Sex needs a new metaphor. Here's one ...
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0:00 - 0:02I'd like to talk to you today
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0:02 - 0:07about a whole new way to think about sexual activity
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0:07 - 0:11and sexuality education, by comparison.
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0:11 - 0:13If you talk to someone today in America
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0:13 - 0:15about sexual activity,
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0:15 - 0:19you'll find pretty soon you're not just talking
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0:19 - 0:20about sexual activity.
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0:20 - 0:23You're also talking about baseball.
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0:23 - 0:28Because baseball is the dominant cultural metaphor
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0:28 - 0:30that Americans use to think about
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0:30 - 0:33and talk about sexual activity,
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0:33 - 0:35and we know that because there's
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0:35 - 0:37all this language in English
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0:37 - 0:40that seems to be talking about baseball
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0:40 - 0:44but that's really talking about sexual activity.
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0:44 - 0:47So, for example, you can be a pitcher or a catcher,
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0:47 - 0:49and that corresponds to whether you
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0:49 - 0:53perform a sexual act or receive a sexual act.
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0:53 - 0:54Of course, there are the bases,
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0:54 - 0:57which refer to specific sexual activities
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0:57 - 1:00that happen in a very specific order,
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1:00 - 1:03ultimately resulting in scoring a run
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1:03 - 1:04or hitting a home run,
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1:04 - 1:06which is usually having vaginal intercourse
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1:06 - 1:08to the point of orgasm,
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1:08 - 1:11at least for the guy.
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1:11 - 1:12(Laughter)
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1:12 - 1:14You can strike out, which means
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1:14 - 1:16you don't get to have any sexual activity.
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1:16 - 1:18And if you're a benchwarmer,
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1:18 - 1:20you might be a virgin or somebody who for
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1:20 - 1:22whatever reason isn't in the game,
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1:22 - 1:26maybe because of your age or because of your ability
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1:26 - 1:29or because of your skillset.
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1:29 - 1:30A bat's a penis,
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1:30 - 1:34and a nappy dugout is a vulva, or a vagina.
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1:34 - 1:37A glove or a catcher's mitt is a condom.
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1:37 - 1:40A switch-hitter is a bisexual person,
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1:40 - 1:44and we gay and lesbian folks play for the other team.
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1:44 - 1:47And then there's this one:
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1:47 - 1:51"if there's grass on the field, play ball."
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1:51 - 1:53And that usually refers to
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1:53 - 1:56if a young person, specifically often a young woman,
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1:56 - 1:58is old enough to have pubic hair,
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1:58 - 2:01she's old enough to have sex with.
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2:01 - 2:04This baseball model is incredibly problematic.
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2:04 - 2:06It's sexist. It's heterosexist.
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2:06 - 2:09It's competitive. It's goal-directed.
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2:09 - 2:11And it can't result in healthy sexuality
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2:11 - 2:14developing in young people or in adults.
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2:14 - 2:16So we need a new model.
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2:16 - 2:19I'm here today to offer you that new model.
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2:19 - 2:21And it's based on
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2:21 - 2:22pizza.
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2:22 - 2:26Now pizza is something that is universally understood
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2:26 - 2:29and that most people associate with a positive experience.
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2:29 - 2:30So let's do this.
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2:30 - 2:33Let's take baseball and pizza and compare it
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2:33 - 2:36when talking about three aspects of sexual activity:
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2:36 - 2:38the trigger for sexual activity,
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2:38 - 2:40what happens during sexual activity,
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2:40 - 2:43and the expected outcome of sexual activity.
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2:43 - 2:46So when do you play baseball?
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2:46 - 2:48You play baseball when it's baseball season
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2:48 - 2:51and when there's a game on the schedule.
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2:51 - 2:53It's not exactly your choice.
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2:53 - 2:56So if it's prom night or a wedding night
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2:56 - 2:59or at a party or if our parents aren't home,
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2:59 - 3:02hey, it's just batter up.
