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Outliers - 12 Knots

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    Bill Trevaskis: Imagine you're
    in a movie theater full of people.
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    Right away you notice differences
    in clothing, skin color, hair style,
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    symbols of religious
    or cultural affiliation
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    that they choose to display.
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    However, beyond simple observation,
    we're not able to see
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    the thoughts, feelings, and experiences
    that make us each outliers.
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    You're listening to the 12 KNOTS podcast.
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    I'm Bill Trevaskis.
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    Feeling different can be challenging but
    sometimes that challenge is self-imposed.
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    As a kid growing up in
    suburban Southern California,
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    I was never under too much pressure
    to join a club, make the honor roll,
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    or play sports.
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    With few a thousand students
    in my high school,
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    there were plenty of kids
    to fill each position.
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    At the K-12 school in North Haven,
    the small island town where I live,
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    basketball is the school's
    only varsity team sport.
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    It's a unifying force
    during the long winters here.
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    So one night at a game
    I asked fans one simple question.
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    To you, what does basketball mean
    to this community?
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    Participant: Good to keep the spirits up
    in the winter time.
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    Participant: I would say it means
    getting together
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    so that the older crowd
    knows the younger ones.
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    Participant: I think it's been
    a long standing , really important thing
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    in this community.
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    Participant:. A feeling I have
    for basketball:
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    just to love to go watch basketball
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    Participant: Basketball in the winter here
    provides the entire community
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    with something to do on Friday
    and Saturday nights, with entertainment,
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    and also every once in a while
    something to feel really good about.
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    Participant: There is just a long, long tradition
    of basketball here
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    and for me, probably one of
    the biggest things is that it's the arena
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    where the community
    has always come together
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    in the midst of the long cold winter
    and it makes people happy.
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    Bill T.: You might think
    that there's a lot of pressure to
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    play a game like basketball
    in a town as small as North Haven.
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    And to many high school students,
    there is.
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    Jake Greenlaw: Hello, my name is
    Jake Greenlaw.
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    Bill T: This is my good friend, Jake.
    Jake G.: Check, check.
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    Bill T.: Jake grew up on the island
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    and he graduated from
    North Haven Community School in 2003.
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    Jake G.; such a long time ago.
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    Bill T.: I started out
    by asking Jake
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    these same question
    I asked the fans at the game:
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    What does basketball mean
    to the community of North Haven?
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    Jake G.: Growing up out here, it was
    definitely a big thing in the school
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    and everyone was kind of pushed
    to play the sport.
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    All of the older people around me
    at that point
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    were very into basketball.
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    They had all -- my father
    and all of his classmates
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    had played basketball,
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    and he would look through all the pilots
    and see how...
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    Bill T.: The Pilot he's referring
    to the school yearbook.
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    Jake G.:... bad ass they all looked, and
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    it was very important
    to play basketball out here.
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    I was just never that into sports.
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    I always wanted to be that guy
    who was really good at basketball.
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    I mean, because I had -- all my friends
    around me were into basketball.
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    They all play on the team
    and I was just into other things.
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    I was just like not into sports.
    I've never been into sports.
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    Bill T.: Was there anyone else
    in your class who didn't play?
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    Jake G.: Not really.
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    No, it was like ... I mean,
    I played pee-wee basketball.
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    My dad coached pee-wee basketball
    actually.
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    But I did enjoy the
    just hanging out with your friends,
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    and when we would go away and on trips,
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    I would love the bus ride
    and going out to restaurants.
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    Eva Hopkins: I was never really ...
    definitely wasn't a player
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    and I wasn't into going to the games either,
    so it's still very mysterious.
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    I am Eva Hopkins.
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    Bill T.: Like Jake, Eva graduated
    from North Haven Community School
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    and knowing her during that time,
    I wondered what she felt about basketball.
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    Eva H.: ...it wasn't super high
    on my list of things
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    I really wanted to leave the house for.
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    To be fair, there wasn't a lot
    on that list anyway.
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    Bill T.: So why, I mean,
    maybe there's one reason,
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    maybe there are several, but
    why didn't you play?
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    Just to be clear, you didn't play at all.
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    Eva H.: I didn't play at all.
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    I think actually I went
    to one practice maybe,
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    I don't know if it was pee-wee
    or if it was older.
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    It might have been pee- wee, but I went
    because I almost felt like I had to.
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    But at the time, I was also
    very involved in music,
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    and in particular in the piano
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    and learning as much as I could
    about how to play
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    and that was really where my passion was.
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    And the first exercise that we were doing,
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    I don't know,I must have
    caught the ball funny and it like
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    I think it bent back my thumb
    or something.
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    It was kind of a realization that oh, yes,
    death can happen to you.
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    There's danger and I just I didn't want
    to break fingers
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    or then lose practice time
    with my instrument
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    and it just wasn't worth it for me
    so I was kind of done.
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    I might have been the only girl
    in my class who didn't play.
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    As far as it went in school,
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    there were plenty of other people
    in the girl's team at the time
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    that I could have played,
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    and it wasn't if you don't play
    there's no team.
