How to live passionately—no matter your age
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0:01 - 0:03Hi, kids.
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0:03 - 0:04(Laughter)
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0:04 - 0:07I'm 71.
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0:07 - 0:09(Applause)
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0:09 - 0:12My husband is 76.
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0:12 - 0:15My parents are in their late 90s,
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0:15 - 0:18and Olivia, the dog, is 16.
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0:18 - 0:20So let's talk about aging.
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0:20 - 0:22Let me tell you how I feel
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0:22 - 0:24when I see my wrinkles in the mirror
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0:24 - 0:27and I realize that some parts of me have dropped
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0:27 - 0:30and I can't find them down there.
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0:30 - 0:31(Laughter)
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0:31 - 0:34Mary Oliver says in one of her poems,
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0:34 - 0:38"Tell me, what is it that you plan to do
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0:38 - 0:42with your one wild and precious life?"
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0:42 - 0:46Me, I intend to live passionately.
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0:46 - 0:48When do we start aging?
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0:48 - 0:50Society decides when we are old,
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0:50 - 0:54usually around 65, when we get Medicare,
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0:54 - 0:57but we really start aging at birth.
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0:57 - 0:59We are aging right now,
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0:59 - 1:02and we all experience it differently.
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1:02 - 1:06We all feel younger than our real age,
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1:06 - 1:08because the spirit never ages.
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1:08 - 1:11I am still 17.
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1:11 - 1:15Sophia Loren. Look at her.
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1:15 - 1:18She says that everything you see
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1:18 - 1:20she owes to spaghetti.
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1:20 - 1:22I tried it and gained 10 pounds
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1:22 - 1:25in the wrong places.
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1:25 - 1:30But attitude, aging is also attitude and health.
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1:30 - 1:33But my real mentor in this journey of aging
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1:33 - 1:35is Olga Murray.
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1:35 - 1:38This California girl at 60
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1:38 - 1:41started working in Nepal to save young girls
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1:41 - 1:44from domestic bondage.
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1:44 - 1:48At 88, she has saved 12,000 girls,
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1:48 - 1:50and she has changed the culture in the country.
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1:50 - 1:51(Applause)
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1:51 - 1:55Now it is illegal for fathers
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1:55 - 1:58to sell their daughters into servitude.
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1:58 - 2:01She has also founded orphanages
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2:01 - 2:03and nutritional clinics.
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2:03 - 2:04She is always happy
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2:04 - 2:08and eternally young.
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2:08 - 2:12What have I lost in the last decades?
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2:12 - 2:14People, of course,
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2:14 - 2:18places, and the boundless energy of my youth,
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2:18 - 2:20and I'm beginning to lose independence,
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2:20 - 2:22and that scares me.
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2:22 - 2:26Ram Dass says that dependency hurts,
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2:26 - 2:29but if you accept it, there is less suffering.
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2:29 - 2:31After a very bad stroke,
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2:31 - 2:35his ageless soul watches the changes
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2:35 - 2:37in the body with tenderness,
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2:37 - 2:41and he is grateful to the people who help him.
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2:41 - 2:44What have I gained?
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2:44 - 2:48Freedom: I don't have to prove anything anymore.
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2:48 - 2:51I'm not stuck in the idea of who I was,
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2:51 - 2:52who I want to be,
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2:52 - 2:56or what other people expect me to be.
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2:56 - 3:00I don't have to please men anymore,
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3:00 - 3:03only animals.
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3:03 - 3:06I keep telling my superego to back off
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3:06 - 3:09and let me enjoy what I still have.
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3:09 - 3:11My body may be falling apart,
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3:11 - 3:14but my brain is not, yet.
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3:14 - 3:16I love my brain.
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3:16 - 3:19I feel lighter.
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3:19 - 3:24I don't carry grudges, ambition, vanity,
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3:24 - 3:26none of the deadly sins that are not even
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3:26 - 3:28worth the trouble.
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3:28 - 3:30It's great to let go.
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3:30 - 3:32I should have started sooner.
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3:32 - 3:35And I also feel softer
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3:35 - 3:39because I'm not scared of being vulnerable.
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3:39 - 3:43I don't see it as weakness anymore.
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3:43 - 3:45And I've gained spirituality.
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3:45 - 3:47I'm aware that before,
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3:47 - 3:49death was in the neighborhood.
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3:49 - 3:55Now, it's next door, or in my house.
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3:55 - 3:57I try to live mindfully
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3:57 - 3:59and be present in the moment.
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3:59 - 4:01By the way, the Dalai Lama
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4:01 - 4:03is someone who has aged beautifully,
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4:03 - 4:06but who wants to be vegetarian and celibate?
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4:06 - 4:09(Laughter)
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4:13 - 4:15Meditation helps.
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4:15 - 4:19(Video) Child: Ommm. Ommm. Ommm.
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4:19 - 4:21Isabel Allende: Ommm. Ommm. There it is.
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4:21 - 4:23And it's good to start early.
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4:23 - 4:27You know, for a vain female like myself,
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4:27 - 4:30it's very hard to age in this culture.
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4:30 - 4:35Inside, I feel good, I feel charming, seductive, sexy.
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4:35 - 4:38Nobody else sees that. (Laughter)
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4:38 - 4:40I'm invisible.
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4:40 - 4:42I want to be the center of attention.
