Teaching towards equality | Fernanda Tapia | TEDxCuauhtémocMujeres

How are we educated and how do we educate? How do we fight against the chauvinism that is such an intrinsic part of today’s Mexico? Fernanda suggests dismantling the way things are: a peaceful change but also a profound one.

Fernanda is a celebrity; she has worked as an announcer, a journalist, a voice-over actress, an actress, a screenwriter, a singer…
She is committed to women’s issues. She fights wherever she is.

This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at http://ted.com/tedx

[This talk contains strong language]

I need allies, I need a lot of them

because we are going to
destabilize the system. Enough!

(Applause)

It is easier than you think.

We don't need to wear hoods,
ski masks, Molotov bombs,

or throw stones to anyone.

It is much more simple,
but it requires a lot of willpower.

First, I want to ask you
for a show of hands.

Almost all the speakers today
talked about gender.

Could anyone calmly come here upfront

and explain what gender is?

Raise your hand if you are
absolutely sure about it.

One person and she just went to
a talk this morning.

(Laughter)

OK, gender, usually one thinks

What type of gender? As in grammar?
Nouns, pronouns?

By the way, I think the best answer

came from a kid interviewed
by Dialogos [TV show],

"Gender is girls in pink
and boys in blue."

(Laughter)

That's gender.
It is a way to see gender.

In other words, it is
the manual you receive

when your baby is born at the hospital,

and it says, "This is the way your
boy or girl has to behave

according to their genitals."

That's where things go wrong.
Why?

Because then the girl cannot yell,
but she can cry.

And the boy cannot cry,
but he can yell.

These are the feelings taught to men

that they have to deal with

for the rest of their lives.

Things get complicated
because things start.

This chauvinism, let's face it,
hurts everyone.

Imagine your male friends were told to

grunt in any situation.

"How was work?" (Grunt)
"What did your boss say?" (Grunt)

There is no middle ground.

We women have an incredible
array of ways to cry.

Right? We cannot express ourselves.

This is what messes up the world.
It makes men

emotionally stunted.

Domestically unfit, they don't even
know how to prepare steak.

They know how when they are
alone in the bathroom.

(Laughter)

Tragic!

It also deprives them of
the joys of fatherhood

that some are now discovering
and it is beautiful to see.

It forces them, as if by divine order,

to always have all the answers.

That's why they are frightened by crying
because they don't know what to do.

The manual said he knew everything.

This is a disaster.
Another one is that

he always has to be ready for sex,
wanting and able.

(Laughter)

And if they don't,

(Laughter)

it is as if they are no longer men.

If they don't bring money home,
they cannot even perform

because the manual says that
they have to bring money home

so then all the women will be theirs.

Where else do we find this?
In textbooks.

Don't think that the feminism that
our speaker

so beautifully talked about is Lupita
D'Alessio or Paquita la del Barrio.

(Laughter)

Feminism is more of
a political movement.

It is a way to look at the world
and it has many faces.

The ones who fight for equality
and gender -- I don't have enough

merits to say that I am a feminist.

One starts to think about this manual.

What in the world is to be a woman?
Is it to be empathetic, sensitive?

Someone who can be
in customer service and is gorgeous?

OK, and what is a man?

Anything that is not feminine.

(Laughter)

But why?
We have the same genes!

So we agree.

This is not feminism;
this is not gender equality.

Women are told," There's chauvinism
because you create it."

I am sorry but that is not something
that you feed! OK?

The problem is that chauvinism
comes from textbooks,

commercial ads, the nanny and even
the absence of a father creates it.

That is the problem!

They think that we gave birth and said,
" You will be a macho man". No.

However, we also talk
in a very chauvinistic way.

Our language is sexist,

Do you think we were raised in Mars
or what?

They say we are from Venus, no kiddidng.
We are the same as you,

and that's why we cannot free
ourselves from it. For example,

a woman in the office got promoted:
"She must be sleeping with the boss."

(Laughter)

Excuse me, but that is sexist!

Boy! Ms. Universe is so ugly this year."
Please!

That is male chauvinism.

Now, even when we attack a man
to make him feel inferior,

to hit him where it will
make him doubt

because he has to show
that he is a man.

It's all about the penis.

That's why we say that
this society is phallocentric.

We say, "He is not a real man,"
"This one doesn't perform"

That is chauvinism.

We are not talking about
castrating men.

We already are.
The thing is to try to stop doing it.

(Laughter)

How do we realize
what we have been doing?

I invite to take the Morpheus blue pill,

so we can finally find the Matrix.

I didn't go to the university.

Dialogos en Confianza

was the university I didn't have,
and as I met people

like the wonderful people
who have spoken today,

one day I opened my eyes to gender
and it felt like discovering me

publicly naked -it's not modesty,
it's not a pretty picture.

It is when you hear things from

a pregnant woman who says

"I will "have relief" May."
Are you sick or what?

"My husband doesn't use me anymore."