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    Yeah, it just made sense for me
    not to play.
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    Jake G.:I think people
    are more accepting now in a way.
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    Bill T.: They're more accepting
    to the choices people make?
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    Jake G.: Yeah.
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    Bill T.: So, did you ever
    personally experience any backlash
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    or was it just in your head.
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    Jake G.: You know I was lucky
    because people already knew me.
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    I was already a theater guy.
    I was already a music guy.
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    People knew I was good at something.
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    But I feel for the kids that haven't
    quite found themselves
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    or anything that they really
    like to do yet
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    and are just like --
    feel so uncomfortable in themselves,
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    but like out here, and if you don't have
    the right group of friends
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    and if you're not doing one of those things,
    it can just eat you alive.
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    Bill T.: After talking to Jake and Eva,
    I wanted to get a different perspective.
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    The population at
    North Haven Community School
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    right now is pretty small.
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    For example, there are only five girls
    in the whole high school.
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    Ashlynn: ... I saw that earlier
    and I got really scared.
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    Bill T.: I spoke with a couple of them
    about basketball.
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    Ashlynn: Ashlynn and I'm a senior
    nd I'm 17.
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    Shyanne W.: I'm Shyanne Waterman,
    I'm a junior in high school and I'm 16
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    Ashlynn: I don't know, I don't really
    feel like I was ever forced to do it
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    but people definitely didn't like it
    if you didn't play.
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    Bill T.: What do you mean?
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    Ashlynn: Like if you didn't play,
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    they felt like you had an issue
    with them personally,
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    like another kid who wanted you to play
    and you said, "No, I don't want to play."
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    They were like, "Oh,"
    and they would take it more personally
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    than just the fact you didn't want to play.
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    It was mostly students I feel like.
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    I mean the coaches kind of understood
    like it's not for everyone.
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    It's just kind of like,
    everyone would do it
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    just to do it and have fun
    for the few kids
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    who did actually really want to do it
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    since there were so few kids.
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    Bill T.: Did you play at all?
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    Ashlynn: Mm-hmm), I played for two years.
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    Bill T.: Freshman and sophomore year?
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    Ashlynn: No, eighth grade
    and freshman year.
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    Now that there are so few kids that it's
    that they're a lot tougher on the kids,
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    that they want every single person
    to play,
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    because just one kid saying
    I don't want to play
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    makes a difference on whether or not
    there's a team of the year.
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    Bill T.: Have you ever felt personally,
    I don't want to say ...
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    have you ever just felt guilty
    about not playing
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    or have you ever been made
    to feel guilty about not playing?
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    Ashlynn: I did my sophomore year
    because I couldn't play
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    because I injured my shoulder
    the year before
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    during the basketball season and
    shouldn't have even finished that season
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    but since I did, I injured it more and
    wasn't able to play again the next year.
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    Then people just didn't understand that
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    because they couldn't physically
    see something wrong with me
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    like I wasn't in a cast or something,
    so they were like,
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    "No, you're fine to play,"
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    and they thought I was just using it
    as an excuse not to play.
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    Yeah, I felt they definitely tried to
    like guilt me into playing and they said,
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    "Oh, even if you just go to practices
    and do this,
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    it's because you don't want to play
    in the games or something."
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    I always enjoyed going
    to see everyone play.
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    It's just basketball wasn't my thing.
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    Sports have never really
    been my thing at all.
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    I don't know, I enjoyed going
    and seeing it,
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    it's just play, I'm not athletic at all,
    it's just embarrassing.
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    Shyanne W.: I always feel guilted
    and pressured into playing
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    because I played my freshman, sophomore,
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    and I probably would have played this year
    had there been a team,
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    because everyone is like, "Oh, come on,
    you're tall. Play basketball!"
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    Bill T.: So you're saying the culture
    hasn't really changed around
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    pushing people to play?
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    Shyanne W.: I mean, in my experience, no.
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    I don't know, just because it's like
    kind of a North Haven thing.
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    Everybody is super excited
    for basketball season
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    because that's the highlight of
    everybody's winter weekends usually.
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    If there's not a team,
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    then everybody is not as excited
    for things during winter.
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    Bill T.: Is there a girls' team this year?
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    Ashlyn:There's not going to be, no.
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    Bill T.: Not enough girls?
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    Ashlyn: No, not enough
    high school girls, no,
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    so they're going to do a junior for RC
    or something like that instead.
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    Bill T.: Would you have played
    had there been a team?
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    Ashlyn: No. I don't know,
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    it will be interesting to see
    what actually happens.
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    Barney H: I think the amazing thing
    about this community is
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    it doesn't matter whether the team
    is good or bad,
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    they come out, they cheer for them,
    they applaud every kid.
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    So in a way, when I look back on it
    I think that's probably the best thing.
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    It isn't that we're going
    to have championship teams.
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    We have a community that supports
    the kids doing what they're doing.
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    Bill T.: Lack of interest in sports
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    is one of the many hidden diversities
    that exists on the small island.
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    Here's another one
    that's becoming less hidden.
