George Carlin - Jammin' In New York (1992) *Full*
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1:03 - 1:04Hello, thank you.
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1:05 - 1:06Thank you.
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1:16 - 1:17Thank you.
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1:20 - 1:21Thank you very much.
-
1:24 - 1:26Thank you. Thank you all.
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1:27 - 1:28Thank you all.
-
1:28 - 1:29Thank you.
-
1:30 - 1:33And hello New York.
Hello New York and thank you. -
1:36 - 1:36Yeah.
-
1:38 - 1:38Okay.
-
1:39 - 1:41It's been a little while...
it's been a little while... -
1:42 - 1:43since I've been here and a couple
of things had happened... -
1:43 - 1:44in that time.
-
1:44 - 1:46I'd like to talk
a little bit... -
1:46 - 1:48about the War in the Persian Gulf.
-
1:48 - 1:51Big doings in
the Persian Gulf. -
1:51 - 1:53You know my favorite
part of that war? -
1:53 - 1:54It's the first
war we ever had -
1:54 - 1:57that was on every
channel plus cable. -
1:58 - 2:01And the war got good
ratings, too, didn't it? -
2:01 - 2:02Got good ratings.
-
2:02 - 2:03Well, we like war.
-
2:03 - 2:05We like war.
-
2:05 - 2:07We're a warlike people.
-
2:07 - 2:09We like war because
we're good at it. -
2:09 - 2:10And you know why
we're good at it? -
2:10 - 2:12Cause we get
a lot of practice. -
2:13 - 2:14This country's
only 200 years old -
2:15 - 2:17and already we've
had ten major wars. -
2:18 - 2:19We average a major war
-
2:19 - 2:20every 20 years in this country,
-
2:20 - 2:22so we're good at it.
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2:22 - 2:24And it's a good thing we are.
-
2:24 - 2:26We're not very good
at anything else anymore. -
2:27 - 2:29Can't build a decent car.
-
2:29 - 2:32Can't make a TV set
or a VCR worth a fuck. -
2:33 - 2:35Got no steel industry left.
-
2:35 - 2:36Can't educate
our young people. -
2:36 - 2:38Can't get healthcare
to our old people. -
2:38 - 2:41But we can bomb the shit
out of your country, all right? -
2:41 - 2:42Huh?
-
2:42 - 2:45We can bomb the shit out
of your country, all right? -
2:49 - 2:52Especially if your country
is full of brown people. -
2:54 - 2:55Oh, we like that, don't we?
-
2:55 - 2:56That's our hobby.
-
2:57 - 2:59That's our new
job in the world: -
2:59 - 3:00bombing brown people!
-
3:01 - 3:03Iraq, Panama, Grenada, Libya,
-
3:03 - 3:05you got some brown
people in your country, -
3:05 - 3:07tell them to
watch the fuck out -
3:08 - 3:10or we'll goddamn bomb them!
-
3:11 - 3:13Well, when's the last white
people you can remember -
3:13 - 3:14that we bombed?
-
3:14 - 3:15Can you remember
the last white... -
3:15 - 3:18Can you remember ANY white
people we've ever bombed? -
3:18 - 3:19The Germans,
-
3:19 - 3:20also the only ones,
-
3:20 - 3:21and that's only because
-
3:21 - 3:23they were trying
to cut in on our action. -
3:24 - 3:26They wanted to
dominate the world. -
3:26 - 3:27Bullshit!
-
3:27 - 3:28That's our fucking job!
-
3:29 - 3:31That's our fucking job!
-
3:38 - 3:40Now, we only
bomb brown people, -
3:41 - 3:43not because they're trying
to cut in on our action, -
3:43 - 3:45just because they're brown.
-
3:46 - 3:47Now, you probably noticed
-
3:47 - 3:49I don't feel about that war
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3:49 - 3:50the way we were told
-
3:50 - 3:52we were supposed to
feel about that war, -
3:52 - 3:55the way we were
ordered and instructed -
3:55 - 3:56by the
United States government -
3:56 - 3:58to feel about that war.
-
3:58 - 3:59You see?
-
3:59 - 4:02I'll tell you, my mind
doesn't work that way. -
4:02 - 4:04I got this real
moron thing I do. -
4:04 - 4:06It's called "thinking".
-
4:08 - 4:09And I'm not a
very good American -
4:09 - 4:12because I like to
form my own opinions. -
4:12 - 4:16I don't just roll
over when I'm told to. -
4:16 - 4:18Sad to say, most Americans
-
4:18 - 4:20just roll over on command.
-
4:20 - 4:21Not me.
-
4:21 - 4:23I have certain
rules I live by. -
4:23 - 4:24My first rule,
-
4:25 - 4:28I don't believe anything
the government tells me, -
4:28 - 4:29nothing.
-
4:30 - 4:32Zero.
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4:33 - 4:34No.
-
4:35 - 4:37And I don't
take very seriously -
4:37 - 4:40the media or
the press in this country -
4:40 - 4:42who in the case of
the Persian Gulf War -
4:42 - 4:44were nothing more
than unpaid employees -
4:44 - 4:45of the Department of Defense
-
4:45 - 4:49and who most of the time...
most of the time function as kind of -
4:49 - 4:51an unofficial
public relations agency -
4:51 - 4:53for the
United States government. -
4:53 - 4:54So I don't listen to them.
-
4:54 - 4:56I don't really
believe in my country. -
4:56 - 4:57And I got to tell you, folks,
-
4:57 - 4:59I don't get all choked up
-
4:59 - 5:01about yellow ribbons
and American flags. -
5:01 - 5:05I consider them...
I consider them to be symbols, -
5:05 - 5:07and I leave symbols
-
5:07 - 5:08to the symbol minded.
-
5:09 - 5:13Me, I look at war
a little bit differently. -
5:13 - 5:15To me, war is a lot of
prick waving. -
5:15 - 5:16Okay?
-
5:16 - 5:17Simple thing, that's all this is.
-
5:17 - 5:20War is a whole lot of men
standing out in the field -
5:20 - 5:22waving their pricks
at one another. -
5:24 - 5:27Men are insecure about
the size of their dicks -
5:27 - 5:29and so they have to kill
one another over the idea. -
5:33 - 5:37That's what all that asshole
jock bullshit is all about. -
5:37 - 5:40That's what all that
adolescent macho, -
5:40 - 5:43male posturing and strutting
in bars and locker rooms -
5:43 - 5:44is all about.
-
5:44 - 5:46It's called "dick fear"!
-
5:47 - 5:50Men are terrified that
their pricks are inadequate -
5:50 - 5:52and so they have to
compete with one another -
5:52 - 5:54to feel bether about itselves.
-
5:54 - 5:56And since war is
the ultimate competition, -
5:56 - 5:58basically men are
killing each other -
5:58 - 6:00in order to improve
their self esteem. -
6:00 - 6:02You don't have to
be a historian -
6:02 - 6:04or a political
scientist to see -
6:04 - 6:07the Bigger Dick
Foreign Policy theory at work. -
6:08 - 6:09It sounds like this:
-
6:09 - 6:10"What?
-
6:10 - 6:11They have bigger dicks?
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6:11 - 6:12Bomb them!"
-
6:15 - 6:18And, of course, the bombs and
the rockets and the bullets -
6:18 - 6:20are all shaped like dicks.
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6:21 - 6:23It's a subconscious need
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6:23 - 6:24to project the penis
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6:24 - 6:26into other people's affairs.
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6:27 - 6:31It's called:
"fucking with people"! -
6:33 - 6:33So...
-
6:38 - 6:39So,
-
6:42 - 6:43as far as I'm concerned
-
6:43 - 6:44that whole thing
in the Persian Gulf -
6:44 - 6:47was nothing more than a
big prick waving dick fight. -
6:48 - 6:49In this particular case,
-
6:49 - 6:52Saddam Hussein had
questioned the size -
6:52 - 6:53of George Bush's dick.
-
6:54 - 6:57And George Bush has been
called a wimp for so long... -
6:57 - 6:59"wimp" rhymes with "limp".
-
7:01 - 7:02George has been called
a wimp for so long -
7:02 - 7:05that he has to act out
his manhood fantasies -
7:05 - 7:08by sending other
people's children to die. -
7:08 - 7:11Even the name "Bush".
-
7:13 - 7:15Even the name "Bush",
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7:15 - 7:17is related to the genitals
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7:17 - 7:19without being the genitals.
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7:20 - 7:22A bush is a sort of passive,
-
7:23 - 7:25secondary sex characteristic.
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7:25 - 7:28Now, if this man's name
had been "George Boner"... -
7:29 - 7:32Well, he might have felt a
little better about himself, -
7:32 - 7:33and we wouldn't
have had any trouble -
7:33 - 7:34over there in the first place.
-
7:34 - 7:36This whole country
has a manhood problem, -
7:37 - 7:39big manhood
problem in the USA. -
7:39 - 7:40You can tell from
the language we use. -
7:40 - 7:42Language always
gives you away. -
7:42 - 7:44What did we do
wrong in Vietnam? -
7:44 - 7:46We pulled out.
-
7:48 - 7:50Huh? Not a very manly
thing to do, is it? -
7:50 - 7:52When you're fucking people,
-
7:52 - 7:54you got to stay in
there and fuck them good, -
7:54 - 7:55fuck them all the way,
-
7:55 - 7:56fuck them till the end!
-
7:56 - 7:58Fuck them to death!
-
7:58 - 8:00Fuck them to death!
-
8:00 - 8:02Fuck them to death!
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8:02 - 8:05Stay in there and
keep fucking them -
8:05 - 8:07until they're all dead!
-
8:08 - 8:10We left a few women and
children alive in Vietnam, -
8:11 - 8:14and we haven't felt good
about ourselves since. -
8:14 - 8:16That's why in the Persian Gulf,
George Bush had to say: -
8:17 - 8:19"This will not be
another Vietnam!" -
8:19 - 8:21He actually used these words.
