0:00:03.046,0:00:08.019
There are experiences that we share.

0:00:08.019,0:00:13.037
Things that we all go through by virtue of being human.

0:00:13.037,0:00:17.009
They unite us, these experiences that we share,

0:00:17.009,0:00:21.036
and perhaps none unite us more so than,

0:00:21.036,0:00:25.984
the experience of going through -- bad circumstances,

0:00:25.984,0:00:29.694
having difficult things happen in life.

0:00:29.694,0:00:32.026
Sometimes when those circumstances happen

0:00:32.026,0:00:38.509
our only recourse is to ask, " Why? Why me?"

0:00:38.509,0:00:43.013
as we try to make sense of life.

0:00:43.013,0:00:47.917
I think the reason that those circumstances unite us

0:00:47.917,0:00:52.790
like nothing else can, is because we can all relate.

0:00:52.790,0:00:58.245
At some point, at some time, we will all have those kinds

0:00:58.245,0:01:02.018
of occurrences. I am no exception.

0:01:02.018,0:01:04.379
When I was a kid, I had to get out.

0:01:04.379,0:01:08.337
I grew up on a horse ranch in the remote Rockies of Colorado

0:01:08.337,0:01:13.333
and we lived high atop a mountain meadow and in every

0:01:13.333,0:01:17.370
single direction, except one, miles away in the distance,

0:01:17.370,0:01:21.544
there was no sign of civilization whatsoever.

0:01:21.544,0:01:24.081
I loved it, it was idyllic,

0:01:24.081,0:01:28.227
I spent my childhood atop a horse, but I, I had to get out,

0:01:28.227,0:01:33.200
I longed for civilization, for culture. I longed to wear

0:01:33.200,0:01:35.393
the clothes that I saw in magazines.

0:01:35.393,0:01:40.113
Anything other than boot cut Wranglers really. (Laughter)

0:01:40.113,0:01:45.799
And -- I longed to go somewhere, where there were

0:01:45.799,0:01:51.706
people and meet them and and see them or know them.

0:01:51.706,0:01:55.238
Any people that I wasn't related to by blood --

0:01:55.238,0:01:57.133
(Laughter)

0:01:57.133,0:02:00.737
The city was just calling my name and I had to figure out how to respond.

0:02:00.737,0:02:03.610
One day I played "Hookie"

0:02:03.610,0:02:07.314
to come up with the master plan, I hopped on my mini-bike

0:02:07.314,0:02:10.432
and rode the hour and fifteen minutes to

0:02:10.432,0:02:15.032
Colorado City, it was the nearest town that had a store.

0:02:15.032,0:02:19.196
I picked up a Glamour magazine, as my guide book

0:02:19.196,0:02:23.329
and sure enough, right there in the pages,

0:02:23.329,0:02:27.320
was the plan for my life, clear as day.

0:02:27.320,0:02:30.831
I could be a model, I was tall enough, I mean I was

0:02:30.831,0:02:33.239
already on the Boys Basketball Team.

0:02:33.239,0:02:39.451
I just needed to get someplace where they needed models.

0:02:39.451,0:02:45.602
Uuhh, I chose Europe. Talked my friend Lizzy into going,

0:02:45.602,0:02:50.247
we both got a couple of jobs. We saved up.

0:02:50.247,0:02:56.183
The big day finally arrived. Now no sooner did we land

0:02:56.183,0:03:01.178
in France than a man wearing a camera around his neck

0:03:01.178,0:03:04.439
approached me. He asked me if I was a model.

0:03:04.439,0:03:07.194
Told me he could make me one if I were to just go off

0:03:07.194,0:03:10.547
with him and his friend standing over there.

0:03:10.547,0:03:15.600
That is how easy it is to become a model in France!

0:03:15.600,0:03:20.013
Lizzy said, "No way in hell!" Ah, but Lizzy didn't know

0:03:20.013,0:03:23.489
anything about my master plan. So -- I just ditched her,

0:03:23.489,0:03:29.923
went off for the guy with the camera and his friend --

0:03:29.923,0:03:35.232
They drugged me. They took me to an abandoned

0:03:35.232,0:03:40.010
construction sight and beat me mercilessly.