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3:02 - 3:03Can you imagine saying to your coach,
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3:03 - 3:06"Uh, I'm not really feeling it today,
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3:06 - 3:08I think I'll sit this game out."
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3:08 - 3:10That's just not the way it happens.
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3:10 - 3:12And when you get together to play baseball,
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3:12 - 3:15immediately you're with two opposing teams,
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3:15 - 3:17one playing offense, one playing defense,
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3:17 - 3:20somebody's trying to move deeper into the field.
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3:20 - 3:22That's usually a sign to the boy.
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3:22 - 3:25Somebody's trying to defend people moving into the field.
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3:25 - 3:27That's often given to the girl.
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3:27 - 3:28It's competitive.
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3:28 - 3:30We're not playing with each other.
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3:30 - 3:31We're playing against each other.
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3:31 - 3:33And when you show up to play baseball,
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3:33 - 3:36nobody needs to talk about what we're going to do
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3:36 - 3:38or how this baseball game might be good for us.
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3:38 - 3:39Everybody knows the rules.
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3:39 - 3:44You just take your position and play the game.
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3:44 - 3:46But when do you have pizza?
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3:46 - 3:50Well, you have pizza when you're hungry for pizza.
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3:50 - 3:55It starts with an internal sense, an internal desire, or a need.
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3:55 - 3:58"Huh. I could go for some pizza."
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3:58 - 4:00(Laughter)
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4:00 - 4:03And because it's an internal desire,
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4:03 - 4:05we actually have some sense of control over that.
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4:05 - 4:07I could decide that I'm hungry
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4:07 - 4:11but know that it's not a great time to eat.
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4:11 - 4:14And then when we get together with someone for pizza,
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4:14 - 4:16we're not competing with them,
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4:16 - 4:18we're looking for an experience
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4:18 - 4:19that both of us will share
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4:19 - 4:21that's satisfying for both of us,
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4:21 - 4:24and when you get together for pizza with somebody,
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4:24 - 4:26what's the first thing you do?
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4:26 - 4:28You talk about it.
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4:28 - 4:29You talk about what you want.
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4:29 - 4:31You talk about what you like.
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4:31 - 4:32You may even negotiate it.
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4:32 - 4:35"How do you feel about pepperoni?" (Laughter)
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4:35 - 4:38"Not so much, I'm kind of a mushroom guy myself."
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4:38 - 4:40"Well, maybe we can go half and half."
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4:40 - 4:42And even if you've had pizza with somebody
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4:42 - 4:45for a very long time,
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4:45 - 4:47don't you still say things like,
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4:47 - 4:49"Should we get the usual?"
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4:49 - 4:50(Laughter)
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4:50 - 4:54"Or maybe something a little more adventurous?"
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4:54 - 4:56Okay, so when you're playing baseball,
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4:56 - 4:58so if we talk about during sexual activity,
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4:58 - 4:59when you're playing baseball,
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4:59 - 5:02you're just supposed to round the bases
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5:02 - 5:04in the proper order one at a time.
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5:04 - 5:06You can't hit the ball and run to right field.
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5:06 - 5:07That doesn't work.
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5:07 - 5:10And you also can't get to second base and say,
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5:10 - 5:14"I like it here. I'm going to stay here."
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5:14 - 5:16No.
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5:16 - 5:18And also, of course, with baseball, there's, like,
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5:18 - 5:20the specific equipment and a specific skill set.
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5:20 - 5:24Not everybody can play baseball. It's pretty exclusive.
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5:24 - 5:26Okay, but what about pizza?
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5:26 - 5:28When we're trying to figure out what's good for pizza,
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5:28 - 5:31isn't it all about what's our pleasure?
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5:31 - 5:33There are a million different kinds of pizza.
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5:33 - 5:35There's a million different toppings.
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5:35 - 5:37There's a million different ways to eat pizza.
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5:37 - 5:40And none of them are wrong. They're different.
