A video game to cope with grief
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0:01 - 0:05Two months ago, my kids and I
huddled around a cell phone -
0:05 - 0:07watching the live stream
of the Game Awards, -
0:07 - 0:10one of the video game
industry's biggest nights. -
0:10 - 0:14They announced the nominees
for the Game for Impact, -
0:14 - 0:17an award that's given
to a thought-provoking video game -
0:17 - 0:21with a profound prosocial
message or meaning. -
0:21 - 0:23They opened the envelope
-
0:23 - 0:26and they read the title of our video game.
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0:26 - 0:27An award ...
-
0:27 - 0:29for impact.
-
0:29 - 0:31It was almost funny, actually,
-
0:31 - 0:34because I always thought
that winning an award like that -
0:34 - 0:36would have this huge impact on my life,
-
0:36 - 0:39but I found that the opposite is true.
-
0:40 - 0:41The big nights,
-
0:41 - 0:43the accomplishments --
-
0:43 - 0:45they fade.
-
0:45 - 0:48But the hardest nights of my life
have stuck with me, -
0:48 - 0:51impacting who I am
-
0:51 - 0:53and what I do.
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0:53 - 1:00In 2010, my third son, Joel, was diagnosed
with a rare and aggressive brain tumor. -
1:00 - 1:02And before that year was finished,
-
1:02 - 1:05doctors sat my husband and I down
-
1:05 - 1:08and let us know
that his tumor had returned -
1:08 - 1:13despite the most aggressive chemotherapy
and radiation that they could offer him. -
1:14 - 1:16On that terrible night,
-
1:16 - 1:20after learning that Joel
had perhaps four months to live, -
1:20 - 1:23I cuddled up with
my two older sons in bed -- -
1:23 - 1:26they were five and three at the time --
-
1:26 - 1:29and I never really knew
how much they understood, -
1:29 - 1:32so I started telling them a bedtime story.
-
1:32 - 1:36I told them about this
very brave knight named Joel -
1:36 - 1:41and his adventure fighting
a terrible dragon called cancer. -
1:42 - 1:45Every night, I told them
more of the story, -
1:45 - 1:47but I never let the story end.
-
1:47 - 1:50I was just building up a context
that they could understand -
1:50 - 1:52and hoping that our prayers
would be answered -
1:52 - 1:55and I would never
have to tell them that that knight, -
1:55 - 1:57who had fought so bravely,
-
1:57 - 1:59was done fighting
-
1:59 - 2:01and could rest now, forever.
-
2:02 - 2:07Fortunately, I never did have to
finish that bedtime story. -
2:07 - 2:09My children outgrew it.
-
2:09 - 2:13Joel responded better than anyone expected
to palliative treatment, -
2:13 - 2:15and so instead of months,
-
2:15 - 2:21we spent years learning how to love
our dying child with all of our hearts. -
2:22 - 2:25Learning to recognize
that shameful feeling -
2:25 - 2:28of holding back just a little love
-
2:28 - 2:30to try to spare ourselves
just a little pain -
2:30 - 2:33somewhere further down the road.
-
2:34 - 2:36We pushed past that self-preservation
-
2:36 - 2:41because Joel was worth loving
even if that love could crush us. -
2:42 - 2:47And that lesson of intense
vulnerability has changed me ... -
2:47 - 2:50more than any award ever could.
-
2:50 - 2:54We started living like Joel could live,
-
2:54 - 2:59and we began developing a video game
called "That Dragon, Cancer." -
3:00 - 3:02It was the story of Joel.
-
3:03 - 3:06It was the story of hope
in the shadow of death. -
3:06 - 3:08It was the story of faith
-
3:09 - 3:10and doubt,
-
3:10 - 3:15and the realization that a wrestle
with doubt is a part of faith -- -
3:16 - 3:18maybe the biggest part of it.
-
3:19 - 3:22It was a story that began as a miracle
-
3:22 - 3:24and ended as a memorial.
-
3:26 - 3:28(Music)
-
3:28 - 3:29(Giggle)
-
3:29 - 3:31(Clapping)
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3:31 - 3:34(Music)
-
3:34 - 3:37(Video) Dad: Bouncing around,
do you like that? -
3:37 - 3:38(Giggle)
-
3:39 - 3:40I love your giggle.