0:03:40.010,0:03:46.337
I had no idea I had -- made a sound when kicked.

0:03:46.337,0:03:50.555
They drugged me again and raped me repeatedly.

0:03:50.555,0:03:54.243
And they cut me. I had one action available to me

0:03:54.243,0:03:56.252
which was just to look away.

0:03:56.252,0:03:58.814
I craned my head as far as I could

0:03:58.814,0:04:02.315
to the right and just stared at the wall. There was a --

0:04:02.315,0:04:08.002
dancing -- spot of light on the wall. It must have been a

0:04:08.002,0:04:11.361
reflection from something outside and it was free,

0:04:11.361,0:04:16.093
whatever it was. I stared at the little spot of light with

0:04:16.093,0:04:21.992
all my might and the harder I stared the more I -- became

0:04:21.992,0:04:27.010
the spot of light. I wasn't the scrap heap of a girl,

0:04:27.010,0:04:30.689
being torn to shreds, I was just a dancing, little sparkling,

0:04:30.689,0:04:37.581
shimmer of light, that could fly away at any time I chose --

0:04:39.735,0:04:44.138
They dumped me in a parking mist three days later.

0:04:44.138,0:04:47.967
It was then that the "Why" questions really set in.

0:04:47.967,0:04:50.647
"Why did I have to come here?"

0:04:50.647,0:04:55.901
"Why can't I just be happy staying at home like everybody else?"

0:04:55.901,0:04:59.753
"Why did God let this happen to me?"

0:04:59.753,0:05:03.019
I didn't tell anybody, I couldn't tell anybody.

0:05:03.019,0:05:09.335
I was now disgusting and dirty and filthy and ruined and used up

0:05:09.335,0:05:13.944
and if I told anybody, if anybody new what had happened to me,

0:05:13.944,0:05:19.053
they would know those things so -- I didn't speak.

0:05:19.053,0:05:25.332
To anyone. I just pushed it all down.

0:05:25.332,0:05:35.512
I became very, very aloof and removed and -- was a loner.

0:05:35.512,0:05:38.594
I eventually did become a model.

0:05:38.594,0:05:40.826
The profession suited me really well.

0:05:40.826,0:05:43.181
Never once in all of the years that I was a model,

0:05:43.181,0:05:45.899
did anyone ask me to have a deep conversation.

0:05:45.899,0:05:50.086
I had found my people! (Laughter)

0:05:50.086,0:05:53.155
The phenomenon of "the grass is always greener"

0:05:53.155,0:05:54.562
is alive and thriving in the modeling world.

0:05:54.562,0:05:56.657
Wherever I would go, they would,

0:05:56.657,0:06:00.285
within a short period of time, wanna send me someplace else,

0:06:00.285,0:06:02.638
because wherever we weren't was looked at

0:06:02.638,0:06:06.109
as infinitely cooler than wherever we were.

0:06:06.109,0:06:08.972
Paris sent me to New York, Milan to Paris,

0:06:08.972,0:06:14.265
London to Japan. It was in Japan that the next stage of

0:06:14.265,0:06:17.213
my journey unfolded. With the exception of the time

0:06:17.213,0:06:20.012
I was actually shooting, I spent the entirety of my journey

0:06:20.012,0:06:23.443
in Japan, in the agency itself.

0:06:23.443,0:06:27.828
They had a massive, completely unused, conference room.

0:06:27.828,0:06:30.220
Nobody was ever there except the grandparents

0:06:30.220,0:06:33.133
of the owners of the agency.

0:06:33.133,0:06:36.276
They have this fabulous tradition in Japan.

0:06:36.276,0:06:40.326
They include their elders in their business lives

0:06:40.326,0:06:45.154
and personal lives. They're looked upon as a resource for

0:06:45.154,0:06:48.064
the wealth of information and knowledge that they bring.

0:06:48.064,0:06:52.919
What a concept. I was in the conference room one day,

0:06:52.919,0:06:57.916
just -- frankly I was absentmindedly day dreaming about

0:06:57.916,0:07:01.024
how to plot my revenge against the men from France

0:07:01.024,0:07:03.731
but I was in there pretending to read a book

0:07:03.731,0:07:06.144
and daydreaming and I was sitting at this big, wooden,

0:07:06.144,0:07:07.895
conference table they had in there.

