After The Rapture

On May 21st 2011, at 1.27 pm Eastern time,
billions of people suddenly vanished.

Witnesses report hearing a loud trumpet
followed by a blinding flash of light

and the sudden disappearance of men,
women and children everywhere.

Christian homes, suddenly empty, are now
providing free clothing, furniture,

and appliances to be donated to the poor.

The dramatic decrease in motor vehicles
on the road is reducing the demand for

fossil fuels, driving gas prices down to
1.93 a gallon.

TBN, the Trinity Broadcasting Network, is
now CSBN.

Prison populations have virtually
disappeared.

Recycled bibles are now being used to make
juice and milk containers

for school children. Former religious
institutions are now being used for

exploration, health, science and
recreation, including facilities for

laser tag, the world's largest jupiter
jump, and the worldwide distribution of

Darwin Genuine Draft. Our planet now has
more money, more food, more space,

more resources, more education, and
more common sense than ever experienced

in recorded history. There is a sense of
joy, of jubilation, of freedom,

the world united in celebration
in the wake of -

(phone rings)

- Hello?
- Hi, is this News 1550?

- Yes.
- Hey, uh, the Christians are all

still here.
- Really? All of them?

- Yeah, nothing happened. They're all
still here.

(phone clicks)
Shit.