How to raise a black son in America
-
0:01 - 0:03Growing up, I didn't always understand
-
0:03 - 0:06why my parents made me
follow the rules that they did. -
0:06 - 0:09Like, why did I really
have to mow the lawn? -
0:09 - 0:11Why was homework really that important?
-
0:11 - 0:15Why couldn't I put jelly beans
in my oatmeal? -
0:15 - 0:18My childhood was abound
with questions like this. -
0:18 - 0:22Normal things about being a kid
and realizing that sometimes, -
0:22 - 0:26it was best to listen to my parents
even when I didn't exactly understand why. -
0:26 - 0:29And it's not that they didn't want
me to think critically. -
0:29 - 0:32Their parenting always sought
to reconcile the tension -
0:32 - 0:36between having my siblings and I
understand the realities of the world, -
0:36 - 0:40while ensuring that we never accepted
the status quo as inevitable. -
0:40 - 0:43I came to realize that this,
in and of itself, -
0:43 - 0:45was a very purposeful form of education.
-
0:46 - 0:50One of my favorite educators,
Brazilian author and scholar Paulo Freire, -
0:50 - 0:53speaks quite explicitly
about the need for education -
0:53 - 0:57to be used as a tool for critical
awakening and shared humanity. -
0:58 - 1:01In his most famous book,
"Pedagogy of the Oppressed," -
1:01 - 1:05he states, "No one can be
authentically human -
1:05 - 1:07while he prevents others from being so."
-
1:08 - 1:12I've been thinking a lot about this
lately, this idea of humanity, -
1:12 - 1:15and specifically, who in this world
is afforded the privilege -
1:15 - 1:18of being perceived as fully human.
-
1:18 - 1:21Over the course of
the past several months, -
1:21 - 1:24the world has watched
as unarmed black men, and women, -
1:24 - 1:28have had their lives taken
at the hands of police and vigilante. -
1:28 - 1:31These events and all that
has transpired after them -
1:31 - 1:33have brought me back to my own childhood
-
1:33 - 1:37and the decisions that my parents made
about raising a black boy in America -
1:37 - 1:41that growing up, I didn't always
understand in the way that I do now. -
1:42 - 1:46I think of how hard it must have been,
how profoundly unfair it must have felt -
1:46 - 1:50for them to feel like they had
to strip away parts of my childhood -
1:50 - 1:53just so that I could come home at night.
-
1:53 - 1:55For example, I think of how one night,
-
1:55 - 1:59when I was around 12 years old, on an
overnight field trip to another city, -
1:59 - 2:02my friends and I bought Super Soakers
-
2:02 - 2:06and turned the hotel parking lot
into our own water-filled battle zone. -
2:06 - 2:08We hid behind cars,
-
2:08 - 2:11running through the darkness that
lay between the streetlights, -
2:11 - 2:14boundless laughter ubiquitous
across the pavement. -
2:14 - 2:16But within 10 minutes,
-
2:16 - 2:19my father came outside,
grabbed me by my forearm -
2:19 - 2:23and led me into our room
with an unfamiliar grip. -
2:23 - 2:24Before I could say anything,
-
2:24 - 2:28tell him how foolish he had
made me look in front of my friends, -
2:28 - 2:31he derided me for being so naive.
-
2:31 - 2:35Looked me in the eye,
fear consuming his face, -
2:35 - 2:38and said, "Son, I'm sorry,
-
2:38 - 2:41but you can't act the same
as your white friends. -
2:41 - 2:43You can't pretend to shoot guns.
-
2:43 - 2:45You can't run around in the dark.
-
2:45 - 2:48You can't hide behind anything
other than your own teeth." -
2:48 - 2:51I know now how scared he must have been,
-
2:51 - 2:55how easily I could have fallen
into the empty of the night, -
2:55 - 2:58that some man would mistake this water
-
2:58 - 3:00for a good reason to wash
all of this away. -
3:01 - 3:05These are the sorts of messages I've been
inundated with my entire life: -
3:05 - 3:08Always keep your hands where they
can see them, don't move too quickly, -
3:08 - 3:10take off your hood when the sun goes down.