-
8:21 - 8:25He say: "This time we're
going all the way!" -
8:26 - 8:27Imagine an American president
-
8:27 - 8:30using the sexual
slang of a 13-year-old -
8:30 - 8:32to describe his
foreign policy. -
8:35 - 8:37If you want to know what
happened in the Persian Gulf, -
8:37 - 8:39just remember the
names of the two men -
8:39 - 8:41who were running that war,
-
8:41 - 8:42"Dick" Cheney,
-
8:42 - 8:44and "Colin" Powell.
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8:44 - 8:47Somebody got
fucked in the ass! -
8:52 - 8:53Thank you.
-
8:54 - 8:55Thank you.
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8:57 - 8:58Thank you very much.
-
8:58 - 8:59Well, I'll tell you what.
-
9:00 - 9:02Now, to balance the scale,
I'd like to talk about -
9:02 - 9:03some things that
bring us together. -
9:03 - 9:06Things that point out
our similarities -
9:06 - 9:07instead of our differences,
-
9:07 - 9:09'cause that's all you ever
hear about in this country -
9:09 - 9:10is our differences.
-
9:10 - 9:12That's all the media
and the politicians -
9:12 - 9:13are ever talking about,
-
9:13 - 9:14the things that
separate us, -
9:14 - 9:16things that make us
different from one another. -
9:16 - 9:19That's the way the ruling
class operates in any society. -
9:19 - 9:21They try to divide the
rest of the people. -
9:22 - 9:23They keep the lower
and the middle classes -
9:23 - 9:24fighting with each other
-
9:24 - 9:25so that they the rich,
-
9:25 - 9:27can run off with
all the fucking money. -
9:27 - 9:29Fairly simple thing.
-
9:29 - 9:30Happens to work.
-
9:30 - 9:31You know,
anything different, -
9:31 - 9:33that's what they
gonna talk about. -
9:33 - 9:35Race, religion, ethnic
and national backgrounds, -
9:35 - 9:37jobs, income, education,
-
9:37 - 9:39social status, sexuality.
-
9:39 - 9:41Anything they can do, keep
us fighting with each other -
9:42 - 9:44so that they can
keep going to the bank. -
9:44 - 9:45You know how I describe
-
9:45 - 9:47the economic and social
classes in this country? -
9:47 - 9:50The upper class
keeps all of the money, -
9:50 - 9:52pays none of the taxes.
-
9:52 - 9:53The middle class
-
9:53 - 9:54pays all of the taxes,
-
9:54 - 9:56does all of the work.
-
9:56 - 9:57The poor are there
-
9:57 - 10:00just to scare the shit
out of the middle class. -
10:02 - 10:05Keep them showing
up at those jobs. -
10:06 - 10:07So...
-
10:09 - 10:10So, stirring up the shit some,
-
10:10 - 10:12I like to do from
time to time, -
10:12 - 10:13but I also like to know
-
10:13 - 10:14that I can come back
-
10:14 - 10:16to these little things
we have in common. -
10:16 - 10:18Little universal moments
-
10:18 - 10:20that we share sepparetly,
-
10:20 - 10:22the things that
make us the same. -
10:22 - 10:24They are so small we
rarely even talk about it. -
10:24 - 10:26Did you ever
look at your watch -
10:26 - 10:29and then you don't
know what time it is? -
10:30 - 10:32And you have to look again,
-
10:32 - 10:34and you still
don't know the time. -
10:34 - 10:36See, you look at a third time,
-
10:36 - 10:37and somebody says:
"What time is it?" -
10:37 - 10:39You say: "I don't know."
-
10:41 - 10:45Did you ever notice how
sometimes all day Wednesday, -
10:45 - 10:48you keep thinking
it's Thursday. -
10:48 - 10:50And it happens over
and over all day long. -
10:50 - 10:52And then the next day,
-
10:52 - 10:54you're all right again.
-
10:56 - 10:57Did you ever find yourself
-
10:57 - 11:00standing in one of
the rooms in your house -
11:00 - 11:03and you can't remember
why you went in there? -
11:10 - 11:13And two words float
across your mind, -
11:13 - 11:15Alzheimer's Disease?
-
11:18 - 11:20You ever been
talking to yourself -
11:20 - 11:21and somebody comes in the room
-
11:21 - 11:23and you have to make
believe you were singing? -
11:27 - 11:28And you hope to God
-
11:28 - 11:30the other person really
believes there's a song called -
11:30 - 11:32What Does She Think
I Am, Some Kind of Putz? -
11:34 - 11:37Little experiences
we've all had. -
11:37 - 11:39You ever been sitting in a
railroad train in a station -
11:40 - 11:42and there's another train
sitting right next to you -
11:42 - 11:43and one of them starts to move
-
11:43 - 11:45and you can't tell
which one it is? -
11:50 - 11:53How about when you're out on
a small boat on a windy day? -
11:53 - 11:54You ever been out
rocking back and forth -
11:55 - 11:55for three or four hours
-
11:56 - 11:56trying to keep
your balance, -
11:56 - 11:58rough seas, little boat...
-
11:58 - 11:59Then you get
back into the shore -
11:59 - 12:00and you're standing
on the dock -
12:00 - 12:01and you could swear there
was something inside of you -
12:01 - 12:03that was still
out there, rocking. -
12:04 - 12:05Did you ever try
to pick up a suitcase -
12:05 - 12:06you thought was
full, but it wasn't? -
12:08 - 12:09And you go brooom.
-
12:10 - 12:12And for just a split second,
-
12:12 - 12:13you feel really strong.
-
12:16 - 12:19How about when you look
through a chain link fence? -
12:19 - 12:21Did you ever notice if
you're just the right distance -
12:21 - 12:22from a chain link fence,
-
12:22 - 12:25sometimes it seems
to go: doowoowoo? -
12:26 - 12:27What is that?
-
12:28 - 12:30How do they do that?
-
12:32 - 12:33Did you ever try
to tell somebody -
12:33 - 12:35they have a little bit
of dirt on their face? -
12:36 - 12:38You can never get them to
rub the right spot, can you? -
12:40 - 12:43Say: "You got a little
bit of dirt right here." -
12:43 - 12:46They always go "Where, here?"
-
12:48 - 12:50And you just want
to slap the bastard. -
13:02 - 13:04Did you ever notice
how awful your face looks -
13:04 - 13:06in a mirror in a restroom
-
13:06 - 13:08that has florescent lights?
-
13:09 - 13:12Every cut, scrape, scratch,
scar, scab, bruise, boil, -
13:12 - 13:14bump, pimple, zit,
wart, welt and abscess -
13:14 - 13:15you've had since birth
-
13:16 - 13:18all seem to come
back at the same time. -
13:19 - 13:20And all you can think of is
-
13:20 - 13:22I got to get the
fuck out of here! -
13:28 - 13:29Did you ever
notice, sometimes -
13:29 - 13:31when you're walking with
your arm around your date, -
13:31 - 13:34one of you has to change
the way you're walking? -
13:35 - 13:37Men and women
don't walk the same. -
13:37 - 13:38One of them has to change.
-
13:38 - 13:41Either the man
has to walk like this. -
13:46 - 13:48Or the woman
has to walk like this. -
13:51 - 13:53Joey, how are you?
-
13:58 - 14:00How about when you're
going up a flight of stairs -
14:00 - 14:01and you think
there's one more step, -
14:03 - 14:05and you go harghh.
-
14:06 - 14:09And then you have to kind of
keep doing that, you know, -
14:10 - 14:10so people will think
-
14:10 - 14:12it's something
you do all the time. -
14:13 - 14:14I do this all the time.
-
14:16 - 14:18It's the third
stage of syphilis. -
14:23 - 14:25Same thing happens when
you're going down the stairs. -
14:26 - 14:28You could swear there
was one more step. -
14:31 - 14:32Holy shit.
-
14:33 - 14:34My hips are in my chest.
-
14:48 - 14:50When you drink grapefruit
juice in the morning, -
14:50 - 14:51do you go like this...
-
14:56 - 14:58I do, too.
-
14:58 - 15:00Why do we drink it?
-
15:01 - 15:03It's like ice cream throat.
-
15:04 - 15:05You know when you've been
eating ice cream too fast -
15:05 - 15:07and you get that frozen spot
on the back of your throat, -
15:07 - 15:09but you can't do
anything about it -
15:09 - 15:10cause you can't
reach it to rub it? -
15:10 - 15:12You just have to kind of
wait for it to go away, -
15:12 - 15:13and it does.
-
15:13 - 15:14Then what do you do?
-
15:15 - 15:17Eat more ice cream!
-
15:17 - 15:19What are we, fucking stupid?
-
15:25 - 15:27Did you ever fall asleep
in the late afternoon -
15:28 - 15:29and wake up after dark
-
15:29 - 15:31and you don't know
what goddamn day it is? -
15:38 - 15:39Like when you have
your head on the pillow. -
15:39 - 15:41Did you ever notice when you
have your head on the pillow, -
15:41 - 15:42if you close the...
-
15:42 - 15:45if you close the bottom eye,
the pillow is down there? -
15:47 - 15:48Then if you switch eyes,
-
15:48 - 15:49the pillow moves up there.
-
15:50 - 15:53Oh, holy shit,
Dave, look at this. -
15:55 - 15:57The mystery of
the moving pillow. -
15:58 - 15:59I think it's related to
-
15:59 - 16:02the chain link fence
mystery myself, doowoowoo. -
16:04 - 16:08Did you ever have to sneeze
while you're taking a piss? -
16:10 - 16:12It's frightening, isn't it?
-
16:13 - 16:15It's frightening cause
actually, you can't do it. -
16:16 - 16:18It's physically impossible
-
16:18 - 16:20to sneeze while pissing.
-
16:20 - 16:22Your brain won't
let it happen. -
16:22 - 16:25Your brain says:
Stop pissing! -
16:25 - 16:28We're going to sneeze now!