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5:40 - 5:42And in this case, difference is good,
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5:42 - 5:44because that's going to increase the chance
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5:44 - 5:47that we're having a satisfying experience.
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5:47 - 5:50And lastly, what's the expected outcome of baseball?
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5:50 - 5:54Well, in baseball, you play to win.
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5:54 - 5:56You score as many runs as you can.
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5:56 - 5:58There's always a winner in baseball,
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5:58 - 6:02and that means there's always a loser in baseball.
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6:02 - 6:03But what about pizza?
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6:03 - 6:05Well, in pizza, we're not really --
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6:05 - 6:09there's no winning. How do you win pizza?
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6:09 - 6:12You don't. But you do look for,
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6:12 - 6:14"Are we satisfied?"
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6:14 - 6:16And sometimes that can be different amounts
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6:16 - 6:18over different times or with different people
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6:18 - 6:20or on different days.
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6:20 - 6:23And we get to decide when we feel satisfied.
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6:23 - 6:26If we're still hungry, we might have some more.
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6:26 - 6:28If you eat too much, though,
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6:28 - 6:30you just feel gross.
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6:30 - 6:32(Laughter)
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6:32 - 6:35So what if we could take this pizza model
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6:35 - 6:38and overlay it on top of sexuality education?
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6:38 - 6:41A lot of sexuality education that happens today
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6:41 - 6:44is so influenced by the baseball model,
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6:44 - 6:48and it sets up education that can't help
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6:48 - 6:52but produce unhealthy sexuality in young people.
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6:52 - 6:54And those young people become older people.
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6:54 - 6:57But if we could create sexuality education
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6:57 - 7:00that was more like pizza,
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7:00 - 7:03we could create education that invites people
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7:03 - 7:05to think about their own desires,
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7:05 - 7:09to make deliberate decisions about what they want,
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7:09 - 7:11to talk about it with their partners,
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7:11 - 7:13and to ultimately look for
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7:13 - 7:16not some external outcome
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7:16 - 7:19but for what feels satisfying,
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7:19 - 7:22and we get to decide that.
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7:22 - 7:23You may have noticed
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7:23 - 7:25in the baseball and pizza comparison,
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7:25 - 7:28under the baseball, it's all commands.
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7:28 - 7:30They're all exclamation points.
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7:30 - 7:33But under the pizza model, they're questions.
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7:33 - 7:35And who gets to answer those questions?
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7:35 - 7:39You do. I do.
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7:39 - 7:41So remember, when we're thinking about
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7:41 - 7:44sexuality education and sexual activity,
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7:44 - 7:46baseball, you're out.
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7:46 - 7:49Pizza is the way to think about healthy,
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7:49 - 7:51satisfying sexual activity,
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7:51 - 7:54and good, comprehensive sexuality education.
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7:54 - 7:57Thank you very much for your time.
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7:57 - 8:01(Applause)
- Title:
- Sex needs a new metaphor. Here's one ...
- Speaker:
- Al Vernacchio
- Description:
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For some reason, says educator Al Vernacchio, the metaphors for talking about sex in the US all come from baseball -- scoring, getting to first base, etc. The problem is, this frames sex as a competition, with a winner and a loser. Instead, he suggests a new metaphor, one that's more about shared pleasure, discussion and agreement, fulfillment and enjoyment. Let's talk about … pizza.
- Video Language:
- English
- Team:
- closed TED
- Project:
- TEDTalks
- Duration:
- 08:21
Krystian Aparta edited English subtitles for Sex needs a new metaphor. Here's one ... | ||
Thu-Huong Ha edited English subtitles for Sex needs a new metaphor. Here's one ... | ||
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Thu-Huong Ha edited English subtitles for Sex needs a new metaphor. Here's one ... | ||
Thu-Huong Ha edited English subtitles for Sex needs a new metaphor. Here's one ... | ||
Morton Bast edited English subtitles for Sex needs a new metaphor. Here's one ... | ||
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