Let’s try emotional correctness
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0:01 - 0:05So when I do my job, people hate me.
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0:05 - 0:07In fact, the better I do my job,
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0:07 - 0:09the more people hate me.
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0:09 - 0:11And no, I'm not a meter maid,
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0:11 - 0:13and I'm not an undertaker.
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0:13 - 0:16I am a progressive lesbian talking head
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0:16 - 0:19on Fox News. (Applause)
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0:19 - 0:21So y'all heard that, right? Just to make sure, right?
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0:21 - 0:25I am a gay talking head on Fox News.
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0:25 - 0:27I am going to tell you how I do it
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0:27 - 0:29and the most important thing I've learned.
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0:29 - 0:30So I go on television.
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0:30 - 0:33I debate people who literally want to obliterate
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0:33 - 0:35everything I believe in, in some cases,
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0:35 - 0:39who don't want me and people like me to even exist.
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0:39 - 0:42It's sort of like Thanksgiving
with your conservative uncle -
0:42 - 0:44on steroids,
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0:44 - 0:47with a live television audience of millions.
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0:47 - 0:50It's totally almost just like that.
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0:50 - 0:51And that's just on air.
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0:51 - 0:53The hate mail I get is unbelievable.
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0:53 - 0:59Last week alone, I got 238 pieces of nasty email
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0:59 - 1:02and more hate tweets than I can even count.
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1:02 - 1:05I was called an idiot, a traitor, a scourge,
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1:05 - 1:08a cunt, and an ugly man,
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1:08 - 1:09and that was just in one email.
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1:09 - 1:12(Laughter)
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1:12 - 1:15So what have I realized,
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1:15 - 1:18being on the receiving end of all this ugliness?
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1:18 - 1:20Well, my biggest takeaway is that for decades,
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1:20 - 1:24we've been focused on political correctness,
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1:24 - 1:28but what matters more is emotional correctness.
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1:28 - 1:30Let me give you a small example.
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1:30 - 1:33I don't care if you call me a dyke. I really don't.
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1:33 - 1:34I care about two things.
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1:34 - 1:37One, I care that you spell it right.
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1:37 - 1:42(Laughter) (Applause)
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1:42 - 1:45Just quick refresher, it's D-Y-K-E.
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1:45 - 1:48You'd totally be surprised.
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1:48 - 1:50And second, I don't care about the word,
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1:50 - 1:51I care about how you use it.
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1:51 - 1:54Are you being friendly? Are you just being naive?
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1:54 - 1:58Or do you really want to hurt me personally?
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1:58 - 2:02Emotional correctness is the tone, the feeling,
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2:02 - 2:04how we say what we say,
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2:04 - 2:08the respect and compassion we show one another.
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2:08 - 2:10And what I've realized is that political persuasion
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2:10 - 2:14doesn't begin with ideas or facts or data.
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2:14 - 2:18Political persuasion begins with
being emotionally correct. -
2:18 - 2:21So when I first went to go work at Fox News,
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2:21 - 2:23true confession,
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2:23 - 2:25I expected there to be marks in the carpet
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2:25 - 2:28from all the knuckle-dragging.
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2:28 - 2:32That, by the way, in case you're paying attention,
is not emotionally correct. -
2:32 - 2:35But liberals on my side,
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2:35 - 2:38we can be self-righteous,
we can be condescending, -
2:38 - 2:41we can be dismissive of anyone
who doesn't agree with us. -
2:41 - 2:44In other words, we can be politically right
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2:44 - 2:47but emotionally wrong.
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2:47 - 2:49And incidentally, that means that
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2:49 - 2:53people don't like us. Right?
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2:53 - 2:55Now here's the kicker.
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2:55 - 2:57Conservatives are really nice.
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2:57 - 2:59I mean, not all of them,
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2:59 - 3:01and not the ones who send me hate mail,
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3:01 - 3:02but you would be surprised.
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3:02 - 3:05Sean Hannity is one of the sweetest guys
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3:05 - 3:07I've ever met.
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3:07 - 3:08He spends his free time
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3:08 - 3:11trying to fix up his staff on blind dates,
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3:11 - 3:13and I know that if I ever had a problem,
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3:13 - 3:16he would do anything he could to help.
