WEBVTT 00:00:04.256 --> 00:00:04.472 [Knocking at the door] 00:00:07.785 --> 00:00:07.886 Oh Dad, look who's come to see us, 00:00:16.760 --> 00:00:19.451 it's our Ken! 00:00:19.451 --> 00:00:22.261 About bloody time if you ask me. 00:00:22.261 --> 00:00:23.806 Aren't you pleased to see me, Father? 00:00:23.806 --> 00:00:26.177 Yes, 'course he's pleased to see you Ken. 00:00:26.177 --> 00:00:27.700 Alright, woman, alright. 00:00:27.700 --> 00:00:31.688 I've got a tongue in me 'ead. I'll do t'talking. 00:00:31.688 --> 00:00:35.094 Bly....I like your fancy suit. 00:00:35.094 --> 00:00:37.389 Is that what they're wearing up in Yorkshire now? 00:00:37.389 --> 00:00:39.387 It's just an ordinary suit Father. 00:00:39.387 --> 00:00:42.683 It's all I've got apart from the overalls. 00:00:42.683 --> 00:00:44.642 How do you like it down the mine, Ken? 00:00:44.642 --> 00:00:46.183 Oh, it's not too bad Mum. 00:00:46.183 --> 00:00:50.233 We're using some new tungsten carbide drills for the preliminary coal-face scouring operations. 00:00:50.233 --> 00:00:52.115 Ooh, that sounds nice dear! 00:00:52.115 --> 00:00:55.014 Tungsten carbide drills? 00:00:55.014 --> 00:00:58.394 What the bloody hell's tungsten carbide drills? 00:00:58.394 --> 00:01:00.509 It's something they use in coal mining, Father. NOTE Paragraph 00:01:00.509 --> 00:01:02.673 'It's something they use in coal mining Father,' 00:01:02.673 --> 00:01:05.210 you bloody fancy talk since you left London. NOTE Paragraph 00:01:05.210 --> 00:01:06.515 Not that again. 00:01:06.515 --> 00:01:08.136 He's 'ad an 'ard day, dear, 00:01:08.136 --> 00:01:09.912 'is new play opens at t'National Theatre tomorrow! 00:01:09.912 --> 00:01:12.670 Oh, that's good. 00:01:12.670 --> 00:01:14.017 Good! Good? 00:01:14.017 --> 00:01:15.277 What do you know about it? 00:01:15.277 --> 00:01:17.874 What do you know about getting up at five o'clock in morning to fly to Paris, 00:01:17.874 --> 00:01:19.902 back at the Old Vic for drinks at twelve, 00:01:19.902 --> 00:01:21.816 00:01:21.816 --> 00:01:22.354 sweating the day through press interviews, 00:01:22.354 --> 00:01:22.818 television interviews, 00:01:22.818 --> 00:01:23.643 then gettin' back here at ten 00:01:23.643 --> 00:01:24.659 to wrestle with the problem of an 'omosexual 00:01:24.659 --> 00:01:26.926 nymphomaniac drug addict, 00:01:26.926 --> 00:01:28.319 involving the ritual murder 00:01:28.319 --> 00:01:30.145 of a well-known Scottish footballer. 00:01:30.145 --> 00:01:32.570 That's a full working day, lad. 00:01:32.570 --> 00:01:33.980 And don't you forget it! 00:01:33.980 --> 00:01:35.361 Oh, don't shout at the boy, Father - 00:01:35.361 --> 00:01:39.609 'Ampstead wasn't good enough for you, was it? 00:01:39.609 --> 00:01:43.633 You 'ad to go poncin' off to Barnsley! 00:01:43.633 --> 00:01:45.966 You and yer coal mining friends. 00:01:45.966 --> 00:01:48.297 Coal mining is a wonderful thing, Father. 00:01:48.297 --> 00:01:50.874 But it's something you'll never understand. 00:01:50.874 --> 00:01:52.134 00:01:52.134 --> 00:01:52.345 Just look at you! 00:01:52.345 --> 00:01:52.742 Oh Ken! 00:01:52.742 --> 00:01:53.133 Be careful, 00:01:53.133 --> 00:01:53.464 you know what he's like 00:01:53.464 --> 00:01:53.923 after a few novels! 