Crip Sex
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0:02 - 0:04[ MUSIC... ]
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0:11 - 0:16[ Leah ] I don't want to ever have sex with anyone, but another chronically ill or disabled person ever again.
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0:16 - 0:19Like, I'm just so into like the crip lust moment.
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0:19 - 0:22I'm just like, oh god, it's such a relief.
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0:26 - 0:29Loving and having really good sex
in a very broadly defined way -
0:29 - 0:32with another disabled or chronically ill person
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0:32 - 0:35where you're lusting towards each other
in a sexual fashion. -
0:39 - 0:43[ Ellery ] Leah and I have both been writing down all, a lot of our crip sex moments
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0:43 - 0:44[ Leah ] The first thing that comes to my mind
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0:44 - 0:48is when like, my lover at the time and me were at this like queer club night
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0:48 - 0:51and they like threw me up against the wall
and we were making out -
0:51 - 0:53and then we both lost our balance at the same time
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0:53 - 0:55and we totally fell over on to the ground
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0:55 - 0:58on to the ass of my best friend who had been hit by a car a year ago,
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0:58 - 1:00so then she fell over.
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1:00 - 1:03So, we're all on the floor in this writhing mass of disabled bodies
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1:03 - 1:05and it was really great. [ Laughing ]
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1:05 - 1:10[ E ] I've had a disability for 14 years
and I've dated a lot of people [ *both laughing* ]. -
1:10 - 1:11I've been in...
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1:11 - 1:13well, I've had a lot of primary partners,
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1:13 - 1:17but none of them have lasted more than like 2 years or so.
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1:17 - 1:21And so, in between there's been a lot of like dating of different kinds of people,
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1:21 - 1:25I've dated a lot of different people with disabilities...
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1:25 - 1:28like... and really, really different disabilities than me.
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1:28 - 1:29Like, I've never...
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1:29 - 1:31well, ok, once I dated someone who was also an amputee.
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1:31 - 1:35And so when I think of crip sex, I think about things like sex...
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1:35 - 1:40The sex can sometimes be the same, it's really not that different;
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1:40 - 1:43and then sometimes it can be really, really different.
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1:43 - 1:49Like... you don't feel in your body
from here all the way down your entire body, -
1:49 - 1:55and you have a catheter and a leg bag with urine in it and that's in the bed with us.
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1:55 - 1:59Um, and, oh I kiss you in the elevator and oops,
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1:59 - 2:02the force of me kissing you knocks you over in your wheelchair,
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2:02 - 2:08and then you're on the ground and then we have to figure out how to transfer you back in to your wheelchair.
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2:08 - 2:09Like all that kind of stuff.
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2:09 - 2:14And then there's the parts where
I have like a new partner and they're not disabled, -
2:14 - 2:17because I've dated a lot of people who aren't disabled,
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2:17 - 2:21and, y'know, it's like
they don't know how my legs work -
2:21 - 2:25and I have to explain how my legs work
because my legs come off. -
2:25 - 2:27Um, and usually that's not a big deal.
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2:27 - 2:36It's only been like, I feel like I've only really dated one person who wasn't really comfortable with my disability, you know.
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2:36 - 2:42She was like um, *oh, hospitals, they just make me feel uncomfortable; I just don't like them.*
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2:42 - 2:46And I was like, wow, I've spent a lot of time in hospitals,
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2:46 - 2:48they're kind of my home away from home
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2:48 - 2:51just because I've had to spend so much time in them
for my own appointments and stuff. -
2:51 - 2:54And so, I was like, *that's cool,*
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2:54 - 2:56*I think we're just in a really different place.*
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2:56 - 2:58She also bicycled a lot
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2:58 - 3:00and like would go on like these 40 mile bike trips
and I just couldn't relate. -
3:00 - 3:02[ L ] You were really compatible [ joking ].
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3:02 - 3:04[ E ] yeah, we were incompatible [ laughing ].
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3:04 - 3:09But like, on the other hand, like...