-
16:29 - 16:30Cause your brain knows
-
16:31 - 16:34you might blow
your asshole out. -
16:46 - 16:48Something else
we have in common, -
16:49 - 16:51flying on the airlines.
-
16:52 - 16:54And listening to the
airlines announcements -
16:55 - 16:57and trying to pretend
to ourselves that -
16:57 - 17:00the language they're using
is really English. -
17:00 - 17:02Doesn't seem like it to me.
-
17:02 - 17:04Whole thing starts
when you get to the gate. -
17:04 - 17:05First announcement:
-
17:05 - 17:09"We would like to begin
the boarding process." -
17:09 - 17:10Extra word:
-
17:10 - 17:11"process",
-
17:11 - 17:12not necessary.
-
17:12 - 17:13"Boarding" is enough.
-
17:13 - 17:15"We'd like to
begin the boarding." -
17:15 - 17:17Simple, tells the story.
-
17:18 - 17:20People add extra words when
they want things to sound -
17:20 - 17:22more important
than they really are. -
17:22 - 17:24Boarding process.
-
17:24 - 17:25Sounds important.
-
17:25 - 17:26It isn't.
-
17:27 - 17:29It's just a bunch of people
getting on an airplane. -
17:30 - 17:32People like to
sound important. -
17:32 - 17:35Weathermen on television
talk about shower activity. -
17:37 - 17:39Sounds more
important than showers. -
17:39 - 17:40I even heard one guy on CNN
-
17:40 - 17:41talk about a rain event.
-
17:42 - 17:43Swear to God.
-
17:43 - 17:45He said Louisiana's
expecting a rain event. -
17:45 - 17:46I thought, holy shit,
-
17:46 - 17:48I hope I can
get tickets to that. -
17:53 - 17:55"Emergency situation".
-
17:55 - 17:57News people like to say
police have responded -
17:57 - 17:59to an emergency situation.
-
17:59 - 18:00No, they haven't.
-
18:00 - 18:02They're responded
to an emergency. -
18:02 - 18:04We know it's a situation.
-
18:05 - 18:07Everything is a situation.
-
18:08 - 18:10Anyway, as part of
this boarding process, -
18:10 - 18:13they say "we would
like to pre-board". -
18:14 - 18:16What exactly is that, anyway?
-
18:17 - 18:18What does it
mean to pre-board, -
18:18 - 18:20you get on before
you get on? -
18:22 - 18:24That's another
complaint of mine, -
18:24 - 18:26too much use
of this prefix "pre". -
18:26 - 18:28It's all over the language
now, pre-this, pre-that. -
18:28 - 18:29Place the turkey
in a pre-heated oven. -
18:30 - 18:30It's ridiculous!
-
18:30 - 18:33There are only two states an
oven can possibly exist in, -
18:33 - 18:35heated or unheated.
-
18:36 - 18:38Pre-heated is a
meaningless fucking term. -
18:39 - 18:40It's like pre-recorded.
-
18:40 - 18:41"This program
was pre-recorded." -
18:41 - 18:42Well, of course
it was pre-recorded. -
18:43 - 18:45When else you going to
record it, afterwards? -
18:46 - 18:48That's the whole
purpose of recording, -
18:48 - 18:49to do it beforehand.
-
18:50 - 18:51Otherwise, it doesn't
really work, does it? -
18:54 - 18:55Pre-existing,
-
18:55 - 18:56pre-planning,
-
18:56 - 18:57pre-screening.
-
18:57 - 18:59You what I tell these people?
-
18:59 - 19:02Pre-suck my genital situation.
-
19:11 - 19:13And they seem to understand
what I'm talking about. -
19:14 - 19:15Anyway, as part
of this pre-boarding, -
19:15 - 19:19they say "we would like to
pre-board those passengers -
19:19 - 19:21traveling with small children."
-
19:21 - 19:22Well, what about
those passengers -
19:22 - 19:23traveling with large children?
-
19:24 - 19:25Suppose you have
a two-year-old -
19:25 - 19:26with a pituitary disorder?
-
19:28 - 19:29You know, a six-foot infant
-
19:29 - 19:30with an oversized head,
-
19:31 - 19:32the kind of kid you see
-
19:32 - 19:34in the "National Inquirer"
all the time. -
19:35 - 19:36Actually, with
a kid like that, -
19:36 - 19:37I think you're better off
checking him right in -
19:37 - 19:38with your luggage
at the curb, don't you? -
19:39 - 19:41Well, they like
it under there. -
19:41 - 19:41It's dark.
-
19:41 - 19:42They're used to that.
-
19:43 - 19:44About this time,
-
19:44 - 19:46someone is telling you
to get on the plane. -
19:46 - 19:46"Get on the plane."
-
19:46 - 19:47"Get on the plane."
-
19:47 - 19:48I say fuck you,
-
19:48 - 19:50I'm getting IN the plane.
-
19:52 - 19:53IN the plane!
-
19:57 - 20:00Let Evel Kneivel
get ON the plane. -
20:00 - 20:03I'll be in here with
you folks in uniform. -
20:03 - 20:06There seems to be
less wind in here. -
20:10 - 20:11They might tell you
-
20:11 - 20:13you're on a non-stop flight.
-
20:16 - 20:18Well, I don't think
I care for that. -
20:19 - 20:21No, I insist that
my flights stop, -
20:22 - 20:24preferably at an airport.
-
20:25 - 20:27It's those sudden unscheduled
-
20:27 - 20:29cornfield and housing
development stops -
20:30 - 20:32that seem to interrupt
the flow of my day. -
20:36 - 20:37Here's one they just made up,
-
20:38 - 20:39near miss.
-
20:41 - 20:42When two planes
almost collide, -
20:43 - 20:44they call it a near miss.
-
20:44 - 20:46It's a near hit!
-
20:47 - 20:50A collision is a near miss.
-
20:50 - 20:52Boom.
-
20:52 - 20:54Look, they nearly missed.
-
21:05 - 21:07Yes, but not quite.
-
21:12 - 21:14They might tell you your
flight has been delayed -
21:14 - 21:16because of a
change of equipment. -
21:16 - 21:19Broken plane!
-
21:20 - 21:22Tell me to put
my seat back forward. -
21:25 - 21:26Well, I don't bend that way.
-
21:27 - 21:28If I could put my
seat back forward, -
21:28 - 21:29I'd be in porno movies.
-
21:33 - 21:35Then they mention
"carry on" luggage. -
21:35 - 21:36First time I heard "carrion",
-
21:36 - 21:38I thought they were going to
bring a dead deer on board. -
21:38 - 21:39I thought what the hell
do they need with that. -
21:39 - 21:41Don't they have the
little TV dinners anymore? -
21:42 - 21:44Then I thought
carry on, carry on, -
21:44 - 21:45there's going to be a party.
-
21:45 - 21:47People are going to be
carrying on, on the plane. -
21:48 - 21:49Well, I don't care for that.
-
21:49 - 21:51I like a serious
attitude on the plane, -
21:51 - 21:53especially on the flight deck
-
21:53 - 21:56which is the latest
euphemism for cockpit. -
21:58 - 21:59Can't imagine why they
wouldn't want to use -
21:59 - 22:02a lovely word like
cockpit, can you? -
22:02 - 22:03Especially with
all those stewardesses -
22:03 - 22:05going in and out
of it all the time. -
22:12 - 22:14There's a word that's changed,
-
22:14 - 22:14Stewardess.
-
22:14 - 22:15First, it was Hostess,
-
22:16 - 22:16then Stewardess,
-
22:16 - 22:18now, it's flight attendant.
-
22:18 - 22:19You know what I call em?
-
22:19 - 22:21The lady on the plane.
-
22:21 - 22:23Sometimes it's a
man on the plane now. -
22:23 - 22:24That's good, equality,
-
22:24 - 22:25I am all in favor of that.
-
22:26 - 22:29Sometimes, they actually
refer to these people as -
22:29 - 22:32uniformed crew members.
-
22:32 - 22:33Uniformed.
-
22:33 - 22:35As opposed to that guy
sitting next to you -
22:35 - 22:36in the Grateful Dead tee shirt
-
22:36 - 22:37and the "Fuck You" hat,
-
22:40 - 22:41who's working on his
-
22:41 - 22:44ninth little bottle
of Kaluha, I might add. -
22:46 - 22:48As soon as they close
the door to the aircraft, -
22:48 - 22:51that's when they begin
the safety lecture. -
22:51 - 22:53I love the safety lecture.
-
22:54 - 22:56This is my favorite part
of the airplane ride. -
22:56 - 22:58I listen very carefully
to the safety lecture, -
22:58 - 23:00especially that part
where they teach us -
23:00 - 23:02how to use the seat belt.
-
23:03 - 23:04Imagine this.
-
23:04 - 23:07Here we are, a plane full
of grown human beings, -
23:08 - 23:10many of us
partially educated, -
23:11 - 23:12and they're actually
taking time out -
23:12 - 23:15to describe the intricate
workings of a belt buckle. -
23:17 - 23:22Place the small metal
flap into the buckle. -
23:22 - 23:25Well, I ask for
clarification at that point. -
23:28 - 23:30Over here, please.
Over here. Yes. -
23:30 - 23:31Thank you very much.
-
23:31 - 23:33Did I hear you correctly?
-
23:33 - 23:35Did you say place
the small metal flap -
23:35 - 23:36into the buckle
-
23:37 - 23:38or place the buckle
-
23:38 - 23:41over and around
the small metal flap? -
23:41 - 23:42I'm a simple man.
-
23:42 - 23:44I do not possess an
engineering degree -
23:44 - 23:45nor am I
mechanically inclined. -
23:46 - 23:47Sorry to have taken up
so much of your time. -
23:47 - 23:51Please continue with the
wonderful safety lecture. -
23:51 - 23:54Seat belts, high tech shit.
-
23:56 - 23:59The safety lecture continues.
