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I was sitting with my girls,

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and Joy said,

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"Dang, I wish he'd get off my back.

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My daddy, he calls me all the time."

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"Lucky for you he calls at all," said Jasmine.

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"I haven't heard from my dad in years."

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At this moment, I knew the girls needed a way

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to connect with their fathers.

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At Camp Diva, my non-profit organization,

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we have these types of conversations all the time

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as a way to help girls of African descent

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prepare for their passage into womanhood.

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These girls just needed

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a way to invite their fathers into their lives

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on their own terms.

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So I asked the girls,

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"How can we help other girls

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develop healthy relationships with their fathers?"

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"Let's have a dance," one girl shouted,

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and all the girls quickly backed her up.

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They started dreaming about the decorations,

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invitations, the dresses they were going to wear,

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and what their fathers could and could not wear. (Laughter)

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It was off and running before I could even blink my eyes,

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but even if I could have slowed down those girls,

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I wouldn't have,

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because one thing that I have learned

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from over a decade of working with girls

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is that they already know what they need.

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The wisdom lives inside of them.

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As long as they have infrastructure,

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mentorship and resources,

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they can build what they need,

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not only to survive, but to thrive.

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So we had a dance,

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and girls and their fathers came in multitudes.

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They were dressed to the nines.

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They acted sweet.

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(Laughter)

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They acted silly.

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They really enjoyed each other's company.

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It was a huge success.

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And the girls decided to make it an annual event.

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So as the seasons changed,

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and it was time to plan the dance again,

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one girl named Brianna spoke up,

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and she said,

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"My dad can't come to the dance,

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and this whole thing is making me sad."

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"Why not?" the girls asked.

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"Because he's in jail," she bravely admitted.

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"Well, can he just get out for a day?" one of the girls asked. (Laughter)

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"And come in shackles?

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That's worse than not having him here at all."

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At this moment, I saw an opportunity

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for the girls to rise to the occasion

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and to become their own heroes.

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So I asked, "What do you think we should do about this?

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We want every girl to experience the dance, right?"

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So the girls thought for a moment,

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and one girl suggested,

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"Why don't we just take the dance in the jail?"

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Most of the girls doubted the possibility of that,

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and said, "Are you crazy?

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Who is going to allow a bunch of little girls,

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dressed up — " (Laughter)

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" — to come inside a jail and dance with their daddies in Spongebob suits?"

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Because that's what they called them.

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I said, "Girls, well, well,

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you never know unless you ask."

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So a letter was written to the Richmond City Sheriff,

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signed collectively by each girl,

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and I would have to say, he is a very special sheriff.

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He contacted me immediately and said,

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whenever there is an opportunity to bring families inside,

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his doors are always open.

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Because one thing he did know,

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that when fathers are connected to their children,

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it is less likely that they will return.

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So,

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16 inmates and 18 girls were invited.

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The girls were dressed in their Sunday best,

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and the fathers traded in their yellow and blue jumpsuits

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for shirts and ties.

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They hugged.

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They shared a full catered meal of chicken and fish.

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They laughed together.

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It was beautiful.

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The fathers and daughters even experienced

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an opportunity to have a physical connection,

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something that a lot of them didn't even have

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for a while.

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Fathers were in a space where they were able to

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make their daughter's plate,

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and pull out her chair and extend his hand for a dance.

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Even the guards cried.

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But after the dance,

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we all realized that Dad still would be in jail.

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So we needed to create something

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that they could take with them.

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So we brought in Flip cams,

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and we had them look at the Flip cams

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and just interview each other --

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their messages, their thoughts.

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This was going to be used as a touchstone

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so when they started to miss each other

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and feel disconnected,

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they could reconnect through this image.

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I'll never forget that one girl looked in her father's eyes

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with that camera and said,

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"Daddy, when you look at me, what do you see?"

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Because our daddies are our mirrors

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that we reflect back on

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when we decide about what type of man we deserve,

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and how they see us for the rest of our lives.

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I know that very well,

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because I was one of the lucky girls.

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I have had

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my father in my life always.

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He's even here today.

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(Applause)

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And that is why it is extremely special

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for me to make sure that these girls

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are connected to their fathers,

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especially those who are separated

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because of barbed wires and metal doors.

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We have just created a form

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for girls who have heavy questions on their heart

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to be in a position to ask their fathers those questions

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and given the fathers the freedom to answer.

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Because we know that the fathers

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are even leaving with this one thought:

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What type of woman am I preparing to put in the world?

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Because a father is locked in

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does not mean he should be locked out

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of his daughter's life.

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(Applause)