Should you live for your résumé ... or your eulogy?
-
0:01 - 0:02So I've been thinking about the difference between
-
0:02 - 0:06the résumé virtues and
the eulogy virtues. -
0:06 - 0:08The résumé virtues are the
ones you put on your résumé, -
0:08 - 0:12which are the skills
you bring to the marketplace. -
0:12 - 0:14The eulogy virtues are the ones
-
0:14 - 0:15that get mentioned in the eulogy,
-
0:15 - 0:18which are deeper: who are you,
in your depth, -
0:18 - 0:20what is the nature of your relationships,
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0:20 - 0:23are you bold, loving, dependable, consistency?
-
0:23 - 0:25And most of us, including
me, would say -
0:25 - 0:28that the eulogy virtues are the
more important of the virtues. -
0:28 - 0:30But at least in my case,
are they the ones that -
0:30 - 0:33I think about the most?
And the answer is no. -
0:33 - 0:35So I've been thinking about that problem,
-
0:35 - 0:36and a thinker who has
helped me think about it -
0:36 - 0:38is a guy named Joseph Soloveitchik, who was a rabbi
-
0:38 - 0:41who wrote a book called "The
Lonely Man Of Faith" in 1965. -
0:41 - 0:45Soloveitchik said there are two sides of our natures,
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0:45 - 0:47which he called Adam I
and Adam II. -
0:47 - 0:49Adam I is the worldly, ambitious,
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0:49 - 0:51external side of our nature.
-
0:51 - 0:53He wants to build, create,
create companies, -
0:53 - 0:55create innovation.
-
0:55 - 0:57Adam II is the humble
side of our nature. -
0:57 - 1:00Adam II wants not only
to do good but to be good, -
1:00 - 1:02to live in a way internally
-
1:02 - 1:06that honors God, creation and our possibilities.
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1:06 - 1:08Adam I wants to conquer the world.
-
1:08 - 1:11Adam II wants to hear
a calling and obey the world. -
1:11 - 1:13Adam I savors accomplishment.
-
1:13 - 1:16Adam II savors inner
consistency and strength. -
1:16 - 1:19Adam I asks how things work.
-
1:19 - 1:21Adam II asks why we're here.
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1:21 - 1:23Adam I's motto is "success."
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1:23 - 1:27Adam II's motto is "love, redemption and return."
-
1:27 - 1:29And Soloveitchik argued
that these two sides -
1:29 - 1:32of our nature are
at war with each other. -
1:32 - 1:34We live in perpetual self-confrontation
-
1:34 - 1:37between the external success and the internal value.
-
1:37 - 1:40And the tricky thing,
I'd say, about these -
1:40 - 1:41two sides of our nature is they work
-
1:41 - 1:44by different logics.
-
1:44 - 1:46The external logic is
an economic logic: -
1:46 - 1:49input leads to output,
risk leads to reward. -
1:49 - 1:51The internal side of our nature
-
1:51 - 1:55is a moral logic and
often an inverse logic. -
1:55 - 1:56You have to give to receive.
-
1:56 - 1:58You have to surrender
to something outside yourself -
1:58 - 2:00to gain strength within yourself.
-
2:00 - 2:03You have to conquer the
desire to get what you want. -
2:03 - 2:06In order to fulfill yourself,
you have to forget yourself. -
2:06 - 2:10In order to find yourself,
you have to lose yourself. -
2:10 - 2:13We happen to live in a society
that favors Adam I, -
2:13 - 2:15and often neglects Adam II.
-
2:15 - 2:18And the problem is, that turns
you into a shrewd animal -
2:18 - 2:20who treats life as a game,
-
2:20 - 2:23and you become a cold,
calculating creature -
2:23 - 2:25who slips into a sort of mediocrity
-
2:25 - 2:27where you realize there's a difference
-
2:27 - 2:29between your desired
self and your actual self. -
2:29 - 2:33You're not earning the sort of eulogy you want,
-
2:33 - 2:35you hope someone will give to you.
-
2:35 - 2:37You don't have the
depth of conviction. -
2:37 - 2:39You don't have an emotional sonorousness.
