"Le qualità del Programmatore Neurolinguistico" Modulo 2 - Practitioner PNL Gratis

NLP practioner

Part 2

A NeuroLIinguistic programmer's qualities

What are the qualities a good neurolinguistic programmer must have?

if in the previous chapter we saw the communication preconditions,

in this one we'll see the qualities.

The first fundamental quality

follows one of the preconditions we saw before

that is THE MAP IS NOT THE TERRITORY

The first and greatest wuality of a good neuro linguistic programmer

as well as a good communicator

as well as a good coach

As coach I mean the one who, in the common exception of the word,

is a trainer.

So who trains mentally and who

in theory should have already gone beyond given things

so the first thing a coach must do, or a neuro linguistic programmer

or whoever he/she it

must understand and become aware that your map is different from mine, from any other person's in the world.

What does this mean?

It means that all the experienced you've had in your life

since your conception, not even your birth, but since your conception to now

have become filters which filter the outside reality

to make it become the reality represented insiede you.

If you ever saw a camera, a reflex one to which you can add lens or filters

or colours, or anything else

it is like you as you bear, or rather, as soon as you are conceived

they put this camera in your hand

so the reality you take from the outside

which pass through the lens is what you really see.

Then, we'll udnerstand better what this means

as the things happen

like a trauma because your parents didn't want you

this creates you a new filter already

the world does not accept me

you add another filter because maybe you parents beat you later

so the world is violent

and so forth...

thoughts, emotions, traumas, events becoming filters, colours

and many other things that somehow change the reality perception

your reality perception will absolutely be different from mine

it's like as... the classical example I maje is this one:

imagine we both live in Rome

but I go around by car and you go around by bus

bus or subway

what happens? My references are streets and monuments,

your references are the bus stops and the subway platforms.

we have to fix an appointment:

it's a mess, why?

my map is different from yours.

so I'll tell you "let's see next to
the Olimpico movie theatre"

I don't even now if it exists.

And you'll tell me : "Olimpico movie theatre?

Where's the Olimpico movie theatre?"

What's the Giulio Agricola subway platform?

Giulio Agricola Subway? don't know.

no, come one, in front of the shopping centre, the towers' one.

towers shopping centre?
but the one near to the terminal 31?

termina, which bus? don't know, come one, a little ahead where there is that restaurant where you can eat fish

we could go on like this endlessly

until one of the two takes his map

and overlpas it to the other's map

so I should take my mental map of the monuments

or sights, overlap it to your bus map

and see where that movie theatre is.

next to the Tuscolana platform, good. tuscolana subway platform

and so we can meet.

this is a very meaningful metaphor

because if I don't understand which map is yours

I can't ever enter your mind and help you,

I can't ever understand your experience

and if you think about it, the most of discussions or relationship problems

occurs because we often say the same things

I mean, we talk about the same things but in different ways.

here's an example:

two friends who are lifelong friends

but one of them is sure about this:

my best friend is who wouldn't ever wake me up at night, no matter what happens

the other one thinks: my best friend is the one who if I get a flat at 3 am,

I call him and he comes to me.

now, they are best friends each other

what happens if, by mistake, one of them gets a flat at 3 am?

their friendship breaks up!

simply because they both said to be best friends

but they didn't know the maps of each other

so according to me, the friendship is a thing, for you the friendship is another thing

these two maps do not overlap, so they fight.

and this usually occurs in the man-woman relationships,

the job relationships, and probably in all relationships

remember that the words, experiences, movements always come from those filters we talked about before.

so I don't know your filters, but I know,

when I start a relationship, get in touch with you,

your actions,

and I judge your actions, usually, or interpret your actions

based on my filters which are completely different from yours.

so we both can talk freely about family, money, sex,

anything but I don't know what this can mean to you,

and you don't know what this means to me.

but we are... and this is abig problem in our society which doesn't know these things

we are absolutely sure that what I have in my mind is exactly the same for all the others

and starting from this principle, we get angry because the others don't understand us,

but actually it just takes... and for a good neurolinguistic programmer is the first thing to do,

is understanding that the other person's map is not our map

so what we have in our head is not important

but we have to understand the other person's map.

regularly, when I talk about these things, someone raises his hand and tells me...

in video this doesn't happen but I am sure that someone of you

now may think:

"well, this is like you demean to the other person!

no.

it's like to understand the other person.

because the second quality of a good neuro linguistic programmer

is taking off his/her pride inside the communication

because until I have the principle to not demean myself to him/her,

it's him/her who has to understand.

but in this case you become a communication expert

and you have to understand, you don't have to demean yourself, but you have to understand the other

and when you'll understant the other people,
you can lead them

somehow, you can create
a valid communication for your goals

I don't know which your goals are

remember the NLP is a toolbox

someone often talks about the NLP in a negatively

it's something to manipulate, it's something to sell

NLP is a toolbos, so if I teach you to use a knife

if you use this knife to cut the bread and make a sandwich to feed a famished

or you use this knife to kill someone

I taught you to use the knife

then it's your ethics which will decide
how to use it, this is the NLP!

they are tools.

when you know how your mind works,

it's you who decide what to do with it.

sure you can manipulate, certainly,
but it's what it's done to you every day

by TV, politicians, and everything around you

so it's also a way to protect you

and understand how ads posters, supermarkets planning, what they tell you in politics,

what they tell you on tv. they often... most of all the ads. it's very fun

they use NLP techniques
which are nothing but of our mind working

to attract your attention, to install something in order that you'll see it in the supermarket

you don't even why but you buy a good rather than another one

because you are sure, and you don't know why you are sure about it

that if you buy that, your dress will be whiter as most as it can

etc etc

these things are inside your mind but you don't know why but someone put them in it

how? by using techniques you are going to learn!

so how you'll use them, how you'll use these tools

will exclusively depend on your ethics.

