happiness is a matter of choice | Sandra Meunier | TEDxCannes

Through an emotional and inspiring speech, Sandra Meunier, art therapist in palliative care, raises questions about our ability to focus on what is positive and alive, when confronted to illness and end of life. Without denying our suffering , our painful experiences can also inspire us. Let's practice joy every day before it's too late!

Recently, I learned some incredible news.

A very serious study showed

that we are World Champions!

Can you believe it?

We are World Champions!

Finally, France is World Champion

... at pessimism!

France, which is surely the country

with the most social benefits,

has at the same time
the most miserable people.

That is crazy!

That's what I came to talk
to you about today.

We often talk about social inequalities

and I'd like to talk to you about

happiness inequalities.

I am an art therapist and
I've been working for 12 years

in adult palliative care
and cancer care units.

I help seriously-ill people

or people at the end of their life,

to try to appease them,

and give them some happiness.

When I go there,

I am a "neztoile",

a fantasy character

trained in therapeutic aid relationships,

I blow the desire for life
and I wake up happiness.

Patients are incredibly resourceful!

They have taught me everything.

We believe we are supporting them,

but actually, they are doing all the work!

They taught me so much,

so many truths,

that I want to share them with you
in a happy way.

We don't have equal opportunities
in our life and joy resources at all,

when faced with illness and of death.

There would be somepeople
with resources of happiness

and another kind of people
who would not have any.

Like those who see the glass
half empty or half full.

I think of that person suffering
from rectal cancer

at an advanced stage.

He is lying on his hospital bed

and what is amazing,

is that he is weeping,
not with sadness but with joy!

He keeps saying:

"Ah! I am so happy!"

Happiness is simple, it is joy.

With the whole family, we all held hands

and we're all surrounding him.

And he keeps saying:

"Ah, I am so happy!".

"Those are tears of joy!

I am very happy

You are here all around me!"

Can you believe it ?

In fact,

instead of complaining,

he is content.

To intensify his joy,

I asked him about his fondest memories.

And he sings and he laughs.

Nothing can stop him.

His body is lying down

but his whole spirit is alive.

His wife told me later in the hallway

how he has always been so happy
during his whole life.

Joy is his true nature.

He is always seeing
the positive side of things.

Can you believe it?

He remained happy to the end of his life.

Could I do the same in my end of life?

Have I got the same resources?

And you?

Well, this patient full of happiness

is really a rare situation

because I don't see many like him.

However, I often accompany patients
who feel great joy

during the journey through
their serious illness,

even on their deathbeds.

You're wondering how.

Focusing primarily on
what is essential to them:

on an intimate, intrinsic joy,

a state of being that's
bigger than the body.

If we can make a suffering person

feel that they are much bigger
than their body,

we have already made a great step
towards their joy.

I think of this person curled up
in a foetal position

that I visit in the cancerology department,

in his hospital bedroom.

He laments

He tells me: "why me?

Why have I got this cancer?

I've always been good."

So, I suggest him a meaningful sentence

that will help him though his illness.

He answers:

"I don't deserve this disease."

So I invite him to recall
all his happiest memories.

And he tells me: about nature,
about the sea, the mountains,

his beloved Croatia
and the people, he loves people .

After evoking happiness,

his sentence changes.

He says:

"I am more than the disease."

At the end of my visit, he said:

"No, I have got much better!

"My heart is far bigger than the disease".

He opened his arms and we hugged.

Can you believe it?

His point of view on
what he's going through has changed

thanks to the evocation of happiness.

He went from victim to creator.

Interesting, don't you think?

So to make those who suffer happier,

learn to wake up our joy
then pass it on.

This is the basic principle!

Faced with imminent death,

patients have taught me about
the tremendous capacity

that humans have to focus
everything positive and living.

I think of this person
I am supporting at the moment,

her name is Daniele,
she's 41 years old,

she is in palliative care,

she can't walk anymore,

and has become incontinent

and she is fighting
tooth and nail for her life.

