1
00:00:03,046 --> 00:00:08,019
There are experiences that we share.

2
00:00:08,019 --> 00:00:13,037
Things that we all go through by virtue of being human.

3
00:00:13,037 --> 00:00:17,009
They unite us, these experiences that we share,

4
00:00:17,009 --> 00:00:21,036
and perhaps none unite us more so than,

5
00:00:21,036 --> 00:00:25,984
the experience of going through -- bad circumstances,

6
00:00:25,984 --> 00:00:29,694
having difficult things happen in life.

7
00:00:29,694 --> 00:00:32,026
Sometimes when those circumstances happen

8
00:00:32,026 --> 00:00:38,509
our only recourse is to ask, " Why? Why me?"

9
00:00:38,509 --> 00:00:43,013
as we try to make sense of life.

10
00:00:43,013 --> 00:00:47,917
I think the reason that those circumstances unite us

11
00:00:47,917 --> 00:00:52,790
like nothing else can, is because we can all relate.

12
00:00:52,790 --> 00:00:58,245
At some point, at some time, we will all have those kinds

13
00:00:58,245 --> 00:01:02,018
of occurrences. I am no exception.

14
00:01:02,018 --> 00:01:04,379
When I was a kid, I had to get out.

15
00:01:04,379 --> 00:01:08,337
I grew up on a horse ranch in the remote Rockies of Colorado

16
00:01:08,337 --> 00:01:13,333
and we lived high atop a mountain meadow and in every

17
00:01:13,333 --> 00:01:17,370
single direction, except one, miles away in the distance,

18
00:01:17,370 --> 00:01:21,544
there was no sign of civilization whatsoever.

19
00:01:21,544 --> 00:01:24,081
I loved it, it was idyllic,

20
00:01:24,081 --> 00:01:28,227
I spent my childhood atop a horse, but I, I had to get out,

21
00:01:28,227 --> 00:01:33,200
I longed for civilization, for culture. I longed to wear

22
00:01:33,200 --> 00:01:35,393
the clothes that I saw in magazines.

23
00:01:35,393 --> 00:01:40,113
Anything other than boot cut Wranglers really. (Laughter)

24
00:01:40,113 --> 00:01:45,799
And -- I longed to go somewhere, where there were

25
00:01:45,799 --> 00:01:51,706
people and meet them and and see them or know them.

26
00:01:51,706 --> 00:01:55,238
Any people that I wasn't related to by blood --

27
00:01:55,238 --> 00:01:57,133
(Laughter)

28
00:01:57,133 --> 00:02:00,737
The city was just calling my name and I had to figure out how to respond.

29
00:02:00,737 --> 00:02:03,610
One day I played "Hookie"

30
00:02:03,610 --> 00:02:07,314
to come up with the master plan, I hopped on my mini-bike

31
00:02:07,314 --> 00:02:10,432
and rode the hour and fifteen minutes to

32
00:02:10,432 --> 00:02:15,032
Colorado City, it was the nearest town that had a store.

33
00:02:15,032 --> 00:02:19,196
I picked up a Glamour magazine, as my guide book

34
00:02:19,196 --> 00:02:23,329
and sure enough, right there in the pages,

35
00:02:23,329 --> 00:02:27,320
was the plan for my life, clear as day.

36
00:02:27,320 --> 00:02:30,831
I could be a model, I was tall enough, I mean I was

37
00:02:30,831 --> 00:02:33,239
already on the Boys Basketball Team.

38
00:02:33,239 --> 00:02:39,451
I just needed to get someplace where they needed models.

39
00:02:39,451 --> 00:02:45,602
Uuhh, I chose Europe. Talked my friend Lizzy into going,

40
00:02:45,602 --> 00:02:50,247
we both got a couple of jobs. We saved up.

