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This is an office.
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It is where many of you will spend
the majority of your waking life.
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And these are the things that will
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inevitably happen while you're there.
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You will begin your time
working in an office,
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wearing your finest clothing,
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only to wind up not giving a sh*t.
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Regardless of your best intentions,
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you will develop an addiction to caffeine.
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No matter what your relationship status,
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you will develop some sort
of crush on a co-worker.
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You will fall into one of two camps:
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The people who are always freezing...
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or the people who are constantly hot.
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You will start with one personal
item in your office drawer
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and then one day you'll open it up
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and realise your entire life is in there.
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Someone in your office
will creep you out...
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And you will bond with someone else
over mutually being creeped out.
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You will get exceptionally good at
hiding Facebook on your computer.
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At some point, you will hear
one of your co-workers pooping.
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That will be a low point.
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You'll come face-to-face with
the co-worker in the restroom
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and realise that they
don't wash their hands
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and that will change everything.
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You'll gain at least five pounds
of fat from all the birthday cookies,
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cakes and red velvet cupcakes
that keep floating around.
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And just when you try
to cut down on the sweets,
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your co-workers will pull you back in.
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You will fantasise about doing unspeakably
strange things to your co-workers.
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At some point,
you'll bring a personal friend to visit
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and it will be unexpectedly awkward
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to introduce them to anyone you work with.
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You will get really excited about
being good at some small task
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and then hate it once everyone else
starts asking you to do it for them.
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And you will form
a group of friends in that office
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who will make every day
a whole lot better.
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