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4:42 - 4:45I hate to be invisible.
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4:45 - 4:47(Laughter) (Applause)
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4:47 - 4:49This is Grace Dammann.
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4:49 - 4:51She has been in a wheelchair for six years
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4:51 - 4:54after a terrible car accident.
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4:54 - 4:58She says that there is nothing more sensual
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4:58 - 4:59than a hot shower,
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4:59 - 5:01that every drop of water
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5:01 - 5:04is a blessing to the senses.
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5:04 - 5:07She doesn't see herself as disabled.
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5:07 - 5:11In her mind, she's still surfing in the ocean.
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5:11 - 5:15Ethel Seiderman, a feisty, beloved activist
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5:15 - 5:18in the place where I live in California.
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5:18 - 5:22She wears red patent shoes,
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5:22 - 5:24and her mantra is that one scarf is nice
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5:24 - 5:26but two is better.
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5:26 - 5:29She has been a widow for nine years,
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5:29 - 5:31but she's not looking for another mate.
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5:31 - 5:34She says that there is only a limited number
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5:34 - 5:36of ways you can screw —
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5:36 - 5:38well, she says it in another way —
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5:38 - 5:40and she has tried them all.
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5:40 - 5:43(Laughter)
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5:43 - 5:44I, on the other hand,
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5:44 - 5:48I still have erotic fantasies with Antonio Banderas —
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5:48 - 5:49(Laughter) —
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5:49 - 5:54and my poor husband has to put up with it.
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5:54 - 5:56So how can I stay passionate?
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5:56 - 6:00I cannot will myself to be passionate at 71.
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6:00 - 6:02I have been training for some time,
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6:02 - 6:06and when I feel flat and bored, I fake it.
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6:06 - 6:08Attitude, attitude.
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6:08 - 6:11How do I train? I train by saying yes
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6:11 - 6:13to whatever comes my way:
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6:13 - 6:16drama, comedy, tragedy,
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6:16 - 6:19love, death, losses.
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6:19 - 6:21Yes to life.
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6:21 - 6:24And I train by trying to stay in love.
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6:24 - 6:26It doesn't always work,
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6:26 - 6:29but you cannot blame me for trying.
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6:29 - 6:31And, on a final note,
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6:31 - 6:35retirement in Spanish is jubilación.
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6:35 - 6:38Jubilation. Celebration.
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6:38 - 6:39We have paid our dues.
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6:39 - 6:41We have contributed to society.
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6:41 - 6:45Now it's our time, and it's a great time.
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6:45 - 6:48Unless you are ill or very poor,
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6:48 - 6:49you have choices.
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6:49 - 6:52I have chosen to stay passionate,
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6:52 - 6:54engaged with an open heart.
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6:54 - 6:57I am working on it every day.
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6:57 - 7:01Want to join me?
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7:01 - 7:02Thank you.
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7:02 - 7:08(Applause)
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7:08 - 7:11June Cohen: So Isabel —
IA: Thank you. -
7:11 - 7:14JC: First of all,
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7:14 - 7:17I never like to presume to
speak for the TED community, -
7:17 - 7:19but I would like to tell you that I have a feeling
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7:19 - 7:21we can all agree that you are still charming,
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7:21 - 7:23seductive and sexy. Yes?
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7:23 - 7:26IA: Aww, thank you.
(Applause) -
7:26 - 7:28JC: Hands down.
IA: No, it's makeup. -
7:28 - 7:30Moderator: Now, would it be awkward
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7:30 - 7:32if I asked you a follow-up question
about your erotic fantasies? -
7:32 - 7:34IA: Oh, of course. About what?
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7:34 - 7:35(Laughter)
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7:35 - 7:38Moderator: About your erotic fantasies.
IA: With Antonio Banderas. -
7:38 - 7:41Moderator: I was just wondering
if you have anything more to share. -
7:41 - 7:46IA: Well, one of them is that — (Laughter)
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7:46 - 7:48One of them is that I place a naked Antonio Banderas
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7:48 - 7:51on a Mexican tortilla,
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7:51 - 7:55I slather him with guacamole and salsa,
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7:55 - 7:58I roll him up, and I eat him. (Laughter)
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7:58 - 8:00Thank you.
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8:00 - 8:03(Applause)
- Title:
- How to live passionately—no matter your age
- Speaker:
- Isabel Allende
- Description:
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Author Isabel Allende is 71. Yes, she has a few wrinkles—but she has incredible perspective too. In this candid talk, meant for viewers of all ages, she talks about her fears as she gets older and shares how she plans to keep on living passionately.
- Video Language:
- English
- Team:
- closed TED
- Project:
- TEDTalks
- Duration:
- 08:16
Morton Bast approved English subtitles for How to live passionately—no matter your age | ||
Morton Bast edited English subtitles for How to live passionately—no matter your age | ||
Morton Bast edited English subtitles for How to live passionately—no matter your age | ||
Morton Bast edited English subtitles for How to live passionately—no matter your age | ||
Morton Bast edited English subtitles for How to live passionately—no matter your age | ||
Madeleine Aronson accepted English subtitles for How to live passionately—no matter your age | ||
Madeleine Aronson edited English subtitles for How to live passionately—no matter your age | ||
Madeleine Aronson edited English subtitles for How to live passionately—no matter your age |