Warning: being positive is not for the faint-hearted! | Lea Waters | TEDxMelbourne

This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at http://ted.com/tedx

Prof. Lea Waters is the Director of the Center for Positive Psychology, Melbourne Graduate School of Education. She explores how small positive steps can make a huge impact on our well-being. Part inspiring and talented educator, part disruptor and champion for change and part advocate for the power of positivity, Professor Lea Waters is fervently passionate about all things psychology.

I want to start
by sharing with you two events

that radically altered my life
12 years ago,

and really are the reason why I've become
a professor in positive psychology.

The first was giving birth to my son,

totally life changing.

I went from spending my days
at university writing a book,

to spending my days at home
wiping a bottom,

and I loved it.

The second event
is a bit confusing, really,

because, unlike giving birth,

it wasn't really the kind of event
that you would classify as life-altering.

It was just watching the news.

I was so tender-hearted
from becoming a new mom

that when I watched the news,
I burst into tears.

And you know these really messy tears
where you get the red, swollen, puffy eyes

and where your nose
turns into an instant snot factory?

I'm talking those kinds of tears.

And I'm a psychology researcher, right?

So when I have these unexpected reactions,
I automatically start to analyze myself.

And I'm sitting there thinking,

"Huh, why am I crying?
It's just the news."

But then this other question
bubbled up, and I thought,

"Why haven't I cried before?"

And that's when it hit me.

I've been manipulated
by the media corporations.

They've desensitized me,

and I've grown to accept
a news corporation's version

of human nature.

The meaner, darker version.

I thought, this is wrong,

this is not the version of human nature

that I want my son
growing up to believe in.

Because, actually,

the vast majority of us
are good and decent,

that's why we refer to ourselves
as a 'human-kind.'

And it got me thinking,

"What would happen if the news decided

to show more stories
of the positive qualities in human nature,

and what impact would this have
on my son's life?"

That question was transforming for me

because the minute
I asked that question of myself,

I knew I had to be part of a solution.

I had to start doing something

that was creating
a more positive life for my son

and for all the young people in Australia.

And there is so much good news to share.

For example, did you know that since 1990,

we've lifted 1.1 billion people
out of poverty?

That's more than three times

the population size
of the United States of America.

And in that same time frame,
we've provided clean water services

to 2.6 billion people,

more than the combined population
of China and India.

The world is becoming a better place,

but you're not going to hear
about that on the nightly news.

Let me ask you a question.

Would you let someone
come into your house every day,

and tell you that the group
that you belong to

are greedy, selfish,
violent, and murderous?

This is exactly what the news corporations
do to us on a daily basis,

and we believe
what we're told about ourselves.

The labels that other people give us,

we internalize those labels,
and they shape our identity.

So whether you know it or not,
the news is shaping your identity.

It's infecting you.

12 years ago, I decided to stop
watching the nightly news,

and you may well do the same,

but even if you are not
actively seeking out the news,

it is still having
a negative impact on you

because the media corporations
are everywhere.

You walk down the street,

you'll see the newspaper headlines
plastered to the shop windows.

The news is on the phone,
it's on your radios,

it's on electronic billboards
at the side of the road.

A few weeks ago,
my eight-year-old daughter was unwell,

and so I took her to see our local doctor.

We're sitting in the waiting room,
TV's on, it's showing the nightly news.

I'm looking around
the waiting room, thinking,

"All of these people are sick,
they're miserable enough,

let alone having to see more bad news."

I'm not saying
that we should ignore the bad stuff,

I'm just saying that it's not all
we need to know about,

and that the news
should be sharing with us

the stories of the bad and the good events

that are occurring
across the globe that day.

I hope you all agree with me on this,
but I wouldn't blame you

if there are a few people out there
wondering about this,

and kind of thinking, "Really?

Do we really need to hear
more good news?"

My answer to that,
as a research psychologist, is,

"Absolutely, yes."

Firstly, because as I've just explained,
the news is shaping your identity.

But secondly,

because psychology researchers
have shown us

that when you watch negative news,

it triggers in you symptoms
of worry and depression.

And speaking firsthand,

as someone who has suffered
from depression and had therapy,

I can tell you, it sucks

- not the therapy actually,
the therapy is quite good -

but depression itself is beyond awful.

And for me, suffering from depression,

it felt like I had been
hollowed out from the inside,

that there was nothing left
on the inside of me.

I was just this fragile outer shell

with this scream of pain

just bouncing, and echoing,
and reverberating through the insides;

this vast emptiness
and unfathomable darkness.