She keeps telling me:

"When my husband comes,

I make the most of every moment,
life is so precious!

I keep telling my friends,

live your life to the full
before it's too late!

But why don't they hear me?"

she often says,crying.

Why don't people know
how lucky they are to be healthy?

Few things are serious in life.

Live your life! Enjoy every moment
before it's too late!

Patients also taught me that
any experience, even a painful one,

is an inspiration.

This is often the question I ask
to the cancer patients.

"So, through this illness,

what is the new opportunity? "

"Now then, I've never experienced
life like that!"

answers the man

who said he is empty,

this man with no hair and no energy

who ran all his life.

Thirty minutes later, he has the answer:

"Ah yes, the new opportunity
is to live in the present."

And I think of all those
who tell me

they make the most
of the important things,

select their friends,

tell people more often
that they love them,

do more meaningful things.

Tell people more often
that they love them.

In fact,

we always believe
that happiness is linked

to what we possess.

As we are losing everything,

we realize that the key
to living is in the heart

and that's where real wealth lies.

Make life easier!

Let's not deny our suffering,

but change the "level".

It reminds me of this little lady

that I saw in the cancer department.

And when I go and see her,

she claims to be deeply depressed
becaus she can no longer do anything.

I tell her: "Oh really, and
what can't you do anymore?"

She says: "I can't do
my shopping anymore,

I can't do any more dinners,

I can't do the cleaning,
-- thought I think that's rather good --

I can't invite my friends anymore
and I have dinners."

So I take her hand.

And I tell her: "And this?"

And I give her loads of love.

And she gives it back to me.

There is an incredible energy
that passes between us.

And I tell her :

"Well, can you still do that?"

She smiles. "Oh, yes I can!"

Her daughter smiles knowingly too.

So the lady starts telling me

all the things she loves doing.

Watching good-looking people,
pretty girls, handsome men as well!

So I tell her: "Can you contemplate
beauty as well?"

She says: "Ah, yes, I can."

And I turn to all the assembled patients
and I tell them.

"Who has watched
the flowers grow recently?"

They all look down and said no.

"What if we took the time

to observe what really matters to us?"

I go back to the old lady

and she says she is still depressive.

I place my hand on her heart:

"one thing is certain,
you can still love.

You can still do that.

If you enter this space,
you will find some joy!"

She smiles: "oh yes".

So I tell them:

"What if that's where freedom lies?

Love, watch the flowers grow,
take your time...

Love, watch the flowers grow,
take your time..."

When I left the waiting room,

the little lady had completely
changed her energy.

She had the key resource

but did she know it?

What if we could change
our perception of who we are

and what we are going through?

What is certain is that
all those experiences I've had

have totally convinced me:

you need to practice joy every day!

Really, every day!

We could then identify
everal essential truths.

That would be
the grammar rules of happiness!

First tense: the present.
Happiness is now.

Secondly, let's give meaning
to what we experience.

Thirdly, let's have a dream

and make it happen before it's too late.

Fourth, let's realize that
the mere fact of living

is already wonderful

and put joy in everything we do.

Fifth, let's smile even more!
It is always easier...

Sixth, let's be satisfied
with what we have

instead of always wanting more...

And especially, especially seven...

let's love and show it in all our actions.

Whatever your job is,

whatever the life we have,

social success or not.

The most important thing

is how we manage
to put some meaning in our life,

how we love

and how we live in more joy...

Let's be creators, joy artists!

People often tell me

what an extraordinary job I do!

But no, not at all!

However, I surely do it
in an extraordinary way!

We can all do our jobs
in an extraordinary way,

with more joy and more meaning.

Let's stop being
the World Champions of misfortune!

Let's not wait to be on our death bed

to realize that happiness is now!

This is the good news of the day:

let's put our joy clothes on

and make the others happier!

If you cannot change life,

you can change
the perception we have of it.

Thank you

(Applause)