41
00:02:50,247 --> 00:02:56,183
The big day finally arrived. Now no sooner did we land

42
00:02:56,183 --> 00:03:01,178
in France than a man wearing a camera around his neck

43
00:03:01,178 --> 00:03:04,439
approached me. He asked me if I was a model.

44
00:03:04,439 --> 00:03:07,194
Told me he could make me one if I were to just go off

45
00:03:07,194 --> 00:03:10,547
with him and his friend standing over there.

46
00:03:10,547 --> 00:03:15,600
That is how easy it is to become a model in France!

47
00:03:15,600 --> 00:03:20,013
Lizzy said, "No way in hell!" Ah, but Lizzy didn't know

48
00:03:20,013 --> 00:03:23,489
anything about my master plan. So -- I just ditched her,

49
00:03:23,489 --> 00:03:29,923
went off for the guy with the camera and his friend --

50
00:03:29,923 --> 00:03:35,232
They drugged me. They took me to an abandoned

51
00:03:35,232 --> 00:03:40,010
construction sight and beat me mercilessly.

52
00:03:40,010 --> 00:03:46,337
I had no idea I had -- made a sound when kicked.

53
00:03:46,337 --> 00:03:50,555
They drugged me again and raped me repeatedly.

54
00:03:50,555 --> 00:03:54,243
And they cut me. I had one action available to me

55
00:03:54,243 --> 00:03:56,252
which was just to look away.

56
00:03:56,252 --> 00:03:58,814
I craned my head as far as I could

57
00:03:58,814 --> 00:04:02,315
to the right and just stared at the wall. There was a --

58
00:04:02,315 --> 00:04:08,002
dancing -- spot of light on the wall. It must have been a

59
00:04:08,002 --> 00:04:11,361
reflection from something outside and it was free,

60
00:04:11,361 --> 00:04:16,093
whatever it was. I stared at the little spot of light with

61
00:04:16,093 --> 00:04:21,992
all my might and the harder I stared the more I -- became

62
00:04:21,992 --> 00:04:27,010
the spot of light. I wasn't the scrap heap of a girl,

63
00:04:27,010 --> 00:04:30,689
being torn to shreds, I was just a dancing, little sparkling,

64
00:04:30,689 --> 00:04:37,581
shimmer of light, that could fly away at any time I chose --

65
00:04:39,735 --> 00:04:44,138
They dumped me in a parking mist three days later.

66
00:04:44,138 --> 00:04:47,967
It was then that the "Why" questions really set in.

67
00:04:47,967 --> 00:04:50,647
"Why did I have to come here?"

68
00:04:50,647 --> 00:04:55,901
"Why can't I just be happy staying at home like everybody else?"

69
00:04:55,901 --> 00:04:59,753
"Why did God let this happen to me?"

70
00:04:59,753 --> 00:05:03,019
I didn't tell anybody, I couldn't tell anybody.

71
00:05:03,019 --> 00:05:09,335
I was now disgusting and dirty and filthy and ruined and used up

72
00:05:09,335 --> 00:05:13,944
and if I told anybody, if anybody new what had happened to me,

73
00:05:13,944 --> 00:05:19,053
they would know those things so -- I didn't speak.

74
00:05:19,053 --> 00:05:25,332
To anyone. I just pushed it all down.

75
00:05:25,332 --> 00:05:35,512
I became very, very aloof and removed and -- was a loner.

76
00:05:35,512 --> 00:05:38,594
I eventually did become a model.

77
00:05:38,594 --> 00:05:40,826
The profession suited me really well.

78
00:05:40,826 --> 00:05:43,181
Never once in all of the years that I was a model,

79
00:05:43,181 --> 00:05:45,899
did anyone ask me to have a deep conversation.

80
00:05:45,899 --> 00:05:50,086
I had found my people! (Laughter)

81
00:05:50,086 --> 00:05:53,155
The phenomenon of "the grass is always greener"

82
00:05:53,155 --> 00:05:54,562
is alive and thriving in the modeling world.

