What my daughters need | Marcos Piangers | TEDxUnisinos

Marcos Piangers never met his biological father. For many years, he tried to discover who was the guy he had never met.
In this funny and irreverent talk, radio communicator and presenter, Marcos Piangers, reflects about his own life which is similar to that of thousands of people who have never known their fathers.
The stories about paternity were transformed into the book "O Papai é Pop" by Piangers. One of the bestsellers in Brazil, it talks about his relationship with his two daughters, Anita and Aurora. Marcos Piangers explains that all the money raised will be donated to institutions that treat children in vulnerable situations. "This feeds my soul," concludes Piangers.
Piangers has been working with young communication digital platforms at the RBS Group since 2001. Born in Florianópolis, he has been living in Porto Alegre since 2006 where he participates in the radio program "Pretinho Básico," winner of the prize "Melhores 2014" from iTunes, Apple. He has given classes about humor and creative thought, and also covered the Olympic Games and the World Cup.

This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at http://ted.com/tedx

I never met my biological father.

My mother had a relationship with someone

and then never told me who this guy was.

And when you're a youngster
you start to imagine.

You watch Star Wars
and think you're Luke Skywalker,

and that at any moment

Darth Vader is going to come
and take you to the dark side.

I thought, "Dude,
I wonder who my father is?"

My cousins started some stories
that my father was an adventurous diver

who died before I was born.

Then I discovered my mother
was a friend of Falcão of Inter team.

So I said, "Bro, he's my father.

My father is Falcão of Inter, dude."

And someday I'll be
Cristina Ranzolin's godson.

(Laughter)

And then I thought,

"Wow, I could be
Eike Batista's son, couldn't I?"

The richest guy. Not now,
but when he was very rich.

I thought, "Dude, he could be my father.

This guy could just appear
from nowhere and say,

"Piangers, I'm your father
and now you're a billionaire."

And I, "Yes, daddy, I love you!"

(Laughter)

And in March this year,

March of 2015, my mother
discovered a cancer...

of the uterus...

and...

she decided to tell me who my father is.

And my father is not Eike Batista.

(Soft laughter)

My father is just a guy,

just a guy.

A guy she had a relationship with,

got pregnant and I was born.

This is the most
common story in the world,

the most common story in Brazil:

children born without their fathers.

My mother was my father,

and this is a shame

because she raised me very well.

But it's a shame that a woman
assumes all the responsibility

of being a father, mother, grandmother;

in brief, teacher,
and everything at the same time.

It's a shame for the kid,

because the kid grows up a bit insecure.

And for some time

I was somewhat aggressive
in what I said or what I did

because I was feeling this insecurity.

And finally, it's a shame for the father,

because he doesn't know what he's lost.

He doesn't know what he loses.

Each guy that abandons a pregnant woman,

doesn't know what he's losing, bro.

Because having a child...

I don't know how it is to have a father,
but I know how it is to have a child.

And it's the best thing in the world.

I have two daughters,

and sometimes I wake up
with one of them calling, "Daddy!"

And it's like the sun was by my side

lighting me up, keeping me warm.

Each hug from a three-year-old child

saves you money with a psychologist
or psychiatrist a few years from now.

(Laughter)

When you walk holding hands
with your 10-year-old daughter

and she's telling you stories,

you feel like the luckiest person
in the world.

And this is what those guys
who abandon pregnant women lose.

A series of stories, dude.

And a series of emotional,
funny, interesting moments.

And more and more, I see that fathers

are more concerned about being
more present, more loving, more attentive.

And it seems to me
that we live in a Zeitgeist,

a moment when fathers
are more participative, dude.

The fathers want these little stories,
they want to wake up near their children,

they want to take them to nursery school,
they want to enjoy these little stories.

And I think we're getting to a point
that we're the best fathers in history.

Back in the 80s, 70s,
do you remember what fathers were like?

Fathers were like mobsters, you know?

You'd be playing with Lego in the
living room when dad arrives, "Ah!"

You mother would say, "Daddy's here!"

And you'd run, everyone hiding,
pretending to be asleep.

"Oh, I think he didn't see me!"

It was terrifying!

But now, our children
wake us up with a kick,

"Dad, wake up!"

