Engaging men as allies in preventing violence against women | Robert Eckstein | TEDxPiscataquaRiver
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0:07 - 0:10I work at the University of New Hampshire
-
0:10 - 0:12where, among my other responsibilities,
-
0:12 - 0:15I'm part of a research group called
'Prevention Innovations'. -
0:15 - 0:18Our primary mission is to create
and evaluate tools -
0:18 - 0:20that help with the prevention
-
0:20 - 0:24of sexual violence, relationship violence,
and stalking. -
0:24 - 0:27Currently, there are 20 researchers
and practitioners, -
0:27 - 0:29that are part of 'Prevention Innovations',
-
0:29 - 0:31and of the 20 I'm the only one
-
0:31 - 0:32who identities as 'male'.
-
0:33 - 0:342 or 3 times a year,
-
0:34 - 0:37I attend national conferences
related to this topic, -
0:37 - 0:39and the gender split at these conferences
-
0:39 - 0:40is similarly skewed.
-
0:41 - 0:44There have been
some remarkably important contributions -
0:44 - 0:46in the field in the recent years,
-
0:46 - 0:47that have come from men.
-
0:47 - 0:51But the majority of researchers,
practitioners and policy experts, -
0:52 - 0:54working to address this issue,
are women. -
0:55 - 0:59As a man working in this field,
I take it as a given -
0:59 - 1:00that I will be in the minority.
-
1:01 - 1:04But when we compare this
to other issues of social concern, -
1:04 - 1:06we can see how unique this is.
-
1:06 - 1:09There are very few other problems
like this -
1:09 - 1:11that are being tackled almost entirely
-
1:11 - 1:13by people of one gender.
-
1:13 - 1:15Just think of a few examples :
-
1:15 - 1:18Homelessness, drug addiction,
-
1:18 - 1:21climate change, poverty,
-
1:21 - 1:22racial injustice.
-
1:22 - 1:26The list could go on
and we'd have a difficult time finding one -
1:26 - 1:27that is being addressed
-
1:27 - 1:30by entirely men, or entirely women.
-
1:31 - 1:33So how did it come to be
-
1:33 - 1:35that women are and have been doing
-
1:35 - 1:38the overwhelming majority of the work
in this field? -
1:38 - 1:41Why do women seem so much more passionate
-
1:41 - 1:44about working to end relationship violence
and sexual violence? -
1:45 - 1:48And lastly, how do we get more men
involved in this important fight? -
1:49 - 1:51I will do my best
towards the end of my talk -
1:51 - 1:53to try to answer this question.
-
1:53 - 1:55But first,
I'll try to answer a question -
1:55 - 1:57that I've been asked countless times:
-
1:57 - 2:01How do you get involved in a field
that focuses on the prevention -
2:01 - 2:03of violence against women?
-
2:04 - 2:07When I began my graduate training
in clinical psychology -
2:07 - 2:09I knew I wanted to be a psychotherapist,
-
2:09 - 2:12but I was uncertain of a specific focus
-
2:12 - 2:15and not sure with which types of clients
I wanted to work. -
2:15 - 2:20My graduate program prided itself
in providing a generalist education, -
2:20 - 2:24where students were encouraged to try
a variety of different things. -
2:24 - 2:29So I took this sage advice
of being open to a whole variety -
2:29 - 2:31of clinical experiences.
-
2:31 - 2:34So in my 4 years as a graduate student,
-
2:34 - 2:37and in my first 2 years
as a young professional, -
2:37 - 2:39I spent time doing clinical work
-
2:39 - 2:43in two College counselling centres,
two community mental health centres, -
2:43 - 2:44a state hospital,
-
2:44 - 2:48and the mental health unit
of a maximum security prison. -
2:48 - 2:51It was about halfway through this process
-
2:51 - 2:54that I started to notice a common theme
among many of my clients; -
2:55 - 2:57especially the women with whom I worked.
-
2:57 - 3:02I was consistently surprised and saddened
by the number of my clients -
3:02 - 3:04who had a history of sexual trauma.
-
3:04 - 3:08I want to make it clear, this was not
the case for all of my clients, -
3:09 - 3:10or maybe even the majority.
-
3:11 - 3:15And I had a number of male clients
with similar life experiences. -
3:15 - 3:18But it definitely was a consistent theme.
