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Hi, my name is Joe
and I can't grow a beard.
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Hi Joe. Thanks for joining us today.
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I know it's tough these days
showing your face in public
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without any hair on it.
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You are very brave.
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Who wants to go first?
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All my friends can grow beards
and they make fun of me relentlessly.
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And they'll ask me
'hey, did ya, did ya just shave?'.
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'No, I didn't! I haven't shaved in a week!'
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This is what I got.
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Do you think that's bad? I've been growing this thing out for over a year. I look 13.
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Yesterday, I caught my girlfriend reading an article called "The 31 Hottest Bearded Men Of All Time".
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Awwwwwwwww, that hurts.
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How about those articles that are like
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"check out this ugly guy
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who suddenly got really hot when he grew a beard!"
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Did you guys see that '50 Shades of Gray'
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trailer? Everybody's complaining because
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the main guy had to shave for the role
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And all of a sudden he's not attractive??
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What the F***!!
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I know but he's so hot...
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He's SO HOT. He's a male model actor
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One fell swoop with a razor
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isn't gonna change the fact that he's hot!
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It is hairless discrimination is what it is!
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So, last Movember... 'Wooooahh, woooah!"
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No no no, it's NOVEMBER, November. This is a safe place
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We don't acclimate to impossible male beauty standards.
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I love that! Yes! Last November people were asking me,
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"Oh, when you gonna grow it out, you gonna grow it--
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You know how mad that made me feel?!
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Like less of a man, right?
-Yes!
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-"Hard, but you just have to donate to charity
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without taking photos of your sweet moustache.
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We don't need to hide behind follicular lies!
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At least we're honest about our jawlines!
-Yeah!
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I mean look, trends are cyclical, right? A cycle! I--
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When, w- clean-shaven becomes a minority, w-
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They'll psychologically be attracted to YOU, and ME,
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and all of us again!
-Yeah! Yeah!
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YEAH! AND I WILL BE SMOOTH AND PROUD!
-SMOOTH AND PROUD!
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Repeat after me! "I am a man!"
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"I cannot grow a beard!"
"It does not make me less of a man!"
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"It makes me a man without a beard!"
"Beauty isn't in the beard!"
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"It's the face behind it!"
"I... no..."
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"It's okay. We are your beard."