-
2:39 - 2:41You don't have
commitment to tasks -
2:41 - 2:44that would take more than a lifetime to commit.
-
2:44 - 2:48I was reminded of a common
response through history -
2:48 - 2:50of how you build a solid Adam II,
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2:50 - 2:52how you build a depth of character.
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2:52 - 2:55Through history, people
have gone back -
2:55 - 2:57into their own pasts,
-
2:57 - 2:59sometimes to a precious
time in their life, -
2:59 - 3:01to their childhood,
-
3:01 - 3:05and often, the mind
gravitates in the past -
3:05 - 3:06to a moment of shame,
-
3:06 - 3:09some sin committed,
some act of selfishness, -
3:09 - 3:11an act of omission, of shallowness,
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3:11 - 3:14the sin of anger, the sin of self-pity,
-
3:14 - 3:18trying to be a people-pleaser,
a lack of courage. -
3:18 - 3:22Adam I is built by
building on your strengths. -
3:22 - 3:26Adam II is built by fighting
your weaknesses. -
3:26 - 3:29You go into yourself,
you find the sin -
3:29 - 3:31which you've committed over
and again through your life, -
3:31 - 3:33your signature sin
-
3:33 - 3:35out of which the others emerge,
-
3:35 - 3:38and you fight that sin and you wrestle with that sin,
-
3:38 - 3:41and out of that wrestling,
that suffering, -
3:41 - 3:45then a depth of character is constructed.
-
3:45 - 3:47And we're often not
taught to recognize -
3:47 - 3:48the sin in ourselves,
-
3:48 - 3:50in that we're not taught in this culture
-
3:50 - 3:52how to wrestle with it,
-
3:52 - 3:55how to confront it,
and how to combat it. -
3:55 - 3:58We live in a culture
with an Adam I mentality -
3:58 - 4:01where we're inarticulate
about Adam II. -
4:01 - 4:03Finally, Reinhold Niebuhr
-
4:03 - 4:05summed up the confrontation, the fully lived
-
4:05 - 4:08Adam I and Adam II life, this way:
-
4:08 - 4:12"Nothing that is worth doing
can be achieved in our lifetime; -
4:12 - 4:14therefore we must
be saved by hope. -
4:14 - 4:17Nothing which is true or
beautiful or good makes -
4:17 - 4:20complete sense in any immediate context of history;
-
4:20 - 4:23therefore we must be saved by faith.
-
4:23 - 4:27Nothing we do, however virtuous,
can be accomplished alone; -
4:27 - 4:30therefore we must
be saved by love. -
4:30 - 4:32No virtuous act is quite as virtuous
-
4:32 - 4:36from the standpoint of our friend
or foe as from our own standpoint. -
4:36 - 4:39Therefore we must be saved
by that final form of love, -
4:39 - 4:41which is forgiveness.”
-
4:41 - 4:43Thanks.
-
4:43 - 4:44(Applause)
- Title:
- Should you live for your résumé ... or your eulogy?
- Speaker:
- David Brooks
- Description:
-
Within each of us are two selves, suggests David Brooks in this meditative short talk: the self who craves success, who builds a résumé, and the self who seeks connection, community, love -- the values that make for a great eulogy. (Joseph Soloveitchik has called these selves "Adam I" and "Adam II.") Brooks asks: Can we balance these two selves?
- Video Language:
- English
- Team:
- closed TED
- Project:
- TEDTalks
- Duration:
- 05:01
Morton Bast edited English subtitles for Should you live for your résumé ... or your eulogy? | ||
Morton Bast approved English subtitles for Should you live for your résumé ... or your eulogy? | ||
Morton Bast edited English subtitles for Should you live for your résumé ... or your eulogy? | ||
Morton Bast edited English subtitles for Should you live for your résumé ... or your eulogy? | ||
Morton Bast edited English subtitles for Should you live for your résumé ... or your eulogy? | ||
Morton Bast edited English subtitles for Should you live for your résumé ... or your eulogy? | ||
Madeleine Aronson accepted English subtitles for Should you live for your résumé ... or your eulogy? | ||
Madeleine Aronson edited English subtitles for Should you live for your résumé ... or your eulogy? |