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    The idea for this story came when a friend
    at the Historical Society
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    gave us a photocopied article
    from a 1901 issue of The Courier-Gazette,
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    the newspaper that still serves
    Rockland, Maine
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    and the towns
    around our island of North Haven.
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    Courtney: "Carvers Dual Existence.
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    Strange case at North Haven
    astonishes the world.
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    Young man who wore female apparel
    for 30 years
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    publishes statement
    that he belongs to the opposite sex."
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    Bill T.: My wife, Courtney,
    one of the producers of this show
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    realized that this story
    was a piece of a bigger puzzle.
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    What is it like to be in the QuiltBag,
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    an acronym for
    non-heterosexual or cisgender identities
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    in a place as small as North Haven?
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    Courtney: Arthur Lesley Carver,
    the person from the headline
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    was raised as a woman on North Haven
    in the late 1800,
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    and at 30 issued a sworn affidavit
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    that he actually was
    and always had been a man.
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    The reason for the duality isn't specified
    but the article mentions a nurse
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    who noticed unusual conditions at his birth.
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    So it's reasonable to assume
    that Arthur was intersex.
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    Lillian, as he was known, was described
    as having a fair complexion
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    and striking eyes,
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    and was considered an example
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    of the fair and buxom
    daughters of the island
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    and had many male suitors.
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    A religious conversion inspired Arthur
    to claim his male identity,
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    which he did a safe distance from North Haven
    in Dorchester, Massachusetts.
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    It's fascinating and a little terrifying
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    to think what the reaction back home
    must have been.
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    The Courier describes Carver's fear
    of creating a sensation.
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    I wondered, do contemporary North Haveners
    have the same fear?
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    Jacqueline C.: Chris and I,
    just before we came up here
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    were talking about growing up.
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    We were best friends
    and we did everything together
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    and I remember when he talked
    about coming out
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    and I was like, "No, no, no."
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    It was so funny
    because now we like look back on it,
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    and it's like, "Okay, we're both gay."
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    Jacqueline Curtis, 31.
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    Chris Emerson: Chris Emerson. I'm 30.
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    It was pretty clear that I was gay and
    I didn't fit into the straight stereotype.
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    My brother knew as well.
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    I always, when we played together,
    I was always the princess.
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    Jacqueline C.: I feel like I probably
    had an inkling from a really young age
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    but I didn't really understand
    what that meant.
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    And I think it's actually
    when I started to kiss boys
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    and I didn't have that sort
    of butterfly feeling,
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    I actually got really nervous
    and had a lot of anxiety
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    and I remember feeling like
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    "Well, this doesn't feel
    like I think it should feel."
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    But as I got a little older,
    I was able to kind of kiss boys
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    and I made myself think that
    that was what I wanted it to be.
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    Once that the relationships developed,
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    I had obviously more feelings
    than just gut feelings,
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    but it still wasn't always
    the right feeling.
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    Stacy Beverage: My name is Stacy Beverage.
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    I'm 43 and I've lived on North Haven
    basically all my life.
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    I was born here down at the clinic
    and moved away for about 12, 13 years
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    and lived in Portland.
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    And now, I'm back.
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    Stephanie: I'm Stephanie, age 23,
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    and I've lived on North Haven: basically
    my whole life, summered out here,
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    and then moved out here permanently
    in second grade.
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    Stacy B.: I was actually
    married to a man
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    and we were living out here.
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    And I just knew
    something wasn't totally right
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    and went and started visiting a friend
    in Portland who I was not dating.
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    She was just a really good friend
    from college.
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    And she had just come out as gay
    and suddenly it just sort of clicked that
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    "oh, that's why things aren't working well
    in my relationship."
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    But I mean, it was all good because
    I'm still great friends with my ex-husband
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    and he was great about it.
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    And as far as -- I mean,
    my family was great about it.
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    I've never really had
    any backlash from it,
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    which is sort of surprising
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    because you think, a small island
    off the coast of Maine,
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    maybe they would be really conservative
    but everyone's been great.
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    Tobias McKenzie: I mean, yeah,
    my story is kind of anti-climatic too.
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    I realized pretty early on,
    probably like in middle school
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    and then just kept it to myself
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    because there wasn't a huge community
    of LGBT anything out here.
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    And so, then I went to college
    in Burlington, Vermont
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    and got to experience
    new and different things
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    and came back here
    and recently have come out
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    and really it's just
    nothing interesting I guess.
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    Courtney: The anti-climax,
    as Stephanie put it,
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    of North Haven's willingness
    to accept its out community members
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    was a pleasant surprise.
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    The same was true for another
    young North Havener who I spoke with.
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    Tobias McKenzie: I'm Tobias McKenzie
    and currently, I'm 26 years old.
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    I'm a trans male.
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    I moved to the island
    when -- right before my ninth birthday.
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    I have several other siblings
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    but I was the oldest kid
    in the house growing up.
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    I grew up with a little brother.
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    We moved to the island
    when my parents retired
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    and wanted to build their dream house.
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    I always had a sense
    that something was different.