-
23:59 - 23:59The next thing they do,
-
24:00 - 24:03they tell you to locate
your nearest emergency exit. -
24:03 - 24:05I do this immediately.
-
24:09 - 24:11I locate my nearest
emergency exit -
24:12 - 24:13and then I plan my route.
-
24:14 - 24:15You have to plan your route.
-
24:15 - 24:16It's not always a
straight line, is it? -
24:17 - 24:19Sometimes there's
a really big fat fuck -
24:19 - 24:20sitting right in front of you.
-
24:25 - 24:26Well, you know you'll
never get over him. -
24:27 - 24:29I look around for women and
children, midgets and dwarfs, -
24:29 - 24:31cripples, war widows,
paralyzed veterans, -
24:31 - 24:32people with broken legs,
-
24:32 - 24:34anyone who looks like
they can't move too well. -
24:35 - 24:36The emotionally disturbed
come in very handy -
24:37 - 24:37at a time like this.
-
24:38 - 24:40You may have to go out of
your way to find these people, -
24:40 - 24:40but you'll get
out of the plane -
24:41 - 24:42a lot goddamn
quicker, believe me. -
24:43 - 24:44I say let's see,
-
24:44 - 24:46I'll go around the fat fuck,
-
24:47 - 24:48step on the widow's head,
-
24:49 - 24:50push those children
out of the way, -
24:51 - 24:52knock down the
paralyzed midget -
24:54 - 24:55and get out of the plane
-
24:55 - 24:57where I can help others.
-
25:08 - 25:09I can be of no help to anyone
-
25:09 - 25:11if I'm lying
unconscious in the aisle -
25:11 - 25:13with some big cock sucker
standing on my head. -
25:14 - 25:15I must get out of the plane,
-
25:15 - 25:16go to a nearby farmhouse,
-
25:17 - 25:18have a Dr. Pepper,
-
25:18 - 25:19and call the police.
-
25:22 - 25:25The safety lecture continues.
-
25:25 - 25:28In the unlikely event...
-
25:28 - 25:30This is a very suspect phrase.
-
25:31 - 25:33Especially coming as
it does from an industry -
25:33 - 25:35that is willing to lie about
arrival and departure times. -
25:37 - 25:39In the unlikely event
-
25:39 - 25:42of a sudden change
in cabin pressure... -
25:42 - 25:44Roof flies off!
-
25:49 - 25:52An oxygen mask will
drop down in front of you. -
25:53 - 25:57Place the mask over your
face and breathe normally. -
25:59 - 26:00Well, I have no
problem with that. -
26:00 - 26:01I always breathe normally
-
26:01 - 26:03when I'm in a 600 mile an hour
-
26:03 - 26:05uncontrolled vertical dive.
-
26:07 - 26:09I also shit normally.
-
26:10 - 26:12Right in my pants!
-
26:18 - 26:20They tell you to
adjust your oxygen mask -
26:21 - 26:23before helping
your child with his. -
26:24 - 26:27I did not need
to be told that. -
26:28 - 26:29In fact, I'm
probably going to be -
26:29 - 26:31too busy screaming
to help him at all. -
26:32 - 26:36This will be a good time for
him to learn self reliance. -
26:37 - 26:41If he can program
his fucking VCR, -
26:42 - 26:43he can goddamn jolly well
-
26:43 - 26:44learn to adjust
an oxygen mask. -
26:45 - 26:46Fairly simple thing,
-
26:46 - 26:48just a little rubber band
in the back is all it is. -
26:49 - 26:51Not nearly as complicated
as, say, for instance, -
26:52 - 26:53a seat belt.
-
26:56 - 26:58The safety lecture continues.
-
26:59 - 27:01In the unlikely event
-
27:02 - 27:04of a water landing...
-
27:10 - 27:16Well, what exactly
is a "water landing"? -
27:16 - 27:20Am I mistaken or does
this sound somewhat similar -
27:20 - 27:22to crashing into the ocean?
-
27:27 - 27:30Your seat cushion can be
used as a flotation device. -
27:31 - 27:32Well, imagine that!
-
27:33 - 27:35My seat cushion.
-
27:35 - 27:36Just what I need,
-
27:37 - 27:40to float around the North
Atlantic for several days -
27:41 - 27:44clinging to a pillow
full of beer farts. -
27:59 - 27:59Thank you.
-
28:01 - 28:03The flight continues,
-
28:03 - 28:05a little later on
toward the end, we hear -
28:06 - 28:10"the captain has turned on
the fasten seat belt sign". -
28:11 - 28:14Well, who gives a
shit who turned it on? -
28:15 - 28:17What does that have
to do with anything? -
28:17 - 28:18It's on, isn't it?
-
28:21 - 28:27And who made this man
a captain, might I ask? -
28:28 - 28:29Did I sleep
through some sort of -
28:29 - 28:31an Armed Forces swearing
in ceremony or something? -
28:32 - 28:35Captain? He's a fucking pilot
and let him be happy with that. -
28:36 - 28:38If those sightseeing
announcements -
28:38 - 28:39are any mark of his intellect,
-
28:39 - 28:41he's lucky to
be working at all. -
28:42 - 28:43Tell the captain
-
28:44 - 28:47Air Marshal Carlin
says go fuck yourself. -
28:58 - 28:59The next sentence I hear
-
28:59 - 29:02is full of things
that piss me off. -
29:03 - 29:05Before leaving the aircraft,
-
29:05 - 29:08please check around
your immediate seating area -
29:09 - 29:11for any personal belongings
-
29:11 - 29:13you might have
brought on board. -
29:14 - 29:17Well, let's start with
"immediate seating area". -
29:19 - 29:20Seat!
-
29:21 - 29:23It's a goddamn seat.
-
29:24 - 29:26Check around your seat.
-
29:27 - 29:29"For any personal belongings".
-
29:30 - 29:33Well, what other kinds
of belongings are there, -
29:33 - 29:34besides personal?
-
29:35 - 29:37Public belongings?
-
29:38 - 29:40Do these people honestly
think I might be traveling -
29:40 - 29:42with a fountain
I stole from the park? -
29:47 - 29:50"You might have
brought on board". -
29:51 - 29:52Well,
-
29:53 - 29:55I might have brought
my arrowhead collection. -
29:57 - 29:58I didn't,
-
29:58 - 30:00so I'm not going
to look for it. -
30:01 - 30:03I am going to look for
things I brought on board. -
30:04 - 30:05Which seem to enhance
-
30:05 - 30:06the likelihood of
my finding something, -
30:06 - 30:07wouldn't you say?
-
30:12 - 30:13They tell me to return my
seat back and tray table -
30:13 - 30:15to their original
upright positions. -
30:15 - 30:16Fine.
-
30:16 - 30:17Who's going to
return this guy -
30:17 - 30:18in the Grateful Dead
tee shirt and the "Fuck you" hat -
30:18 - 30:20to his original
upright position? -
30:24 - 30:27About this time, they tell
you you'll be landing shortly. -
30:28 - 30:30That sound to you like we're
going to miss the runway? -
30:31 - 30:35Final approach is not very
promising either, is it? -
30:35 - 30:39Final is not a good word
to be using on an airplane. -
30:40 - 30:41Sometimes the
pilot will get on, -
30:41 - 30:43and he'll say we'll be on
the ground in 15 minutes. -
30:45 - 30:47Well, that's a little
vague, isn't it? -
30:50 - 30:52Now, we're taxiing in.
-
30:52 - 30:57She says welcome to
O'Hare International Airport. -
30:58 - 30:59Well, how can someone
-
30:59 - 31:01who is just arriving herself
-
31:01 - 31:04possibly welcome me to a
place she isn't even at yet? -
31:06 - 31:07Doesn't this...
-
31:07 - 31:11Doesn't this violate some
fundamental law of physics? -
31:12 - 31:13We're only on the
ground four seconds -
31:13 - 31:16and she's coming on like
the fucking mayor's wife. -
31:19 - 31:21Where the local time...
-
31:22 - 31:24Well, of course,
it's the local time. -
31:24 - 31:26What does she think
we're expecting, -
31:26 - 31:28the time in Pango-Pango?
-
31:30 - 31:32Enjoy your stay in Chicago
-
31:32 - 31:36or wherever your final
destination might be. -
31:39 - 31:41All destinations are final.
-
31:42 - 31:44That's what it means,
destiny, final. -
31:45 - 31:46If you haven't gotten
where you're going, -
31:47 - 31:48you aren't there yet.
-
31:54 - 31:56The captain has asked...
-
31:57 - 31:59More shit from
the bogus captain. -
32:01 - 32:03You know, for someone who's
supposed to be flying an airplane, -
32:03 - 32:05he's taking a
mighty big interest -
32:05 - 32:06in what I'm doing back here.
-
32:09 - 32:11That you remain seated
-
32:11 - 32:13until he has
brought the aircraft -
32:13 - 32:15to a complete stop.
-
32:16 - 32:17Not a partial stop
-
32:19 - 32:20cause during a partial stop,
-
32:20 - 32:21I partially get up.
-
32:24 - 32:28Continue to observe
the no smoking sign -
32:28 - 32:31until well inside
the terminal. -
32:32 - 32:35It's physically impossible to
observe the no smoking sign -
32:35 - 32:38even if you're standing just
outside the door of the airplane -
32:39 - 32:41much less well
inside the terminal. -
32:41 - 32:43You can't even
see the fucking planes -
32:43 - 32:45from well inside the terminal.
-
32:57 - 33:00Which brings me to "terminal",
-
33:01 - 33:03another unfortunate word
-
33:03 - 33:05to be used in
association with air travel. -
33:06 - 33:08And they use it all over
the airport, don't they? -
33:08 - 33:09Somehow I just
can't get hungry -
33:10 - 33:12at a place called
the Terminal Snack Bar. -
33:14 - 33:15But if you've
ever eaten there, -
33:15 - 33:17you know it is an
appropriate name. -
33:21 - 33:22Thank you.