-
3:19 - 3:22Regardless of where I worked,
or what my clients looked like, -
3:22 - 3:25so many of them were living
with instances -
3:25 - 3:27or multiple instances
of prior victimization. -
3:29 - 3:32Sometimes this came in a form
of a current abusive relationship -
3:32 - 3:34that they were trying to flee.
-
3:34 - 3:37Sometimes it came in memories
of a childhood mourned -
3:37 - 3:39with the years of sexual abuse.
-
3:39 - 3:42At some of the places I worked,
it was almost taken as a given -
3:42 - 3:44that a client would have
such a history. -
3:45 - 3:47A client without a history of abuse
-
3:47 - 3:49was the exception
that proved the rule. -
3:49 - 3:53Even as somebody who was educated
and aware -
3:53 - 3:55of the sided prevalents rates,
-
3:55 - 3:58I was still surprised
how much an abuse history -
3:58 - 4:01was a unifying theme
among my therapy clients. -
4:03 - 4:06Therapists are trained
to listen to their clients. -
4:06 - 4:08And if they listen carefully
and without judgement, -
4:09 - 4:11they eventually develop
a deep sense of empathy. -
4:12 - 4:15This comes more easily and more quickly
for some clients -
4:15 - 4:16than it does for others.
-
4:17 - 4:20But I personally never struggled
to find empathy for my clients -
4:20 - 4:24who were survivors of sexual violence
or relationship violence. -
4:24 - 4:26And as it often happens,
-
4:26 - 4:29as my empathy for individual clients
began to grow, -
4:29 - 4:32I developed a deeper compassion
for other people -
4:32 - 4:34who may be going through
something similar. -
4:34 - 4:36And I began to ask
-
4:36 - 4:38who else may be going through this?
-
4:38 - 4:42Do I know people in my own life
who may be silently struggling -
4:42 - 4:44with their own story
of survival? -
4:44 - 4:47It was around this time
that I made more conscious decision -
4:48 - 4:50to be a vocal advocate and ally
-
4:50 - 4:53to the cause of the prevention
of the violence against women. -
4:53 - 4:57I started to pay more attention
to how I talked about these issues -
4:57 - 4:58when they came up.
-
4:58 - 5:00I became more consciencious
-
5:00 - 5:02of my own personal history
of male privilege, -
5:02 - 5:06and I became more aware of
how I was coming across to other people. -
5:07 - 5:09It was important for me
-
5:09 - 5:11that the people in my life knew
-
5:11 - 5:14that this was something that I cared about
and that I took seriously. -
5:15 - 5:18Shortly after I became more vigilant
about this, -
5:18 - 5:20something interesting began to happen.
-
5:20 - 5:23Various women that I know
began to share with me -
5:23 - 5:26their own personal experiences
of abuse and assault. -
5:27 - 5:30Someone shared with me a story
of sexual harassment -
5:30 - 5:31they endured at work;
-
5:31 - 5:33another woman disclosed
-
5:33 - 5:36that she'd been sexually assaulted
while in college, -
5:36 - 5:38and she was still struggling with symptoms
of PTSD; -
5:39 - 5:41and one person who I'd known for years
-
5:41 - 5:44began to regularly open up to me
about sexual abuse -
5:44 - 5:46that had occurred
during their childhood. -
5:47 - 5:51None of these disclosures were the result
of prying or prompting. -
5:52 - 5:55I honestlty believe that survivors
are just looking for a way -
5:55 - 5:56to share their story,
-
5:56 - 5:57and I presented myself
-
5:57 - 5:59as somebody
who is willing to listen. -
5:59 - 6:02In a way, my professional experience
-
6:02 - 6:04allowed me to care about this more
-
6:04 - 6:05in my personal life.
-
6:05 - 6:09And in turn, my personal life,
my personal experiences -
6:09 - 6:12deepened my desire to make this a part
of my professional identity. -
6:13 - 6:16So how do we get more men
to care about this important cause? -
6:17 - 6:21Well, like any other social problem
or public health crisis, -
6:22 - 6:23we do it by making it personal.
-
6:24 - 6:26We do it by making it relatable.
-
6:27 - 6:29We do it by bringing it close to home.
