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[Knocking at the door]
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Oh Dad, look who's come to see us,
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it's our Ken!
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About bloody time if you ask me.
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Aren't you pleased to see me, Father?
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Yes, 'course he's pleased to see you Ken.
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Alright, woman, alright.
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I've got a tongue in me 'ead. I'll do t'talking.
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Bly....I like your fancy suit.
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Is that what they're wearing up in Yorkshire now?
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It's just an ordinary suit Father.
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It's all I've got apart from the overalls.
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How do you like it down the mine, Ken?
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Oh, it's not too bad Mum.
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We're using some new tungsten carbide drills for the preliminary coal-face scouring operations.
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Ooh, that sounds nice dear!
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Tungsten carbide drills?
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What the bloody hell's tungsten carbide drills?
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It's something they use in coal mining, Father.
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'It's something they use in coal mining Father,'
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you bloody fancy talk since you left London.
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Not that again.
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He's 'ad an 'ard day, dear,
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'is new play opens at t'National Theatre tomorrow!
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Oh, that's good.
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Good! Good?
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What do you know about it?
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What do you know about getting up at five o'clock in morning to fly to Paris,
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back at the Old Vic for drinks at twelve,
-
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sweating the day through press interviews,
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television interviews,
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then gettin' back here at ten
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to wrestle with the problem of an 'omosexual
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nymphomaniac drug addict,
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involving the ritual murder
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of a well-known Scottish footballer.
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That's a full working day, lad.
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And don't you forget it!
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Oh, don't shout at the boy, Father -
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'Ampstead wasn't good enough for you, was it?
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You 'ad to go poncin' off to Barnsley!
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You and yer coal mining friends.
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Coal mining is a wonderful thing, Father.
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But it's something you'll never understand.
-
-
Just look at you!
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Oh Ken!
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Be careful,
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you know what he's like
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after a few novels!
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Come on lad, come on
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out wi' it.
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What's wrong with me?
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Yer TIT!
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I'll tell you what's wrong with you,
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your head's addled with novels and poems
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You come home every evening
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reading your Chateau Notore
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And look what you've done to mother -
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she's fed up with meeting film stars,
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attending premieres
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and giving gala lunches!
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There's NOWT WRONG wi' gala luncheons, lad
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I've 'ad more gala luncheons than you've 'ad 'ot dinners!
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Please, please!
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Aaargh!
-
Oh no!
-
What is it?
-
It's 'is writer's cramp!
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You never told me about this.
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No, we didn't like to Ken -
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I'm alright, I'm alright woman,
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just get 'im out o' here.
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Oh Ken, you'd better go.
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Alright, I'm going.
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After all we've done for 'im.
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One day you'll realise there's more to life than culture.
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There's dirt and smoke -
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Get out -
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- and good honest sweat!
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Get out you little labourer!
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'Ey, you know Mother,
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I reckon there's a play there.
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Get agent on phone.
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Aye, I think yer right, Frank,
-
it could express,
-
it could express a vital theme of our age.
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Oh shut up!
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Shut up!
-
Ah, that's better.
-
Now for something completely different,
-
a man with 3 buttocks.
-
-We've done that!
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Alright, alright!
-
A man wiv... nine legs
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-Hah! He ran away!
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Oh bloody 'ell.
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Erm...
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a Scotsman on a horse!
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^ Bagpipes play fast melody
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[ HORSE WHINNIES ]
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[ CLAPPING ]
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[ STUTTERING FARTY NOISE ]
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[ CLAPPING ]
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Harold! Come back Harold.
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'Arold, come back!
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Harold!
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Oh blast!
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[ Swanee whistle ]
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[ RASPBERRY ]
-
Not Synced