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Smeagol. Here we go.
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I diagnosed Smeagol with Substance-Induced
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Or OCD. The
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substance in question is his ring (duh) and
the compulsion is...you know...constantly
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trying to kill anyone who tries to touch the
ring.
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The ring made Smeagol feel good. Really good,
like a coffee shop brownie in Amsterdam good.
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And he wanted it for his birthday. But his
brother wanted to keep it for himself. So
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Smeagol did what a lot of kids in the 90s
did over Tickle Me Elmos and Furbies. He freaked
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the fuck out. And killed his brother. Ring
acquired!
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Over those centuries, the One Ring twisted
and corrupted Smeagol’s mind and body, turning
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him into a slightly less disturbing version
of Steve Buschemi.
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Smeagol became obsessed with the ring, constantly
calling it his “precious” in a super date-rapey
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way. Let’s explore his obsession first from
a Biopsychological level.
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Why does the One Ring make Smeagol feel so
amazing? Most likely because the ancient magic
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curse with which it’s endowed is effectively
releasing Serotonin to his brain. Serotonin
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is one of the neurotransmitters responsible
for mood and making us feel good.
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Now, at first, it’s all about the good feelings
the ring gives Smeagol. But after continued
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use, a second neurotransmitter comes into
play: dopamine.
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When Smeagol isn’t getting “high” off
his ring, his Dopamine circuits activate;
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which make him repeat his behavior.
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Because of the dopamine activated circuits,
Smeagol takes another bump off his ring.
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He can't help himself.
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We call this the Opponent-Process theory of
Emotion. Basically, the more Smeagol is around
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the ring, the less “high” he gets from
it. But his lows become much more intense.
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He keeps wearing it not because it feels good,
but because he needs it to stop him from feeling
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bad.
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Over time, Smeagol has developed an intense love/hate
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relationship with the ring just like the Internet
has with Shia LeBeouff. Smeagol has even developed
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an outward manifestation of his obsession
that he calls “Gollum”. And they’re
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constantly arguing.
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This one’s my fault.
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In my attempts to treat Smeagol, I’ve used
a popular technique in Cognitive Therapy for
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OCD in which we teach our patients to identify
and “argue with” their obsessions. In
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other words, I’ve taught Smeagol to learn
to play devil’s advocate with himself. Hence:
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Gollum.
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And I think it’s working! Smeagol has even
confided in me that he’s recently made two
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new friends. Some guy named Frodo and his
life- partner Sam.
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They sound like a really cute couple.
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I hope this “Gollum” doesn’t cause any problems for Frodo and Sam.
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Nah. I’m sure it’ll be fine.
