A father-daughter dance ... in prison
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0:02 - 0:05I was sitting with my girls,
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0:05 - 0:06and Joy said,
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0:06 - 0:10"Dang, I wish he'd get off my back.
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0:10 - 0:14My daddy, he calls me all the time."
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0:14 - 0:17"Lucky for you he calls at all," said Jasmine.
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0:17 - 0:21"I haven't heard from my dad in years."
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0:21 - 0:25At this moment, I knew the girls needed a way
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0:25 - 0:28to connect with their fathers.
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0:28 - 0:32At Camp Diva, my non-profit organization,
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0:32 - 0:35we have these types of conversations all the time
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0:35 - 0:38as a way to help girls of African descent
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0:38 - 0:42prepare for their passage into womanhood.
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0:42 - 0:45These girls just needed
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0:45 - 0:49a way to invite their fathers into their lives
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0:49 - 0:52on their own terms.
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0:52 - 0:53So I asked the girls,
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0:53 - 0:57"How can we help other girls
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0:57 - 1:01develop healthy relationships with their fathers?"
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1:01 - 1:05"Let's have a dance," one girl shouted,
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1:05 - 1:10and all the girls quickly backed her up.
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1:10 - 1:13They started dreaming about the decorations,
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1:13 - 1:16invitations, the dresses they were going to wear,
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1:16 - 1:20and what their fathers could and could not wear. (Laughter)
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1:20 - 1:25It was off and running before I could even blink my eyes,
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1:25 - 1:29but even if I could have slowed down those girls,
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1:29 - 1:30I wouldn't have,
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1:30 - 1:32because one thing that I have learned
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1:32 - 1:35from over a decade of working with girls
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1:35 - 1:39is that they already know what they need.
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1:39 - 1:44The wisdom lives inside of them.
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1:44 - 1:46As long as they have infrastructure,
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1:46 - 1:49mentorship and resources,
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1:49 - 1:52they can build what they need,
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1:52 - 1:57not only to survive, but to thrive.
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1:57 - 2:02So we had a dance,
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2:02 - 2:06and girls and their fathers came in multitudes.
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2:06 - 2:09They were dressed to the nines.
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2:09 - 2:11They acted sweet.
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2:11 - 2:15(Laughter)
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2:15 - 2:17They acted silly.
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2:17 - 2:20They really enjoyed each other's company.
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2:20 - 2:23It was a huge success.
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2:23 - 2:28And the girls decided to make it an annual event.
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2:28 - 2:31So as the seasons changed,
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2:31 - 2:34and it was time to plan the dance again,
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2:34 - 2:37one girl named Brianna spoke up,
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2:37 - 2:39and she said,
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2:39 - 2:42"My dad can't come to the dance,
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2:42 - 2:46and this whole thing is making me sad."
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2:46 - 2:49"Why not?" the girls asked.
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2:49 - 2:54"Because he's in jail," she bravely admitted.
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2:54 - 2:58"Well, can he just get out for a day?" one of the girls asked. (Laughter)
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2:58 - 3:02"And come in shackles?
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3:02 - 3:06That's worse than not having him here at all."
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3:06 - 3:10At this moment, I saw an opportunity
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3:10 - 3:13for the girls to rise to the occasion
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3:13 - 3:16and to become their own heroes.
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3:16 - 3:21So I asked, "What do you think we should do about this?
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3:21 - 3:26We want every girl to experience the dance, right?"
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3:26 - 3:28So the girls thought for a moment,
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3:28 - 3:30and one girl suggested,
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3:30 - 3:34"Why don't we just take the dance in the jail?"
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3:34 - 3:38Most of the girls doubted the possibility of that,
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3:38 - 3:41and said, "Are you crazy?
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3:41 - 3:44Who is going to allow a bunch of little girls,
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3:44 - 3:46dressed up — " (Laughter)
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3:46 - 3:52" — to come inside a jail and dance with their daddies in Spongebob suits?"
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3:52 - 3:55Because that's what they called them.
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3:55 - 3:59I said, "Girls, well, well,
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3:59 - 4:03you never know unless you ask."
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4:03 - 4:08So a letter was written to the Richmond City Sheriff,
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4:08 - 4:12signed collectively by each girl,
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4:12 - 4:17and I would have to say, he is a very special sheriff.