-
3:10 - 3:13My parents raised me and my siblings
in an armor of advice, -
3:13 - 3:17an ocean of alarm bells so someone
wouldn't steal the breath from our lungs, -
3:17 - 3:19so that they wouldn't make
a memory of this skin. -
3:19 - 3:22So that we could be kids,
not casket or concrete. -
3:22 - 3:25And it's not because they thought it
would make us better than anyone else -
3:25 - 3:28it's simply because they wanted
to keep us alive. -
3:28 - 3:30All of my black friends were raised
with the same message, -
3:30 - 3:33the talk, given to us
when we became old enough -
3:33 - 3:36to be mistaken for a nail ready
to be hammered to the ground, -
3:36 - 3:40when people made our melanin
synonymous with something to be feared. -
3:40 - 3:43But what does it do to a child
-
3:43 - 3:46to grow up knowing that you
cannot simply be a child? -
3:46 - 3:49That the whims of adolescence
are too dangerous for your breath, -
3:49 - 3:51that you cannot simply be curious,
-
3:51 - 3:54that you are not afforded the luxury
of making a mistake, -
3:54 - 3:55that someone's implicit bias
-
3:55 - 3:58might be the reason you don't
wake up in the morning. -
3:58 - 4:00But this cannot be what defines us.
-
4:00 - 4:02Because we have parents
who raised us to understand -
4:02 - 4:05that our bodies weren't meant
for the backside of a bullet, -
4:05 - 4:09but for flying kites and jumping rope,
and laughing until our stomachs burst. -
4:09 - 4:12We had teachers who taught us
how to raise our hands in class, -
4:12 - 4:13and not just to signal surrender,
-
4:13 - 4:15and that the only thing we should give up
-
4:15 - 4:18is the idea that we
aren't worthy of this world. -
4:18 - 4:21So when we say that black lives matter,
it's not because others don't, -
4:21 - 4:25it's simply because we must affirm that we
are worthy of existing without fear, -
4:25 - 4:27when so many things tell us we are not.
-
4:27 - 4:29I want to live in a world where my son
-
4:29 - 4:31will not be presumed guilty
the moment he is born, -
4:31 - 4:35where a toy in his hand isn't mistaken
for anything other than a toy. -
4:35 - 4:39And I refuse to accept that we can't
build this world into something new, -
4:39 - 4:40some place where a child's name
-
4:40 - 4:43doesn't have to be written
on a t-shirt, or a tombstone, -
4:43 - 4:44where the value of someone's life
-
4:44 - 4:48isn't determined by anything other
than the fact that they had lungs, -
4:48 - 4:52a place where every single
one of us can breathe. -
4:52 - 4:53Thank you.
-
4:53 - 4:56(Applause)
- Title:
- How to raise a black son in America
- Speaker:
- Clint Smith
- Description:
-
As kids, we all get advice from parents and teachers that seems strange, even confusing. This was crystallized one night for a young Clint Smith, who was playing with water guns in a dark parking lot with his white friends. In a heartfelt piece, the poet paints the scene of his father's furious and fearful response.
- Video Language:
- English
- Team:
- closed TED
- Project:
- TEDTalks
- Duration:
- 05:12
Krystian Aparta edited English subtitles for How to raise a black son in America | ||
Morton Bast edited English subtitles for How to raise a black son in America | ||
Morton Bast edited English subtitles for How to raise a black son in America | ||
Morton Bast edited English subtitles for How to raise a black son in America | ||
Morton Bast edited English subtitles for How to raise a black son in America | ||
Morton Bast approved English subtitles for How to raise a black son in America | ||
Madeleine Aronson edited English subtitles for How to raise a black son in America | ||
Madeleine Aronson edited English subtitles for How to raise a black son in America |