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3:40 - 3:42(Music)
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3:46 - 3:48(Giggle)
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3:50 - 3:54[A Journey of Hope In the Shadow of Death]
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3:55 - 3:58[That Dragon, Cancer]
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3:58 - 4:01(Music)
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4:04 - 4:05When you play "That Dragon, Cancer,"
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4:05 - 4:09you're transformed
into a witness of Joel's life, -
4:09 - 4:12exploring an emotional landscape,
-
4:12 - 4:17clicking to discover more of what
we as a family felt and experienced. -
4:17 - 4:22It feels a little bit
like analyzing interactive poetry -
4:22 - 4:24because every game mechanic is a metaphor,
-
4:24 - 4:27and so the more the player asks themselves
-
4:27 - 4:30what we as designers
were trying to express and why, -
4:31 - 4:33the richer the experience becomes.
-
4:33 - 4:36We took that vulnerability
that Joel taught us, -
4:36 - 4:39and we encoded the game with it.
-
4:40 - 4:43Players expect their video games
to offer them branching narrative -
4:43 - 4:47so that every decision
that they make feels important -
4:47 - 4:49and can change the outcome of the game.
-
4:49 - 4:52We subverted that principle
of game design, -
4:52 - 4:56collapsing the choices in on the player
-
4:56 - 4:57so that they discover for themselves
-
4:57 - 5:02that there is nothing that they can do
that will change the outcome for Joel. -
5:02 - 5:08And they feel that discovery
as deeply and desperately as we felt it -
5:08 - 5:12on nights when we held Joel
in our arms praying for hours, -
5:12 - 5:18stubbornly holding out hope for a grace
that we could not create for ourselves. -
5:19 - 5:20We'd all prefer to win,
-
5:21 - 5:24but when you discover that you can't win,
-
5:25 - 5:26what do you value instead?
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5:28 - 5:30I never planned to write video games,
-
5:30 - 5:32but these moments
that really change our lives, -
5:32 - 5:37they often come as the result
of our hardship -- and not our glory. -
5:38 - 5:40When we thought that Joel could live,
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5:40 - 5:42I left the game designing to my husband.
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5:42 - 5:44I chimed in here and there
-
5:44 - 5:47with a scene or two and some suggestions.
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5:47 - 5:50But after the night that Joel died,
-
5:50 - 5:52the passion,
-
5:52 - 5:56the possibility of sharing Joel's life
through our video game -- -
5:56 - 5:58it was something that I couldn't resist.
-
5:58 - 6:00I started writing more,
-
6:00 - 6:02I sat in on our team's design meetings,
-
6:02 - 6:05I added more ideas
and I helped direct scenes. -
6:05 - 6:10And I discovered that creating
a video game is telling a story, -
6:10 - 6:13but with an entirely new vocabulary.
-
6:13 - 6:18All the same elements of imagination
and symbolism are there, -
6:18 - 6:21but they're just partnered
with player agency -
6:21 - 6:23and system responsiveness.
-
6:24 - 6:26It's challenging work.
-
6:26 - 6:29I have to think
in a totally new way to do it, -
6:29 - 6:30but I love it.
-
6:30 - 6:33And I wouldn't have known
that without Joel. -
6:34 - 6:37Maybe you're a little surprised
-
6:37 - 6:42by our choice to share our story
of terminal cancer through a video game. -
6:42 - 6:46Perhaps you're even thinking
like so many people before you: -
6:46 - 6:48cancer is not a game.
-
6:49 - 6:51Well, tell that
to any pediatric cancer parent -
6:51 - 6:55that's ever taken an exam glove
and blown it up into a balloon, -
6:55 - 6:58or transformed a syringe
into a rocket ship, -
6:58 - 7:02or let their child ride their IV pole
through the hospital halls -
7:02 - 7:04like it was a race car.
-
7:05 - 7:07Because when you have children,
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7:07 - 7:09everything is a game.
-
7:10 - 7:14And when your young child
experiences something traumatic, -
7:14 - 7:18you work even harder to make sure
that their life feels like a game -
7:18 - 7:22because children naturally
explore their worlds through play. -
7:22 - 7:25While cancer can steal
many things from a family, -
7:25 - 7:27it shouldn't steal play.