83
00:05:54,562 --> 00:05:56,657
Wherever I would go, they would,

84
00:05:56,657 --> 00:06:00,285
within a short period of time, wanna send me someplace else,

85
00:06:00,285 --> 00:06:02,638
because wherever we weren't was looked at

86
00:06:02,638 --> 00:06:06,109
as infinitely cooler than wherever we were.

87
00:06:06,109 --> 00:06:08,972
Paris sent me to New York, Milan to Paris,

88
00:06:08,972 --> 00:06:14,265
London to Japan. It was in Japan that the next stage of

89
00:06:14,265 --> 00:06:17,213
my journey unfolded. With the exception of the time

90
00:06:17,213 --> 00:06:20,012
I was actually shooting, I spent the entirety of my journey

91
00:06:20,012 --> 00:06:23,443
in Japan, in the agency itself.

92
00:06:23,443 --> 00:06:27,828
They had a massive, completely unused, conference room.

93
00:06:27,828 --> 00:06:30,220
Nobody was ever there except the grandparents

94
00:06:30,220 --> 00:06:33,133
of the owners of the agency.

95
00:06:33,133 --> 00:06:36,276
They have this fabulous tradition in Japan.

96
00:06:36,276 --> 00:06:40,326
They include their elders in their business lives

97
00:06:40,326 --> 00:06:45,154
and personal lives. They're looked upon as a resource for

98
00:06:45,154 --> 00:06:48,064
the wealth of information and knowledge that they bring.

99
00:06:48,064 --> 00:06:52,919
What a concept. I was in the conference room one day,

100
00:06:52,919 --> 00:06:57,916
just -- frankly I was absentmindedly day dreaming about

101
00:06:57,916 --> 00:07:01,024
how to plot my revenge against the men from France

102
00:07:01,024 --> 00:07:03,731
but I was in there pretending to read a book

103
00:07:03,731 --> 00:07:06,144
and daydreaming and I was sitting at this big, wooden,

104
00:07:06,144 --> 00:07:07,895
conference table they had in there.

105
00:07:07,895 --> 00:07:10,430
This thing was probably ten feet long.

106
00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:13,211
It was, carved out of one solid piece of wood.

107
00:07:13,211 --> 00:07:16,785
It was beautiful but it had massive

108
00:07:16,785 --> 00:07:21,730
dents and nicks and duvets and it was narrow at one

109
00:07:21,730 --> 00:07:26,531
end as if -- it just that is where the tree narrowed.

110
00:07:26,531 --> 00:07:30,627
I was sitting there, absentmindedly, running my fingers

111
00:07:30,627 --> 00:07:34,026
over one of the holes in the wood when the grandmother

112
00:07:34,026 --> 00:07:42,394
walked in and stared at me, She said, "Ahh, Wabi Sabi!"

113
00:07:42,394 --> 00:07:46,359
She shocked me out of my stupor. "What's that?"

114
00:07:46,359 --> 00:07:50,011
"Wabi Saa? Is that like Wasabi?"

115
00:07:50,011 --> 00:07:53,046
From the other room, Myoko, my agent, cups her hand

116
00:07:53,046 --> 00:07:57,803
over the phone and laughs. "Nooo", she said.

117
00:07:57,803 --> 00:07:59,485
I turned back to the grandmother,

118
00:07:59,485 --> 00:08:05,899
"I'm sorry, Wabi Sabi, is that like a desk or conference table? Wood?"

119
00:08:05,899 --> 00:08:09,019
From the other room Myoko chimed in again. She said,

120
00:08:09,019 --> 00:08:14,697
"No, no, no hon, Wabi Sabi is the Japanese aesthetic."

121
00:08:14,697 --> 00:08:19,506
"Oohhh", I said, completely confused.

122
00:08:19,506 --> 00:08:22,774
Within a few moments, Myoko walked in the room,

123
00:08:22,774 --> 00:08:27,185
along with her grandfather and then the three of them took turns telling me

124
00:08:27,185 --> 00:08:30,371
their version of what Wabi Sabi means.

