Is recovery worth the cost? Facebook Friday! #KatiFAQ

Hey everybody.

It's finally Friday.

And I'm doing this
video a little bit early.

And I'm sorry for many of you,

Who I know try to get questions in
at a certain particular time.

But I'm not a train.

I don't work on a schedule.

I'm all over the place.

I'm willy nilly.

So today, because I'm
working in the morning,

Then I had a short break.

And I have another couple of clients.

And then I'm finished.

And we have to head to the airport.

Like, straight out the gate.

So I wanted to get this
video up and shared.

So that all of you can watch it,

And do it before I, you know, on
the plane and I can't do anything.

So, it's Friday.

And I'm on facebook.

And if any of you are wondering
what song I'm singing,

Look up 'It's finally Friday',

It's a country song.

Because I love country music.

It's finally Friday.

And I have three questions.

As well as a journal topic from Annika S.

Thank you so much for that.

So lets get started.

First question,

'Can I ask my question here
for facebook Friday?'

And the answer is yes.

If you ask your questions below the video
that I posted from the day before,

So Thursday.

So twitter Thursdays.

Then yes you can ask your questions there.

'Hey Kati, I have a lot of
mental health problems,'

'Which is just getting ignored by
every therapist I have ever had.'

'I found a new therapist,
but she is $200 an hour.'

'And I am wondering
if it is really worth it.'

'I dropped out of university, I am
struggling really bad right now.'

'And $200 is my whole pay check.'

'I also need skills training apparently
and other things that will cost more.'

'I have PTSD, MDD, and BPD.'

If you are wondering what any
of those acronyms are,

I have videos about all of them.

'Is the cost of treatment
really going to be worth it?

Now I wanted to talk about this,

Because I know that I talked about
getting help when funds are low.

But I thought that this
was really interesting,

Because when we find
help that's finally working,

And we finally feel like
we are getting better.

How much money is too much money?

Now, there are a couple of things.

The one thing that I would
always caution people against.

And I take this advice myself,
when I see my own therapist.

Is, if the cost of treatment is
going to cause you extra stress.

And worry.

And concern.

And potentially cause you just
more issues on the side.

Then it's not worth it.

Because we are actually,

We might be helping one thing.

But we are creating a whole other problem.

And I have had people tell me that they
have gone into debt to get treatment.

And all sorts of stuff.

And then we come out and we have all of
these other issues to deal with.

And I really don't feel that it's necessary for
people to set themselves up like that.

So that when you get out,
you're stressed out.

Because you have to pay back these
loans, or bills, or whatever.

So that's my first thought.

The second thought is,

If things are terribly terribly shitty.

And everyone seems to be horrible.

Because, for every good therapist.

I feel like there are like three bad ones.

And that's not a knock on my profession.

That's just the fact that some people
aren't in it for the right reasons,

I don't think.

And it, you know, isn't good.

It's not helpful.

So if you find someone that finally works.

And you really like.

Ask them if they will work
on a sliding scale.

That's perfectly normal.

It's fine to ask.

Someone who charges $200 an hour is
probably used to hearing that.

And not all of their clients pay $200.

Trust me.

Even though I don't even charge that much,

I have people at different levels.

We don't always lower our fee.

We don't have to.

There's no, nothing that forces us to.

But if you're really finally getting
help and it's prohibitive,

The cost is prohibitive.

Then we will consider lowering it.

Another thing that we can do.

Is we can ask that therapist
who they recommend.

That maybe is a little bit cheaper.

Trust me.

Good therapists run in circles together.

We know each other.

We like each other.

We spend time together.

We go to the same meet and greets.

We're in supervision groups.

Or peer supervision groups together.

And so we usually know who's good.

I mean, I off the top of my head,

I have like five people that I would
refer someone to, you know,

And then I would have to think
about who would be cheaper.

But we have that information.

So a lot of it is just asking.

And just being honest
about where we're at.

Because if this is helping you.

Then it's worth it.

But if it's going to cause a
financial burden later,

Then it might not be worth it.

And so I would consider
all of your options.

