Eyes wide open on the present moment - is it the limit? | Kankyo Tannier | TEDxAlsace

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"They didn't know it was impossible, and so they did it." For 15 years, Kankyo Tannier has been guiding her students toward the discovery of the spoken, sung and inner voices. Ordained Zen nun in 2003, her Japanese retreat in ascetic conditions leads her to get involved in the French Buddhist Union, under the ferrule of her master Olivier Reigen Wang-Genh. Since 2013, she hosts a website, www.dailyzen.fr, whose mission is to present buddhism through humor. In 2016, Kankyo settles down in the middle of a forest, near the buddhist monastery of Weiterswiller, in Alsace. She is passionate about surpassesing herself through her training in Ericksonian hypnosis.

When was the last time you felt free?

Really free.

This idea that our lives' outlines

are probably wider
than what we can imagine.

The idea, for example,
that we always have time to do things.

That is rare.

Or that our bodies move freely.

The idea of freedom
where absolutely everything is possible.

That is a subject
that has always inspired me,

and that is why I have lived
in a zen monastery for 15 years.

There, I learned a lot, in particular
thanks to zen master Oliver Wang-Genh.

It would take an entire TEDx for me
to tell you how I barged in

everything that happened;

living in a monastery
is something really peculiar.

But today, I mostly want
to share with you three key lessons.

Three significant experiences

that allowed me to find
some kind of inner peace.

I called the first lesson,
"The little bird from the Rising Sun."

That's my poetic side!

The story takes place in Japan

where I threw myself, head first,

in the adventure
of a traditional zen retreat.

It was in 2008, I landed in Nagoya,

in a nuns monastery
from which, according to the legend,

most of Western nuns leave
as soon as they arrive.

As a matter of fact,
the conditions are very ascetic.

There is no modern comfort.

There is no hot water,
you do everything with cold water,

my hands are going to discover
what crevices and frostbites are.

It is the middle of winter,
and there is no heating.

Lots of promiscuity among people,

we have a 10 square meters room
shared by six or seven people.

Sustained activity all day long.

That is not that kind of zen,
but it goes extremely fast!

All of it happening in Japanese,

a language I only understand
from Knights of the Zodiac.

(Laughter)

I am a bit lost there.

That is the aim
of this very precious lesson:

push us to the limits
until we have to let go.

After three weeks, my letting go

is that I am fed up, this is too much!

One morning, in this monastery,

all on my own,
with no contact with Europe,

I decide to leave.

That day, in me, is a huge disappointment.

I had put so much hope in this journey.

And here I am, with knots in my stomach.

I gather my stuff in the room,
I am on my own.

At some point, I look up, like that.

Through the window,

I notice a branch, covered in snow,
and on top of it, a little bird.

It is so... delicate!

It is so beautiful!

It shakes itself to smooth its feathers.

And for me, at that moment,

the feeling of resentment
and disappointment gives way to awe

as I face its magnificence!

A wave of tenderness comes
rushing from deep within.

What if that was the teaching

I had traveled 10,000 kilometers for?

Feelings and thoughts,
in general, are impermanent.

They appear, and can also disappear.

One moment there is anger,

the next there is awe
as I face the magnificence of the world.

I think we all have experienced it
during our daily lives.

For example at work,

one colleague annoys us,
we are in conflict, we dwell on it,

then if we get a call from a friend
who tells us a joke,

all of a sudden, we burst out laughing.

This ability is the first lesson:
feelings are impermanent,

a little bird told me.

The second lesson is a bit different;

I called it, "What's in my head?"

I won't tell you everything!

(Laughter)

It is this idea that for feelings
to appear, and more importantly disappear,

we shouldn't dwell on them.

In general, we tend to get relive it.

Something happens that we don't like,
and then we brood.

We all kind of work that way,
that's natural.

But in order to stop brooding,

we need to understand,
to realize what we are doing!

And so, we need to know better
what is inside our heads.

What's in my head?

I experienced it once
when I was seated, mediating,

as Buddha, peacefully
- I could not do it -

and at that moment, the master said,

"Let your thoughts and feelings pass by
as clouds in the sky."

It was beautiful,
and it made me terribly angry!

Because my feelings were not

"some small, peaceful misty clouds
in a deep blue sky,"

but rather some big, black,
dense cumulonimbus

that tended to stagnate.

I looked like a peaceful Buddha,
but on the inside, I was seething.

I was really motivated to achieve it,

so I studied a lot, and today,

I want to allow you to save some time.

(Laughter)

I would like to propose
a small exercise, right now.

Are you OK with that?

Audience: Yes!