I'm dating someone right now who bikes a lot, -
3:09 - 3:15but we've had really cool conversations about how that whole bicycling culture can be really alienating
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3:15 - 3:16and they're super awesome about it.
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3:16 - 3:21And like, they don't feel bad
when we drive around in my truck, -
3:21 - 3:23like a lot of people have car guilt.
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3:23 - 3:27And, I don't know, when you have a
mobility related disability, -
3:27 - 3:29you like kinda have to get over the car guilt.
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3:29 - 3:32And so, we totally make-out in my truck all the time,
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3:32 - 3:34and I have to say, it's pretty great. [ Laughs ].
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3:35 - 3:38[ L ] When I was 26, like I'd been celibate for a couple years
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3:38 - 3:40because I was dealing with being a sexual abuse survivor
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3:40 - 3:43and then like, I kinda re-broke my virginity
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3:43 - 3:49with this like totally awesome queer man of color
who was really perverted, -
3:49 - 3:51who had severe RSI [ *repetitive strain injury* ]
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3:51 - 3:57who was this total, like, black, science fiction, polyamorous geek, porn-maker,
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3:57 - 4:01with like injury stuff
and whose primary partner had fibromyalgia too. -
4:01 - 4:05So, not only was I fucking this amazing hot
QPOC [ *queer person of colour* ] pervert in leather pants, -
4:05 - 4:08but I was like, *oh my hips just went out!*,
and he was like, *yeah, no problem.* -
4:08 - 4:10*Great. Let's just move positions.*
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4:10 - 4:12Y'know, and then there's the stuff
that's just like the hard stuff we go through, -
4:12 - 4:16and then also just the really weird stuff
that we don't get to talk about. -
4:16 - 4:20Y'know, like, what happens when you lose control
of your bowels during sex? [ Laughing ] -
4:20 - 4:24Or like, you know, all kinds of stuff, right?
Like, what's it really like? -
4:28 - 4:31[ L ] I think we were talking about the healing of recognition,
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4:31 - 4:33or like, the erotics of recognition?
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4:33 - 4:36[ E ] We talked about the lust of recognition.
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4:36 - 4:37[ L ] The lust of recognition! Yes!
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4:37 - 4:42Like, I don't know, when it's just like,
I think it's like any identity stuff, -
4:42 - 4:45Like, I mean, the first time I fucked someone else
who was South Asian, and I was like, -
4:45 - 4:48and I mean I know it's corny to talk about "going home", but like, I felt that.
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4:48 - 4:50And there was something really healing about that.
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4:50 - 4:52And like, when I was lovers with David and I was like,
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4:52 - 4:56oh I never have to worry about you being freaked out
about me needing to take a break -
4:56 - 4:57because I'm an incest survivor,
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4:57 - 5:00or me needing to like, negotiate my body in different ways.
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5:00 - 5:03Y'know? You don't freak out over that
because you're really... -
5:03 - 5:05you've dated a lot of crips, you are a crip,
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5:05 - 5:07your primary partner has a whole bunch
of chronic illnesses. -
5:07 - 5:11And you're just like, *right, yeah, bodies, work it out.*
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5:11 - 5:12And how amazing that was
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5:12 - 5:17and like, how that crip knowledge was so tied to that persons', like, awareness around consent,
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5:17 - 5:21Y'know? In the middle of being a big pervert who's into a lot of pretty intense SM.
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5:21 - 5:23Y'know, I mean, it was amazing.
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5:23 - 5:25Y'know, it was really, really amazing.
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5:25 - 5:26I felt so lucky; I was so lucky.
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5:26 - 5:31[ E ] Going back to this idea that we were talking about earlier today about the lust of recognition.
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5:31 - 5:36So that was like, you know, I identify a lot
with people who use a wheelchair sometimes -
5:36 - 5:41and also walk with a cane or crutches sometimes
because that's my experience. -
5:41 - 5:46And so, like, y'know, and so that's like,
not every day looks the same in terms of how you get around, -
5:46 - 5:49and I just realize, y'know, I really relate to that,
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5:49 - 5:52obviously, because that's what happens for me.