125
00:08:30,371 --> 00:08:32,232
According to the grandfather,

126
00:08:32,232 --> 00:08:37,612
Wabi Sabi is the most essential of all Japanese principles.

127
00:08:37,612 --> 00:08:39,591
Wabi Sabi states that the beauty of

128
00:08:39,591 --> 00:08:45,056
any object lies in the flaws of that object.

129
00:08:45,056 --> 00:08:56,017
Things such as mistakes and damages, or -- ruined parts,

130
00:08:56,017 --> 00:08:59,481
those are actually designed in.

131
00:08:59,481 --> 00:09:03,606
The grandmother said that beauty is a study in contrasts,

132
00:09:03,606 --> 00:09:06,855
so something can only be seen to embody perfection,

133
00:09:06,855 --> 00:09:11,862
if it also embodies a correlate degree of imperfection.

134
00:09:11,862 --> 00:09:15,147
These people were blowing my mind.

135
00:09:15,147 --> 00:09:18,373
I had to get out of there. I gathered up all my junk

136
00:09:18,373 --> 00:09:22,300
and went for a walk.

137
00:09:22,300 --> 00:09:24,952
I wondered --

138
00:09:24,952 --> 00:09:31,326
"Did this mean that Wabi Sabi could even apply to me?"

139
00:09:31,326 --> 00:09:35,137
Naagh. I kept walking.

140
00:09:35,137 --> 00:09:39,740
Went to a outdoor cafe, grabbed my lunch at the counter,

141
00:09:39,740 --> 00:09:44,613
went and sat down at a table and started to read.

142
00:09:44,613 --> 00:09:47,149
Within a few moments I heard shouting.

143
00:09:47,149 --> 00:09:50,261
I looked up and saw disheveled looking woman,

144
00:09:50,261 --> 00:09:54,205
who appeared to be shouting at me and she was screaming,

145
00:09:54,205 --> 00:10:02,568
"Naze sensô Nihon! Naze sensô Nihon!"

146
00:10:02,568 --> 00:10:04,738
I fidgeted and looked around, certain I was completely

147
00:10:04,738 --> 00:10:07,064
mistaken but there was no denying it,

148
00:10:07,064 --> 00:10:10,302
she was delivering her words to me!

149
00:10:10,302 --> 00:10:12,741
A man at the table next to me leaned in and said,

150
00:10:12,741 --> 00:10:18,481
"She asked why, why you make war on Japan?"

151
00:10:18,481 --> 00:10:24,974
(Laughter)

152
00:10:24,974 --> 00:10:28,112
"I don't make war on Japan, I am a teenager!

153
00:10:28,112 --> 00:10:30,951
Make war on Japan, who do you think I am,

154
00:10:30,951 --> 00:10:33,757
some sixty year old dude in a army uniform!

155
00:10:33,757 --> 00:10:37,623
I am not, I am not the president, I am a teenager.

156
00:10:37,623 --> 00:10:40,329
I don't like war any way!" I put my face back

157
00:10:40,329 --> 00:10:45,085
in my book and tried to pretend it wasn't happening,

158
00:10:45,085 --> 00:10:51,229
the woman continued, "Naze! Sensô Nihon! Sensô Nihon!"

159
00:10:51,229 --> 00:10:58,424
She removed a cloth envelope from one of her bags, and carefully unfolded it.

160
00:10:58,424 --> 00:11:02,003
The cloth envelope contained two photographs.

161
00:11:02,003 --> 00:11:06,533
They were both black and white, tattered and yellow.

162
00:11:06,533 --> 00:11:10,680
One was a man, the other was a woman.

163
00:11:10,680 --> 00:11:13,153
She clasped the photos and held them above her head.

164
00:11:13,153 --> 00:11:17,139
She started to cry now.