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    I think one of
    the most significant points
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    was that growing up
    I had no idea I was trans
  • 18:43 - 18:48
    because I had absolutely no way
    to understand how I felt inside.
  • 18:49 - 18:51
    So I predominantly suppressed it.
  • 18:52 - 18:57
    When I moved to California
    and to San Jose at age 20,
  • 18:58 - 19:03
    I started looking around more
    and started to get a clearer picture
  • 19:03 - 19:05
    of what was going on inside my head.
  • 19:05 - 19:09
    Growing up, it was always a struggle
  • 19:09 - 19:12
    because I hated being treated
    like a girl and I had no idea why.
  • 19:13 - 19:15
    Courtney: You were angry a lot.
  • 19:15 - 19:18
    I had you as a student
    and you were often very angry.
  • 19:18 - 19:20
    Tobias M.: By the time you got there,
    yes, I was.
  • 19:22 - 19:24
    That was related
    to a few different things.
  • 19:25 - 19:34
    But I think the main problem was that
    there wasn't a whole lot of diversity
  • 19:34 - 19:37
    apart from individual personality.
  • 19:37 - 19:39
    So I had no examples.
  • 19:39 - 19:44
    I had only ever heard of drag queens,
    which I didn't identify with at all.
  • 19:45 - 19:48
    I appreciated them for who they were
    in their craft
  • 19:48 - 19:53
    but I felt no connection,
    so it was no hint to how I felt inside.
  • 19:54 - 19:59
    I remember when I was 13 or 14,
    I looked in the mirror
  • 19:59 - 20:02
    and I asked myself if
    I should have been born a boy.
  • 20:08 - 20:10
    That was the only time
    I'd ever spoken it loud,
  • 20:10 - 20:13
    and I immediately went
  • 20:13 - 20:16
    "I am not in the right place to explore
    that particular line of thought.
  • 20:16 - 20:19
    I have no knowledge of it,
    no real understanding,"
  • 20:19 - 20:21
    and so I kind of just pushed it down.
  • 20:22 - 20:28
    And it wasn't until they told me
    what a cisgender person felt like,
  • 20:28 - 20:33
    and cisgender being someone who feels
    like the gender they were born into ...
  • 20:33 - 20:39
    when someone explained what that was,
    I was like, "Oh, that's not me."
  • 20:40 - 20:46
    And so, that started my more
    in-depth investigation
  • 20:46 - 20:48
    and discovery of what I was going through.
  • 20:49 - 20:53
    Courtney: When you communicated that
    to your family on North Haven,
  • 20:53 - 20:55
    did they have a reference point?
  • 20:56 - 20:57
    Tobias M.: Absolutely none whatsoever.
  • 20:58 - 21:02
    My parents are very loving
    and did the very best to be open minded
  • 21:02 - 21:06
    but it was not something
    they were ever ready to hear.
  • 21:06 - 21:08
    They weren't expecting it at all.
  • 21:08 - 21:13
    And so I came out to my mother
    by telling her
  • 21:13 - 21:15
    I wanted breast reduction surgery.
  • 21:16 - 21:18
    And I had a very large chest,
    I was double D.
  • 21:18 - 21:26
    And she being the second gen feminist,
    thought wonderful, awesome for your health
  • 21:26 - 21:29
    and for not wanting to deal with big boobs.
  • 21:29 - 21:33
    And I said okay, well,
    I kind of want them reduced all the way.
  • 21:33 - 21:35
    And so she said,
    "Well, what does that mean?"
  • 21:35 - 21:39
    And I said, "Mom, I'm transgender.
    I'm a male at heart.
  • 21:39 - 21:41
    I want to get rid of my boobs.
    I want to live as a boy."
  • 21:42 - 21:46
    And I guess that night
    she did a lot of research.
  • 21:46 - 21:48
    Courtney: You were in your 20s then?
  • 21:48 - 21:52
    Tobias M.: Yes, I had just turned 21
    and I was --
  • 21:53 - 21:57
    I kind of grew my support network
    at school
  • 21:57 - 22:00
    because there were a lot of people
    who were involved in the community
  • 22:00 - 22:04
    and understood what it could be like
    to come to terms with something
  • 22:04 - 22:07
    as obviously life-altering as that.
  • 22:08 - 22:12
    So I really built up
    a base of support there
  • 22:12 - 22:15
    and then I came out to my mom and dad.
  • 22:16 - 22:19
    Courtney: So then, as you transitioned,
  • 22:19 - 22:21
    you came back to the island
    during that process.
  • 22:22 - 22:24
    How was that? What was that like?
  • 22:24 - 22:26
    Tobias M.: It was funny.
  • 22:26 - 22:29
    I didn't tell anybody
    that I was transitioning.
  • 22:29 - 22:31
    I told no one from North Haven.
  • 22:31 - 22:38
    I had a few friends on Facebook,
    but mostly I kind of expected
  • 22:38 - 22:42
    just to do this return and
    have everyone go “wait, who are you?”
  • 22:43 - 22:48
    I had gotten top surgery in early 2011,
  • 22:48 - 22:52
    and when I went back I had started
    taking testosterone
  • 22:52 - 22:56
    and it had started to kick in, you know,
    a few changes here and there.