(Laughter)

Really? These are everyday
statements in many places.

This another beauty: "My husband
does help me at home."

No, what do you mean helps you.
it's his turn!

(Laughter)

If you sleep on a bed
you need to help make it.

"He let me work."

That one is a beauty. It is still in use.

I wish my husband wouldn't let me!

(Laughter)

There's no way.

(Applause)

Now you will see.

"My husband cheated on me but the guilty
is that bitch who tricked him."

Not him. He was just sitting there.
Please!

Another one: "He raped her, but she
provoked him wearing that mini skirt."

Don't be stupid!

That is sexism.

When Calimba,
do you remember him?

"Hey, she is underage!"

"Yes, but she is the one
who got in bed with him"

"Yes, but she is a minor."

In this case consent is worthless.

It is not that I'm coming for revenge
and I'm going to go out and drink,

to find all men: " Ladies hold on
to your men because here I come."

(Laughter)

Double chicken breast!

(Laughter)

It is not about that.

It's not reverse chauvinism.

However, we have stay at home dads,
like my husband.

But there's a huge tragedy.
It wasn't his choice.

He didn't want to be one,

like the many women
who are staying at home.

He had to because he lost his job,
and I found another one.

What did he do? Whatever was
necessary to do at home. Right?

So now he can talk about
the novela with Dona Elvira

(Laughter)

our housemaid.

They help each other.
He is a bit of a chef; he cooks for her,

but this messed him up because
his career got derailed.

Also, he doesn't feel productive
and the manual still affects him.

because it says that if he doesn't bring
money he is not a man.

I bring the money. What do I do?
I demand sex!

(Laughter)

And he has a headache!

(Applause)

It's terrible!

There's no equality!

The roles have been reversed,
and it just doesn't work.

It doesn't work. I swear.

Imagine now, this is funny,

that you are at a restaurant,
eleven young

women being loud, laughing;

then comes a man who says,
"Why so lonely?"

Things like that that
maybe good for a laugh,

but mean hurtful
and uncomfortable things.

At the university there have been studies

among men and women in which
7 out of 10

have experienced gender violence,
men and women.

Also, women were asked,

"Have you encounter gender violence?"

They respond, "Yes."

What we were saying about

our housemaid, for example.

We don't show solidarity with her.
We women are merciless.

Like they say, housework is only noticed
when it is done badly.

No one came and said,

"Honey, your sweeping is wonderful!"

Of course not.
"Honey, you didn't vacuum here!"

That is a problem.

Here the problem is very serious
where they are really merciless

with students of both sexes.

It comes in levels and
the face of poverty is feminine

Poverty mainly affects women worldwide.

We are producing

about three quarters of the
of the world's wealth

starting with the work we do at home.

Because thanks to someone
who works at home

helped the man
to get ready for work,

he goes and produces for a company
that supports the system.

Lately, it has started to being
considered as part of the GDP.

Ok, but the problem is that of all
the wealth that women produce,

they earn not even 10 percent,
and if we include Queen Elizabeth,

Madonna and Angelina Jollie, forget it!

I believe that that is the only
thing that will destabilize

this situation.

We need to understand that what they
sell to us doesn't make us who we are

and they will not solve
our problems.

That's why I invite you to put it
in practice.

How do we do it?

There's something I have asked
for a very long time,

but it was nothing but a crazy idea.

I need allies. I already have
my TEDx friends

because they got me and
told me it was possible

We will present to the
Commission of Gender.

You are invited. We will ask
that the house creates of a law

that makes it compulsory to teach

about gender equality from
pre-K on.

It must be compulsory.

(Applause)

It must ask to review very chart,
and spelling in textbooks.

We need to demand it;
we need to make them do it.

We need to see the world
through gender goggles.

it's a Band-Aid, but the new generation

can live its results.

How are not going to contaminate them?

Forcing each public employee
and bureaucrat,

or anyone who renders a public service
to take classes about gender.

Just as they do to become
professional bureaucrats,

they must take the class. Never
again say to a public employee:

"My husband hit me." Only to hear,
"Why did you get married?"

This is going to be obligatory.

Distribute and provide easy access
to the manual,

and in any language people
speak.

Give it when people get married,
when the baby is born.

Instead of reading the epistle
of Melchor Ocampo,

give them instead this manual
of gender equality.

It is possible that it will offend
many abuses and traditions.

There are many habits and
traditions we need to keep

and bathe in them like
community service,

but there are abuses and customs.

A girl cannot be sold even
if it looks like a gift.

This should be said in all languages.

I think we can do it.

Because we are the minority
that is 52 percent of our nation.

At least women and
many men of conscience.

So you are invited,
get into TEDx network.

Let's move it. Let's try.

I think it is the only way to
build citizenship;

not only retweet, which works,

but, to use a phrase that
a dear friend told me,

"To go from indignation
to indign-action."

You are welcome to come.
Thank you.

(Applause)