WEBVTT

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We are good to go!

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First Vlog of the year and...I...

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that's what I was supposed to do today.

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I was supposed to cut my hair.

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It looks so poofy.

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So this video was supposed to be 
the first video of the year.

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But as most of you know, I fell about 
three weeks behind schedule

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because the last video 
took over a month to make.

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Never, ever doing that many effects 
in a video ever again.

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I'll probably do another one.

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But I wanted to start off the year 
with something a little more personal.

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And today I'm going to be talking about
something that I've never said publicly

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and it's something no one other than
my closest friends and some family know.

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But first, let me start off by saying
my New Year's resolution is pretty much

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your typical New Year's resolution.
Exercise more and dieting better.

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Be more mature. The main one was I was
gonna keep on making YouTube videos

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without having to sacrifice my health.
Most of the time, it really goes into writing.

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I write them on my laptop, my phone,
but if I wanna put them on paper,

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that would probably look something 
like this [snap]

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Yeah.. No.. I didn't sell too many shabus 
back in '09.

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I don't even make, like, 
99% out of these ideas

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because most of them make absolutely no sense.

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Out of all these there's just probably
a few worth filming.

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Dragon Ball Z Fight in Real Life.
What a great idea - it doesn't sound

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overly time-consuming, difficult, 
and no amount of stress to do at all.

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[aaaah] dragon [beeping] dragon [beeping]

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I don't want to pick that all up so 
I'm not going to push it

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but you know how mad I am. [exhales]
anyway, as fun as it is

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behind the scenes and what-not, I was just
trying to keep up with everything last year.

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Skipping meals, losing sleep, feeling
exhausted all day.. and I ended up

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developing what was a minor addiction.


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I don't know where these feelings come from

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or what they mean. But there's just something
about crystal meth

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finding the smallest animal you could find
and just strangling them.

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It just gives you that rush, you know?

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(offscreen) Yeah, I've been doing a lot better this week.

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Thank you, guys.
[clapping]

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(offscreen) Very Good! Okay, let's move on to Ryan.

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Hello, everyone. My name is Ryan and..
(others say, "Hi Ryan")

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Hi. And over the years, I've kind of
developed an addiction...

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to energy drinks and caffeine.

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[dissing sounds] Are you freaking kidding me, man?
I do meth and I strangle animals for fun.

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See Wes over there?
He hooks up an IV when he sleeps so

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he could drink alcohol 24/7.
Ted shoots up heroin

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just because he loves the 
movie Twilight that much.

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You're like my own personal brand of Bella.

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Phil? I don't even wanna tell you what he's on.

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What is he on?

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He's still on MySpace.

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Tom! Where'd you go?

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See? You see these? These are real problems.
Why don't you come back when

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you have a real addiction?

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No, don't strangle him!

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What? No, I wasn't going to do that. 
He's my dog.

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He's only here because he's addicted to 
making immature people laugh.

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What?

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[fart sound]
[laughter]

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I don't know why I kept going with that.
That was supposed to be a quick cut-away.


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So anyway, it's not like I'm addicted to
anything crazy like crack or crystal meth.

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Well, I did just start getting into
Breaking Bad.

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Crystal meth does look kind of interesting

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That's not a good joke.
Do not ever do meth, kids.

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(Man) Meth. Not even once.

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Yes, that long cut-away was
supposed to be a joke.

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Caffeine addiction is a real problem.
It's a real thing, and so was MySpace.

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I'm a real drug addict.
Yes, caffeine is legal, but it's real.

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I think. Is it a drug?

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See, I wouldn't know because I didn't
graduate college... because of caffeine.

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(Man) Caffeine. Not even once.

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Okay, I didn't graduate because I wanted
to make YouTube videos.

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But making YT videos led to caffeine.

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You could say that YT is a gateway drug.

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YT is a gateway drug.

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(Man) YouTube. The gateway
to caffeinated meth.

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Seriously, the caffeine thing got
pretty bad last year.

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I was literally drinking about 4 Red Bulls
every single day.

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When we were filming the 
Candy Crush video last year

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If you watch that video again and replace
Candy Crush with caffeine,

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That's what I was talking about.

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Symbolism. I don't even know if that is
the right term... because I didn't

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graduate college because of caffeine!

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During that shoot, I was so exhausted,
to finish, I drank 9 Red Bulls in one day.

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That night, I crashed from Red Bulls,
but I woke up later trembling

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and my chest was in pain, so I knew
I had to stop drinking so much caffeine.

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I told myself, after the last video
of the year, which was that one

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(Screams)

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I just needed a break from YT so I could
stop drinking energy drinks for a month

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because I was worried I was getting
addicted to energy drinks.

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I didn't think that was possible.

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So why am I telling you all of this?

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I know a lot of you are younger than me.
When I was younger, in HS/college,

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I was surrounded by people that did drugs,
but I never did.

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I thought addiction could never happen
to me, only weak-minded druggies.

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What I mean is, for all of you innocent
kids, you will be addicted to drugs.

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Just kidding, sorry. This is serious.
Addiction can happen to anyone.

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Be careful.

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I honestly still drink energy drinks,
but not 4 a day anymore. 1 or 2.

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It's all about the babies.

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People always make New Year's Resolutions
and never follow through because,

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once they screw up, I think they say,
"screw it," and just let it go.

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But it's all about the baby steps.
This baby is moon walking.

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If your New Year's resolution was to be
nicer to people because you were

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a dick last year, try to be a dick every
other day. Then once a week.

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Then once a month.
Then you relapse into an all-dick week...

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That came out wrong...

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So did that...

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Never give up. Take baby steps.

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Nobody likes a dick and nobody wants an
addiction, especially if it's being a dick

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That would make sense because nobody likes
either of those things.

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That's why the word 'dick'
is in addiction (sounds similar)

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But it doesn't have to be you.
You can beat that addiction.

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You can beat that dick.

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My other resolution was to be more mature.

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It's clearly working.

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(fart)

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Anyway, I made this video as an update to
the start of the year.

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I know a lot of you don't care about the
personal life stuff.

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You probably want me to drink more energy
drinks to keep making more videos.

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Thanks so much for watching.

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I know I had a slow start this year, but
I am back in it and ready to make 2014

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not just good...
not just great...

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but pretty average!

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It's gonna be another...
another cool year.

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It's going to be weird.

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If you thought this video wasn't weird,
you've probably watched me for a while

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You're probably also weird now.

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It's a proven fact I make people weirder.
Sorry.

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So for all of the #lamps out there,
I can't wait to spend the year with you.

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For all the new viewers out there,
all of the cool kids are doing it...

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just do it!

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(whispers) Subscribe!

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(Chair creaking)

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(Higa) oh, dude.. oh!

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(Man) Subscribing to Nigahiga?
Not even once.

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Ahhh... I hit the edge of my bed.
See you, guys!

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(Higa) Hey, thanks so much for watching.
If you want to see that video that took

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(Higa) way too long to make,
click the left image.

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(Higa) If you want to see the Candy Crush video,
click the right image.

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(Higa) If you can't tell left from right, put
your hands up and make an L.

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(Higa) Now put your right hand down.
There you go.