  • 22:57 - 23:00
    But apparently, I sent a letter to my mom
  • 23:00 - 23:05
    and I put Tobias McKenzie
    in the "from" column.
  • 23:05 - 23:09
    And she was asked by a few people
    who saw the envelope
  • 23:09 - 23:11
    who Tobias McKenzie was.
  • 23:11 - 23:13
    I suppose the idea was
  • 23:13 - 23:15
    there was a great scandal
    of the long lost sibling.
  • 23:17 - 23:19
    And she was very open about it.
  • 23:19 - 23:20
    She was always very supportive.
  • 23:21 - 23:24
    And she told them,
    "No, you formerly knew her."
  • 23:25 - 23:31
    And then -- so when I came out,
    the weirdest thing I remember was
  • 23:31 - 23:35
    I came out and I expected it
    to be this huge surprise.
  • 23:35 - 23:36
    I expected people not to know,
  • 23:37 - 23:40
    not to have any idea who I was
    or what had happened.
  • 23:41 - 23:46
    And instead, everybody,
    everybody knew who I was.
  • 23:46 - 23:54
    Everybody knew my then chosen
    now legal name, Tobias.
  • 23:54 - 23:58
    And the hilarious thing was,
  • 23:58 - 24:01
    no one called me by my old name
    or by female pronouns
  • 24:01 - 24:04
    and this is when my parents
    couldn't keep track of it.
  • 24:04 - 24:07
    They were using my old name,
    they were using female pronouns.
  • 24:08 - 24:11
    And that was really weird
    to deal with at home
  • 24:11 - 24:14
    and then walk out in public
    and everyone was getting it right
  • 24:14 - 24:16
    It was just ... it was really funny.
  • 24:16 - 24:17
    Courtney: Yeah.
  • 24:17 - 24:23
    So it's been okay coming back
    to this place where you felt like
  • 24:23 - 24:25
    you had no reference points
  • 24:25 - 24:28
    and now you are maybe
    a reference point for somebody?
  • 24:28 - 24:29
    Tobias M.: Oh, absolutely.
  • 24:30 - 24:38
    It's strange but I feel like
    for the most part, people decided:
  • 24:39 - 24:42
    "Oh, so that's why
    you were a bit different."
  • 24:48 - 24:51
    Courtney: Tobias' point
    about that lack of a community,
  • 24:51 - 24:53
    a reference point on North Haven
  • 24:53 - 24:56
    was something each person
    we spoke with mentioned.
  • 24:56 - 25:00
    Sue Campbell: Out as I want to be
    is a nonprofit based in Rockland, Maine.
  • 25:00 - 25:02
    Courtney: I spoke with Sue Campbell --
  • 25:02 - 25:03
    Sue Campbell: My name is Sue Campbell
  • 25:03 - 25:05
    Courtney: -- whose organization
    now called OUT Maine
  • 25:06 - 25:07
    seeks to provide that community
  • 25:07 - 25:10
    for the isolated QuiltBag youth
    of mid-coast Maine.
  • 25:15 - 25:19
    Sue C.: I think growing up LGBTQ
    anywhere is a challenge.
  • 25:19 - 25:23
    I think when you add in
    the rural factor,
  • 25:23 - 25:25
    it adds a whole n’other layer.
  • 25:25 - 25:32
    Society sets certain norms
    and in a small rural environment,
  • 25:32 - 25:36
    those norms are probably
    even more stringent
  • 25:37 - 25:41
    and people don't understand diversity
    because they've never seen diversity.
  • 25:45 - 25:50
    There are percentages somewhere
    in the neighborhood of about 5%
  • 25:51 - 25:53
    are the numbers that are reported
    here in Maine.
  • 25:53 - 25:54
    We know that those are low.
  • 25:55 - 25:58
    So if you look at your population,
    you can assume that
  • 25:58 - 26:04
    about 5% of those folks are going to be
    LGBTQ in some way, shape, or form.
  • 26:05 - 26:07
    When I first started doing this work
    about a year ago,
  • 26:08 - 26:13
    we had three out of the nine mainland
    high schools with GSTAs, we now have --
  • 26:13 - 26:16
    Courtney: GSTA stands for
    Gay/Straight/Transgender Alliance.
  • 26:17 - 26:20
    Groups like this provide community support
    and advocacy for students
  • 26:20 - 26:23
    who identify within the spectrum
    or want to be allies.
  • 26:23 - 26:28
    North Haven Community School
    has had a very small GSTA since 2015.
  • 26:28 - 26:33
    Sue C.: -- you know,lesbian or gay or,
    we're seeing a lot more of the students
  • 26:33 - 26:35
    that are coming out as transgender as well.
  • 26:35 - 26:39
    I think at a lot of these small communities
    you see people who --
  • 26:40 - 26:44
    they know people as individuals
    so they accept them very easily.
  • 26:44 - 26:50
    But when you suddenly are thinking
    of things outside of that,
  • 26:50 - 26:53
    it is when it becomes
    much more challenging.