-
33:26 - 33:27Thank you very much.
-
33:30 - 33:31Okay!
-
33:31 - 33:31Now...
-
33:32 - 33:34Speaking of places to eat...
-
33:34 - 33:37Places to eat and what
they're called or named, -
33:37 - 33:39Beverly Hills has
a brand new restaurant -
33:39 - 33:41specifically for
bulimia victims. -
33:42 - 33:43It's called the
Scarf and Barf. -
33:45 - 33:47Well, they were going to
call it the Fork and Bucket. -
33:48 - 33:50Thank God good
taste prevailed. -
33:50 - 33:52How about a
restaurant for anorexics? -
33:53 - 33:54What would you call it?
-
33:54 - 33:55The Empty Plate,
-
33:56 - 33:58the Lonesome Chef,
-
33:59 - 34:00Start Without Me, Guys.
-
34:01 - 34:03See, somehow I can't
feel sorry for an anorexic, -
34:03 - 34:04you know?
-
34:04 - 34:05Rich cunt, don't want to eat.
-
34:05 - 34:06Fuck her.
-
34:08 - 34:09Fuck her.
-
34:14 - 34:16Don't eat, I give a shit.
-
34:17 - 34:19Like I'm supposed to be
real concerned about this. -
34:19 - 34:21I don't want to eat!
-
34:22 - 34:23Go fuck yourself.
-
34:26 - 34:28Why don't you lie down
in front of a railroad train -
34:28 - 34:29right after you don't eat?
-
34:30 - 34:32What kind of a goddamned
disease is that anyway? -
34:32 - 34:34I don't want to eat!
-
34:35 - 34:37How do we come up with
this shit in this country? -
34:38 - 34:39Where do we get
our values from? -
34:39 - 34:42Bulimia, there's another
all American desease. -
34:42 - 34:44This has got to be the
only country in the world -
34:44 - 34:46that could ever have
come up with bulimia. -
34:46 - 34:47Got to be the only country
where some people -
34:47 - 34:50are digging in the
dumpster for a peach pit. -
34:50 - 34:51Other people eat a nice meal
-
34:51 - 34:53and puke it up intentionally.
-
34:54 - 34:55Where do we get
our values from? -
34:55 - 34:57I do not
understand our values. -
34:58 - 35:00By the way, speaking
of American values, -
35:00 - 35:03aren't we about due to start
bombing some small country -
35:03 - 35:05that only has a marginally
effective air force? -
35:06 - 35:08Seems to me like we're a
couple of weeks overdue -
35:08 - 35:10to drop high explosives
on helpless civilians, -
35:11 - 35:13people who have no argument
with us whatsoever. -
35:13 - 35:15I think we ought to be out there
doing what we do best, gang, -
35:15 - 35:18making large holes in
other people's countries. -
35:18 - 35:21I hate to be repetitious,
but we are a warlike lot. -
35:21 - 35:24We can't stand not to be
fucking with somebody. -
35:24 - 35:26We couldn't wait for that
cold war to be over, could we? -
35:27 - 35:28Couldn't wait for that
cold war to be over so we -
35:28 - 35:30could go and play with
our toys in the sand. -
35:30 - 35:32Go play with our
toys in the sand. -
35:32 - 35:35And when we're not invading
some sovereign nation -
35:35 - 35:39or setting it on fire from
the air, which is more fun -
35:39 - 35:41for a Nintendo pilot, then...
-
35:41 - 35:45then we're usually declaring
war on something here at home. -
35:45 - 35:45Did you ever notice
that about us? -
35:46 - 35:48We love to declare war
on things here in America. -
35:48 - 35:50Anything we don't
like about ourselves, -
35:50 - 35:51we have to declare war on it.
-
35:51 - 35:52We don't do
anything about it. -
35:52 - 35:54We just declare war on it.
-
35:54 - 35:56It's the only metaphor...
-
35:56 - 35:58The only metaphor we
have in our public discourse -
35:58 - 35:59for solving problems:
-
35:59 - 36:00Declaring war!
-
36:00 - 36:02We have to declare war on everything!
We have the war on crime, -
36:02 - 36:04the war on poverty, the war on litter,
-
36:04 - 36:04the war on cancer,
-
36:05 - 36:05the war on drugs.
-
36:06 - 36:07But you ever notice
-
36:07 - 36:09we got no war on
homelessness, ahn? -
36:09 - 36:10No war on homelessness.
-
36:10 - 36:11Do you know why?
-
36:11 - 36:12There's no money
in that problem. -
36:13 - 36:16No money to be made
off of the homeless. -
36:16 - 36:18If you could find a solution...
-
36:18 - 36:20If you could find a
solution to homelessness -
36:20 - 36:22where the corporate swine,
and the politicians -
36:22 - 36:24could steal a couple
of million dollars each, -
36:24 - 36:26you'd see the streets of
America begin to clear up -
36:26 - 36:28pretty goddamn quick,
I'll guarantee you that! -
36:28 - 36:30I will guarantee you that!
-
36:30 - 36:31Yeah!
-
36:33 - 36:34I got...
-
36:37 - 36:39I got an idea, you know
what they oughta do? -
36:39 - 36:41Give the homeless
their own magazine. -
36:42 - 36:43Give their own magazine.
-
36:43 - 36:45It'll make them feel
better for one thing. -
36:45 - 36:48That's a sure sign of
making it in this country. -
36:48 - 36:49Every group in this country
-
36:49 - 36:51that arrives at
a certain level -
36:51 - 36:52has its own magazine.
-
36:52 - 36:54We have Working
Mother Magazine, -
36:54 - 36:56Black Entrepreneur Magazine,
-
36:56 - 36:58Hispanic Business Magazine.
-
36:58 - 37:00In fact, any activity,
-
37:00 - 37:01any activity engaged in
-
37:01 - 37:03by more than four
people in this country -
37:04 - 37:06has got a fucking
magazine devoted to it. -
37:06 - 37:07Sky-diving,
-
37:07 - 37:08snowmobiling,
-
37:08 - 37:09backpacking,
-
37:09 - 37:10mountain climbing,
-
37:10 - 37:11bungee jumping,
-
37:11 - 37:12skeet shooting,
-
37:12 - 37:13duck hunting,
-
37:13 - 37:14jerking off, playing pool,
-
37:14 - 37:16shooting someone in the
asshole with a dart gun... -
37:17 - 37:18They probably got a
fucking magazine for that! -
37:19 - 37:22Walking!
For Christ's sakes! -
37:22 - 37:24Walking!
-
37:24 - 37:28There's actually a fucking
magazine called "Walking"! -
37:29 - 37:33Look, Dan, the new
"Walking" is out. -
37:34 - 37:35Here's a good article,
-
37:35 - 37:38Putting One Foot
in Front of the Other. -
37:39 - 37:41Give them their own magazine.
-
37:42 - 37:43Give them their own magazine.
-
37:46 - 37:48You know what you'd call a
magazine for the homeless? -
37:48 - 37:50"Better Crates and Cartons".
-
37:52 - 37:53Yeah! Then when they
get finished reading it, -
37:53 - 37:55they can use it to
line their clothing. -
37:56 - 37:58That's a good sound
business solution, isn't? -
37:58 - 37:59That's the kind
of answer you get -
37:59 - 38:02from a conservative
American businessman, -
38:02 - 38:03who's gonna say:
"Yeah, let them read it. -
38:03 - 38:04When they get
finished reading it, -
38:04 - 38:06they can use it to plug up
the holes in them piano crates -
38:06 - 38:08they all seem
to like to live in." -
38:08 - 38:09A good sound, practical,
-
38:10 - 38:15conservative American
business solution. -
38:15 - 38:17I got an idea about homelessness.
You know what we oughta do? -
38:18 - 38:20Change the name of it.
Change the name. -
38:20 - 38:21It's not homelessness.
-
38:21 - 38:22It's houselessness!
-
38:23 - 38:24It's houses these people need.
-
38:25 - 38:26A home is an abstract idea.
-
38:27 - 38:28A home is a setting.
-
38:28 - 38:29It's a state of mind.
-
38:29 - 38:30These people need houses,
-
38:30 - 38:32physical, tangible structures.
-
38:32 - 38:34They need low-cost housing!
-
38:34 - 38:35But where you
gonna to put it? -
38:35 - 38:37That's fine, but
where you gonna put it? -
38:37 - 38:37Where are you gonna put it?
-
38:37 - 38:41Nobody wants you to build low
cost housing near their house. -
38:41 - 38:42People don't
want it near them. -
38:43 - 38:43We got something
in this country. -
38:43 - 38:45You've heard of it,
it's called "nimby", -
38:45 - 38:48N-l-M-B-Y,
"Not In My Back Yard!" -
38:49 - 38:51People don't want anything,
any kind of social help -
38:52 - 38:53located anywhere near them.
-
38:53 - 38:55You try to open up
a halfway house, -
38:55 - 38:58try to open up a drug rehab
or an alcohol rehab center, -
38:58 - 39:00try to do a homeless
shelter somewhere, -
39:00 - 39:02try to open up a little home
for some retarded people -
39:02 - 39:03who want to work their
way into the community, -
39:04 - 39:06people say: "Not
in my back yard!" -
39:06 - 39:08People don't want
anything near them, -
39:08 - 39:11especially if it might
help somebody else. -
39:11 - 39:13Part of the great American
spirit of generosity -
39:14 - 39:14we hear about.
-
39:14 - 39:15Prrrr.
-
39:15 - 39:16Prrrr.
-
39:16 - 39:18Great generous
American spirit! -
39:19 - 39:21You can ask an
indian about that! -
39:21 - 39:22Ask an Indian about...
-
39:22 - 39:23if you can find one.
