The Roast of Caitlyn Jenner

And welcome back to the roast of Caitlyn Jenner

Here's your host, Seth Macfarlane.

We're about halfway through the show

And Lisa Lampanelli is about halfway

through the New York Nicks and that gallon of

mayonnaise she got at Cosco

(Laughter)

I think we've roasted Lisa enough

time we turn the hose on momma

Okay, well now I have something to say

about the woman we are all here to celebrate.

Here we go, this is it.

Caitlyn Jenner!

Give it to me hard, son.

Uh, clears throat, she-

Bring it on, baby! I can take it.

She's a hero to both the people that know her

And the transgender community around the world.

-Our next roaster-
-Oh come on! No, we've only got

ten minutes left on the show, and no one's

taken any shots at me. I can take it!

It's for charity, it's for the kids.

I mean come on, you can make fun of anything

My hair's a little flat today!

If anybody's hair is flat it's mine!

Laughter

Okay, our next roaster looks like David Lynch

fucked a snake (Laughter)

Anthony Jeselnik!

Applause

Okay, alright this is gonna be good.

This is gonna be good.

Now we're cooking with gas.

You've got this Anthony!

Thank you.

Lisa Lampanelli is here.

Hey, we already did her, do me!

Lisa Lamenelly has had more angry black

men inside of her than a liquor store

in Ferguson! (Laughter)

Alright, we're done with Lisa, it's momma's turn.

Kanye West is here. Kanye.

He's not even here! He's not here.

A lot of people say Kanye thinks he's the second coming-

-Anthony...
-which is true.

-Anthony...
-The first was reggae.

-Anthony...
-What?!

It's my turn.

Roast.

Okay.

There you go.

You know, I'll do it. Anthony Jeselnik will do it.

This is gonna be good! It's gonna be good.

Caitlyn Jenner's here!

Great start, I can't wait to see where you take it.

-Caitlyn is so--
-Okay I'm so, I'm so what?

Brave!
Applause

The stage manager is here.

No, don't roast the stage manager.

He looks like a bag of potatoes.

-Anthony look at me!
-A bag of potatoes.....

-Anthony, turn around!

Who else is here?

I'm here! I'm here, Anthony.

I'm here, Anthony Jeselvik is here.

No, no, you can't roast yourself, Anthony.

Anthony Jeselvik sounds like he got

face fucked by Ray Romano.

Laughter

No, move along.

That's it, sit down, take a seat.

If Anthony can roast himself,

I'm gonna roast myself.

I know that you guys don't wanna make fun of me,

But I want you to treat me like you would treat anyone else.

Here's how it should be done.

It goes roast, roast, roast, roast, roast,

And now time for the lady of the hour.

And then say something funny, something like,

"Hmm Must be hard getting back into Olympic

shape what with losing all that trans fat."

Jesus Christ

Something like that would be good.

How dare you make fun of her?

Trans-phobe!

Booooooo; Horrible

Oh, come on, we did six whale jokes

about Lisa and I can't do a bit of word play?

Booooooo

No, you've got it twisted, they've all got it-

what are you doing?

Are you kidding me?

I'd like to formally apologize on behalf of

Comedy Central and the comedians and we're all very upset

with the hate that Caitlyn Jenner showed to herself.

Caitlyn Jenner is a hero. We do not stand by Caitlyn Jenner's words.

Caitlyn Jenner is a brave soul and we all hope that Cailtyn Jenner

can heal the hate in Caitlyn Jenner's beautiful, cruel inspirational heart.

This is on the wrong side of history.

No, you know what it was a fucking joke, man.

It was fucking joke. And if you can't take that,

then you should all grow some balls.

Gasps

Or better yet, why don't you borrow a pair of--

Nacho Punch!

Hello, I'm gonna roast Chloe soon!

I'm coming for you Chloe!

I'm gonna come for you Chloe!

You look like you're seeing through me right now.

I'm trans, I'm not transparent.

Laughter

More Laughter