My task is giving them to you.

Sure, you can teach them to children, or use them to give them to your children

to raise them without negativity or negative thoughts perhaps

or fears, or limitations, or you can use them to sell more

to manipulate people, or who knows what

I repeat, the NLP is just tools, what you are going to do with them depends only on you.

so to get in touch with another person

you have to manage to stay outside your ego

because until your ego will say you are better than someone else and you won't demean yourself,

or will say that it's the other person who has to understand, not you

this won't ever let you to enter the other person's map.

another fundamental thing is that:

you don't discover the map only inside the other person,

therefore we don't learn the NLP only to communicate with another person

but most of all

and first of all to communicate with ourselves

because we are the first who don't know our map

but we act accordingly.

Starting to know our map

and understanding for which reason a given word said by a given person makes me jump,

gets me angry or if my mother tells me something I react like this

and I don't even know why, because I can't control it

if my boss treats me in a given way my blood goes to my head

and who knows what

if I receive a bill, I feel bad for two days,

if sometims I wake up, the weather is bad and I am in a bad mood

you have a range of automatic behaviours,

remember that 95% of these behaviours
are completely automatic

so they are driven by a part of you which has some maps

that have been created through that filters range

since you had been conceived to today

and works completely automatically

just like when you take driving lessons

the first times you are forced to pay attention

then after your behaviours and the teaching became inconscious

everything is automatic

and today you drive peacefully
while you talk on the phone

while you make up or while who knows what

and your mind automatically runs these behaviours

so much that it will happen to you many time that if you drive your car

if you are used to always take the same road

from your house to your office and one day instead of coming back home

from the office you have to go to a friend of yours

but you are lost in thought, automatically your mind will lead you at home

because automatically your mind does what it has always done

what it has been trained to,

what for which those filters have been put in

and if you don't give it a conscious order

it will do what it has always done: it makes you do the usual road.

and probably this happened to you.

so in the 95% of cases your behaviours are completely unconscious

we have to understand our map

first of all

to understand how these behaviours have been created

and how to change them if we don't like them

this obviously works for fears, phobias, limitations, blocks, everything

as we go along, we'll learn how a maps is created

and obviously our and the others' maps

so when we'll learn how our mind works,

we could change the things in it

obviously we'll learn how the others' mind works

and we could choose according to our ethics

how to use these tools to... use them with the other people

according to our goals, which I hope will be ethical for you watching this video.

But how can we enter another person's map?

or how can we discover our map?

well, one of the easiest things is coming back to the other principle

we saw before in the previous chapter which said:

two ears - two eyes - one mouth

that is listening, watching and then, if necessary, talking.

but when you'll be skilled, you'll just need to watch with given rules

you'll learn and to listen with given rules you'll learn

and only watching and listening will show you inside the person

all a range of features which show you the important parts of his/her map

when you'll understand the map, you can adjust your map to his or hers

in order that the communciation will be valid and aimed at a positive goal.

let's remember another fundamental thing

the main goal of the NLP is producing rapports

that is at an unsconscious level, we always talk about the communication with the others but it worths also with the communciation with ourselves

because very often it's as we had someone behind us we don't get along with

so often we feel like we can't do things

I would like to do some things but something blocks me

this thing blocking me is someone inside

we don't see it as a strange entity, simply a sort of a inner child

a sort of a person inside of us who hasn't grown up in a given way

and that for some given reasons has chosen to put given filters in.

Knowing this person, and knowing the person who is outside,

is pretty easy, you have just to listen to it and be able to watch.

what? we'll learn it in the next chapters

so the map is pretty simple to discover when we know what to watch

but a quality a neurolinguistic programmer must have

is being able to listen and watch

and this is linked to the need of being outside our ego

because if we stay in our ego

while a person talks,

we talk us inside, we already thing about what we have to say

without listening to the other we lose all those details

the person giving us consciously or unconsciously

in thousands ways you'll learn

and that could be important to us to create an effective communication with the other

I repeat: the same thing happens with ourselves

it's a little bit harder watching ourselves from the outside but we can do that

so remember the map in the neurolinguistic program...

remember the map and the neuro linguistic program tells us:

it comes from a programming so from things happened in the past

and that has programmed our neuro, our mind

and expresses itself through the linguistic

as linguistic we mean not only what we say with words

but the whole communciation, so the verbal and the paraverbal, then we'll learn what this means

and the non-verbal

so watching our or the others' communication

we could understand how this external communication shows our internal map

and we'll learn many things in the next chapters

another quality a good neuro-linguistic programmer,

a good communicatior and a good coach should have

is becoming a juggler with words.

because remember that our words can influence

the other person's experience at any level

for better or worse of course.

but it depend on your ethics

so your ethics is important

when I can play with words

and I can put them in the right place, in the right moment, in the right way,

with the right tone, it doesn't take much to change an experience

or reach a goal

whatever the goal is.