KT: Sit comfortably in your chairs.
That is a short moment of relaxation.

You will be able to study,
to discover with passion

what is in your heads and in your bodies.

Now close your eyes.

Focus on the contact
between your body and the chair.

Become aware that you are here,
seated, in this room, at this moment:

that is the present moment.

Where are we right now?

Then, you can explore,

become Indiana Jones in your mind.

I will guide so that you know
what forms your thoughts can take.

You might have thoughts
in the form of pictures,

as a movie that takes place inside of you,

or light that flashes,

or a memory of the place where you are,

or of the person
who is currently speaking.

That is called
a visual mental representation.

For other people, there might be sounds.

And what we call
"the little voice in your head."

Sometimes, it is talkative,

it is a little voice

that comments, tells, analyzes,
says parts of sentences,

and sometimes sings on the inside.

The little voice in the head,
that is the inner dialogue.

What's in your head?

Pictures?

A little voice?

The last form of thinking
is called kinesthetic,

this is all the feelings
we have in our bodies.

For example, hot, cold,
the contact with the chair,

heavy, light.

But also the all range of emotions

that we feel in our bodies.

Joy, anger, sadness, and the rest.

Three possible form of thinking.

In one moment, you will open your eyes,

and you will know more
about how you function inside.

Do you mostly see pictures,

hear a little voice, feel emotions,
or a physical sensation, and so on?

This is really pleasant, but...

You can now open your eyes!

You have new knowledge
about yourself, that's a first step.

This is interesting to know,

because you can better observe
your functioning.

Each one of you can do it
at any moment during the day.

Then, there was the third lesson.

I discovered it by chance.

I called it, "the periscope,"
you will soon find out why.

I discovered it earlier on, in 2003.

In 2003, I was performing
in French music concerts

for American people,

in front of audiences
of around 150 or 200 people.

During the first concert, I got on stage,

like that, exactly like tonight,

but I didn't have
the same clothes or the same haircut.

(Laughter)

Then I start singing in that repertoire,
and then... stage fright!

My legs are shaking, my heart is pounding,

all the symptoms of stage fright
appear all of a sudden.

Fortunately, at that time,
I already meditated a lot.

As all of this occurred,

some kind of observing conscience appeared

spontaneously and automatically.

What I mean is, I am singing,

I feel the stage fright inside of my body,

some symptoms.

And at the same time,

there is a conscience that allows me
to keep my head above water.

My head is free,
I can go on with my concert.

Imagine, I start singing
and then stage fright.

(Sings "La vie en rose")

And at the same time, it is observing.

That is the witness-conscience,
the observing conscience.

It observes the feeling
and, as it is observed - it's magical! -

the feeling eases off!

You just have to observe it

for the unpleasant feelings to gradually
appear, and then naturally disappear,

like what I was telling you
in the beginning.

I called it "the periscope."

You all know the Grey rod,
that is on top of submarines,

that can come out of water,
like a duck, to observe the landscape.

With that kind of conscience,
we are both in and out of the water,

we are both connected
and dissociated from the experience,

both inside and outside.

This means that we are very alive,
we feel things completely,

because we do not want to become robots!

But our heads are free
and we feel relief deep inside of us.

This was the third significant event
of the past few years.

The first: feelings appear
and disappear naturally.

The second: we can know

what form our thoughts and feelings take:

visual, auditory
- the little voice in the head -

or kinesthetic -
the sensations of the body.

The third: it is possible to discover

this wonderful observing conscience,
witness-conscience,

that allows us to be present
and fully free.

Isn't it neat?

(Laughter)

It is not over yet!

To conclude, I want to propose
a small ritual for the day.

Or rather a small ritual for the morning,
as morning is a key moment,

that will allow you to implement,

or even incarnate
these three things in one exercise.

Are you up for it?

Audience: Yes!

KT: Imagine yourself in the morning.

The alarm goes off.

Generally, you snooze it, once, twice...

And at some point, you have to get up.

At that point, what I propose is,

either while lying down,
or you might sit on the side of the bed,

what I propose that can change lives

is to become aware
of your first thought in the morning!

That's it.

Is it a picture,
a little voice in your head,

a feeling, or a sensation in your body?

Then do it with the second
and the third thoughts.

At that moment, naturally,
you will change your habits;

you will become aware of this hum,
this windmill in your head.

What is wonderful is that,
at this point, you get up,

not as a robot anymore,
going to the coffee machine,

not fully awake.

You get up mindful!

You find this freedom inside of you again.

Not as a robot anymore,
but as an actor of your daily life.

This is the source - trust me -
of an immense inner relief.

And you know that during the day to come,
everything is possible!

(Applause)