I couldn't eat properly,

I couldn't sleep properly,

I couldn't think properly.

I'm a researcher; I think for a living.

So, as you can imagine, I'm feeling
a little bit vulnerable right now,

having stood up on stage
and shared with 1,200 people

that I've suffered from depression,

but i'm feeling particularly vulnerable

because i'm also standing up
on stage criticizing the media.

And now I feel like I've just handed them
this retaliation information,

and sometime this week,

the newspapers are going to have
some little story in a corner that says,

"Positive psychology professor
fails to take our own medicine."

(Laughter)

But this is what I can tell you.

The more and more that I've learned about

and come to understand
the positive qualities in human nature,

the less and less depressed I've become.

In fact, it's rare these days that I have
a symptom of depression at all.

If you would have told me in my mid-30s

that I would be depression free,
almost, by my mid-40s,

honestly, I would not have believed you.

But learning about the best in us,

that's made me a better mom,
a better wife, a better friend,

a better colleague, a better person.

And it's done this
in three really concrete ways.

Learning about the best in us

has helped me to clarify
the type of person that I want to be:

a woman who is brave, and kind,
and persistent, and ethical.

Learning about the best in us
has helped me to clarify

the type of person I want to be
in relationship with.

And learning about the best in us
has helped me to walk away

from some unhealthy
relationships in my life.

I started this journey in order
to help my son and my daughter.

It turns out it helped me too,

and not just helped me, transformed me.

Because what it did was
it injected hope into my bloodstream,

and now I walk around every day
with this healing pulse of hope.

If the news corporations
were to show more positive news stories,

they too could be agents of hope.

We need to be asking the media
to share more good news with us,

and better yet, I personally think
we should be demanding

a whole new form of journalism,

one that shows TED content
on the nightly news, for example.

- Yeah! -

(Applause)

But, you know, I'm a realist

and I do understand
that the media corporations

aren't going to change
what they report to us anytime soon.

So rather than asking
the media to change their news,

I think we need to start
changing our news.

We need to take on the responsibility

of sharing the stories
of the positive qualities in human nature.

When we share good news,
we inject the healing pulse of hope

into our families,

our friends, our neighbors,
our schools, our workplaces.

Have you ever wondered why it is
when the Olympics are on,

you see so many more people
out running on the street?

And have you ever taken out running
when the Olympics are on?

I know I have.

Psychologists explain this phenomenon
using the elevation effect,

and simply put,
the elevation effect occurs

when we witness excellence in another.

It inspires and elevates us
to also want to strive for excellence.

So when we're watching the Olympics,

and we're seeing all these examples
of physical and athletic excellence,

it inspires us.

It elevates us to also want
to become fitter and stronger,

and so we take up exercise.

Well, here's the interesting thing.

Psychologists have also found

that we don't just have
the elevation effect

when we witness physical excellence,

we also have the elevation effect
when we witness moral excellence.

When we witness great acts
of kindness or courage,

it inspires and elevates us

to also want to be kinder
and braver ourselves.

There are lots of examples

of the elevation effect
being triggered by moral excellence,

but one example that we all know about
is Nelson Mandela.

His moral excellence,
his capacity for forgiveness

elevated an entire country,

and shifted them from an apartheid regime
to a democratic government.

I'm not saying
that we can all be like Nelson Mandela,

I'm not even saying we can all know
someone like Nelson Mandela,

but what I am saying
is that you can all train yourself

to look for the examples
of everyday excellence

that are all around us;

that every day moral excellence

when we see the people around us
being brave, and kind,

and acting with integrity, and honesty,

and teamwork, and leadership.

We can train ourselves to look
for the examples of moral excellence,

and we can share those stories.

A few weeks ago,
I caught public transport,

and in the space of ten minutes,

I saw three young people stand up
and offer their seats to senior citizens.

That's everyday moral excellence,
and I tweeted about that.

If you share those examples
of everyday moral excellence,

you are triggering hope,

and you are triggering
the elevation effect.

But you're doing more than that

because researchers have also found

that when you share positive news
on your social media sites,

64% of your network
will respond with happiness.

So if you want to make
people happy, share good news.

And the research goes further than that

because we've also discovered,
in the field of positive psychology,

that positive emotions are contagious.

We literally catch
positive emotions of other people.

So when you post good news
up onto your social media site,

the researchers have found
that those positive emotions

spread through your networks
by up to three degrees of separation.

What that means
is if you share positive news,

you're making your friend happy,

you're making your friend's friend happy,

and you're making
your friend's friend's friend happy.

