WEBVTT 00:00:00.990 --> 00:00:02.539 Hi, kids. NOTE Paragraph 00:00:02.539 --> 00:00:04.099 (Laughter) NOTE Paragraph 00:00:04.099 --> 00:00:06.683 I'm 71. NOTE Paragraph 00:00:06.683 --> 00:00:08.778 (Applause) 00:00:08.778 --> 00:00:11.580 My husband is 76. 00:00:11.580 --> 00:00:15.040 My parents are in their late 90s, 00:00:15.040 --> 00:00:17.730 and Olivia, the dog, is 16. 00:00:17.740 --> 00:00:20.130 So let's talk about aging. NOTE Paragraph 00:00:20.130 --> 00:00:21.548 Let me tell you how I feel 00:00:21.548 --> 00:00:23.875 when I see my wrinkles in the mirror 00:00:23.875 --> 00:00:27.200 and I realize that some parts of me have dropped 00:00:27.200 --> 00:00:29.832 and I can't find them down there. 00:00:29.832 --> 00:00:30.970 (Laughter) NOTE Paragraph 00:00:30.970 --> 00:00:34.169 Mary Oliver says in one of her poems, 00:00:34.169 --> 00:00:37.848 "Tell me, what is it that you plan to do 00:00:37.848 --> 00:00:41.531 with your one wild and precious life?" 00:00:41.531 --> 00:00:45.834 Me, I intend to live passionately. NOTE Paragraph 00:00:45.834 --> 00:00:47.846 When do we start aging? 00:00:47.846 --> 00:00:50.233 Society decides when we are old, 00:00:50.233 --> 00:00:54.464 usually around 65, when we get Medicare, 00:00:54.464 --> 00:00:57.230 but we really start aging at birth. 00:00:57.230 --> 00:00:59.190 We are aging right now, 00:00:59.190 --> 00:01:02.383 and we all experience it differently. 00:01:02.383 --> 00:01:05.825 We all feel younger than our real age, 00:01:05.825 --> 00:01:07.996 because the spirit never ages. 00:01:07.996 --> 00:01:11.291 I am still 17. 00:01:11.291 --> 00:01:14.820 Sophia Loren. Look at her. 00:01:14.820 --> 00:01:17.693 She says that everything you see 00:01:17.693 --> 00:01:19.976 she owes to spaghetti. 00:01:19.976 --> 00:01:22.464 I tried it and gained 10 pounds 00:01:22.464 --> 00:01:24.566 in the wrong places. 00:01:24.566 --> 00:01:29.718 But attitude, aging is also attitude and health. 00:01:29.718 --> 00:01:33.418 But my real mentor in this journey of aging 00:01:33.418 --> 00:01:34.959 is Olga Murray. 00:01:34.959 --> 00:01:37.749 This California girl at 60 00:01:37.749 --> 00:01:41.450 started working in Nepal to save young girls 00:01:41.450 --> 00:01:43.509 from domestic bondage. 00:01:43.509 --> 00:01:47.900 At 88, she has saved 12,000 girls, 00:01:47.900 --> 00:01:50.393 and she has changed the culture in the country. 00:01:50.393 --> 00:01:51.383 (Applause) 00:01:51.383 --> 00:01:54.830 Now it is illegal for fathers 00:01:54.830 --> 00:01:57.986 to sell their daughters into servitude. 00:01:57.986 --> 00:02:00.513 She has also founded orphanages 00:02:00.513 --> 00:02:02.543 and nutritional clinics. 00:02:02.543 --> 00:02:04.196 She is always happy 00:02:04.196 --> 00:02:07.697 and eternally young. NOTE Paragraph 00:02:07.697 --> 00:02:11.725 What have I lost in the last decades? 00:02:11.725 --> 00:02:13.896 People, of course, 00:02:13.896 --> 00:02:17.743 places, and the boundless energy of my youth, 00:02:17.743 --> 00:02:19.588 and I'm beginning to lose independence, 00:02:19.588 --> 00:02:21.973 and that scares me. 00:02:21.973 --> 00:02:26.146 Ram Dass says that dependency hurts, 00:02:26.146 --> 00:02:29.039 but if you accept it, there is less suffering. 00:02:29.039 --> 00:02:31.175 After a very bad stroke, 00:02:31.175 --> 00:02:34.527 his ageless soul watches the changes 00:02:34.527 --> 00:02:36.788 in the body with tenderness, 00:02:36.788 --> 00:02:41.300 and he is grateful to the people who help him. NOTE Paragraph 00:02:41.300 --> 00:02:44.370 What have I gained? 00:02:44.370 --> 00:02:48.431 Freedom: I don't have to prove anything anymore. 