Toy Story 3: Analyzed By Aliens - Earthling Cinema

Greetings, and welcome to Earthling
Cinema. I am your host, Garyx Wormuloid. This

week’s artifact is Toy Story 3, brought
to you by corporate powerhouse Disney, which,

as you all know, survived its planet of origin
and now owns a 51% share of the known universe.

Toy Story 3 is a story about toys, a race
of living, breathing creatures that were enslaved

by the humans for their own amusement. In
Earth’s heyday, toys such as Woody, Female

Woody, Buzz Aldrin, and all these different
horses were considered second class citizens

in a materialistic society that judged beings
based only on their pragmatic usefulness.

When the film begins, the toys are owned by
Andy, a ruthless overlord who labels them

with his name, effectively smothering their
individual will. He keeps his subjects suspended

in a perpetual state of oppression, ignoring them to heed the

beck and call of his master: the cell phone.
A Samsung Galaxy Note from the looks of it.

Andy must further cement control over his
dominion by going to college, and since his

toys don’t have the test scores to go with
him, he sentences them to the attic. The toys

undergo an existential crisis, uncertain about
the sort of “afterlife” that awaits them

up there. And their anxiety is justified.
Three words: spi-der- webs. That’s why I

always make my wife get the Galaxmas decorations.
Woody, ever the die-hard loyalist, preaches

eternal devotion to Andy.

A classic case of Sher-lockholm Syndrome. But it’s no use.

The other toys escape to a daycare
facility called Sunnyside, a name that makes

sense if you remember that Earth had only
one sun. Sunnyside seems nice at first, but

turns out to be a socialist nightmare. Here
the toys are no longer private property.

Lots-O-Huggin’ Bear takes it upon himself

to rule this socialist utopia with a fuzzy
fist, for as he says, the toys are “without

owners”. But he is a malevolent dictator,
subjecting his citizens to torture at the

hands of ruthless toddlers in order to crush
their spirits. He maintains power with a secret

police force brainwashing, and a monkey who
is clearly on meth. Lotso’s walking stick

doubles as a gavel, a symbol of order, and
his strawberry scent strikes fear into the

batteries of all who cross him.
The toys try to sneak out unnoticed, but when

Lotso confronts them, they figure why not
stage a libertarian coup. It works, and the

big baby throws Lotso in the trash-- the very
place he said toys were destined to go. He

drops his gavel-walking stick, suggesting
his reign of tyranny is over.

But that ending would be too easy, so Lotso
drags everyone else into the trash with him,

and they are hauled off to a volcano. Here
salvation comes in the form of a giant claw,

operated by a trio of racist caricatures.

This is what’s known as “deus ex
machina,” an Ancient Greek term for a machine

that descends from the sky to put Gods on
the stage, and I don’t just mean god of

the stage Neil Patrick Harris. In 21st century
parlance, the expression was used to indicate

a plot device that immediately and conveniently
solves an unsolvable problem. Toy Story 3’s

deus ex machina is both a literal machine
descending from the sky and a plot device

that conveniently saves the day. Despite being
critically and commercially successful, the

boys at Pixar could always find time for obscure
inside jokes.

At the end of the film, Ken and Barbie usher
in a “groovy” utopia, perhaps indicating

that a time will come when the toy race will
no longer be oppressed, and can exist in harmony

with all the Earth’s creatures. In the meantime,
Woody and his friends are content to live

under Bonnie’s benevolent rule. That is,
until she goes to college too and they have

to do the whole thing over again.
For Earthling Cinema, I’m Garyx Wormuloid.

Hey folks, thank you for watching Earthling
Cinema, I'm Mark Schroeder, aka Garyx Wormuloid.

If you like what we do, and you wanna help
us out, please support the sponsors that make

this possible. Audible.com is a sponsor and
they're amazing. They're really fantastic,

and they're gonna give you a free gift, just
for being a fan of Earthling Cinema. If you

go to Audible.com/earthling you can get a
free download, today. It's that easy. No strings

attached, my word. Garyx Wormuloid's word.
Garyx Word-uloid. So seriously, Audible.com/earthling,

and if you want a recommendation, Creativity,
Inc. By Ed Catmull. He's the president of

Pixar, and do you ever wonder how Pixar just
cranks out amazing thing after amazing thing

after amazing thing? This book is going to
be the key. So if you want to get into their

heads and figure out how they do it, check
out Creativity, Inc. It's pretty good. Also,

if you liked this episode and want to try
another, we recommend the Mean Girls episode.

Check it out guys, and thanks for watching
Earthling Cinema.

So Earth enthusiasts, it's time to employ
the democratic method again. If you'd like

to see me break down The Matrix next, vote
by clicking on this eyebrow. If you'd like

to see me break down Star Wars, click this
eyebrow. Now I leave you with a musical number.