-
6:30 - 6:33In the case of relationship violence
and sexual violence, -
6:34 - 6:36this is an easy thing to do,
-
6:36 - 6:38even if it is a difficult thing
to consider. -
6:38 - 6:42Because relationship violence
and sexual violence -
6:42 - 6:43are already personal.
-
6:43 - 6:45They're already relatable.
-
6:45 - 6:48They're already hitting close to home.
-
6:48 - 6:52The Center for Disease Control has found
that in the United States -
6:52 - 6:541 in 4 women will be abused
-
6:54 - 6:57by a relationship partner,
-
6:57 - 7:01and 1 in 6 women will be the victim
of a completed or attempted rape. -
7:02 - 7:05I know this is a difficult thing
to think about, -
7:05 - 7:08but consider
some of the important women in your life, -
7:08 - 7:11some of the women that you care about.
-
7:11 - 7:13Your partner, your friends,
-
7:14 - 7:17your sisters, your daughters,
-
7:17 - 7:20your mother, your grandmothers.
-
7:21 - 7:23How many women are on this list?
-
7:24 - 7:25Is it more than 4?
-
7:26 - 7:28Is it more than 6?
-
7:28 - 7:31The reality is everybody in this room
-
7:31 - 7:33will have somebody in their life
-
7:33 - 7:37that either has or will be
directly impacted by this problem. -
7:38 - 7:42So earlier I posed the question :
"How do we engage more man -
7:42 - 7:45in the prevention of violence
against women?" -
7:45 - 7:48My answer to that question is:
Let's start small. -
7:49 - 7:51Let's start with day to day things.
-
7:52 - 7:56Let's start by making it clear
to the women in your life -
7:56 - 7:58that this is something
that you do care about. -
7:59 - 8:02I think this is an important message
regardless of gender. -
8:02 - 8:04But in my experience,
-
8:04 - 8:07it's something that has been
more of a challenge for men. -
8:07 - 8:10So as I posed these questions
I'm posing them for everyone. -
8:10 - 8:14But I want the men that are listening
to pay especially close attention. -
8:15 - 8:18Do you feel confident
that the women that you care about -
8:18 - 8:19see you as an ally,
-
8:20 - 8:22in the cause
to prevent violence against women? -
8:23 - 8:26When it comes up,
how do you talk about rape? -
8:27 - 8:31When it comes up,
how do you talk about domestic violence? -
8:31 - 8:34When there's a high-profile case
in the news, -
8:34 - 8:36or in our popular culture,
-
8:36 - 8:38do you express your opinions
about this case? -
8:38 - 8:41And if so, how do you do it?
-
8:41 - 8:44Do you know what 'victim blaming' is?
-
8:44 - 8:46Do you know what 'rape myths' are?
-
8:47 - 8:51Do you make it an effort
to avoid endorsing these ideas? -
8:51 - 8:53And in the most general of terms,
-
8:53 - 8:56what type of language do you use
when you talk about women? -
8:57 - 9:00What type of language do you use
when you talk about gender? -
9:01 - 9:03And specifically for the men,
-
9:03 - 9:05do you automatically become defensive
-
9:05 - 9:08when you hear discussions related
to the violence against women? -
9:09 - 9:11Do you automatically become defensive
-
9:11 - 9:14when you hear discussions
around male privilege? -
9:14 - 9:18If so, have you ever thought
how this comes accross -
9:18 - 9:19to the women that you care about?
-
9:20 - 9:23And lastly, do people look at you
and say : -
9:23 - 9:25"This is somebody
I can share my story with, -
9:25 - 9:28without feeling judged or blamed?
-
9:28 - 9:30This is somebody
with whom I can share my story -
9:30 - 9:34and feel confident that they will listen
and provide support." -
9:35 - 9:38Earlier, when I talked about engaging men
in this cause, -
9:39 - 9:42I was not talking about growing the ranks
of male researchers, -
9:42 - 9:44and policy experts and clinicians.
-
9:45 - 9:48I believe that engaging men in this fight
can begin -
9:48 - 9:52by encouraging them to be better allies
and support systems -
9:52 - 9:54in the lives of women
that they are close to. -
9:54 - 9:56And what we know is
-
9:56 - 9:59doing this can actually help
to prevent violence. -
9:59 - 10:02When we look at data
from the Department of Justice -
10:02 - 10:04we see that sexual assault,
-
10:05 - 10:08childhood sexual abuse
and domestic violence, -
10:08 - 10:11are among the most under-reported crimes
in the United States. -
10:12 - 10:16In fact, for all of these crimes,
less than half of instances -
10:16 - 10:18are reported to the Police.
