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What It’s Like To Be Stoned At The Grocery Store

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    You wanna...
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    Mmm hmm!
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    So we just need some eggs.
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    And maybe some other stuff.
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    Got it.
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    Eggs.
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    Welcome to Ralphie's.
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    You, too!
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    So many different types of food.
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    Brittany's gone. All right, you're
    on your own.
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    I feel like I'm in a movie.
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    You're here for eggs. Stay focused.
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    Oh, bananas! I need bananas!
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    All this food is really just
    ingredients for poop.
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    Wish my mom was here.
    I do NOT wish my mom was here.
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    All right. Eggs.
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    My mouth feels like a desert.
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    That guy looks scary.
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    This is like a farm animal cemetery.
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    (ding ding)
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    Who's next?
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    Hey, what can I get ya?
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    Um, what kind of meat is good today?
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    "What kind of meat is good today?" What
    are you talking about?!
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    Look, just... Oh. Oh god.
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    She knows. She definitely knows.
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    She knows I'm high.
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    What?
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    I gotta go.
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    Where's Brittany? I gotta find Brittany.
    She'll bring me comfort.
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    I'll find her.
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    I thought you were getting eggs!
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    But this cake was on sale, 'cause it says
    "Happy Birthday, Jeremy!" already on it.
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    We're not Jeremy!
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    Not with that attitude.
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    Look... I'll be where the beef is.
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    And this is 2.1 pounds and it's $11.25.
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    They're both 80/20, so what's the dif--
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    Oh god, she's following me!
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    Go! Go!
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    (Suspenseful music)
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    I thought you'd beat me here.
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    I've been here for like five minutes.
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    Where'd you go?
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    Oh, my perception of time is way off.
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    Yeah, no kidding.
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    I feel like I lived my whole life
    with these pizzas.
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    We should prolly get out of here
    soon though,
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    'cause I feel like some woman is
    following us.
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    She's onto us!
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    But let's get two of these Tombstones and
    get out of here.
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    (In unison) I'm too high for this.
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    (Suspenseful music)
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    I got it, guys.
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    I'll never forget you!
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    That guy looks like Jesus.
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    Candy bars for a good shopping trip?
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    We have a cake.
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    Oh, so NOW you wanna be Jeremy?
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    Your total is $106.13.
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    What?!
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    But these chips are two for $5!
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    Would you like me to take
    some of your items back?
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    Yeah, will you take everything back
    except the eggs?
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    There's no eggs here.
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    Are you fucking serious?
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    Hey, just... just go.
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    Just go. She's right there.
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    We'll take everything.
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    Thank you.
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    (Panting) Uh, she almost got us.
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    (Knocking)
    AAAH!
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    Hey! Do you guys know where I could
    get some pot?
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    (Music)
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    I'm a little late. Picking up a cake for
    my stepson, Jeremy.
Title:
What It’s Like To Be Stoned At The Grocery Store
Description:
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Video Language:
English
Team:
Captions Requested
Duration:
03:12

English subtitles

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