  • 27:00 - 27:02
    Courtney: What are
    some of the risk factors
  • 27:02 - 27:05
    that affect LTBTQ youth in a rural area?
  • 27:06 - 27:08
    Sue C.: Well, isolation
    is one of the biggest ones.
  • 27:09 - 27:15
    We see a lot of youth
    that are not accepted by their families,
  • 27:15 - 27:17
    they're not accepted by their communities,
  • 27:17 - 27:19
    so they become homeless.
  • 27:19 - 27:23
    Very quickly, the homeless population
    here is very high.
  • 27:23 - 27:28
    They have a much higher
    suicide ideation rates than their peers.
  • 27:28 - 27:33
    And so it is a very tough population
    to work with
  • 27:33 - 27:38
    because they are of much higher risk
    of harming themselves, or being homeless,
  • 27:38 - 27:41
    and not getting the necessary supports.
  • 27:42 - 27:45
    Courtney: What kind of resources
    do you think would be most helpful
  • 27:45 - 27:47
    for students on North Haven
  • 27:47 - 27:50
    who think that they might be
    on the LGBTQ spectrum
  • 27:50 - 27:52
    or want to be allies?
  • 27:52 - 27:55
    Sue C.: I think the biggest thing
  • 27:55 - 28:00
    that community members here on North Haven
    or the schools could do
  • 28:00 - 28:07
    is to allow the students to know that
    they're open and welcoming and accepting,
  • 28:07 - 28:10
    and that there are safe people
    and safe spaces.
  • 28:10 - 28:13
    If the youth feel
    that they can't be safe,
  • 28:13 - 28:17
    then they're not going to be willing
    to tell anyone
  • 28:17 - 28:21
    that they may be experiencing feelings,
  • 28:21 - 28:27
    whether that is feelings
    of sexual identity or gender identity.
  • 28:27 - 28:32
    If they don't feel like they can be safe
    then they're not going to come out.
  • 28:32 - 28:36
    So, creating inclusive
    and welcoming communities
  • 28:36 - 28:39
    is probably the biggest thing
    that you can do.
  • 28:39 - 28:42
    If you have students
    that do come forward,
  • 28:42 - 28:45
    then it's providing
    the appropriate supports to them,
  • 28:46 - 28:50
    but always leaning
    to the open and understanding
  • 28:50 - 28:52
    of wherever it is that they are at the time.
  • 28:53 - 28:55
    Courtney: What do you think that
  • 28:55 - 28:59
    LGBTQ adults in a community like this
    can offer to the youth?
  • 28:59 - 29:01
    Sue C.: They can be role models.
  • 29:01 - 29:05
    If you can be open about who you are
  • 29:05 - 29:09
    and present a good, strong
    role model for students,
  • 29:09 - 29:13
    regardless of what your experiences
    might have been,
  • 29:14 - 29:21
    one would hope that LGBTQ adults
    would want perhaps the experiences
  • 29:21 - 29:22
    that youth would have to be different
  • 29:22 - 29:25
    than what they may have experienced
    when they were young.
  • 29:41 - 29:44
    Bill T.: North Haven's population
    reflects a growing diversity
  • 29:44 - 29:49
    in religious identity, sexuality,
    gender identity, and race.
  • 29:50 - 29:51
    And for the most part,
  • 29:51 - 29:55
    while people within those groups
    might feel a little isolated,
  • 29:55 - 29:57
    their presence is welcomed and embraced.
  • 29:59 - 30:02
    But in 2015, Courtney and I went
    to Brooklyn, New York
  • 30:02 - 30:05
    to speak with someone who had
    a very different experience on North Haven
  • 30:05 - 30:07
    several decades ago.
  • 30:07 - 30:09
    Pete Beveridge: Pete Beveridge,
    age, I'm 85.
  • 30:11 - 30:13
    Bill T.: Pete Beveridge is part
    of a huge North Haven clan
  • 30:13 - 30:16
    with members in the summer community
    and year-round community.
  • 30:17 - 30:20
    Historically, the family
    spent summers on North Haven
  • 30:20 - 30:22
    in their compound called The Colony,
  • 30:23 - 30:24
    which is just down the road
    from where I live.
  • 30:25 - 30:29
    Pete wrote about his family's history
    in a recent book also called The Colony,
  • 30:29 - 30:32
    which he said he wrote as a way
    of healing a rift in his family
  • 30:32 - 30:35
    described in his first book,
    Domestic Diversity.
  • 30:36 - 30:39
    He told us his story as we sat
    in his Brooklyn apartment.
  • 30:40 - 30:42
    Pete B.: -- a good friend,
    Peter Cooper, he invited me
  • 30:42 - 30:45
    to a party being given up in Harlem
  • 30:46 - 30:51
    at the home of my future wife, Hortense,
  • 30:51 - 30:56
    or Tee as we called her,
    was an African-American
  • 30:56 - 31:00
    in the sense that Barack Obama is.
  • 31:01 - 31:09
    She had a father who was born in Africa,
    in Liberia.