-
39:24 - 39:25You got to locate
the Indian first. -
39:25 - 39:27We've made him just
a little difficult to find. -
39:28 - 39:29Or if you need current data,
-
39:29 - 39:31select a black family
at random and ask them -
39:31 - 39:33how generous
America has been to them. -
39:33 - 39:35People don't want
anything near them, -
39:35 - 39:37even if it's something
they believe in, -
39:37 - 39:39something they think
society needs, like prisons. -
39:39 - 39:41Everybody wants
more prisons, right? -
39:41 - 39:44Everybody wants more prisons.
People say: "Build more prisons!" -
39:45 - 39:46"But not here."
-
39:47 - 39:48Well, why not? What's wrong?
-
39:48 - 39:49What's the problem?
-
39:49 - 39:51What's wrong with having a
prison in your neighborhood? -
39:51 - 39:52It seems to me
like it would make it -
39:52 - 39:54a pretty crime free
area, don't you think? -
39:55 - 39:57You think a lot of crack heads,
and pimps, and hookers, -
39:57 - 39:58and thieves are
gonna be hanging around -
39:58 - 39:59in front of a fucking prison?
-
40:00 - 40:00Bullshit!
-
40:00 - 40:02They ain't coming
anywhere near them! -
40:02 - 40:03What's wrong
with these people? -
40:03 - 40:05All the criminals are
locked up behind the walls. -
40:05 - 40:06And if a couple
of them do break out, -
40:06 - 40:07what do you think
they're going to do? -
40:07 - 40:09Hang around,
-
40:10 - 40:12check real estate trends?
-
40:12 - 40:15Bullshit!
They're fucking gone! -
40:15 - 40:17That's the whole idea
of breaking out of prison, -
40:17 - 40:19is to get the fuck as far
away as you possibly can! -
40:21 - 40:23"Not in my back yard!"
-
40:24 - 40:26People don't want
anything near them. -
40:27 - 40:28Except military bases.
-
40:29 - 40:30They don't mind that,
do they? They like that! -
40:31 - 40:32Give them an army base,
give them a navy base. -
40:32 - 40:34Makes them happy.
Why? Jobs! -
40:34 - 40:36Jobs! Self interest.
-
40:36 - 40:38Even if the base is loaded
with nuclear weapons, -
40:38 - 40:39they don't give a fuck!
-
40:40 - 40:40They say: "Well,
-
40:40 - 40:42I'll take a little
radiation if I can get a job." -
40:43 - 40:45Working people have
been fucked over so long -
40:45 - 40:47in this country those
are the kind of decisions -
40:47 - 40:48they're left to make!
-
40:49 - 40:52I got just the place
for low cost housing. -
40:52 - 40:53I have solved this problem!
-
40:54 - 40:56I know where we can build
housing for the homeless. -
40:57 - 40:58Golf courses!
-
40:59 - 41:00Perfect!
-
41:01 - 41:02Golf courses!
-
41:04 - 41:05Just what we need.
-
41:06 - 41:08Just what we need.
-
41:08 - 41:11Plenty of good land,
in nice neighborhoods, -
41:12 - 41:13land that is
currently being wasted -
41:13 - 41:15on a meaningless,
mindless activity -
41:16 - 41:21engaged in...
engaged in primarily by white, -
41:21 - 41:23well-to-do, male businessmen
-
41:23 - 41:25who use the game to get
together to make deals -
41:25 - 41:26to carve this country up
-
41:26 - 41:28a little finer
among themselves. -
41:28 - 41:29I am getting tired,
-
41:30 - 41:32really getting tired
-
41:33 - 41:35of these golfing cocksuckers
-
41:36 - 41:38in their green pants
-
41:38 - 41:40and their yellow pants
-
41:40 - 41:41and their orange pants
-
41:41 - 41:42and their precious little hats
-
41:43 - 41:44and their cute
little golf carts. -
41:44 - 41:47It is time to reclaim the
golf courses from the wealthy -
41:48 - 41:49and turn them over
to the homeless. -
41:49 - 41:51Golf is an arrogant,
elitist game, -
41:51 - 41:53and it takes up
entirely too much room -
41:53 - 41:55in this country,
-
41:55 - 41:58too much room
in this country! -
42:06 - 42:09It is... It is
an arrogant game -
42:09 - 42:11on it's very design alone.
-
42:11 - 42:14Just the design of the
game speaks of arrogance. -
42:14 - 42:16Think of how big
a golf course is. -
42:16 - 42:18The ball is that fucking big.
-
42:19 - 42:22What do these pinheaded pricks
need with all that land? -
42:22 - 42:25There are over 17,000
golf courses in America. -
42:25 - 42:28They average over
150 acres apiece. -
42:28 - 42:29That's 3 million plus acres.
-
42:29 - 42:314,820 square miles.
-
42:31 - 42:32You could build
two Rhode Islands -
42:32 - 42:34and a Delaware
for the homeless -
42:34 - 42:36on the land currently
being wasted in this -
42:36 - 42:39meaningless, mindless,
arrogant, elitist, racist, -
42:39 - 42:40there's another thing.
-
42:40 - 42:42The only blacks you
will find in country clubs -
42:42 - 42:43are carrying trays.
-
42:43 - 42:46And a boring game!
Boring game, -
42:46 - 42:47for boring people.
-
42:48 - 42:49Did you ever watch
golf on television? -
42:49 - 42:51It's like watching flies fuck.
-
42:54 - 42:57And... and a mindless
game, mindless! -
42:57 - 42:58Think of the
intellect it must take -
42:59 - 43:01to draw pleasure
from this activity, -
43:01 - 43:03hitting a ball
with a crooked stick -
43:04 - 43:07and then walking after it.
-
43:08 - 43:11And then hitting it again!
-
43:12 - 43:13I say pick it up, asshole!
-
43:13 - 43:14You're lucky you
found the fucking thing! -
43:15 - 43:17Put it in your pocket
and go the fuck home. -
43:17 - 43:19You're a winner.
You're a winner! -
43:19 - 43:20You found it!
-
43:20 - 43:21No!
-
43:24 - 43:25Never happen.
-
43:27 - 43:27No!
-
43:28 - 43:29No chance of that happening.
-
43:29 - 43:32Dorko in the plaid knickers
is going to hit it again -
43:33 - 43:34and walk some more.
-
43:34 - 43:37Let these rich cock suckers
play miniature golf. -
43:38 - 43:41Let them fuck with a windmill
for an hour and a half or so. -
43:42 - 43:44See if there's any real
skill among these people. -
43:45 - 43:47Now, I know there are
some people who play golf -
43:47 - 43:49who don't consider
themselves rich. -
43:49 - 43:50Fuck them!
-
43:51 - 43:53And shame on them
-
43:53 - 43:57for engaging in an
arrogant, elitist pastime. -
43:57 - 43:58Hey, here's another place
-
43:58 - 44:00we could put some
low-cost housing: -
44:01 - 44:02Cemeteries!
-
44:03 - 44:06There's another idea
whose time has passed. -
44:06 - 44:09Saving all the dead people at
for one part of town? -
44:10 - 44:12What the hell kind of a
medieval, superstitious, -
44:12 - 44:13religious bullshit
idea is that? -
44:14 - 44:15Plow these motherfuckers up.
-
44:15 - 44:17Plow them into the streams
and rivers of America. -
44:17 - 44:19We need that
phosphorous for farming! -
44:20 - 44:21If we're going to recycle,
-
44:22 - 44:23let's get serious!
-
44:25 - 44:26Thank you.
-
44:31 - 44:32Thank you.
-
44:33 - 44:34I appreciate it!
-
44:35 - 44:37I appreciate that.
-
44:37 - 44:38Good, I'll have a little sip of this.
-
44:38 - 44:41The water, I assume, is still
safe to drink in New York, huh? -
44:42 - 44:44No!
-
44:46 - 44:46Actually...
-
44:47 - 44:48Actually, I gotta be fair with you.
-
44:48 - 44:49I'm only setting
you up a little bit, -
44:49 - 44:50it's just that...
-
44:50 - 44:51...another trick question,
-
44:51 - 44:52but it's just a set up,
-
44:52 - 44:53'cause I don't really
care about the water, -
44:53 - 44:54to tell you the truth.
-
44:54 - 44:56I just love to hear the
answer to that question. -
44:57 - 44:58I ask that question
everywhere I go. -
44:59 - 44:59Everywhere I go, I say:
-
44:59 - 45:00How's the water?
-
45:00 - 45:02Haven't gotten a
positive answer yet. -
45:03 - 45:03Not one.
-
45:04 - 45:05Last year I was in 40 states,
-
45:05 - 45:06a hundred cities.
-
45:07 - 45:09Not one audience was
able to say to me: -
45:09 - 45:12"Yes! Enjoy some of
our fine local water!" -
45:13 - 45:15"It is pure, and it is good!"
-
45:16 - 45:16Of course, I know,
-
45:16 - 45:18a lot of people don't
talk that way anymore -
45:19 - 45:21but nobody trusts
their local water supply! -
45:22 - 45:22Nobody.
-
45:23 - 45:24And that amuses me.
-
45:24 - 45:25I like that.
-
45:25 - 45:27I admit I'm a bit perverted,
-
45:27 - 45:29but it amuses me
that no one -
45:29 - 45:32can really trust
the water anymore. -
45:32 - 45:34And the thing I like
about it the most, -
45:34 - 45:35is that it means
-
45:35 - 45:38the system is
beginning to collapse -
45:39 - 45:42and everything is
slowly breaking down. -
45:43 - 45:45I enjoy chaos and disorder.
-
45:45 - 45:47Not just because they
help me professionally. -
45:48 - 45:49No.
-
45:50 - 45:51They're also my hobby.
-
45:52 - 45:54You see, I'm an entropy fan.
-
45:54 - 45:55I'm an entropy fan.
-
45:55 - 45:57When I first heard of entropy
in high school science, -
45:57 - 45:59I was attracted
to it immediately. -
45:59 - 46:01When they told
me that in nature -
46:01 - 46:03all systems are
breaking down, -
46:03 - 46:04I thought "What a good thing!"