00:02:48.431 --> 00:02:50.996 I'm not stuck in the idea of who I was, 00:02:50.996 --> 00:02:52.126 who I want to be, 00:02:52.126 --> 00:02:55.990 or what other people expect me to be. 00:02:55.990 --> 00:03:00.040 I don't have to please men anymore, 00:03:00.040 --> 00:03:02.888 only animals. 00:03:02.888 --> 00:03:06.430 I keep telling my superego to back off 00:03:06.430 --> 00:03:08.612 and let me enjoy what I still have. 00:03:08.612 --> 00:03:10.671 My body may be falling apart, 00:03:10.671 --> 00:03:14.125 but my brain is not, yet. 00:03:14.125 --> 00:03:16.172 I love my brain. 00:03:16.172 --> 00:03:19.130 I feel lighter. 00:03:19.130 --> 00:03:24.407 I don't carry grudges, ambition, vanity, 00:03:24.407 --> 00:03:26.262 none of the deadly sins that are not even 00:03:26.262 --> 00:03:28.456 worth the trouble. 00:03:28.456 --> 00:03:30.200 It's great to let go. 00:03:30.200 --> 00:03:32.290 I should have started sooner. 00:03:32.290 --> 00:03:35.036 And I also feel softer 00:03:35.036 --> 00:03:39.060 because I'm not scared of being vulnerable. 00:03:39.060 --> 00:03:42.750 I don't see it as weakness anymore. 00:03:42.750 --> 00:03:45.274 And I've gained spirituality. 00:03:45.274 --> 00:03:47.197 I'm aware that before, 00:03:47.197 --> 00:03:49.493 death was in the neighborhood. 00:03:49.493 --> 00:03:54.794 Now, it's next door, or in my house. 00:03:54.794 --> 00:03:57.263 I try to live mindfully 00:03:57.263 --> 00:03:59.389 and be present in the moment. 00:03:59.389 --> 00:04:01.150 By the way, the Dalai Lama 00:04:01.150 --> 00:04:03.270 is someone who has aged beautifully, 00:04:03.270 --> 00:04:05.677 but who wants to be vegetarian and celibate? 00:04:05.677 --> 00:04:09.261 (Laughter) NOTE Paragraph 00:04:12.676 --> 00:04:15.206 Meditation helps. NOTE Paragraph 00:04:15.206 --> 00:04:19.173 (Video) Child: Ommm. Ommm. Ommm. NOTE Paragraph 00:04:19.173 --> 00:04:21.110 Isabel Allende: Ommm. Ommm. There it is. 00:04:21.110 --> 00:04:23.165 And it's good to start early. NOTE Paragraph 00:04:23.165 --> 00:04:26.836 You know, for a vain female like myself, 00:04:26.836 --> 00:04:30.233 it's very hard to age in this culture. 00:04:30.233 --> 00:04:34.958 Inside, I feel good, I feel charming, seductive, sexy. 00:04:34.958 --> 00:04:37.890 Nobody else sees that. (Laughter) 00:04:37.890 --> 00:04:40.110 I'm invisible. 00:04:40.110 --> 00:04:41.754 I want to be the center of attention. 00:04:41.754 --> 00:04:44.812 I hate to be invisible. 00:04:44.812 --> 00:04:46.893 (Laughter) (Applause) NOTE Paragraph 00:04:46.893 --> 00:04:48.992 This is Grace Dammann. 00:04:48.992 --> 00:04:51.415 She has been in a wheelchair for six years 00:04:51.415 --> 00:04:53.780 after a terrible car accident. 00:04:53.780 --> 00:04:57.637 She says that there is nothing more sensual 00:04:57.637 --> 00:04:59.137 than a hot shower, 00:04:59.137 --> 00:05:00.934 that every drop of water 00:05:00.934 --> 00:05:04.144 is a blessing to the senses. 00:05:04.144 --> 00:05:06.512 She doesn't see herself as disabled. 00:05:06.512 --> 00:05:10.518 In her mind, she's still surfing in the ocean. 00:05:10.518 --> 00:05:15.152 Ethel Seiderman, a feisty, beloved activist 00:05:15.152 --> 00:05:17.886 in the place where I live in California. 00:05:17.886 --> 00:05:21.778 She wears red patent shoes, 00:05:21.778 --> 00:05:24.030 and her mantra is that one scarf is nice 00:05:24.030 --> 00:05:25.815 but two is better. 