  • 31:10 - 31:18
    Her mother was an Afro- American
    from Virginia.
  • 31:19 - 31:20
    Courtney: What year was that?
  • 31:20 - 31:23
    Pete Beveridge:'52, '53.
  • 31:28 - 31:30
    Bill T.: So, let's back up a little bit.
  • 31:31 - 31:34
    Pete talks about meeting,
    falling in love with
  • 31:34 - 31:40
    and eventually marrying Tee,
    an African-American woman in 1952.
  • 31:40 - 31:43
    Pete's story
    before and after this point
  • 31:43 - 31:45
    is pretty fascinating.
  • 31:45 - 31:49
    Pete B.: Well, my political awakening,
    if you would call it such,
  • 31:49 - 31:51
    has actually started with my senior year
    in high school
  • 31:52 - 31:56
    when I became involved
    in the progressive party,
  • 31:56 - 32:02
    which is a third party that was started
    by Henry Wallace at that time.
  • 32:02 - 32:06
    He ran against Truman in 1948.
  • 32:07 - 32:08
    When I went to college,
  • 32:08 - 32:12
    I became the president
    of the Young Progressives at Harvard.
  • 32:12 - 32:18
    So my politics, my left-wing politics
    when I was at school
  • 32:20 - 32:23
    didn't sit too well with my family,
  • 32:23 - 32:30
    but for the most part,
    we just agreed not to talk politics
  • 32:30 - 32:32
    when we were together.
  • 32:32 - 32:39
    It didn't really affect
    my relationship at that time.
  • 32:40 - 32:41
    Bill T.: Pete goes on
    to describe
  • 32:41 - 32:44
    one of his first true loves,
    a Jewish girl named Dorothy.
  • 32:45 - 32:47
    He mentions the amount
    of anti-Semitism
  • 32:47 - 32:49
    that existed at the time,
    not just politically
  • 32:50 - 32:51
    but within his own family as well.
  • 32:52 - 32:57
    Pete B.: I had to stay up
    until I was maybe 16 or 17.
  • 32:57 - 33:03
    I really wasn't aware of the fact
    that they were "different" from me.
  • 33:05 - 33:07
    They were just myclassmates.
  • 33:09 - 33:17
    But it was actually several years later
    that my mother wrote me a letter
  • 33:19 - 33:22
    explaining, just after I broke up
    with Dorothy,
  • 33:23 - 33:24
    explaining how relieved she was.
  • 33:27 - 33:33
    I'm not sure exactly how the quote went,
    what it was.
  • 33:34 - 33:36
    And I don't think that I am anti-Semitic
  • 33:36 - 33:45
    because it's not that Dorothy
    had the characteristics of Jewish people
  • 33:45 - 33:47
    that we didn't like her.
  • 33:47 - 33:49
    It was because I never felt
  • 33:49 - 33:52
    that she was completely open
    and forthcoming with me.
  • 33:54 - 33:57
    Bill T.: Although the relationship
    didn't last very long with Dorothy,
  • 33:57 - 34:00
    it drove a surprising wedge
    between Pete and his family,
  • 34:00 - 34:03
    and that wedge would be driven
    further by subsequent events.
  • 34:04 - 34:08
    Pete B: I had joined the Communist Party
    when I was at Harvard,
  • 34:09 - 34:17
    and upon graduating,
    I decided to continue my education
  • 34:17 - 34:21
    at Columbia where I went
    the following year to get an MA.
  • 34:22 - 34:28
    And I made that decision mainly because
    the Korean war was going on at that time,
  • 34:28 - 34:29
    and I was draft bait,
  • 34:29 - 34:33
    and if I had left school
    I would have been drafted.
  • 34:38 - 34:40
    Courtney: You and Tee began dating
  • 34:40 - 34:43
    and when did you introduce her
    to your family?
  • 34:44 - 34:48
    Pete B.: She had an apartment
    on 125th Street,
  • 34:48 - 34:51
    which she shared with another couple.
  • 34:52 - 35:03
    By the end of the semester at Columbia,
    I had moved in with her.
  • 35:06 - 35:09
    That was the spring of '53.
  • 35:10 - 35:15
    And our period of courtship, if you will,
    coincided with the period
  • 35:15 - 35:22
    when Ethel and Julius Rosenberg
    were being tried and convicted
  • 35:22 - 35:24
    and eventually executed.
  • 35:24 - 35:29
    And that was a very traumatic point
    for people in the party
  • 35:29 - 35:31
    and in the left wing at that time,
  • 35:31 - 35:35
    because it was sort of a feeling that
    if this could happen to them,
  • 35:35 - 35:36
    it could happen to us.
  • 35:37 - 35:42
    So Tee and I spent a lot of weekends
    traveling down to Washington
  • 35:42 - 35:43
    to picket the White House
  • 35:44 - 35:48
    and demonstrate
    to save the Rosenbergs.
  • 35:49 - 35:57
    On several of those occasions,
    I stayed with my parents
  • 35:57 - 35:59
    who were living in Alexandria
    at the time,
  • 36:00 - 36:10
    and brought Tee out
    to introduce her to them.
