Conversations With Dad That Only Happen In A Car

(Dad) Do you have the list?

(Son) Yup.

(Dad) Well, you know how your mother gets.

(Dad) Last time I got the wrong kind of milk,

(Dad) I was in the dog house for days.

(Dad) You know what the dog house is, don't you?

(Son) Yeah.

(Dad) Your mother withholds.

(Son) Eugh!

(Dad) I'm glad to see that you're dating again.

(Son) Yeah, it's been all right.

(Dad) Yeah?

(Dad) Good, I, uh, hope she's nice to you,

(Dad) if you know what I mean.

(Son) Yes.
(Dad laughs in the background)

(Son) Dad, screw you.
-said under his breath-

(Dad) You know, uh, your mother wasn't my first.

(Son) Dad -

(Dad) - Oh, Brandon, would you lighten up?

(Dad) I meant first girlfriend.

(Dad) Of course, she wasn't my first trip to town either.

(Dad) And the first....

(Son) Please, don't give me any pants.

(Dad) Would you pay attention to me, please?

(Son) Yes... I've been listening.

(Dad) I don't think you have.

(Dad) I'll tell you something -

(Son) Yeah, finger exam, prostate, don't just settle for the blood thing. Got it.

(Dad) Well, I'm gonna tell you something.

(Dad) Prostate cancer runs in our family -
(Son interrupts) I know it does.

(Dad) It's something we need to be aware of!
(Son interrupts) I'm very aware of it.

(Dad) Okay. Well, just make sure you get the finger exam too.

(Son) Stop saying finger exam!

(Dad) You want the complete exam!

(Dad) Boy, they've had everything in that store.

(Dad) Nothing seems to make it.

(Dad) That was a hair salon for a while.

(Son) Oh really?
(Dad) Uh-huh

(Dad) It went under 'cause the girl in there cutting hair -

(Dad) - was selling pot out of the back room!

(Son) Really?
(Dad) Yeah.

(Dad) You smoke pot?
(Son) What, no!

(Son) Watch out for this lady!
(Dad) Okay!

(Dad) Yeah toots, you! Pick it up, okay?

(Dad) You see cars coming, move!

(Son) Yeah, you tell her, dad.

(Dad) Your hands are dirty.
(Son) No, it's not. They're -
(Dad) Yes.

(Dad) Here, get a moist wipe.
(Son) I only use this hand!

(Dad) No, you need a moist wipe.
(Son) Dad!

(Dad) You're not listening! Get a moist wipe and -
(Son) Stop saying moist.

(Dad) Here, turn around, and let me see your face.

(Dad) You can't do that.

(Dad) Eeeeehh..
(Son) Eugh!

[Subtitles provided by the Amara.org community]