00:05:25.815 --> 00:05:28.618 She has been a widow for nine years, 00:05:28.618 --> 00:05:30.650 but she's not looking for another mate. 00:05:30.650 --> 00:05:33.735 She says that there is only a limited number 00:05:33.735 --> 00:05:35.985 of ways you can screw — 00:05:35.985 --> 00:05:37.999 well, she says it in another way — 00:05:37.999 --> 00:05:39.967 and she has tried them all. 00:05:39.967 --> 00:05:43.006 (Laughter) 00:05:43.006 --> 00:05:44.291 I, on the other hand, 00:05:44.291 --> 00:05:47.909 I still have erotic fantasies with Antonio Banderas — 00:05:47.909 --> 00:05:49.187 (Laughter) — 00:05:49.187 --> 00:05:53.537 and my poor husband has to put up with it. NOTE Paragraph 00:05:53.537 --> 00:05:55.795 So how can I stay passionate? 00:05:55.795 --> 00:05:59.747 I cannot will myself to be passionate at 71. 00:05:59.747 --> 00:06:01.986 I have been training for some time, 00:06:01.986 --> 00:06:05.743 and when I feel flat and bored, I fake it. 00:06:05.743 --> 00:06:08.409 Attitude, attitude. 00:06:08.409 --> 00:06:11.143 How do I train? I train by saying yes 00:06:11.143 --> 00:06:12.954 to whatever comes my way: 00:06:12.954 --> 00:06:15.732 drama, comedy, tragedy, 00:06:15.732 --> 00:06:18.724 love, death, losses. 00:06:18.724 --> 00:06:20.806 Yes to life. 00:06:20.806 --> 00:06:24.237 And I train by trying to stay in love. 00:06:24.237 --> 00:06:25.690 It doesn't always work, 00:06:25.690 --> 00:06:28.544 but you cannot blame me for trying. NOTE Paragraph 00:06:28.544 --> 00:06:31.043 And, on a final note, 00:06:31.043 --> 00:06:35.030 retirement in Spanish is jubilación. 00:06:35.030 --> 00:06:37.777 Jubilation. Celebration. 00:06:37.777 --> 00:06:39.263 We have paid our dues. 00:06:39.263 --> 00:06:41.340 We have contributed to society. 00:06:41.340 --> 00:06:44.673 Now it's our time, and it's a great time. 00:06:44.673 --> 00:06:47.710 Unless you are ill or very poor, 00:06:47.710 --> 00:06:49.231 you have choices. 00:06:49.231 --> 00:06:51.884 I have chosen to stay passionate, 00:06:51.884 --> 00:06:54.483 engaged with an open heart. 00:06:54.483 --> 00:06:57.250 I am working on it every day. 00:06:57.250 --> 00:07:00.682 Want to join me? NOTE Paragraph 00:07:00.682 --> 00:07:02.345 Thank you. NOTE Paragraph 00:07:02.345 --> 00:07:07.644 (Applause) NOTE Paragraph 00:07:07.644 --> 00:07:11.100 June Cohen: So Isabel — IA: Thank you. NOTE Paragraph 00:07:11.100 --> 00:07:14.461 JC: First of all, 00:07:14.461 --> 00:07:17.210 I never like to presume to speak for the TED community, 00:07:17.210 --> 00:07:19.388 but I would like to tell you that I have a feeling 00:07:19.388 --> 00:07:21.222 we can all agree that you are still charming, 00:07:21.222 --> 00:07:23.191 seductive and sexy. Yes? NOTE Paragraph 00:07:23.191 --> 00:07:25.686 IA: Aww, thank you. (Applause) NOTE Paragraph 00:07:25.686 --> 00:07:28.172 JC: Hands down. IA: No, it's makeup. NOTE Paragraph 00:07:28.172 --> 00:07:29.612 Moderator: Now, would it be awkward 00:07:29.612 --> 00:07:32.132 if I asked you a follow-up question about your erotic fantasies? NOTE Paragraph 00:07:32.132 --> 00:07:33.810 IA: Oh, of course. About what? NOTE Paragraph 00:07:33.810 --> 00:07:34.811 (Laughter) NOTE Paragraph 00:07:34.811 --> 00:07:37.847 Moderator: About your erotic fantasies. IA: With Antonio Banderas. NOTE Paragraph 00:07:37.847 --> 00:07:40.626 Moderator: I was just wondering if you have anything more to share. NOTE Paragraph 00:07:40.626 --> 00:07:45.800 IA: Well, one of them is that — (Laughter) 00:07:45.800 --> 00:07:47.929 One of them is that I place a naked Antonio Banderas 00:07:47.929 --> 00:07:50.862 on a Mexican tortilla, 00:07:50.862 --> 00:07:54.552 I slather him with guacamole and salsa, 00:07:54.552 --> 00:07:58.051 I roll him up, and I eat him. (Laughter) NOTE Paragraph 00:07:58.051 --> 00:07:59.844 Thank you. NOTE Paragraph 00:07:59.844 --> 00:08:03.210 (Applause)