  • 36:11 - 36:15
    A year or two later
    when I married Tee,
  • 36:15 - 36:17
    my mother said to me:
  • 36:17 - 36:20
    "Well, you know, the first time
    you brought Tee out here,
  • 36:20 - 36:22
    I knew what was going to happen."
  • 36:22 - 36:30
    My father and mother were conflicted
    in ... during their
  • 36:33 - 36:39
    or I should say liberal inclinations
    to accept my relationship
  • 36:39 - 36:41
    and an extreme reaction
  • 36:41 - 36:49
    on the part of my father's siblings,
    my aunts, and uncles.
  • 36:56 - 37:02
    When Tee and I decided
    to get married in 1953,
  • 37:04 - 37:05
    we told my parents
  • 37:06 - 37:10
    and sent out notice
    to my uncles and aunts.
  • 37:10 - 37:16
    And we started receiving letters
    from my relatives
  • 37:16 - 37:22
    who never wrote to me before
    explaining why I shouldn't marry Tee.
  • 37:34 - 37:38
    My uncle Arnold, my father's brother,
    who was a business man
  • 37:38 - 37:42
    and had more money
    than the rest of the family
  • 37:43 - 37:51
    was paying the taxes on the property
    that the family owned.
  • 37:52 - 37:58
    And he threatened that
    if I brought Tee to The Colony,
  • 37:59 - 38:04
    he would pull out and stop,
    withdraw his financial support.
  • 38:06 - 38:10
    This was pretty important
    at that time.
  • 38:12 - 38:20
    So I decided not to push
    the confrontation
  • 38:21 - 38:26
    and stay away from The Colony
    with Tee.
  • 38:33 - 38:37
    After I married Tee in 1953,
  • 38:38 - 38:44
    there was a period of about 20 years
    when I didn't go back to North Haven.
  • 38:44 - 38:50
    I had very little relationship
    with my cousins or my aunts and uncles.
  • 38:54 - 39:02
    As a result, there is a big gap
    in my family relationships.
  • 39:03 - 39:05
    There's a whole period of time
  • 39:05 - 39:11
    when I didn't know
    or didn't relate to my family.
  • 39:12 - 39:18
    This going on top of my childhood
  • 39:18 - 39:24
    where it was a very large
    and closely knit family,
  • 39:24 - 39:31
    it was very hurtful
    and made me very sorrowful
  • 39:32 - 39:34
    because I loved North Haven
    and I loved my family.
  • 39:43 - 39:45
    Bill T.: It wasn't until the 1970s
  • 39:45 - 39:48
    that Pete was able to return
    to North Haven and The Colony with Tee.
  • 39:49 - 39:51
    But in the 1980s they separated.
  • 39:51 - 39:54
    Pete continues to visit the island
    to this day
  • 39:55 - 39:57
    and we've enjoyed some nice visits
    with him and his family.
  • 39:59 - 40:03
    Any community large or small
    benefits from all kinds of diversity.
  • 40:03 - 40:05
    Here's Sue Campbell again.
  • 40:05 - 40:08
    Sue C.: Oh, it adds all sorts
    of really interesting things.
  • 40:08 - 40:11
    People get to experience things
    that are very different
  • 40:11 - 40:14
    than what they grew up with
    or what they know,
  • 40:14 - 40:16
    and it broadens their horizons
  • 40:16 - 40:20
    and really opens their eyes
    to other things
  • 40:20 - 40:23
    that are different in other places.
  • 40:28 - 40:31
    Bill T.: Special thanks to
    Avery Waterman, Harold Cooper,
  • 40:31 - 40:34
    John Emerson, Barney Hallowell,
    Janice Jones, Jake Greenlaw,
  • 40:34 - 40:37
    Eva Hopkins, Ashlynn Ames,
    Shyanne Waterman,
  • 40:37 - 40:40
    Nan Lee and Emily Greenlaw
    at the Historical Society,
  • 40:40 - 40:45
    Jacqueline Curtis, Chis Emerson,
    Stacy Beverage, Stephanie Brown,
  • 40:45 - 40:48
    Tobias McKenzie, Sue Campbell,
    and of course Pete Beveridge.
  • 40:55 - 40:58
    Both Pete's books,
    Domestic Diversity and The Colony
  • 40:58 - 41:02
    can be purchased at
    northhavenmainehistoricalsociety.org.
  • 41:06 - 41:10
    12 KNOTS is written and produced
    right here on the island of North Haven
  • 41:10 - 41:12
    by me and my wife Courtney Naliboff.
  • 41:13 - 41:16
    Music is composed and performed
    by yours truly.
  • 41:16 - 41:17
    Thanks for listening.
  • 41:18 - 41:24
    Transcript used in the subtitles was made
    possible by a Grant from CCACaptioning.org
Title:
Outliers - 12 Knots
Description:

March 28, 2017 by William Trevaskis.
Original audio podcast, with transcript at http://www.ofthelion.org/12knots/2017/3/28/outliers-1

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Video Language:
English
Duration:
42:04

English subtitles

Revisions