-
10:18 - 10:22Similarly, less than half of these victims
seek professional help -
10:22 - 10:25from a trained victim advocate
or mental health professional. -
10:26 - 10:28Instead, if a victim tells anyone
-
10:28 - 10:30about their abuse or assault
-
10:30 - 10:33it is usually someone they are close to:
-
10:33 - 10:36a sibling, a friend, a roommate.
-
10:36 - 10:39So, despite the incredible work
that's being done -
10:39 - 10:43in crisis centers and shelters
and psychologist offices, -
10:43 - 10:46regular people, non professionals,
-
10:46 - 10:49people listening to this right now,
-
10:49 - 10:50are the first line of defence
-
10:50 - 10:53in helping people to heal
in the aftermath of trauma. -
10:54 - 10:56There's a groundbreaking research on this
-
10:56 - 10:58that comes from Dr Rebecca Campbell.
-
10:59 - 11:01She found that
one of the strongest predictors -
11:01 - 11:05of somebody being able to heal
after they have been sexually assaulted -
11:05 - 11:08is the care that they receive
from the first person that they tell. -
11:09 - 11:12If the victim is cared for and supported,
-
11:12 - 11:14they are less likely
to show symptoms of PTSD, -
11:15 - 11:17and they are more likely
to seek professional help -
11:17 - 11:19or legal counsel.
-
11:19 - 11:23As a culture, we need to broaden
this personal level of support. -
11:24 - 11:26We need to make it clear to all survivors
-
11:26 - 11:28that there are people in their life
that care. -
11:29 - 11:32It should be empowering for us to know
-
11:32 - 11:33that simply by being supportive
-
11:33 - 11:36we can help to reverse
the negative impact of trauma. -
11:37 - 11:39But providing this type of support,
-
11:39 - 11:42not only helps people to heal
from previous acts of violence, -
11:42 - 11:45it can actually prevent
further victimization. -
11:46 - 11:51Sadly, one of the best predictors
of somebody being sexually assaulted -
11:51 - 11:53is having a prior history
of victimization. -
11:53 - 11:56Each act of interpersonal violence
-
11:56 - 11:59increases the likelihood
of it reoccurring. -
11:59 - 12:03One factor, that powerfully mitigates
this cycle, -
12:03 - 12:05is the receiving
of proper care and support. -
12:06 - 12:08If the survivor is cared for
-
12:08 - 12:11they are less likely to be re-victimized.
-
12:11 - 12:13So, if we are able
to be present for survivors -
12:13 - 12:16we are literally keeping them safer
going forward. -
12:17 - 12:21And one final benefit to this approach is
-
12:21 - 12:23we can actually make our community safer.
-
12:23 - 12:26We would all like to live in a community
-
12:26 - 12:28where every instance
of interpersonal violence -
12:28 - 12:30is reported to the Police.
-
12:30 - 12:34But the question should not be :
"Why don't more survivors report?". -
12:34 - 12:38The question should be :
"What can we do to create an environment -
12:38 - 12:40where they are more comfortable
doing so?" -
12:40 - 12:44Survivors are more likely
to report their crime to the Police -
12:44 - 12:46if they feel believed and supported
-
12:46 - 12:48by those whom they are close to.
-
12:48 - 12:52Experts agree that the best strategy
for increasing reporting rates -
12:52 - 12:55is not telling the victim
that they must go to the Police. -
12:56 - 12:58It is providing them with love and support
-
12:58 - 13:01so they have the strength to do so
of their own accord. -
13:01 - 13:05So to summarize, if we are able
to be present in people's lives, -
13:05 - 13:07and provide emotional support,
-
13:08 - 13:11we can decrease the risk
that they develop PTSD, -
13:12 - 13:15we can lower the risk
for future victimization, -
13:16 - 13:18and we can increase the likelihood
-
13:18 - 13:21that they report their assault
to the Police. -
13:22 - 13:26Fortunately, you do not have to be
a trained psychologist -
13:26 - 13:29to effectively respond
-
13:29 - 13:32to a disclosure
of abuse or assault. -
13:32 - 13:34Anybody can be a good listener.