And we say, "Ah, son, I love you!"

(Laughter)

Because we love that,
we love being a father.

And this is amazing!

We're always blaming ourselves,

"I'm a bad father. I don't know
if I chose the right school."

"I don't know if my son eats well."

But you remember how it was in the 80s?

Our mother used to give us
powdered juice and biscuits for lunch.

I'd ride in the back with no seat belt.

Today my daughters have a child car seat
which I swiftly change when they're seven.

I used to ride in the trunk of a Fiat 147.

Did you too?

Our fathers weren't worried, dude.

We're the best,

the best generation of fathers is here.

The most attentive fathers,
who pay more attention,

who observe these stories.

Because I started to observe these stories

ever since the day my first daughter
was born back in 2005.

People would say, "Oh, it's love
at first sight, it's a magical moment."

It is not, dude. It's like "Alien."

It's a baby coming out
of your wife's belly,

your wife's all broken,
that baby full of blood.

People said to me,

"You're going to fall in love,
like love at first sight."

No, dude, it's terrifying.

The first night my wife
breastfed from one side to the other,

one side to the other side.

She couldn't take any more
and slept, and I took over.

I called the nurse and said,
"For God's sake, help me!"

And the nurse said,
"No, dude, now it's up to you."

(Laughter)

This moment was supposed to be romantic
because people say it's romantic.

And I started to write about it.

"I didn't think it was romantic."

The first time my daughters
started to talk and tell stories,

my five-year-old said she wanted to marry.

I said, "Why so soon?"

She said, "I also want
to boss someone around!"

(Laughter)

Once we were walking in the mall
and I pointed out Santa Claus,

"Look, Santa Claus!"

She said, "Dad, it's not Santa Claus,
it's a guy dressed like Santa Claus."

(Laughter)

My second daughter was born
and she's totally the opposite.

The first one is super cerebral,
the second is super festive.

She believes in fairies,
rabbits, Santa Claus,

in the Big Bad Wolf.

If I'll tell her I'm the bad wolf
she'll scream.

(Laughter)

"No, I'm your dad."

"Oh, thank goodness, dad,
the big bad wolf was right here."

(Laughter)

And I kept writing these stories
because being a father is amazing.

And these texts went on the Internet,

and began to reach more than
a million people each week.

And then we turned this into a book

called "O Papai é Pop."

And then we launched this book.

I was expecting to sell like 300 copies.

Apparently, the book found an audience

among these fathers
who didn't abandon pregnant women.

These fathers who decided to be fathers.

Who decided to participate
in the biggest mission of being human:

which is to raise another person, man.

And these fathers read the books,

are touched by them
and share their stories.

This is my payment, dude.

This is what feeds my soul today:

fathers telling how good
it is to be a father,

and fathers who abandoned their children

and now converse with them
because of the book.

And mothers who have raised
their children alone

and now listen to these stories,
and see themselves in my mother,

and share them and create
a community of people

that help each other
throughout parenthood,

and in the raising of these amazing
people that change our lives.

And the book was one
of the best-sellers in Brazil.

I was on TV and became friends
with Henri Castelli, you know?

(Laughter)

To me, that was the most
bizarre thing in the world.

And the book sold over 50 thousand copies,

and that generates money.

And all the money we give back

to kids in socially fragile situations,

to kids in need of money.

My daughters are fine.

I have my job, I write my stories,

I manage to pay their school.

The money from the book
will go to the kids,

because my payment
are the stories that people share.

My daughters don't need
any more money,

I don't need more money.

My daughters and I need
a fairer world for them.

We need a world where women
are paid the same as men,

where they aren't harassed,

where their intimacy
doesn't leak on the Internet.

We need a world where
my daughters won’t go through

what my mother went through,

when men simply abandon pregnant women
saying, "You're on your own."

Yesterday I said to my daughter.

"I want a world where you’re paid
the same as men, Anita."

And she said, "No, dad.
I want to earn much more!"

(Laughter)

The two stories I hear
the most at book launches

are first: "I was also a single mother,"
or "My mother raised me by herself."

The most common story in Brazil,

one of the most
common stories in the world.

And the second story I hear the most:

"My father was awesome, I love my father."

Thank you very much.

(Applause)