I repeat, it can be selling, conquering, changing something, manipulating, or helping a person

or healing, or getting them over a limit, or a phobia, abything, when you know the map

you know how given things work in your mind,

when you can play with the words and with the linguistics

you can use the right sentence in the right place, in the right moment

but, I repeat, this is quality you get with the experience

I remind you, as I sais in the previous chapter,

the NLP is a range of tools, it's true.

but your experience makes the actual difference.

So, if you wathc these videos, you closed them

and you do nothing but waiting for the next or watching the next one,

without doing your exercises I suggest you to do at home

and you don't continue to constantly do the exercises I suggest you to do outside

and instead of doing this

you go to the next videos and watch them until the end

and you don't do the exercises

well, it's useless: you're wasting your time!

you're wasating your time listening to things that won't help you

so you'll have a perfectly useless knowledge: it's as you read a book

while if you apply all this

you'll start licence driving

so today and in the next chapter, we'll learn the representational systems

well, to make this unconscious you'll have to apply it over and over again

and apply it n tims, just like when you learn how to drive your car you had to drive and drive and drive...

first, you learned how to make the gear change unconscious,

then you learned how to make clutch unconscious,

then the indicators, so little by little, you turned conscious behaviours into unconscious ones

but you had to do n drives

these n drives are nothing but many, many, many exercises

and it's important that you go to the next exercise

or to the next chapter only when you became perfectly able

to apply what I am going to learn you in the pervious chapter.

Because if you didn't become able, if you didn't understand it, it doesn't become automatic to you

I'll add you some things in the next chapter

so you'll have to do the first one and then the next one

and it will always be more elaborate

for a simple reason: because the conscious mind is limited

so you can't handle more than a given number of information in an only moment

that's why it is divided into chapters, and that's why it's made in batches

I won't give you the whole course in one body

because I already know that probably, many of those who will watch it

could watch it all together

and they would learn nothing.

sincerely, if I have to simple give something that is the same thing as writing a book

that you read and then you put it away

I wouldn't even have wasted my time

my goal is creating something different

something that could help you and the others

so in this perspective, I give you this quality, too: you have to learn as soon as possible

to consciously apply everything I will teach you

and most of all to become at the end of the path

and at the end of your experience
a mere juggler with words

so you'll learn to say little,

remember: two eyes, two ears, one mouth

so you speak once but when you speak you do it in precise and definite and incisive way

the last wualities are the ability... as we go on,

as you discover given techniques

and functioning methods of your mind...

the ability to understand and become aware of the powers soothed in our mind

to realize that actually we can do much more than what we have been taught by far

but why do you do this?

first of all, for our part, because we can

eliminate all the outside conditioning, that is

we don't have to give nobody any more, outisde of us

be it an event, an environment, a person, a boss, a partner,

a mother, a father, we don't have to any of them

the power to act and interfere on our mood

and on our choices and actions

what we don't have today

because normally everyone has

something resonating that somehow releases, that influences them

sometimes, they are so unconscious that we are sure to do make the best choice for us

then we discover we choose to do this because we don't want to feel guilty towards our parents

or we do that because otherwise our girlfriend breaks up with us

so there are a range of filters put during our life

that somehow limit our free will.

here's one of the most important quailities, and it's the first you have to achieve,

is setting us free, understandin us first of all,

so we have to observe ourselves, to know how to observe, to know how listen,

how to understand what our map is and be able to change it according to our actual goals.

after we'll have learned to understand ours, it will be easier

to understand the others' ones, because you won't have to apply the things I taught you in some videos

but simply you'll apply on the others what you did to you

with a confidence level much different from the one you can have after watching a video.

Now, after this video,
you could tell someone what you learned

but when you do it, when you experience it and when you solved your problems

you are telling anymore what someone else told you

you are telling your experience
where nobody can interfere

nobody can interrupt, nobody can object,

because it's your experience. it's like this.

that's why when often I asked what I do I don't consider myself to be a coach but a storyteller

because I do nothing but telling my experience

so i suggest you to create your own experience with all this first of all,

then, only then, use it on the other goals you'll want.

helping or anything else.

After this, we can end this second chapter

now you know what
the communication preconditions are

what the qualities to have are

we can go to the third chapter.

also in this case, in this second opening chapter

there's no specific exercises

but now you are ready to go to the third chapter

where we'll learn how our mind

processes the information

and therefore we'll understand in the next chapter

how since the beginning of time, since the beginning of your life

since the beginning of your conception, your mind,

which was a mouldable sponge,

has started to create those filters that today has become

what we normally call "character"

but we know very well that it is nothing but a range of interpretations

of given experiences influenced by different things.

Now I want to thank you for your attention

during this second chapter and see you at the chapter number three!