Decision making as an act of freedom | Inna Mkhitaryan | TEDxAparan

We all have the right to make decisions for our own lives, but often
we are not the ones who decide for us.

Inna Mkhitaryan, being specialized in TV, in 2006 took part in a photojournalism course organized by the Caucasus Institute and the World Press Photo Foundation, and, after that, started her photojournalistic career. Inna worked in such projects as ecology, refugees, trafficking, etc. She received a grant from the Open Society Foundations for documentary painting. In 2011, she took first place in the competition "Na/Ne Media Award 2010" organized by the British Council in Armenia, the Yerevan office of the OSCE and the United Nations Population Fund. Inna is also one of the co-founders of the Ruben Mangasaryan Memorial Foundation.

This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at http://ted.com/tedx

Well, I was born and grew up
in this province, Aragatsotn,

in the Talin region
in the village of Katnaghbyur.

(Applause)

When I was a schoolgirl,
I was very tall compared to my classmates.

Let me give you an idea:

errr ... rrr ... errr

In our school various competitions
were held during physical education class.

One of them is stuck in my memory.

A red line on the floor
and a strong rope,

that was all that was needed
to organize the competition.

The two competitors
on opposite sides of the red line

holding the ends of the rope

were waiting until the whistle sounded,

when they pulled with all their strength

until the comparatively weak participant
crossed the red line.

The competition was held in groups
for girls and for boys.

First the girls competed, then the boys.

I don't know whether it was an expression
of patriarchal culture or a sports law.

Probably, it was a sports law.

When competing with the girls,
I won every one.

You remember errr ... rrr ... errr ?

Yeghish was the winner in the boys' group.

Yeghish was the same way in the boys group
as I - errr ... rrr ... errr

Then, I noticed the meaningful look

of our physical education
teacher towards me.

I understood immediately what he wanted.

He wanted me to compete with the boys.

And I competed with the boys
breaking the sports law.

This one: Ararat.

This one: Armen.

I beat them.

You see, don't you?

We didn't have many boys in our class:
Vahan, David, and Samvel.

And little by little I started to blush.

When competing with Yeghish, I didn't
pull the rope with all my strength,

and I was the one to cross the red line.

Why did I blush and not pull the rope
with all my strength

when competing with Yeghish?

Because suddenly I woke up to the fact
that if I continued like this -

you understand I had got rather far -

but if I continued like this,

I would not fit the image
of a beautiful, tender and lovely woman.

At that time, I was very small,
only 10 or 11 years old.

But my environment had already taught me
to take into account the stereotypes,

and I didn't dare object
to the popular stereotyping

that men are strong and women are weak.

I was embarrassed by my physical strength
and adjusted to social expectations.

I always spoke in such a way

that what I said fitted the stereotypes
and social expectations.

What are they?

How do they impact the steps we take,
our activities, our behaviour,

and consequently our quality of life.

Stereotypes are conventional concepts
formed by society

that provide ready solutions
and answers for various situations.

Probably, when they were formed,

they had their objective reasons
and met with the requirements of the time.

But as time goes on,
and life's requirements have changed,

quite naturally these stereotypes

will be outdated
and inadequate for the time

and simply harm us.

Now, let me give you an example.

In ancient times,

when man was responsible
for food and the safety of their families

to provide all this,

he did hard physical work,

went to war,

cultivated wheat fields with a yoked ox.

At that time, it was natural and logical

that the men were free

from house chores
and care of the children.

Today, most of our men,

let's not say every man, but most of them,

rarely or almost never deal
with physical work,

and continue to think
in terms of this stereotyping,

that household chores or childcare
are not for them.

These are all exclusively
women's responsibilities.

In many cases,
a woman in the family works,

cares for the family's material expenses,

but irrespective of this, nobody helps her
with the household chores or childcare.

She has all this to do by herself.

I am a photojournalist by profession.

I don't want to address the peculiarities
of my profession in detail,

but there is something that happens
to me very often.

With my backpack on my shoulders,

by bus, minibus, taxi, on foot,

with the help of maps, asking people,

I go and find the heroes of my articles.

It's unbelievable, but my simple backpack
has a magical quality.

It makes me younger
by about 10 to 15 years.

I don't think I look young for my age;

on the contrary,
I look just entirely my age.

But just because of having a backpack
and doing the work of photojournalist,

I must be rather young.

The fact, that the girl with a backpack
can be married, moreover, have a child,

simply sounds like a fantasy story.

Then the first question that arises is:

Why have you come here?

Before starting my job,
I need to work with my heroes

telling them that everything
is fine in my family,

there is food in the refrigerator,

my kids won't be left at kindergarten,
I am a good housewife, a good wife,

and a good mother.

Society has certain expectations of women.

It's very hard for women not to give up
at some time in their life.

It's accepted that, for women,
there is both work and family.

Fortunately, there are many cases
where women don't give in.

They don't concede
at any time in their life,

and they're none the worse for not doing.

On the contrary,
such women have everything:

a good job, a family, children,
and numerous other possibilities.

Again, due to my job,

very often I deal with women
and listen to their stories;

that is my favourite part of my job.

One common thing that I notice is

that, in the case of major issues,

what they think is of less value.

They don't take decisions.

They subjugate themselves

to their mother, father,
other members of the family,

husband, husband's parents.

And, indeed, I'm not talking about
trivial, secondary issues.

Completely the opposite.

Education, choice of profession,

marriage to this or that person,

number of children,
gender of children, health issues,

important key issues,

women leave the decisions to others.

And to the questions:
"Why didn’t you do as you wanted?"

"Why didn't you insist on your decision?"

most women, almost 10 out of 10, answer:

"Nobody asked me."

Can you imagine
she had a decision to make,

but not having been as much as asked,
she has conceded?

Because we must be led,
need it or not -

being a stereotype: "You are a woman,
you must be modest and obedient."

Social values are created

by different institutions.

Today I'll address two of them:

community and media.

And, by the way, these two institutions
have very pronounced differences.

The community expectations
of women are as follows:

a women should be educated
in limited professions,

marry in time,

have children, bring them up,

and if she can also take up a profession

that doesn't interfere
with peace in the family,

if it can be worked in,
then it just excels expectations.

Media expectations teach women

to have screen beauty from childhood:

long legs, neat waist, abundant breast,

lined lips, lined eye brows,
long eyelashes,

sleek long hair,

sleek long nails,
long is very important here,

accentuating clothes,

and high heels - so high,
that walking becomes impossible.

In other words, to be a woman

whose only purpose
is to be desirable to men.

They become victims of this stereotype
at different ages

and according to their level of education.

They spend most their time
and large amounts money

on beauty salons and plastic surgery,

to fit defined standards.

The victims of this stereotyping

include women from various social layers.

And, by the way, these women
will be loved, men will marry them,

they will have children,

they will be respected
as the mother of their children.

They will be given expensive gifts:

A car? - Here you are.

Money? - As much as you want.

You want to work?
You want to go out of the home? -

I will set up a business for you.

But don’t think and don't make decisions;

limit yourself to wishes -
I make the decisions.

Dear women and girls,
decision is the most important.

Let's concede everything,

keeping for ourselves
our own conscious decision.

Society will deprive us of our ability
to dream and make decisions,

and that is because we expected of it.

Let's concede all material things:

perfume, cars, money, shoes,
diamonds, fur coats.

Let's concede all these things

and keep for us the most important:
our own conscious decision.

(Applause)