(Director) Ryan Gosling

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Bella, I just wanted you [br]to know that you're[br]

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the best thing that ever [br]happened to me

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♪ I've been waiting all my life,[br]all my life ♪

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♪ for someone like you,[br]like you, like you ♪

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♪ I've been waiting here [br]all night, all night ♪