00:01:53.923 --> 00:01:54.713 Come on lad, come on 00:01:54.713 --> 00:01:59.993 out wi' it. 00:01:59.993 --> 00:02:01.465 What's wrong with me? 00:02:01.465 --> 00:02:03.302 Yer TIT! 00:02:03.302 --> 00:02:04.687 I'll tell you what's wrong with you, 00:02:04.687 --> 00:02:06.384 your head's addled with novels and poems 00:02:06.384 --> 00:02:07.795 You come home every evening 00:02:07.795 --> 00:02:09.553 reading your Chateau Notore 00:02:09.553 --> 00:02:11.382 And look what you've done to mother - 00:02:11.382 --> 00:02:13.206 she's fed up with meeting film stars, 00:02:13.206 --> 00:02:14.215 attending premieres 00:02:14.215 --> 00:02:15.971 and giving gala lunches! 00:02:15.971 --> 00:02:18.809 There's NOWT WRONG wi' gala luncheons, lad 00:02:18.809 --> 00:02:22.348 I've 'ad more gala luncheons than you've 'ad 'ot dinners! 00:02:22.348 --> 00:02:24.118 Please, please! 00:02:24.118 --> 00:02:25.643 Aaargh! 00:02:25.643 --> 00:02:26.480 Oh no! 00:02:26.480 --> 00:02:27.116 What is it? 00:02:27.116 --> 00:02:29.535 It's 'is writer's cramp! 00:02:29.535 --> 00:02:30.995 You never told me about this. 00:02:30.995 --> 00:02:32.625 No, we didn't like to Ken - 00:02:32.625 --> 00:02:34.277 I'm alright, I'm alright woman, 00:02:34.277 --> 00:02:35.951 just get 'im out o' here. 00:02:35.951 --> 00:02:37.775 Oh Ken, you'd better go. 00:02:37.775 --> 00:02:39.332 Alright, I'm going. 00:02:39.332 --> 00:02:40.607 After all we've done for 'im. 00:02:40.607 --> 00:02:42.783 One day you'll realise there's more to life than culture. 00:02:42.783 --> 00:02:44.577 There's dirt and smoke - 00:02:44.577 --> 00:02:45.239 Get out - 00:02:45.239 --> 00:02:46.116 - and good honest sweat! 00:02:46.116 --> 00:02:51.196 Get out you little labourer! 00:02:51.196 --> 00:02:52.568 'Ey, you know Mother, 00:02:52.568 --> 00:02:53.694 I reckon there's a play there. 00:02:53.694 --> 00:02:55.174 Get agent on phone. 00:02:55.174 --> 00:02:56.524 Aye, I think yer right, Frank, 00:02:56.524 --> 00:02:57.780 it could express, 00:02:57.780 --> 00:03:01.553 it could express a vital theme of our age. 00:03:01.553 --> 00:03:04.057 Oh shut up! 00:03:04.057 --> 00:03:06.726 Shut up! 00:03:06.726 --> 00:03:07.863 Ah, that's better. 00:03:07.863 --> 00:03:09.155 Now for something completely different, 00:03:09.155 --> 00:03:11.366 a man with 3 buttocks. 00:03:11.366 --> 00:03:12.443 -We've done that! 00:03:12.443 --> 00:03:16.455 Alright, alright! 00:03:16.455 --> 00:03:19.274 A man wiv... nine legs 00:03:19.274 --> 00:03:20.839 -Hah! He ran away! 00:03:20.839 --> 00:03:24.144 Oh bloody 'ell. 00:03:24.144 --> 00:03:26.917 Erm... 00:03:26.917 --> 00:03:28.972 a Scotsman on a horse! 00:03:28.972 --> 00:03:36.276 ^ Bagpipes play fast melody 00:03:36.276 --> 00:03:37.114 [ HORSE WHINNIES ] 00:03:37.114 --> 00:03:42.610 [ CLAPPING ] 00:03:42.610 --> 00:03:45.371 [ STUTTERING FARTY NOISE ] 00:03:45.371 --> 00:03:47.444 [ CLAPPING ] 00:03:47.444 --> 00:03:49.470 Harold! Come back Harold. 00:03:49.470 --> 00:03:51.331 'Arold, come back! 00:03:51.331 --> 00:03:52.695 Harold! 00:03:52.695 --> 00:03:53.865 Oh blast! 00:03:53.865 --> 00:03:56.864 [ Swanee whistle ] 00:03:56.864 --> 99:59:59.999 [ RASPBERRY ] 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999