165
00:11:17,139 --> 00:11:20,615
Now there was no ignoring her. I looked up.

166
00:11:20,615 --> 00:11:23,871
Every eye in the place was upon us.

167
00:11:23,871 --> 00:11:25,747
The woman with the photos above her head

168
00:11:25,747 --> 00:11:27,797
and me the only Westerner.

169
00:11:27,797 --> 00:11:30,897
She continued screaming and crying.

170
00:11:30,897 --> 00:11:33,463
The man at the table next to me leaned in again,

171
00:11:33,463 --> 00:11:40,453
this time he said,"She ask Why? Why you kill her parents?"

172
00:11:40,453 --> 00:11:43,059
Oh now this was getting out of hand.

173
00:11:43,059 --> 00:11:46,908
"Kill her parents" This woman is crazy, that's all there is to it.

174
00:11:46,908 --> 00:11:48,759
I slammed my book together, started throwing my stuff in my bag.

175
00:11:48,759 --> 00:11:52,685
Look at her! Nose running down her face,

176
00:11:52,685 --> 00:11:55,027
snot bubbling up over her mouth when she speaks,

177
00:11:55,027 --> 00:11:59,097
look at those crazy, eyes --

178
00:11:59,097 --> 00:12:04,050
Then I accidentally caught her glance.

179
00:12:04,050 --> 00:12:11,081
As I did I saw the -- confusion --

180
00:12:11,081 --> 00:12:15,908
and the frustration, and the anger, and the rage,

181
00:12:15,908 --> 00:12:25,314
and the fury and her complete inability to express any of it.

182
00:12:25,314 --> 00:12:30,951
I saw the deep, dark, pit of her aloneness

183
00:12:30,951 --> 00:12:34,887
and I no longer saw a crazy woman.

184
00:12:36,041 --> 00:12:38,387
I saw me.

185
00:12:40,110 --> 00:12:44,518
I placed my belongings on the table and I bowed to the women.

186
00:12:47,779 --> 00:12:50,532
She stopped crying, she stopped screaming,

187
00:12:50,532 --> 00:12:53,471
she became silent.

188
00:12:53,471 --> 00:12:56,762
When finally I looked up,

189
00:12:57,507 --> 00:13:01,730
I said the only two words that made any sense.

190
00:13:01,791 --> 00:13:03,841
"Wabi Sabi".

191
00:13:03,841 --> 00:13:06,266
(Laughter)

192
00:13:08,050 --> 00:13:13,660
I reverently collected my belongings, stood ---

193
00:13:13,660 --> 00:13:16,806
and bowed.

194
00:13:16,806 --> 00:13:22,320
Everyone, young and old alike, bowed back.

195
00:13:23,828 --> 00:13:26,881
I used to pray that Wabi Sabi was real

196
00:13:26,881 --> 00:13:32,861
and that somehow, some way, it could apply to me.

197
00:13:32,861 --> 00:13:36,216
For a time I was convinced that in order to be anything other than damaged,

198
00:13:36,216 --> 00:13:40,478
I would have to spend the rest of my life in Japan.

199
00:13:40,478 --> 00:13:42,122
(Laughter)

200
00:13:42,122 --> 00:13:45,442
Now I know differently.

201
00:13:45,442 --> 00:13:48,498
You are magnificent.

202
00:13:49,268 --> 00:13:51,847
And what makes you magnificent

203
00:13:51,847 --> 00:13:57,964
is everything you've previously believed is wrong with you.

204
00:13:59,041 --> 00:14:02,094
I leave you with my deepest wish,

205
00:14:02,094 --> 00:14:05,417
that you recognize your beauty,

206
00:14:05,417 --> 00:14:09,335
that you know your magnificence,

207
00:14:09,335 --> 00:14:13,375
that you claim your Wabi Sabi!

208
00:14:13,375 --> 00:14:16,283
(Applause)