Wabisabi: The magnificence of imperfection – Cheryl Hunter at TEDxSantaMonica

Cheryl Hunter comes at her work with a multi-pronged approach, having merged seemingly-divergent careers around one idea: that a simple story, well-told and presented, has tremendous potential to educate, entertain and impact people. Cheryl is an educator, author, speaker and high-performance coach who has personally coached and led personal development seminars for over 86,000 people since 1995.

There are experiences that we share.

Things that we all go through by virtue of being human.

They unite us, these experiences that we share,

and perhaps none unite us more so than,

the experience of going through -- bad circumstances,

having difficult things happen in life.

Sometimes when those circumstances happen

our only recourse is to ask, " Why? Why me?"

as we try to make sense of life.

I think the reason that those circumstances unite us

like nothing else can, is because we can all relate.

At some point, at some time, we will all have those kinds

of occurrences. I am no exception.

When I was a kid, I had to get out.

I grew up on a horse ranch in the remote Rockies of Colorado

and we lived high atop a mountain meadow and in every

single direction, except one, miles away in the distance,

there was no sign of civilization whatsoever.

I loved it, it was idyllic,

I spent my childhood atop a horse, but I, I had to get out,

I longed for civilization, for culture. I longed to wear

the clothes that I saw in magazines.

Anything other than boot cut Wranglers really. (Laughter)

And -- I longed to go somewhere, where there were

people and meet them and and see them or know them.

Any people that I wasn't related to by blood --

(Laughter)

The city was just calling my name and I had to figure out how to respond.

One day I played "Hookie"

to come up with the master plan, I hopped on my mini-bike

and rode the hour and fifteen minutes to

Colorado City, it was the nearest town that had a store.

I picked up a Glamour magazine, as my guide book

and sure enough, right there in the pages,

was the plan for my life, clear as day.

I could be a model, I was tall enough, I mean I was

already on the Boys Basketball Team.

I just needed to get someplace where they needed models.

Uuhh, I chose Europe. Talked my friend Lizzy into going,

we both got a couple of jobs. We saved up.

The big day finally arrived. Now no sooner did we land

in France than a man wearing a camera around his neck

approached me. He asked me if I was a model.

Told me he could make me one if I were to just go off

with him and his friend standing over there.

That is how easy it is to become a model in France!

Lizzy said, "No way in hell!" Ah, but Lizzy didn't know

anything about my master plan. So -- I just ditched her,

went off for the guy with the camera and his friend --

They drugged me. They took me to an abandoned

construction sight and beat me mercilessly.

I had no idea I had -- made a sound when kicked.

They drugged me again and raped me repeatedly.

And they cut me. I had one action available to me

which was just to look away.

I craned my head as far as I could

to the right and just stared at the wall. There was a --

dancing -- spot of light on the wall. It must have been a

reflection from something outside and it was free,

whatever it was. I stared at the little spot of light with

all my might and the harder I stared the more I -- became

the spot of light. I wasn't the scrap heap of a girl,

being torn to shreds, I was just a dancing, little sparkling,

shimmer of light, that could fly away at any time I chose --

They dumped me in a parking mist three days later.

It was then that the "Why" questions really set in.

"Why did I have to come here?"

"Why can't I just be happy staying at home like everybody else?"

"Why did God let this happen to me?"

I didn't tell anybody, I couldn't tell anybody.

I was now disgusting and dirty and filthy and ruined and used up

and if I told anybody, if anybody new what had happened to me,

they would know those things so -- I didn't speak.

To anyone. I just pushed it all down.

I became very, very aloof and removed and -- was a loner.

I eventually did become a model.

The profession suited me really well.

Never once in all of the years that I was a model,

did anyone ask me to have a deep conversation.

I had found my people! (Laughter)

The phenomenon of "the grass is always greener"

is alive and thriving in the modeling world.

Wherever I would go, they would,

within a short period of time, wanna send me someplace else,

because wherever we weren't was looked at

as infinitely cooler than wherever we were.

Paris sent me to New York, Milan to Paris,

London to Japan. It was in Japan that the next stage of

my journey unfolded. With the exception of the time

I was actually shooting, I spent the entirety of my journey

in Japan, in the agency itself.

They had a massive, completely unused, conference room.

Nobody was ever there except the grandparents

of the owners of the agency.

They have this fabulous tradition in Japan.

They include their elders in their business lives

and personal lives. They're looked upon as a resource for

the wealth of information and knowledge that they bring.