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3:16 - 3:18Now, I think Sean Hannity is
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3:18 - 3:2199 percent politically wrong,
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3:21 - 3:24but his emotional correctness
is strikingly impressive, -
3:24 - 3:26and that's why people listen to him.
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3:26 - 3:29Because you can't get anyone to agree with you
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3:29 - 3:32if they don't even listen to you first.
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3:32 - 3:35We spend so much time talking past each other
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3:35 - 3:38and not enough time talking
through our disagreements, -
3:38 - 3:41and if we can start to find
compassion for one another, -
3:41 - 3:45then we have a shot at building common ground.
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3:45 - 3:47It actually sounds really hokey
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3:47 - 3:49to say it standing up here,
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3:49 - 3:51but when you try to put it in practice,
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3:51 - 3:53it's really powerful.
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3:53 - 3:56So someone who says they hate immigrants,
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3:56 - 3:58I try to imagine how scared they must be
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3:58 - 4:02that their community is changing
from what they've always known. -
4:02 - 4:05Or someone who says they
don't like teachers' unions, -
4:05 - 4:07I bet they're really devastated to see
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4:07 - 4:09their kid's school going into the gutter,
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4:09 - 4:12and they're just looking for someone to blame.
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4:12 - 4:16Our challenge is to find the compassion for others
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4:16 - 4:19that we want them to have for us.
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4:19 - 4:22That is emotional correctness.
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4:22 - 4:23I'm not saying it's easy.
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4:23 - 4:26An average of, like, 5.6 times per day
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4:26 - 4:28I have to stop myself from responding
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4:28 - 4:33to all of my hate mail with a flurry of vile profanities.
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4:33 - 4:36This whole finding compassion
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4:36 - 4:38and common ground with your enemies thing
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4:38 - 4:41is kind of like a political-spiritual practice for me,
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4:41 - 4:44and I ain't the Dalai Lama.
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4:44 - 4:50I'm not perfect, but what I am is optimistic,
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4:50 - 4:53because I don't just get hate mail.
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4:53 - 4:56I get a lot of really nice letters, lots of them.
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4:56 - 4:59And one of my all-time favorites begins,
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4:59 - 5:01"I am not a big fan of your political leanings
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5:01 - 5:06or your sometimes tortured logic,
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5:06 - 5:10but I'm a big fan of you as a person."
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5:10 - 5:14Now this guy doesn't agree with me, yet.
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5:14 - 5:17(Laughter)
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5:17 - 5:21But he's listening, not because of what I said,
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5:21 - 5:23but because of how I said it,
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5:23 - 5:24and somehow, even though we've never met,
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5:24 - 5:27we've managed to form a connection.
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5:27 - 5:29That's emotional correctness,
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5:29 - 5:32and that's how we start the conversations
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5:32 - 5:34that really lead to change.
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5:34 - 5:36Thank you.
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5:36 - 5:40(Applause)
- Title:
- Let’s try emotional correctness
- Speaker:
- Sally Kohn
- Description:
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It's time for liberals and conservatives to transcend their political differences and really listen to each other, says political pundit Sally Kohn. In this optimistic talk, Kohn shares what she learned as a progressive lesbian talking head on Fox News. It’s not about political correctness, she says, but rather, emotional correctness.
- Video Language:
- English
- Team:
- closed TED
- Project:
- TEDTalks
- Duration:
- 05:59
Brian Greene commented on English subtitles for Let’s try emotional correctness | ||
Brian Greene edited English subtitles for Let’s try emotional correctness | ||
Brian Greene edited English subtitles for Let’s try emotional correctness | ||
Morton Bast edited English subtitles for Let’s try emotional correctness | ||
Morton Bast edited English subtitles for Let’s try emotional correctness | ||
Morton Bast edited English subtitles for Let’s try emotional correctness | ||
Morton Bast approved English subtitles for Let’s try emotional correctness | ||
Madeleine Aronson edited English subtitles for Let’s try emotional correctness |
Brian Greene
The English transcript was updated on 3/30/2017.