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5:52 - 5:57Um, but, you know, like...
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5:57 - 5:59y'know...
you see this person around, -
5:59 - 6:02you think they're cute, they have a cane,
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6:02 - 6:04there's something hot about that.
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6:04 - 6:08And then, like, y'know,
they're pretty nice and they're very cute -
6:08 - 6:12and then, like, some other time like you notice they have a brace, or like... something
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6:12 - 6:17and y'know, and then you get to know them and you realize like you're really attracted to the...
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6:17 - 6:18I mean, for me, anyways.
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6:18 - 6:23I realize I'm really attracted to the fact that like,
they're walking with a cane AND they're cute. -
6:23 - 6:26And then you know there's this process I go through:
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6:26 - 6:28like, am I fetishizing their cane?
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6:28 - 6:36Um. And, but, and so...I've kind of been writing about that on and off the last couple of years.
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6:36 - 6:38Cuz it's like... is it a fetish?
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6:38 - 6:41Or is it that I recognize myself in the cane,
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6:41 - 6:43and there's that lust of recognition?
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6:43 - 6:46Like, that, there's something really charged for me,
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6:46 - 6:48where I just crush out.
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6:48 - 6:50I'm just crushed out; it's hot.
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6:50 - 6:54And I just, I don't know, I feel drawn like a magnet to the person.
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6:54 - 6:59Y'know, they have to be an awesome person
that's also cute in other ways, -
6:59 - 7:00it's not just the cane [ *Leah laughing* ],
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7:00 - 7:02but there's something....
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7:02 - 7:07It's like this extra electric charge
that's like there for me and it's very real. -
7:07 - 7:12And y'know, I don't need to sleep always
with people who have disabilities, -
7:12 - 7:18I think that a lot of those experiences
have been really powerful, -
7:18 - 7:24but not always lasting, um,
and I need to be fed in so many other ways too. -
7:24 - 7:29And so, a lot of my primary relationships have not been with other people with disabilities.
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7:29 - 7:31I feel comfortable with that,
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7:31 - 7:36but I've also dated so many other people with disabilities, I think I've needed this.
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7:36 - 7:39And who's to say
what the rest of my life will look like, -
7:39 - 7:44but um yeah, there's something about that lust of recognition, that connection.
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7:44 - 7:45I don't know, there's something...
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7:45 - 7:48and I think it's good to check in with myself,
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7:48 - 7:50like am I fetishizing them?
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7:50 - 7:53but I don't really have a lot of like
guilt or weirdness around that, -
7:53 - 7:56because I don't necessarily think that I am.
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7:56 - 7:57[ L ] I wouldn't waste your time.
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7:57 - 7:58[ E ] Yeah.
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8:00 - 8:02[ L ] So when you were like, *"what's crip sex, Leah?"*
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8:02 - 8:04And I was like, well, I think it's crips lusting for other crips. Yes, that.
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8:04 - 8:06And I think what youre were just saying, Ellery,
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8:06 - 8:10makes me think that I think it's any form of sex that involves someone who is disabled.
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8:10 - 8:13So, like, I've had crip sex that was shitty,
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8:13 - 8:17That was like me being a disabled person
having sex with a partner who didn't get it. -
8:17 - 8:22Y'know, like, who was just...One of my long-term partners was white, working class, gender queer...
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8:22 - 8:24actually was raised rural poor,
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8:24 - 8:30and y'know, we bonded over class, because I grew up like working class, lower middle class;
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8:30 - 8:31a lot of working class.
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8:31 - 8:34And we both identified as being people who were less than middle class
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8:34 - 8:37in movements that were very middle class.
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8:37 - 8:39And y'know, I really got where she was coming from,
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8:39 - 8:42because she was like, *yeah, y'know, we don't admit disability!*
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8:42 - 8:45*we just tough it out, 'cause we don't have that option!*
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8:45 - 8:46And I was like, totally, yeah.
