-
[birds chirping]
-
[door slams]
-
[baby coo-ing]
-
[baby coo-ing]
-
[♫♫: Upbeat banjo music]
-
[♫♫]
-
[music stops]
-
[♫♫: music continues]
-
Woman: [sobbing]
Man: Look, we all make mistakes!
-
"The Cyanide & Happiness Show"
-
[♫♫: Piano Accordion music]
-
Episode 3 "Grandpa's War Stories"
-
{♫♫: Dramatic music]
-
[computer bleeps and buzzes]
-
[bleeping sound]
-
>>: Hmmm! ... Ah!
-
[ZAP]
-
[sharp intake of breath]
-
[♫♫: Suspense music]
-
"43,247 years earlier"
-
[♫♫]
-
[ZAP]
-
>>: Arrgghh!
-
[♫♫: Suspense music]
-
<<: Caveman: Ooo Boo Yah! Berrr!
-
<<: Caveman: Ow! Wooow!
-
>>: Orr!
-
[♫♫: Dramatic music]
-
[ZAP]
-
>>: Grrr!
-
[birds chirping] [♫♫: uplifting music]
-
[ZAP]
-
[♫♫]
-
[Phoomph!]
-
[ZAP]
-
[♫♫]
-
[ZAP]
-
[ZAP]
-
[ZAP]
-
[ZAP]
-
[ZAP]
-
[ZAP]
-
[♫♫: Sad music]
-
[zap]
-
[Z-A-P]
-
[♫♫: Uplifting music]
-
[ZAP]
-
>>: Uh!
-
Narrator: Four scientists from
the future
-
armed with a hunger for knowledge
and a time machine
-
embark on a quest to find ...
-
The Most Achient Joke In The Book
-
[ZAP]
-
[birds chirping]
-
[squawk]
-
Dinosaur Growl: Ha, Ha, Ha!
-
Ha, Ha, Ha!
-
>>: Ha, Ha, Ha!
-
<<: Squeal
-
>>: Ha!
-
<<: [Squeal]
-
>>: Ha, Ha!
-
[explosion]
-
[G-R-O-W-L]
-
[animals squawk and squeal]
-
[ZAP]
-
Narrator: The Most Ancient Joke
in The Book
-
[♫♫]
-
Mother: Alright sweetie, here we are.
You can open your eyes now.
-
Girl: Kitties!
Mother: That's right ...
-
... and since it's your birthday,
you get to pick out
-
any cat you like. Okay?
-
Girl: Okay. Uh, I want, I want,
that one!
-
>>: Mwaaaw!
-
Mother: Are you sure, because, er ...
-
Girl: That one, that one, that one!
-
"Clawford the Big Blue Cat"
[children cheering]
-
Mother: Now you have to remember,
having a kitty is a
-
big responsibility. Can you take
care of him?
-
Girl: Air conditioning!
-
Mother: You're going to have to
feed him, change his litter box ...
-
Girl: Air makes my face cold.
-
Cat: Mwaaaw!
-
[♫♫: Playful music] [Phone Rings]
-
Mother: I've got it.
[Phone Ring continues]
-
[Phone Rings inside cat]
-
[Barf]
-
[Phone Rings]
Mother: Hello.
-
Man: Will you please get your cat
to stop shitting on my lawn!
-
Mother: Are you sure it wasn't your dog?
-
Man: Yes, I'm pretty sure
considering it's bright blue and,
-
I don't know, my dog is
TRAPPED UNDERNEATH IT!
-
Cat: Growl.
-
Man: Control your giant cat or
I'm calling the cops!
-
Mother: Sweetie, can you please
come in here?
-
Girl: Hi Mom.
-
Mother: We need to talk -
I think the kitty has to go.
-
Girl: But Clawford loves me.
-
Mother: Maybe we can get you a
regular sized cat.
-
[sobbing]
-
Mother: Fine. We can keep him.
-
Girl: Yay! Thanks Mom.
-
[♫♫: Clown music] [Girl giggles]
-
[birds squawk]
-
[♫♫: Doleful music]
-
[TV in background]
-
Girl: Mommy, mommy, mommy!
-
mommy, mommy, mom ...
Have you seen Clawford?
-
Mother: That's nice.
Girl: I can't find him anywhere!
-
Mother: Mommy's busy, go play
with your cat.
-
Girl: Ah - there he is.
-
[tires screech]
-
Girl shouts: Clawford!
-
[engine revs]
-
Cat: Growl!
-
[crash!]
-
Girl: Yay!
-
Mother: Looks like old Clawford's pretty hurt.
-
I think we're going to have to put him down.
-
Driver: Please - help me!
-
Girl: But he's okay. Clawford's okay.
-
Mother: No, he's in a lot of pain
sweetie ... lot of pain!
-
Driver: My colon's hanging outside my body!
-
Girl: But ... Clawford!
-
Mother: Sometimes we have to
say goodbye to our pets honey.
-
It's what Clawford would want.
-
Don't you want what Clawford
would want?
-
[Girl sobs]
Driver: That's a big cat.
-
Mother: Come on sweetie ...
-
we need to put him out of
my ... his misery.
-
It's the right thing to do.
-
Driver: This is a total
cat-astrophy!
-
Vet: Ah, best part of the job ...
-
... casual Friday. When I get
to kill animals.
-
Mother & Girl: Argh!
-
Vet: Nah, I'm just kidding.
-
Let's get this show on the road.
Sorry kid.
-
Cat: Rwarrr! Rworrr! Rwarrr!
-
Vet: Hmm. We may have a
problem here.
-
<< Cat: Rwarrr!
-
[♫♫: Dramatic music]
-
Cat: Rwarrr! Rwarrr! Rwarrr!
-
Doctor 1: Is everything okay in here?
-
Cat: Rwarrr! Rworrr! Rwarrr!
-
<<: G-R-O-W-L
-
<<: Waowww!
-
<<: G-R-O-W-L
-
W-A-O-W-W-W-!
-
Mother: Come on honey,
let's go home.
-
Girl: Okay.
Thank you. Bye!
-
"Best Fishes Aquariam Superstore"
[♫♫: Uplifting music]
-
Mother: Alright sweetie, you get
to pick out any pet you want. Okay?
-
Girl: Okay. Umm, that one!
-
[SNAP, SNAP - SNAP, SNAP]
-
Mother: Alright, you can get it.
-
Cat: Rwarrr!
-
[Girl screams]
-
Cat: Rwarrr!
-
Girl: Clawford!
-
[Cat purring]
-
Girl: Ha, ha, ha. Clawford. Yeah!
-
[♫♫: Triumphant music]
-
>>: Wah-hee!
-
♫♫: Yeah, yeah - got a giant kitty-cat.
-
♫♫: Can do what I fucking want.
-
♫♫: Now that momma's gone.
Best friends.
-
♫♫: We're gonna take on
the whole world ...
-
♫♫: bright, fucking blue ...
that's me and you!