I would talk to your therapist.

I would be open about it.

You can talk about money.

I know that it seems weird.

And some people are really
funny about money.

But we have to be honest about it.

Because if it's going to
cause issues for us,

They need to know.

Okay.

And if any of you have
experience with this,

Ways that you have
verbalised that really helped.

Can you let us know below,

So that we can help one another.

Okay.

Question number two,

'I'm wondering if emotional eating
and intuitive eating are oppositional.'

'Is it normal that the eating
behaviour is influenced by mood.'

'Or should we try to avoid
it if we're intuitively eating?'

'What about the holidays?'

'Celebrating is often also expressed
by food and eating. Emotional eating?'

'Or do we celebrate by eating
food of other kinds,'

'And quality instead of
raising the amount?'

I thought this was a good question.

And I know a lot of us are
stressed about the holidays.

And eating.

And food.

And what are we doing.

And mental health.

And family.

And ehh, it's soo much, right.

And it can be really overwhelming.

So lets go by this one step at a time.

So if emotional eating and
intuitive eating are oppositional.

Yes.

If we are eating intuitively,

That means that we're listening to
what our body asks for.

And we are giving it what it asks for.

And we're stopping when it
tells us it's had enough.

And we're not eating fast.

We're not eating ridiculously slow.

We're enjoying the food.

We're tasking the food.

Emotional eating is when
we feel a certain way,

And we eat because of how we feel.

Have you seen that weight
watchers commercial lately?

Which, I have to admit, it's funny.

And I'm not a big fan of, you
know, that kind of stuff.

But it always happens around the holidays.

But it's like,

'If you're happy and you
know it, eat a snack.'

'If you're sad and you
know it, eat a snack.'

And that's really what
emotional eating is.

We feel a certain way,

And we eat as a way to cope
or deal with those feelings.

So I want you to kind of
see the difference.

Feelings, emotional feelings,

Have no relationship to what our
body needs and asks for.

We're talking, we're separating
these two things,

Head and body.

Okay.

Now, the best way to manage this,

Because I know for many of
us, that's really difficult.

And we're like,

'But I don't know, because
then I think this way,'

'And if I see this commercial
and I smell that food,'

'I feel hungry. Even though
I know I'm not hungry.'

'But my mind tells me I'm hungry,
but my body tells me I'm not.'

'I don't know, maybe.'

It can be really hard to like separate it.

It's like, wow.

My head just exploded.

Right.

So the best way,

And if any of you have any
other tips, let us know.

But the best way that I have
my clients manage this,

Is to check in in two ways.

Number one,

Emotional.

Rate your emotionality, or emotionalness,

On a scale of one to ten.

One being, I have no
emotion I feel nothing.

Like I just woke up in the
morning and I am like,

Nothing.

Ten being like,

I can't deal with myself.

My emotions are running wild.

I feel like every time I breathe, I'm
breathing out emotion.

Okay.

So I want you to rate it in there.

Think of like a six as like a healthy
normal amount of feeling.

Especially with the holidays going on.

Maybe a seven.

But I want you to pay attention to
how you're emotionally feeling.

And then, after you do that.

I want you to rate your hunger-fullness.

And the intuitive eating workbook,

If any of you have it.

Has a great description for
each of those numbers.

I don't have time to go over
all of them right now.

But think of like six is,
'I could still eat a little more.'

Seven is,
'I'm comfortably full.'

Eight is,
'I've had one bite too many.'

So keep that in mind.

Now I want you to rate both of those.

And I want you to write these down.

I want you to keep track of them.

Even if it's in your phone in
your notes or something.

And notice how your emotionality
effects your hunger-fullness.

And if you see a relation.

Or a correlation between them.

And that's one of the easiest ways.

The checking in emotionally
can really help us notice,

If we're a nine and then we got
ourselves to a ten in fullness,

Those two might be correlated.

Or if we're a nine emotional.

And we kept ourselves at like a
five where we're really hungry,

That might be related.

So that would be what I
would do to manage that.

And to pay attention to that.