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8:46 - 8:50My mom had polio
and they didn't have money for health care, -
8:50 - 8:55so her doctor that she saw -true story- was like, *here's a bicycle, ride it out.*
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8:55 - 8:58And my mom [ *Ellery laughing *]... no, seriously.
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8:58 - 9:00[ E ] Wow.
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9:00 - 9:05[ L ] Yeah. And my mom y'know worked two or three jobs the whole time that I knew her,
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9:05 - 9:08and it was only when I was older that I was like,
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9:08 - 9:14oh she can't really walk that far, without being in a lot of pain, but she would never identify as disabled.
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9:14 - 9:17Anyway, so back to my girlfriend:
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9:17 - 9:20Like, I got that she was like,
*Whatever! We just tough it out! No problem!* -
9:20 - 9:22I mean, she had worked construction and she'd be like,
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9:22 - 9:26*Yeah I got a nail gun through my finger, I just kept going!* [ Laughing ].
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9:26 - 9:28Yeah, that was a fascinating relationship.
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9:28 - 9:31But, um, y'know, the sex that I had with that person
was crip sex because I was in it, -
9:31 - 9:35but it wasn't necessarily crip-accepting sex
and that's what a lot of us have too. -
9:35 - 9:39I guess Im trying to spin something off of what you said about like expanding your idea of sex.
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9:39 - 9:43Y'know, and like, I don't know,
I mean I get what youre saying that like... -
9:43 - 9:46when Audre Lorde is like, *the uses of the erotic*..
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9:46 - 9:49and I'm like, ok, but sometimes y'know, Audre,
you like to cum too, right? -
9:49 - 9:53Like It wasn't just like, *I feel really turned on about liberation and shit*. [ Laughing ]
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9:53 - 9:58But like, so that's real, but at the same time I do think that there's a lot about that's important
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9:58 - 10:00about just expanding our concepts of sexuality
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10:00 - 10:04and I think that crips have to do that so much anyway
when our bodies are different. -
10:04 - 10:07One thing that we're trying to do with this project
of writing Crip Sex Stories is like... -
10:07 - 10:11...I don't know, I kind of think of it as like: the good, the bad, the ugly and the real, y'know?
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10:12 - 10:14Because I feel like there's the good stuff,
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10:14 - 10:16that's like the secrets of like,
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10:16 - 10:18wow, y'know, the ways that we find
to have really amazing hot sex in our bodies -
10:18 - 10:23is incredible and like the kind of like
cross-crip solidarity through fucking. -
10:23 - 10:25Like, maybe you're fucking someone who has
your exact disability; -
10:25 - 10:27maybe they have a different one?
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10:27 - 10:29But like even though you don't have the same experience,
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10:29 - 10:32you're giving each other love and appreciation
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10:32 - 10:34and you're like, wow you're really fucking hot
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10:34 - 10:37and I'm gonna figure out how to
make you feel pleasure in your body -
10:37 - 10:38and I'm gonna respect your body
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10:38 - 10:40and you're gonna do the same thing, awesome.
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10:41 - 10:43[ music...]
- Title:
- Crip Sex
- Description:
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Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha and Ellery Russian sit down and talk about Crip Sex. This video is part of a blog post and has a transcript available at http://leavingevidence.wordpress.com/2010/05/25/video-crip-sex-crip-lust-and-the-lust-of-recognition/
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captions by Radical Access Mapping Project
http://radicalaccessiblecommunities.wordpress.com/subtitled-videos/ - Video Language:
- English
Radical Access Mapping Project edited English subtitles for Crip Sex | ||
Radical Access Mapping Project edited English subtitles for Crip Sex | ||
Radical Access Mapping Project edited English subtitles for Crip Sex | ||
Radical Access Mapping Project edited English subtitles for Crip Sex | ||
Radical Access Mapping Project edited English subtitles for Crip Sex | ||
Radical Access Mapping Project edited English subtitles for Crip Sex | ||
Radical Access Mapping Project edited English subtitles for Crip Sex | ||
Radical Access Mapping Project edited English subtitles for Crip Sex |