0:07:07.895,0:07:10.430
This thing was probably ten feet long.

0:07:10.430,0:07:13.211
It was, carved out of one solid piece of wood.

0:07:13.211,0:07:16.785
It was beautiful but it had massive

0:07:16.785,0:07:21.730
dents and nicks and duvets and it was narrow at one

0:07:21.730,0:07:26.531
end as if -- it just that is where the tree narrowed.

0:07:26.531,0:07:30.627
I was sitting there, absentmindedly, running my fingers

0:07:30.627,0:07:34.026
over one of the holes in the wood when the grandmother

0:07:34.026,0:07:42.394
walked in and stared at me, She said, "Ahh, Wabi Sabi!"

0:07:42.394,0:07:46.359
She shocked me out of my stupor. "What's that?"

0:07:46.359,0:07:50.011
"Wabi Saa? Is that like Wasabi?"

0:07:50.011,0:07:53.046
From the other room, Myoko, my agent, cups her hand

0:07:53.046,0:07:57.803
over the phone and laughs. "Nooo", she said.

0:07:57.803,0:07:59.485
I turned back to the grandmother,

0:07:59.485,0:08:05.899
"I'm sorry, Wabi Sabi, is that like a desk or conference table? Wood?"

0:08:05.899,0:08:09.019
From the other room Myoko chimed in again. She said,

0:08:09.019,0:08:14.697
"No, no, no hon, Wabi Sabi is the Japanese aesthetic."

0:08:14.697,0:08:19.506
"Oohhh", I said, completely confused.

0:08:19.506,0:08:22.774
Within a few moments, Myoko walked in the room,

0:08:22.774,0:08:27.185
along with her grandfather and then the three of them took turns telling me

0:08:27.185,0:08:30.371
their version of what Wabi Sabi means.

0:08:30.371,0:08:32.232
According to the grandfather,

0:08:32.232,0:08:37.612
Wabi Sabi is the most essential of all Japanese principles.

0:08:37.612,0:08:39.591
Wabi Sabi states that the beauty of

0:08:39.591,0:08:45.056
any object lies in the flaws of that object.

0:08:45.056,0:08:56.017
Things such as mistakes and damages, or -- ruined parts,

0:08:56.017,0:08:59.481
those are actually designed in.

0:08:59.481,0:09:03.606
The grandmother said that beauty is a study in contrasts,

0:09:03.606,0:09:06.855
so something can only be seen to embody perfection,

0:09:06.855,0:09:11.862
if it also embodies a correlate degree of imperfection.

0:09:11.862,0:09:15.147
These people were blowing my mind.

0:09:15.147,0:09:18.373
I had to get out of there. I gathered up all my junk

0:09:18.373,0:09:22.300
and went for a walk.

0:09:22.300,0:09:24.952
I wondered --

0:09:24.952,0:09:31.326
"Did this mean that Wabi Sabi could even apply to me?"

0:09:31.326,0:09:35.137
Naagh. I kept walking.

0:09:35.137,0:09:39.740
Went to a outdoor cafe, grabbed my lunch at the counter,

0:09:39.740,0:09:44.613
went and sat down at a table and started to read.

0:09:44.613,0:09:47.149
Within a few moments I heard shouting.

0:09:47.149,0:09:50.261
I looked up and saw disheveled looking woman,

0:09:50.261,0:09:54.205
who appeared to be shouting at me and she was screaming,

0:09:54.205,0:10:02.568
"Naze sensô Nihon! Naze sensô Nihon!"

0:10:02.568,0:10:04.738
I fidgeted and looked around, certain I was completely

0:10:04.738,0:10:07.064
mistaken but there was no denying it,

0:10:07.064,0:10:10.302
she was delivering her words to me!

0:10:10.302,0:10:12.741
A man at the table next to me leaned in and said,

0:10:12.741,0:10:18.481
"She asked why, why you make war on Japan?"

0:10:18.481,0:10:24.974
(Laughter)

0:10:24.974,0:10:28.112
"I don't make war on Japan, I am a teenager!

0:10:28.112,0:10:30.951
Make war on Japan, who do you think I am,

0:10:30.951,0:10:33.757
some sixty year old dude in a army uniform!