-
7:28 - 7:31If you're listening to me
and you're trying to imagine this family -
7:31 - 7:36that revolves entirely
around a dying child, -
7:36 - 7:40and you can't imagine joy
as part of that picture, -
7:40 - 7:43then we were right
to share our story with you, -
7:43 - 7:46because that season of our life was hard.
-
7:47 - 7:49Unspeakably hard at times,
-
7:49 - 7:51but it was also pure hope,
-
7:52 - 7:54deep love
-
7:54 - 7:57and joy like I have never
experienced since. -
7:58 - 8:02Our video game was our attempt
to share that world -
8:02 - 8:04with people who hadn't
experienced it before, -
8:04 - 8:08because we never could imagine
that world until it became ours. -
8:09 - 8:12We made a video game that's hard to play.
-
8:13 - 8:16It will never be a blockbuster.
-
8:16 - 8:19People have to prepare themselves
to invest emotionally -
8:19 - 8:23in a story that they know
will break their hearts. -
8:24 - 8:26But when our hearts break,
-
8:26 - 8:29they heal a little differently.
-
8:30 - 8:35My broken heart has been healing
with a new and a deeper compassion -- -
8:35 - 8:38a desire to sit with people in their pain,
-
8:38 - 8:41to hear their stories
and try to help tell them -
8:41 - 8:43so that they know that they're seen.
-
8:45 - 8:49On the night when "That Dragon, Cancer"
won the Game for Impact Award, -
8:49 - 8:50we cheered,
-
8:50 - 8:54we smiled and we talked about Joel
-
8:54 - 8:56and the impact he had on our life --
-
8:56 - 9:00on all of those hard and hopeful nights
that we shared with him -
9:00 - 9:01when he changed our hearts
-
9:01 - 9:07and taught us so much more
about life and love and faith and purpose. -
9:09 - 9:14That award will never mean as much to me
as even a single photograph of my son, -
9:15 - 9:20but it does represent all of the people
who his life has impacted, -
9:20 - 9:22people I'll never meet.
-
9:22 - 9:24They write me emails sometimes.
-
9:25 - 9:30They tell me that they miss Joel,
even though they never met him. -
9:30 - 9:35They describe the tears
that they've shed for my son, -
9:36 - 9:40and it makes my burden of grief
just a little bit lighter -
9:40 - 9:42knowing that it's shared
with a 10-year-old -
9:42 - 9:44watching a YouTube playthrough,
-
9:44 - 9:48or a doctor playing on his airplane
with a smartphone, -
9:48 - 9:54or a professor introducing Joel
to her first-year philosophy students. -
9:55 - 9:58We made a video game that's hard to play.
-
9:59 - 10:02But that feels just right to me,
-
10:02 - 10:05because the hardest moments of our lives
-
10:05 - 10:08change us more than any goal
we could ever accomplish. -
10:09 - 10:12Tragedy has shifted my heart
-
10:12 - 10:15more than any dream
I could ever see come true. -
10:16 - 10:17Thank you.
-
10:17 - 10:22(Applause)
- Title:
- A video game to cope with grief
- Speaker:
- Amy Green
- Description:
-
When Amy Green's young son was diagnosed with a rare brain tumor, she made up a bedtime story for his siblings to teach them about cancer. What resulted was a video game, "That Dragon, Cancer," which takes players on a journey they can't win. In this beautiful talk about coping with loss, Green brings joy and play to tragedy. "We made a game that's hard to play," she says, "because the hardest moments of our lives change us more than any goal we could ever accomplish."
- Video Language:
- English
- Team:
- closed TED
- Project:
- TEDTalks
- Duration:
- 10:34
Brian Greene edited English subtitles for A video game to cope with grief | ||
Brian Greene approved English subtitles for A video game to cope with grief | ||
Brian Greene edited English subtitles for A video game to cope with grief | ||
Joanna Pietrulewicz accepted English subtitles for A video game to cope with grief | ||
Joanna Pietrulewicz edited English subtitles for A video game to cope with grief | ||
Joanna Pietrulewicz edited English subtitles for A video game to cope with grief | ||
Leslie Gauthier edited English subtitles for A video game to cope with grief | ||
Leslie Gauthier edited English subtitles for A video game to cope with grief |