Now she said,

'Do we celebrate by eating food
of other kinds and quality,'

'Instead of raising the amount?'

And I say, Yes.

I want you to watch my, 'Ways
to Stay Mindful During the Holidays',

And I talk about actually
enjoying the food.

We get certain foods this time of
year that we don't always get.

I want you to spend some time
just actually savouring it.

Not getting a huge heaping plate.

I would encourage you,

For those who struggle with binge eating.

To notice how much
other people are taking.

If you don't have family
that's full of binge eaters.

Some of us do.

So take one scoop of each thing,

Try them.

See what you like more of.

If you finish that one item and
you check in with yourself.

You take a minute.

And you're still hungry.

You go back and get the
items that you really liked.

But get only another little scoop.

And we just have to play it by ear.

And take our time.

It's when we rush and when we
don't check in with ourselves,

That we find ourselves mindlessly
eating or emotionally eating.

Okay.

I hope that helps.

I know it's really hard.

And I'm trying to make this video quick.

And it's hard to squeeze it all in.

Okay, question number three,

'Kati, how do I make peace with my past?'

'How do I basically forgive
and forget people,'

'Who have hurt, betrayed,
and put me down?'

'Including parents, relatives, friends.'

'I'm holding on to a lot.'

Now I have talked in my video,

Wow I don't know, a month ago,

About, I think it was
forgiveness and acceptance.

Yes.

Look this up, if you have not watched it.

I talk about how anger and
forgiveness can co-exist.

You can be angry because someone is terrible,
and they have done terrible things to you.

But forgiveness means that you,
yourself let go, and you live.

Because the only thing that
holding on to something,

The only person that
holding onto stuff hurts,

Is us.

Is yourself.

It's not the person that hurt you.

They don't even know
you're holding onto it.

And so,

The best way to let go of it,

Is to process through it.

Talk it out.

Talk it out with friends.

Talk it out with a therapist
would be the best option.

Because then you can
get some unpartial advice,

And insight into what's
going on with you.

And it really helps to just be able to
bounce ideas off someone and talk it out.

I would journal.

I would talk to friends.

I would even talk to family members,

The ones that might not be involved.

And just talk it out.

Talk it out until you feel like you have
an understanding of what was happening.

Why it happened.

How you felt.

And what you're going to do about it now.

And how you're feeling now.

And we have to come
to terms ourselves,

With what's happened and how
we're going to proceed.

This is all up to you.

This has nothing to do with
the person that hurt you.

Or had betrayed you.

You have to decide what you
want to do moving forward.

And I think processing through and talking
it out really gives us that option,

And that time that we need
to make that decision.

And decide how we want to proceed.

Okay.

I know it's hard.

And it takes time.

Give yourself patience.

Hurt can be really hard to
get over and move past.

But remember,

Anger and forgiveness can co-exist.

They are not mutually exclusive.

You don't have to love the person and be
so happy for them for everything.

You could be angry and like forgive them.

So that you can live your life.

And check out my video about
forgiveness and acceptance.

I think it will really help.

Now journal topic today,

Like I said from Annika.

Is, 'You can't have a better tomorrow. If
you don't stop thinking about yesterday.'

'This is my recovery quote
from depression and bulimia,'

'Because I think that once
in a while we should,'

'Try to realise that no matter
how bad the day has been,'

'We have a new chance every day
to make the best out of it.'

'We are not trapped in
the thoughts forever.'

'Don't know if that's a real journal topic,
but more like a little inspiration.'

And I think it's both.

So write down that quote.

Think about what it means to you.

What have you been holding onto?

What should you let go of?

And how are we going to move
forward to a better tomorrow?

I love you all.

Have a wonderful weekend.

This week I will be on vacation.

I am flying out tonight to Washington
State to visit my family.

And so I will be doing those
inspirational videos.

They may not come every day.

I will do my best to put them
out every, you know,

Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday.

But Thursday is Christmas.

So I may skip that day.

I'm just letting you know ahead of time.

But I will be here.

I will be posting videos.

I love you all.

And I will see you on Tuesday.

Bye.