My Addiction

This was supposed to be the first video of the year but got delayed due to that video-that-shall-not-be-named. I know I don't do many personal videos like this, but its been a while and it felt like it was a necessary update.
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First Vlog of the year and...I...

that's what I was supposed to do today.

I was supposed to cut my hair.

It looks so poofy.

So this video was supposed to be
the first video of the year.

But as most of you know, I fell about
three weeks behind schedule

because the last video
took over a month to make.

Never, ever doing that many effects
in a video ever again.

I'll probably do another one.

But I wanted to start off the year
with something a little more personal.

And today I'm going to be talking about
something that I've never said publicly

and it's something no one other than
my closest friends and some family know.

But first, let me start off by saying
my New Year's resolution is pretty much

your typical New Year's resolution.
Exercise more and dieting better.

Be more mature. The main one was I was
gonna keep on making YouTube videos

without having to sacrifice my health.
Most of the time, it really goes into writing.

I write them on my laptop, my phone,
but if I wanna put them on paper,

that would probably look something
like this [snap]

Yeah.. No.. I didn't sell too many shabus
back in '09.

I don't even make, like,
99% out of these ideas

because most of them make absolutely no sense.

Out of all these there's just probably
a few worth filming.

Dragon Ball Z Fight in Real Life.
What a great idea - it doesn't sound

overly time-consuming, difficult,
and no amount of stress to do at all.

[aaaah] dragon [beeping] dragon [beeping]

I don't want to pick that all up so
I'm not going to push it

but you know how mad I am. [exhales]
anyway, as fun as it is

behind the scenes and what-not, I was just
trying to keep up with everything last year.

Skipping meals, losing sleep, feeling
exhausted all day.. and I ended up

developing what was a minor addiction.

I don't know where these feelings come from

or what they mean. But there's just something
about crystal meth

finding the smallest animal you could find
and just strangling them.

It just gives you that rush, you know?

(offscreen) Yeah, I've been doing a lot better this week.

Thank you, guys.
[clapping]

(offscreen) Very Good! Okay, let's move on to Ryan.

Hello, everyone. My name is Ryan and..
(others say, "Hi Ryan")

Hi. And over the years, I've kind of
developed an addiction...

to energy drinks and caffeine.

[dissing sounds] Are you freaking kidding me, man?
I do meth and I strangle animals for fun.

See Wes over there?
He hooks up an IV when he sleeps so

he could drink alcohol 24/7.
Ted shoots up heroin

just because he loves the
movie Twilight that much.

You're like my own personal brand of Bella.

Phil? I don't even wanna tell you what he's on.

What is he on?

He's still on MySpace.

Tom! Where'd you go?

See? You see these? These are real problems.
Why don't you come back when

you have a real addiction?

No, don't strangle him!

What? No, I wasn't going to do that.
He's my dog.

He's only here because he's addicted to
making immature people laugh.

What?

[fart sound]
[laughter]

I don't know why I kept going with that.
That was supposed to be a quick cut-away.

So anyway, it's not like I'm addicted to
anything crazy like crack or crystal meth.

Well, I did just start getting into
Breaking Bad.

Crystal meth does look kind of interesting

That's not a good joke.
Do not ever do meth, kids.

(Man) Meth. Not even once.

Yes, that long cut-away was
supposed to be a joke.

Caffeine addiction is a real problem.
It's a real thing, and so was MySpace.

I'm a real drug addict.
Yes, caffeine is legal, but it's real.

I think. Is it a drug?

See, I wouldn't know because I didn't
graduate college... because of caffeine.

(Man) Caffeine. Not even once.

Okay, I didn't graduate because I wanted
to make YouTube videos.

But making YT videos led to caffeine.

You could say that YT is a gateway drug.

YT is a gateway drug.

(Man) YouTube. The gateway
to caffeinated meth.

Seriously, the caffeine thing got
pretty bad last year.

I was literally drinking about 4 Red Bulls
every single day.

When we were filming the
Candy Crush video last year

If you watch that video again and replace
Candy Crush with caffeine,

That's what I was talking about.

Symbolism. I don't even know if that is
the right term... because I didn't

graduate college because of caffeine!

During that shoot, I was so exhausted,
to finish, I drank 9 Red Bulls in one day.

That night, I crashed from Red Bulls,
but I woke up later trembling

and my chest was in pain, so I knew
I had to stop drinking so much caffeine.

I told myself, after the last video
of the year, which was that one

(Screams)

I just needed a break from YT so I could
stop drinking energy drinks for a month

because I was worried I was getting
addicted to energy drinks.

I didn't think that was possible.

So why am I telling you all of this?

I know a lot of you are younger than me.
When I was younger, in HS/college,

I was surrounded by people that did drugs,
but I never did.

I thought addiction could never happen
to me, only weak-minded druggies.

What I mean is, for all of you innocent
kids, you will be addicted to drugs.

Just kidding, sorry. This is serious.
Addiction can happen to anyone.

Be careful.

I honestly still drink energy drinks,
but not 4 a day anymore. 1 or 2.

It's all about the babies.

People always make New Year's Resolutions
and never follow through because,

once they screw up, I think they say,
"screw it," and just let it go.

But it's all about the baby steps.
This baby is moon walking.

If your New Year's resolution was to be
nicer to people because you were

a dick last year, try to be a dick every
other day. Then once a week.

Then once a month.
Then you relapse into an all-dick week...

That came out wrong...

So did that...

Never give up. Take baby steps.

Nobody likes a dick and nobody wants an
addiction, especially if it's being a dick

That would make sense because nobody likes
either of those things.

That's why the word 'dick'
is in addiction (sounds similar)

But it doesn't have to be you.
You can beat that addiction.

You can beat that dick.

My other resolution was to be more mature.

It's clearly working.

(fart)

Anyway, I made this video as an update to
the start of the year.

I know a lot of you don't care about the
personal life stuff.

You probably want me to drink more energy
drinks to keep making more videos.

Thanks so much for watching.

I know I had a slow start this year, but
I am back in it and ready to make 2014

not just good...
not just great...

but pretty average!

It's gonna be another...
another cool year.

It's going to be weird.

If you thought this video wasn't weird,
you've probably watched me for a while

You're probably also weird now.

It's a proven fact I make people weirder.
Sorry.

So for all of the #lamps out there,
I can't wait to spend the year with you.

For all the new viewers out there,
all of the cool kids are doing it...

just do it!

(whispers) Subscribe!

(Chair creaking)

(Higa) oh, dude.. oh!

(Man) Subscribing to Nigahiga?
Not even once.

Ahhh... I hit the edge of my bed.
See you, guys!

(Higa) Hey, thanks so much for watching.
If you want to see that video that took

(Higa) way too long to make,
click the left image.

(Higa) If you want to see the Candy Crush video,
click the right image.

(Higa) If you can't tell left from right, put
your hands up and make an L.

(Higa) Now put your right hand down.
There you go.