Squad Goals

Bon appetit.

Mm. That's good pizza.

You know Mary-Kate and Ashley, they just gum it?

They just get the flavor.

Hey, look at this over here,
it's Tiny Bite Stanley.

That's me.

Oh, you gonna take a big one?

(mocking)
Oh, you think I'm gonna take a big one?

Is it gonna be a big one?
He takes the tiniest bites!

That's how you get that mouth small.

(mouth full)
Can I ask you guys a question?

Yeah.

(emotional violin music)

Are we a squad?

You know... this question has been
consuming me lately.

I just wanna know.

Hey, well I got an answer for ya.

OF COURSE we're a squad.

(upbeat music begins)
We are?!?

We've always been a squad!

We will always be a squad!

Do you know what a relief it is
to know that I'm in a squad?

I don't even need to worry about
being in a squad!

I would as far to say that this--

-- squad goals.

This is squad goals.

I get that we're a squad, but--
(upbeat music stops)

I'm just not sure that this is
"squad goals" for me.

I understand.

I get it.

Hey squad!
You gotta see this.

It's not good.

What is it?

It's a new site called RateMyFriend.com
and get this...

...we've all got bad friend ratings on
there.

(Mexican showdown music begins)
Oh damn!

Go go go!

This way, this way!

I'm really sorry about the mess, we'll
(unintelligible)

Let me see it.

Check it out. Lookit.

We all got "bad pal."

It says I "lack chill"?
And have a big mouth?

Shit!

One and a half stars?
"Bad at listening"?

"Bad gifter"? I give great gifts!
I'm, like, the gift guy!

"Gets girlfriend and doesn't
hang out for two years"?

That's not me!

Actually, yeah... it's, yeah,
I think that's true.

I can't have this online.
This is going to keep me

from getting future friends.

And Pete, you love making friends.

Ohhh, yeah.

You know what?

I'm gonna prove that I'm a good friend.

I'm gonna get you guys some Pepsi.
Do you want some Pepsi?

Oh, yeah yeah yeah.
And I'll rub your feet while you go.

(overly sweet voice)
You guys are the best!

(normal voice)
I can't do this.

This just seems fake.

Yeah, and our friend rating isn't
even changing.

Oh, but please... do not stop
massaging my foot.

(chime on wink)

Look, we just got to delete
these profiles!

Why delete these profiles
when we can just delete ourselves?

(gasps)
Are you thinking...?

It's time...

(all in unison)
To get off the grid!!!

("Mr. Sandman" playing)

We're getting off the grid!

Dip in, buddy.

(all screaming)

We're almost off the grid!

And now for the hardest part.

(intense music begins)
Just delete that account.

(heavy breathing and whimpering)

You can do this, Pete.
You got it buddy.

You got it. Good on me.
Good on ya.

Get him some water.
Someone get him some water!

You get him water!

Do you think it worked?

doo doo doo... doo doo

Sir.

You're gonna wanna see this.

What is it.

We just lost four blips off the grid.

Four??? That's practically a whole
squad. How the hell did this happen?

They must have shaved off their eyebrows

or deleted their Facebooks or something.

Guys, we're screwed.

There's a new web site called
RateMyGridWatcher.com

and we all have bad ratings!

(Mexican action music begins)
Oh damn!!!

You know what I said earlier?

Well, this is squad goals.

(all in unison)
This is squad goals!!!