-
46:05 - 46:06What a good thing!
-
46:06 - 46:07Perhaps I can make some
-
46:07 - 46:09small contribution
in this area myself. -
46:10 - 46:11And, of course,
it's not just in nature. -
46:12 - 46:15In this country, the
whole social structure, -
46:15 - 46:17just beginning to collapse.
-
46:17 - 46:18You watch.
-
46:18 - 46:20Just beginning now
-
46:20 - 46:22to come apart at the
edges and the seams. -
46:22 - 46:24And the thing
I like about that -
46:24 - 46:25is that it means it
makes the news -
46:25 - 46:27on television
more interesting. -
46:27 - 46:29Makes the television
news more exciting! -
46:29 - 46:30Makes it more fun!
-
46:30 - 46:32I watch television news for
one thing and one thing only: -
46:32 - 46:33Entertainment!
-
46:33 - 46:35That's all I want from
the news, entertainment! -
46:35 - 46:36You know my favorite
thing on television? -
46:36 - 46:37Bad news!
-
46:38 - 46:40Bad news and disasters and
accidents and catastrophes. -
46:40 - 46:42I'm want to see some
explosions and fires. -
46:42 - 46:45I want to see shit blown up
and bodies flying around! -
46:45 - 46:47I'm not interested
in the budget! -
46:47 - 46:49I don't care about
tax negotiations! -
46:49 - 46:52I don't want to know what
country the fucking Pope is in! -
46:52 - 46:54But you show me a
hospital that's on fire -
46:54 - 46:56and people on crutches
are jumping off the roof, -
46:56 - 46:58and I'm a happy guy!
-
46:58 - 47:00I'm a happy guy!
-
47:01 - 47:03I'm a happy guy!
-
47:04 - 47:06I want to see a
paint factory blowing up. -
47:06 - 47:08I want to see an
oil refinery explode. -
47:08 - 47:12I want to see a tornado
hit a church on Sunday! -
47:12 - 47:14I want to see people...
-
47:14 - 47:15I wanna know
that some guy -
47:15 - 47:16ran into the K-mart
-
47:16 - 47:18with an automatic weapon
firing at the clerks. -
47:19 - 47:20I want to see
thousands of people -
47:20 - 47:22in the street
killing policemen. -
47:22 - 47:24I want to hear about
a nuclear meltdown. -
47:24 - 47:25I want to know
the stock market -
47:25 - 47:27dropped 2,000
points in one day. -
47:27 - 47:30I want to see people
under pressure. -
47:30 - 47:33Sirens, flames, smoke,
bodies, graves being filled, -
47:33 - 47:34parents weeping,
exciting shit! -
47:34 - 47:35My kind of TV.
-
47:35 - 47:37I just want some
entertainment. -
47:37 - 47:39It's just the
kind of guy I am. -
47:39 - 47:40It's the kind of guy I am.
-
47:40 - 47:41You know what
I love the most? -
47:41 - 47:44When big chunks of
concrete and fiery wood -
47:44 - 47:45are falling out of the sky
-
47:45 - 47:47and people are running around
trying to get out of the way. -
47:48 - 47:49Exciting shit!
-
47:49 - 47:50That's why
I watch auto racing. -
47:50 - 47:52It's the only reason
I watch auto racing. -
47:52 - 47:54I'm waiting for
some accidents, man! -
47:55 - 47:57I want to see
some cars on fire! -
47:58 - 47:59I don't care about a
bunch of redneck jack-offs -
48:00 - 48:02driving 500 miles in a circle!
-
48:02 - 48:04500 miles in a circle?
-
48:04 - 48:06Children can do that,
for Christ's sakes! -
48:07 - 48:08Doesn't impress me!
-
48:08 - 48:10I want to see some schmuck
with his hair on fire -
48:10 - 48:11running around,
punching his own head -
48:12 - 48:13trying to put it out!
-
48:14 - 48:17I want to see
the pits explode! -
48:18 - 48:20I wanna see a car doing a
200 mile-an-hour cartwheel! -
48:21 - 48:23Hey, where else
besides auto racing -
48:23 - 48:25am I going to see
a 23-car collision -
48:25 - 48:26and not be in
the son of a bitch? -
48:28 - 48:30And if a car flies
out of control, -
48:30 - 48:31lands on the stands
-
48:31 - 48:33and kills fifty
spectators, fine! -
48:33 - 48:33Fuck them!
-
48:34 - 48:35Serves them right.
-
48:35 - 48:36They paid to get in.
-
48:36 - 48:37Let them take their
chances with everybody else. -
48:38 - 48:40Just means more
fun for me! -
48:41 - 48:42More fun for me!
-
48:43 - 48:44Hey, at least I admit it.
-
48:44 - 48:45At least I admit it.
-
48:45 - 48:46Most people won't admit
to those feelings. -
48:47 - 48:48Most people see something
like that on television -
48:48 - 48:50and say: "Oh, isn't that awful!"
"Isn't that too bad?" -
48:50 - 48:52Brrr! Lying asshole!
-
48:52 - 48:54Lying asshole!
-
48:57 - 48:58You love it and you know it!
-
48:58 - 49:00Explosions are fun!
-
49:00 - 49:02And hey! The closer the
explosion is to your house, -
49:03 - 49:04the more fun it is!
-
49:04 - 49:05Did you ever notice that?
-
49:05 - 49:06Sometimes you have the TV on
-
49:06 - 49:07and you're working
around the house, -
49:07 - 49:09some guy comes on
television and says -
49:09 - 49:11"Six thousand people were
killed on an explosion today!" -
49:12 - 49:13You say: "Where, where?"
-
49:13 - 49:14He says: "In Pakistan!"
-
49:14 - 49:16You say "Oh, fuck Pakistan!
-
49:17 - 49:19Too far away to be any fun!
-
49:20 - 49:21But if he says it
happened in your hometown, -
49:21 - 49:23you'll say "Wow! Hot shit!
-
49:23 - 49:25Come on, Dave, let's
go look at the bodies! -
49:25 - 49:27Let's go look at the bodies.
-
49:27 - 49:29I love bad news!
-
49:29 - 49:30I love bad news!
-
49:30 - 49:32Hey, the more
bad news there is, -
49:32 - 49:34the faster this
system collapses. -
49:34 - 49:36Fine by me!
-
49:36 - 49:37Fine by me!
-
49:38 - 49:39Don't bother my ass!
-
49:39 - 49:41Don't bother my ass none!
-
49:41 - 49:43I'm glad the water sucks!
-
49:43 - 49:44I'm glad it sucks!
-
49:44 - 49:45You know what I do about it?
-
49:45 - 49:46I drink it!
-
49:51 - 49:52Unless,
-
49:53 - 49:54unless it really smells.
-
49:55 - 49:57If it really smells
a lot, like sulphur, -
49:57 - 50:00then I might buy a soda,
-
50:01 - 50:02but it's got to be a soda
-
50:02 - 50:04loaded with
chemical additives. -
50:05 - 50:06I like a lot of
chemical additives -
50:06 - 50:07in the things I
eat and drink. -
50:08 - 50:09See, I'm not one
of these people -
50:09 - 50:10who's worried
about everything. -
50:11 - 50:12You got these
people around you? -
50:12 - 50:13Country's full of them now.
-
50:13 - 50:15People walking
around all day long, -
50:15 - 50:18every minute of the day,
worried about everything! -
50:19 - 50:20Worried about the air,
-
50:20 - 50:21worried about the water,
-
50:21 - 50:22worried about the soil.
-
50:22 - 50:24Worried about
insecticides, pesticides, -
50:24 - 50:26food additives, carcinogens.
-
50:26 - 50:27Worried about radon gas,
-
50:27 - 50:28worried about asbestos.
-
50:29 - 50:31Worried about saving
endangered species. -
50:32 - 50:34Let me tell you about
endangered species, all right? -
50:35 - 50:38Saving endangered species is
just one more arrogant attempt -
50:38 - 50:41by humans to control nature.
-
50:41 - 50:42It is arrogant meddling.
-
50:43 - 50:44It's what got us in
trouble in the first place. -
50:44 - 50:46Doesn't anybody
understand that? -
50:46 - 50:48Interfering with nature.
-
50:48 - 50:50Over 90 percent...
Over, -
50:50 - 50:52way over, 90 percent
of all the species -
50:52 - 50:54that have ever
lived on this planet, -
50:55 - 50:57ever lived, are gone! Whoosh.
-
50:58 - 50:59They're extinct.
-
51:00 - 51:02We didn't kill them all.
-
51:03 - 51:05They just disappeared.
-
51:05 - 51:07That's what nature does.
-
51:07 - 51:11They disappear these days
at the rate of 25 a day, -
51:11 - 51:13and I mean regardless
of our behavior. -
51:13 - 51:15Irrespective of how
we act on this planet, -
51:15 - 51:1625 species that
were here today, -
51:17 - 51:18will be gone tomorrow.
-
51:19 - 51:21Let them go gracefully.
-
51:21 - 51:23Leave nature alone.
-
51:23 - 51:25Haven't we done enough?
-
51:25 - 51:27We're so self important!
-
51:27 - 51:28So self important!
-
51:28 - 51:30Everybody's going to
save something now. -
51:30 - 51:32Save the trees,
-
51:32 - 51:33save the bees,
-
51:33 - 51:34save the whales,
-
51:34 - 51:35save those snails.
-
51:36 - 51:38And the greatest
arrogance of all, -
51:38 - 51:40save the planet!
-
51:40 - 51:40What?
-
51:41 - 51:42Are these fucking
people kidding me? -
51:43 - 51:44Save the planet?
-
51:44 - 51:46We don't know how to
take care of ourselves yet. -
51:46 - 51:48We haven't learned how
to care to one another. -
51:48 - 51:51We're going to save
the fucking planet? -
51:51 - 51:53I'm getting
tired of that shit. -
51:54 - 51:55Tired of that shit!