What a concept. I was in the conference room one day,

just -- frankly I was absentmindedly day dreaming about

how to plot my revenge against the men from France

but I was in there pretending to read a book

and daydreaming and I was sitting at this big, wooden,

conference table they had in there.

This thing was probably ten feet long.

It was, carved out of one solid piece of wood.

It was beautiful but it had massive

dents and nicks and duvets and it was narrow at one

end as if -- it just that is where the tree narrowed.

I was sitting there, absentmindedly, running my fingers

over one of the holes in the wood when the grandmother

walked in and stared at me, She said, "Ahh, Wabi Sabi!"

She shocked me out of my stupor. "What's that?"

"Wabi Saa? Is that like Wasabi?"

From the other room, Myoko, my agent, cups her hand

over the phone and laughs. "Nooo", she said.

I turned back to the grandmother,

"I'm sorry, Wabi Sabi, is that like a desk or conference table? Wood?"

From the other room Myoko chimed in again. She said,

"No, no, no hon, Wabi Sabi is the Japanese aesthetic."

"Oohhh", I said, completely confused.

Within a few moments, Myoko walked in the room,

along with her grandfather and then the three of them took turns telling me

their version of what Wabi Sabi means.

According to the grandfather,

Wabi Sabi is the most essential of all Japanese principles.

Wabi Sabi states that the beauty of

any object lies in the flaws of that object.

Things such as mistakes and damages, or -- ruined parts,

those are actually designed in.

The grandmother said that beauty is a study in contrasts,

so something can only be seen to embody perfection,

if it also embodies a correlate degree of imperfection.

These people were blowing my mind.

I had to get out of there. I gathered up all my junk

and went for a walk.

I wondered --

"Did this mean that Wabi Sabi could even apply to me?"

Naagh. I kept walking.

Went to a outdoor cafe, grabbed my lunch at the counter,

went and sat down at a table and started to read.

Within a few moments I heard shouting.

I looked up and saw disheveled looking woman,

who appeared to be shouting at me and she was screaming,

"Naze sensô Nihon! Naze sensô Nihon!"

I fidgeted and looked around, certain I was completely

mistaken but there was no denying it,

she was delivering her words to me!

A man at the table next to me leaned in and said,

"She asked why, why you make war on Japan?"

(Laughter)

"I don't make war on Japan, I am a teenager!

Make war on Japan, who do you think I am,

some sixty year old dude in a army uniform!

I am not, I am not the president, I am a teenager.

I don't like war any way!" I put my face back

in my book and tried to pretend it wasn't happening,

the woman continued, "Naze! Sensô Nihon! Sensô Nihon!"

She removed a cloth envelope from one of her bags, and carefully unfolded it.

The cloth envelope contained two photographs.

They were both black and white, tattered and yellow.

One was a man, the other was a woman.

She clasped the photos and held them above her head.

She started to cry now.

Now there was no ignoring her. I looked up.

Every eye in the place was upon us.

The woman with the photos above her head

and me the only Westerner.

She continued screaming and crying.

The man at the table next to me leaned in again,

this time he said,"She ask Why? Why you kill her parents?"

Oh now this was getting out of hand.

"Kill her parents" This woman is crazy, that's all there is to it.

I slammed my book together, started throwing my stuff in my bag.

Look at her! Nose running down her face,

snot bubbling up over her mouth when she speaks,

look at those crazy, eyes --

Then I accidentally caught her glance.

As I did I saw the -- confusion --

and the frustration, and the anger, and the rage,

and the fury and her complete inability to express any of it.

I saw the deep, dark, pit of her aloneness

and I no longer saw a crazy woman.

I saw me.

I placed my belongings on the table and I bowed to the women.

She stopped crying, she stopped screaming,

she became silent.

When finally I looked up,

I said the only two words that made any sense.

"Wabi Sabi".

(Laughter)

I reverently collected my belongings, stood ---

and bowed.

Everyone, young and old alike, bowed back.

I used to pray that Wabi Sabi was real

and that somehow, some way, it could apply to me.

For a time I was convinced that in order to be anything other than damaged,

I would have to spend the rest of my life in Japan.

(Laughter)

Now I know differently.

You are magnificent.

And what makes you magnificent

is everything you've previously believed is wrong with you.

I leave you with my deepest wish,

that you recognize your beauty,

that you know your magnificence,

that you claim your Wabi Sabi!

(Applause)