Your one simple act of sharing good news

sets off a positive ripple effect
beyond what you could imagine.

I'm not advocating for blind optimism,

and I'm not saying
we should ignore the world's problems,

but what I am saying is we will have
a better understanding

and a better perspective
of the world's problems

if we also understand
the world's strengths.

The media corporations
are not going to share with us

the stories of our strengths

because it's not
in their interest to do that;

but we can share
those stories with each other.

And when we do, we trigger hope,
we trigger the elevation effect,

and we trigger happiness;

this is science.

So what I'm asking you to do
is to become a positive detective,

to go out into the world
and commit yourself

to finding at least one example
every day of moral excellence

and share that example with others.

And parents, please share
that example with your children.

Our children need to grow up knowing

that the vast majority of us
are good and decent.

They need to grow up knowing
that they're part of a human-kind.

And they need to grow up with hope.

So my invitation to all of us
is to become a positive detective.

But I also need to let you know
that with that invitation,

I've also attached a warning label.

And the label reads like this,

"Warning, being positive
is not for the faint-hearted."

My experience as a positive
psychology researcher?

In that experience, I've been
on the receiving end of scorn,

mockery, derision,
and outright aggression.

There are people who have been
hostile towards me

because I've chosen
a career as a positive psychologist.

And to give you a recent an example,
I joined Twitter two months ago

- finally got with the program -

and in a space of two months
I have two trolls.

(Laughter)

- I know, what's up with that? -

When I first told my colleagues

that I was shifting my research focus
over to positive psychology,

I had a number of my colleagues treat me

as if I had also just automatically
dropped 20 IQ points.

And it's weird

because these were the researchers,
who, the year before,

had awarded me a prize
for excellence in research.

You know that t-shirt
that says, "I'm with stupid,"

and it has an arrow
that points to someone else?

I felt like when I was walking
into the faculty staff room,

they were looking at me
as if I was wearing that t-shirt,

it said "I'm with stupid,"
but the arrow was pointing at me.

And here's the crazy thing:

when I was studying stress
in the workplace,

I was deemed to be a rigorous researcher.

But when I shifted my focus across

to study gratitude
and virtue in the workplace,

I was classified
as an academic lightweight

even though I was using
the same scientific methodologies

and publishing in the same
high-quality journals.

I was devalued because I chose
to focus on the positive.

Now luckily for me, five years ago,

I teamed up with professor Field Rickards
at the University of Melbourne,

and he's transforming
education in Australia.

He also understands the importance,

and the meaning, and the value
of taking a positive approach.

So, with his help,

and with the help of some significant
other people at the university,

and outside of the university,
over the last five years,

we've now been able to build a center
for positive psychology

at the University of Melbourne.

- Yes, yes! -

(Applause)

Thank you.

So persistence pays off,

but I want to bring us back
to this warning label.

Being positive is not
for the faint-hearted,

and it's hard to stay positive

when there is so much
negative news around us.

If you choose to take my advice,

if you choose
to become a positive detective,

if you choose to spread positive news,

be prepared for a negative backlash.

And I thought about this a lot,

given my own experience
in the last ten years,

and this is what I've come to understand.

If you choose to be a person

who shines light
on the good things in the world,

you are actually acting
in a way that is counterculture,

you are going against the dominant message
of fear and scarcity.

And if you act
in a way that's counterculture,

you will receive a backlash.

But for me, I think
this is even more reason

why we need to share positive news;

because the more positive news we share,

the less dominant
those negative messages become.

And for me personally, I can tell you
that in the last ten years,

every time I've been at the receiving end

of scorn, mockery, derision, hostility,

every time I've bounced back,
and I thought,

"This is even more reason
why I need to keep doing what I'm doing."

The other thing
that I've discovered, in closing,

in reflecting on why I've received
this negative backlash

- when in the first ten years
in my career,

I was studying the negative phenomena,
and I never received any of this stuff -

is that there are people out there
who genuinely believe

that our negative qualities
are somehow more real

and more important
than our positive qualities.

I have to say to you,
I will never understand that mentality;

because how can this version
of human nature

be more real and more important

then this version of human nature?

My call to action is simple:

if every single one of us commits
to being a positive detective,

to sharing our own good news
and to spreading the good news of others,

we set off hope,
we set off the elevation effect,

and we set off happiness,

and we really can make
a collective difference to the world.

If we are truly committed
to the ideas worth spreading,

we need to start spreading
a few of our own.

Thank you.

(Applause)