-
13:34 - 13:38Anybody can patiently offer support.
-
13:38 - 13:43In general, try to avoid telling a person
what they have to do. -
13:44 - 13:46Try to avoid asking too many questions.
-
13:46 - 13:48Even if it's not your intention,
-
13:49 - 13:51it may appear
that you're doubting their story. -
13:51 - 13:54And try to avoid feeling
like it's your job -
13:54 - 13:57to fix the problem,
or trying to seek vengeance. -
13:58 - 14:00Instead, what is suggested
-
14:00 - 14:03is offering some simple words
of compassion and encouragement. -
14:04 - 14:07Some very basic things that I have found
to be powerful, -
14:07 - 14:09are saying things like :
-
14:09 - 14:11"I'm so sorry that this happened to you."
-
14:12 - 14:14"I appreciate that you shared this
with me." -
14:14 - 14:16"What can I do to help you?"
-
14:17 - 14:21One final way that we can all be
better allies is -
14:21 - 14:23simply being aware of local resources
-
14:23 - 14:26that you can share with somebody
if need be. -
14:26 - 14:28If you'd like to learn more
-
14:28 - 14:30about relationship violence
or sexual violence, -
14:31 - 14:33or learn more about
how to support others -
14:33 - 14:35there are lot of great resources.
-
14:36 - 14:38If you listen to this here
in New Hampshire, -
14:38 - 14:40I recommend visiting the website
-
14:40 - 14:44for The New Hampshire Coalition
Against Domestic and Sexual Violence. -
14:44 - 14:47If you are listening to this
outside of New Hampshire -
14:47 - 14:49I recommend visiting the website
-
14:49 - 14:51for the National Sexual Violence
Resource Center. -
14:53 - 14:56Every survivor of interpersonal violence
-
14:56 - 14:58deserves to have at least
one person in their life -
14:58 - 15:01who is willing to listen
and to provide support. -
15:02 - 15:04Too often is assumed
-
15:04 - 15:08that this person will be a mother,
or a sister, or a daughter. -
15:09 - 15:11In my experience, in general,
-
15:11 - 15:14women have done an incredible job
of filling this role. -
15:15 - 15:18But think of how much we are limiting
ourselves as a culture -
15:18 - 15:20by continuing this assumption.
-
15:21 - 15:24So, this is a call to action for men
to join the ranks. -
15:25 - 15:27To strengthen our team of allies.
-
15:28 - 15:30For all of the men that are listening,
-
15:30 - 15:32at some point in your life,
-
15:32 - 15:33a woman you care about
-
15:33 - 15:36will be directly impacted
by this problem. -
15:36 - 15:39Are you confident
that they will turn to you? -
15:40 - 15:43Are you confident
that they will see you as an ally? -
15:44 - 15:45Thank you.
-
15:45 - 15:48(Applause)
- Title:
- Engaging men as allies in preventing violence against women | Robert Eckstein | TEDxPiscataquaRiver
- Description:
-
Sexual violence is one of the only social problems for which the onus (both professionally and personally) falls almost entirely on one gender. Dr. Robert Eckstein show us that in order to effectively reduce rates of sexual violence, it is essential that men become more engaged in the process. He shares some relatively simple, but effective strategies to engage men in becoming stronger allies to this cause.
Dr. Robert Eckstein is a Senior Lecturer at the University of New Hampshire for both the Department of Psychology and the Justice Studies Program, where he also serves as the Internship Coordinator for the undergraduate and graduate programs. He is also a the Curriculum Development Specialist for Prevention Innovations Research Center, a research group at the University of New Hampshire that focuses on the prevention of sexual assault, relationship abuse, and stalking.
Dr. Eckstein was given the University of New Hampshire’s Excellence in Teaching Award in 2010. He is the co-author of Bringing in the Bystander: A Prevention Workshop for Establishing a Community of Responsibility, an evidence-based, educational program aimed at implementing bystander intervention as a means of preventing violence against women.He is also the co-author of a high school adaptation of Bringing in the Bystander that is currently being evaluated through a federal Center for Disease Control grant.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at http://ted.com/tedx
- Video Language:
- English
- Team:
- closed TED
- Project:
- TEDxTalks
- Duration:
- 15:50