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4:17 - 4:22He contacted me immediately and said,
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4:22 - 4:28whenever there is an opportunity to bring families inside,
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4:28 - 4:31his doors are always open.
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4:31 - 4:34Because one thing he did know,
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4:34 - 4:37that when fathers are connected to their children,
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4:37 - 4:42it is less likely that they will return.
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4:42 - 4:44So,
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4:44 - 4:5016 inmates and 18 girls were invited.
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4:50 - 4:53The girls were dressed in their Sunday best,
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4:53 - 4:58and the fathers traded in their yellow and blue jumpsuits
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4:58 - 5:03for shirts and ties.
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5:03 - 5:05They hugged.
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5:05 - 5:10They shared a full catered meal of chicken and fish.
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5:10 - 5:14They laughed together.
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5:14 - 5:18It was beautiful.
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5:18 - 5:22The fathers and daughters even experienced
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5:22 - 5:26an opportunity to have a physical connection,
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5:26 - 5:29something that a lot of them didn't even have
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5:29 - 5:30for a while.
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5:30 - 5:35Fathers were in a space where they were able to
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5:35 - 5:38make their daughter's plate,
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5:38 - 5:44and pull out her chair and extend his hand for a dance.
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5:44 - 5:48Even the guards cried.
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5:48 - 5:50But after the dance,
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5:50 - 5:56we all realized that Dad still would be in jail.
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5:56 - 5:59So we needed to create something
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5:59 - 6:01that they could take with them.
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6:01 - 6:03So we brought in Flip cams,
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6:03 - 6:06and we had them look at the Flip cams
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6:06 - 6:08and just interview each other --
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6:08 - 6:11their messages, their thoughts.
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6:11 - 6:15This was going to be used as a touchstone
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6:15 - 6:17so when they started to miss each other
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6:17 - 6:19and feel disconnected,
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6:19 - 6:23they could reconnect through this image.
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6:23 - 6:28I'll never forget that one girl looked in her father's eyes
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6:28 - 6:29with that camera and said,
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6:29 - 6:36"Daddy, when you look at me, what do you see?"
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6:36 - 6:40Because our daddies are our mirrors
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6:40 - 6:43that we reflect back on
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6:43 - 6:47when we decide about what type of man we deserve,
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6:47 - 6:51and how they see us for the rest of our lives.
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6:51 - 6:55I know that very well,
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6:55 - 6:57because I was one of the lucky girls.
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6:57 - 6:59I have had
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7:03 - 7:09my father in my life always.
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7:09 - 7:11He's even here today.
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7:11 - 7:20(Applause)
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7:20 - 7:24And that is why it is extremely special
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7:24 - 7:27for me to make sure that these girls
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7:27 - 7:29are connected to their fathers,
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7:29 - 7:32especially those who are separated
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7:32 - 7:37because of barbed wires and metal doors.
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7:37 - 7:40We have just created a form
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7:40 - 7:44for girls who have heavy questions on their heart
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7:44 - 7:48to be in a position to ask their fathers those questions
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7:48 - 7:53and given the fathers the freedom to answer.
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7:53 - 7:56Because we know that the fathers
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7:56 - 8:00are even leaving with this one thought:
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8:00 - 8:05What type of woman am I preparing to put in the world?
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8:05 - 8:08Because a father is locked in
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8:08 - 8:11does not mean he should be locked out
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8:11 - 8:14of his daughter's life.
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8:14 - 8:26(Applause)
- Title:
- A father-daughter dance ... in prison
- Speaker:
- Angela Patton
- Description:
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At Camp Diva, Angela Patton works to help girls and fathers stay connected and in each others' lives. But what about girls whose fathers can't be there -- because they're in jail? Patton tells the story of a very special father-daughter dance. (Filmed at TEDxWomen)
- Video Language:
- English
- Team:
- closed TED
- Project:
- TEDTalks
- Duration:
- 08:48
Oliver Friedman edited English subtitles for A father-daughter dance ... in prison | ||
Thu-Huong Ha edited English subtitles for A father-daughter dance ... in prison | ||
Thu-Huong Ha approved English subtitles for A father-daughter dance ... in prison | ||
Thu-Huong Ha edited English subtitles for A father-daughter dance ... in prison | ||
Morton Bast accepted English subtitles for A father-daughter dance ... in prison | ||
Morton Bast edited English subtitles for A father-daughter dance ... in prison | ||
Joseph Geni added a translation |