0:10:33.757,0:10:37.623
I am not, I am not the president, I am a teenager.

0:10:37.623,0:10:40.329
I don't like war any way!" I put my face back

0:10:40.329,0:10:45.085
in my book and tried to pretend it wasn't happening,

0:10:45.085,0:10:51.229
the woman continued, "Naze! Sensô Nihon! Sensô Nihon!"

0:10:51.229,0:10:58.424
She removed a cloth envelope from one of her bags, and carefully unfolded it.

0:10:58.424,0:11:02.003
The cloth envelope contained two photographs.

0:11:02.003,0:11:06.533
They were both black and white, tattered and yellow.

0:11:06.533,0:11:10.680
One was a man, the other was a woman.

0:11:10.680,0:11:13.153
She clasped the photos and held them above her head.

0:11:13.153,0:11:17.139
She started to cry now.

0:11:17.139,0:11:20.615
Now there was no ignoring her. I looked up.

0:11:20.615,0:11:23.871
Every eye in the place was upon us.

0:11:23.871,0:11:25.747
The woman with the photos above her head

0:11:25.747,0:11:27.797
and me the only Westerner.

0:11:27.797,0:11:30.897
She continued screaming and crying.

0:11:30.897,0:11:33.463
The man at the table next to me leaned in again,

0:11:33.463,0:11:40.453
this time he said,"She ask Why? Why you kill her parents?"

0:11:40.453,0:11:43.059
Oh now this was getting out of hand.

0:11:43.059,0:11:46.908
"Kill her parents" This woman is crazy, that's all there is to it.

0:11:46.908,0:11:48.759
I slammed my book together, started throwing my stuff in my bag.

0:11:48.759,0:11:52.685
Look at her! Nose running down her face,

0:11:52.685,0:11:55.027
snot bubbling up over her mouth when she speaks,

0:11:55.027,0:11:59.097
look at those crazy, eyes --

0:11:59.097,0:12:04.050
Then I accidentally caught her glance.

0:12:04.050,0:12:11.081
As I did I saw the -- confusion --

0:12:11.081,0:12:15.908
and the frustration, and the anger, and the rage,

0:12:15.908,0:12:25.314
and the fury and her complete inability to express any of it.

0:12:25.314,0:12:30.951
I saw the deep, dark, pit of her aloneness

0:12:30.951,0:12:34.887
and I no longer saw a crazy woman.

0:12:36.041,0:12:38.387
I saw me.

0:12:40.110,0:12:44.518
I placed my belongings on the table and I bowed to the women.

0:12:47.779,0:12:50.532
She stopped crying, she stopped screaming,

0:12:50.532,0:12:53.471
she became silent.

0:12:53.471,0:12:56.762
When finally I looked up,

0:12:57.507,0:13:01.730
I said the only two words that made any sense.

0:13:01.791,0:13:03.841
"Wabi Sabi".

0:13:03.841,0:13:06.266
(Laughter)

0:13:08.050,0:13:13.660
I reverently collected my belongings, stood ---

0:13:13.660,0:13:16.806
and bowed.

0:13:16.806,0:13:22.320
Everyone, young and old alike, bowed back.

0:13:23.828,0:13:26.881
I used to pray that Wabi Sabi was real

0:13:26.881,0:13:32.861
and that somehow, some way, it could apply to me.

0:13:32.861,0:13:36.216
For a time I was convinced that in order to be anything other than damaged,

0:13:36.216,0:13:40.478
I would have to spend the rest of my life in Japan.

0:13:40.478,0:13:42.122
(Laughter)

0:13:42.122,0:13:45.442
Now I know differently.

0:13:45.442,0:13:48.498
You are magnificent.

0:13:49.268,0:13:51.847
And what makes you magnificent

0:13:51.847,0:13:57.964
is everything you've previously believed is wrong with you.

0:13:59.041,0:14:02.094
I leave you with my deepest wish,

0:14:02.094,0:14:05.417
that you recognize your beauty,

0:14:05.417,0:14:09.335
that you know your magnificence,

0:14:09.335,0:14:13.375
that you claim your Wabi Sabi!

0:14:13.375,0:14:16.283
(Applause)