-
51:56 - 51:57Tired!
-
51:58 - 52:00I'm tired of
fucking Earth Day. -
52:00 - 52:03I'm tired of these self
righteous environmentalists, -
52:03 - 52:06these white,
bourgeois, liberals -
52:06 - 52:07who think the only thing
wrong with this country -
52:07 - 52:09is there aren't
enough bicycle paths. -
52:10 - 52:13People trying to make the
world safe for their Volvos. -
52:13 - 52:14Besides,
-
52:14 - 52:17environmentalists don't
give a shit about the planet! -
52:17 - 52:19They don't care
about the planet! -
52:19 - 52:20Not in the
abstract, they don't. -
52:20 - 52:22Not in the
abstract, they don't. -
52:22 - 52:23Do you know what
they're interested in? -
52:23 - 52:25A clean place to live,
-
52:25 - 52:27their own habitat.
-
52:27 - 52:29They're worried that
some day in the future -
52:29 - 52:31they might be
personally inconvenienced. -
52:31 - 52:34Narrow, unenlightened self
interest, doesn't impress me. -
52:34 - 52:38Besides there's nothing
wrong with the planet. -
52:38 - 52:39Nothing wrong
with the planet. -
52:39 - 52:40The planet is fine!
-
52:41 - 52:43The people are fucked!
-
52:44 - 52:46Difference, difference!
-
52:46 - 52:47The planet is fine.
-
52:48 - 52:49Compared to the people,
-
52:50 - 52:51the planet is doing great!
-
52:51 - 52:53Been here four and
a half billion years! -
52:53 - 52:54Did you ever think
about the arithmetic? -
52:54 - 52:57Planet has been here
four and a half billion years. -
52:58 - 53:00We've been here, what?
A hundred thousand? -
53:00 - 53:02Maybe two hundred thousand...
-
53:02 - 53:04And we've only been
engaged in heavy industry -
53:04 - 53:06for a little over
two hundred years. -
53:06 - 53:09Two hundred years
versus four and a half billion! -
53:09 - 53:10And we have the conceit
-
53:10 - 53:12to think that
somehow we're a threat? -
53:13 - 53:14That somehow we're
gonna put in jeopardy -
53:14 - 53:16this beautiful little
blue-green ball -
53:16 - 53:18that's just a-floating
around the sun? -
53:18 - 53:21The planet has been
through a lot worse than us. -
53:21 - 53:24Been through all kinds
of things worse than us. -
53:24 - 53:27Been through earthquakes,
volcanoes, plate tectonics, -
53:27 - 53:30continental drifts,
solar flares, sun spots, -
53:30 - 53:32magnetic storms, the magnetic
reversal of the poles, -
53:33 - 53:35hundreds of thousands
of years of bombardment -
53:35 - 53:37by comets and
asteroids and meteors, -
53:37 - 53:40worldwide floods,
tidal waves, worldwide fires, -
53:40 - 53:42erosion, cosmic rays,
recurring ice ages, -
53:42 - 53:46and we think
some plastic bags -
53:46 - 53:48and some
alluminum cans -
53:49 - 53:51are going to
make a difference? -
53:52 - 53:53The planet...
-
53:54 - 53:55The planet...
-
53:58 - 54:01The planet isn't
going anywhere! -
54:02 - 54:03We are!
-
54:04 - 54:06We're going away.
-
54:06 - 54:08Pack your shit, folks,
-
54:09 - 54:10we're going away.
-
54:10 - 54:12And we won't leave
much of a trace, either -
54:12 - 54:13Thank God for that!
-
54:14 - 54:16Maybe a little
styrofoam, maybe. -
54:16 - 54:18Little styrofoam.
-
54:18 - 54:20Planet will be here
and we'll be long gone. -
54:20 - 54:22Just another failed mutation!
-
54:22 - 54:25Just another close-end
biological mistake, -
54:25 - 54:27an evolutionary cul-de-sac.
-
54:27 - 54:31The planet will shake us off
like a bad case of fleas... -
54:31 - 54:34A surface nuisance.
-
54:37 - 54:38You wanna know how
the planet's doing? -
54:39 - 54:40Ask those people at Pompeii,
-
54:40 - 54:42who are frozen
into position... -
54:43 - 54:44from volcanic ash
-
54:45 - 54:47how the planet's doing.
-
54:47 - 54:48Wanna know if
the planet's alright? -
54:48 - 54:50Ask those people at
Mexico City or Armenia -
54:50 - 54:51or a hundred other places
-
54:52 - 54:54buried under thousands of
tons of earthquake rubble -
54:54 - 54:59if they feel like a threat
to the planet this week? -
55:00 - 55:01How about those people
in Kilauea, Hawaii, -
55:01 - 55:04who build their homes right
next to an active volcano -
55:04 - 55:07and then wonder why they
have lava in the living room? -
55:11 - 55:13The planet will be
here for a long, -
55:13 - 55:17long, long time
after we're gone, -
55:17 - 55:18and will heal itself,
-
55:18 - 55:21it will cleanse itself,
cause that's what it does. -
55:21 - 55:23It's a self-correcting system.
-
55:24 - 55:25The air and the
water will recover. -
55:25 - 55:26The earth will be renewed.
-
55:26 - 55:29And if it's true, that
plastic is not degradable, -
55:29 - 55:31well, the planet will simply
-
55:31 - 55:33incorporate plastic
into a new paradigm: -
55:33 - 55:35The Earth plus plastic!
-
55:37 - 55:40The Earth doesn't share our
prejudice towards plastic! -
55:40 - 55:41Plastic came out of the Earth.
-
55:41 - 55:42The earth probably
sees plastic -
55:42 - 55:44as just another one
of its children. -
55:44 - 55:46Could be the only reason
the earth allowed us -
55:46 - 55:48to be spawned from it
in the first place. -
55:48 - 55:50It wanted plastic for itself.
-
55:52 - 55:53Didn't know how to make it.
-
55:53 - 55:54Needed us.
-
55:55 - 55:57Could be the answer
to our age-old -
55:57 - 56:00philosophical question:
"Why are we here?" -
56:01 - 56:04Plastic, assholes!
-
56:06 - 56:06So...
-
56:07 - 56:11So... the plastic is here,
our job is done. -
56:11 - 56:13We can be phased out now,
-
56:13 - 56:15And I think that's really
started already, don't you? -
56:15 - 56:17I mean to be fair,
the planet probably -
56:17 - 56:19sees us as a mild threat.
-
56:19 - 56:20Something to be dealt with.
-
56:20 - 56:22And I'm sure the planet
will defend itself. -
56:23 - 56:26In the... In the manner of a
large organism like a beehive -
56:26 - 56:28or an ant colony can
muster a defense, -
56:28 - 56:29I'm sure the planet
will think of something. -
56:29 - 56:31What would you do
if you were the planet -
56:31 - 56:32trying to defend against this
-
56:33 - 56:34pesky, troublesome species?
-
56:35 - 56:35Let's see.
-
56:35 - 56:37What might... Hum! Viruses!
-
56:37 - 56:39Viruses may be good.
-
56:39 - 56:41They seem
vulnerable to viruses. -
56:41 - 56:43And viruses are tricky,
-
56:43 - 56:45always mutating and
forming new strains -
56:45 - 56:47whenever a vaccine
is developed. -
56:47 - 56:49Perhaps this first
virus could be one -
56:50 - 56:53that... that compromises
the immune system -
56:53 - 56:53of these creatures.
-
56:53 - 56:55Perhaps a human
immunodeficiency virus, -
56:55 - 56:56making them
vulnerable to all sorts -
56:56 - 56:58of other diseases
and infections -
56:58 - 56:58that might come along.
-
56:59 - 57:01And maybe it could
be spread sexually, -
57:01 - 57:02making them
a little reluctant -
57:02 - 57:04to engage in the
act of reproduction. -
57:05 - 57:06Well, that's a poetic note.
-
57:07 - 57:08And it's a start.
-
57:08 - 57:10And I can dream, can't I?
-
57:10 - 57:12So I don't worry
about the little things, -
57:12 - 57:14bees, trees, whales, snails.
-
57:15 - 57:17I think we're part
of a greater wisdom -
57:17 - 57:19than we will
ever understand, -
57:19 - 57:20a higher order.
-
57:21 - 57:21Call it what you want.
-
57:22 - 57:23Know what I call it?
-
57:23 - 57:24The big electron.
-
57:26 - 57:27The big electron.
-
57:33 - 57:34It doesn't punish.
-
57:34 - 57:35It doesn't reward.
-
57:36 - 57:37It doesn't judge at all.
-
57:37 - 57:38It just is
-
57:39 - 57:40and so are we,
-
57:40 - 57:41for a little while.
-
57:41 - 57:44Thanks for being here with me
for a little while tonight. -
57:46 - 57:46Thank you.
-
57:47 - 57:48Thank you very much.
-
57:49 - 57:50Thank you.
-
57:56 - 57:56Thank you.
-
57:58 - 57:59Thank you, New York City!
-
58:00 - 58:02Take care of yourself!
-
58:02 - 58:04Take care of yourself,
-
58:04 - 58:06and take care of somebody else!
-
58:06 - 58:07Thank you, good night!
- Title:
- George Carlin - Jammin' In New York (1992) *Full*
- Description:
-
Come check out https://www.tsu.co/Boogle !! It's similar to facebook, twitter and instagram but on tsū they PAY YOU a percentage for your posts! It's a couple weeks old and it's blowing up!
One of the best comedians to make you laugh hysterically, at the same time inform you on topics you wouldn't normally think of, in a unique perspective.
George Carlin, one of the most sardonic and satirical comedians in the business, once again uses his sharp-edged wit to dissect political figures, government agencies... and eating disorders. This special received an Emmy nomination, and features Carlin in top form
- Video Language:
- English
- Duration:
- 58:53
Bigue Nique edited English subtitles for George Carlin - Jammin' In New York (1992) *Full* |