Why everyone should be an outsider | Andrew Grenfell | TEDxSadovoeRing

Englishman Andrew Grenfell shares his experience of living in Russia and discusses why everyone needs to spend some time as an outsider, whether at home or abroad.

Founder of "Impact Hub Moscow" and of various social projects in Russia.

This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at http://ted.com/tedx

I am a foreigner.

(Laughter)

(Applause)

And for the Muscovites, I will reveal
some insights on how to be back at home.

It may sound strange, but I will explain.

If you cannot see your home
from the outside,

you can see neither the house itself,
nor who is in it with real perspective.

Unless you leave your own home,

you will never be able
to solve the problems,

stemming from childhood,
your domestic problems.

I will explain using
the example of "The Lion King".

In this movie, the main character,
Simba, the son of the king,

is growing up in the pride's territory,

knowing that someday,
he will become the king.

But he is too naughty,

and this disobedience
leads to the tragic loss of his father.

Blamed for his father's death
by his uncle Scar,

who himself wanted to become the king,

Simba had to run away.

In the jungle the poor child met two
merry fellows; Pumbaa and Timon.

Soon he adopted their way of life,

and forgot about his past.

But Scar, with his army of hyenas,
devastated the Pride Lands.

And the lions, suffering from hunger,
fled, in search of food.

Once one of the lionesses
came across Simba,

and tried to persuade him to go back.

But Simba refused.

The shaman baboon tried to convince him,

and Simba decided to return,
and fight Scar for the throne

But I am not a lion, nor a king.

How can I apply this story to my life?

There are three points.

First, what Pride Land, and domestic
problems have in common for me?

I used to be unsure of myself,

have a fear of not being
successful enough,

and feel guilty

about wasting my education
and the opportunities I had.

These sound like silly problems,

but for me they were very real.

Second point; how do I get rid
of this problem?

First of all, by not worrying about
my classmate's workplace,

whether it is a bank or a consulting firm.

I had to work in the local government,

good but not prestigious work.

It was no use.

Then I got a job
in the international program,

and happily escaped to Russia.

(Laughter)

Why did I choose Russia?

I fell in love with Russia at an early
age, during a school trip.

I behaved like a real expat,
without realizing it.

Arriving in Russia, I became a novelty.

I became proud of my good pronunciation.

I tried not to admit that I am English;

to completely forget
who I had been before.

I started to eat a lot of cabbage
and dressed herring.

(Laughter)

Started to drink a lot of vodka,

(Laughter)

one for the road before leaving home.

(Laughter)

I got involved in different projects.

I am a co-founder of the Center
of Expertise for Social Entrepreneurs,

organic farm for refugees
in the Moscow region,

and real estate agency
for English-speaking people in Moscow.

Prior to that I conducted
a culinary project for orphans.

Third point.

What was the return
to the territory of my pride for me?

After a year in Russia I returned
to England for a new visa.

That time I felt a change
of my perspective.

I started to accept what was given to me;
my strengths and weaknesses.

My family, my name, my English accent.

I realized that otherwise,
I would try to become someone else,

but not myself.

Now I feel better.

I am more aware of what
I would consider a success.

That it's rather my privilege
to define it, not my pride's.

I am happy to hear
of the success of my friends.

And when there is little money
and problems with all my projects,

I remember that it is my choice,
and this is what I want.

My home has become a real kingdom for me.

Like Simba, I am willing
to accept my past.

I have realized that my homeland,

my pride, is not the only place on Earth,

but one of many
other homelands and prides.

At the same time I also realized
that my pride is still mine,

and if I denied it

I would abandon myself, and who I am.

Like a fish that cannot understand
what water is,

until it jumps out of it,

I could not understand my homeland

until I plunged into something else
and became a stranger.

I left a lot of work in Moscow,
took a visa and came back.

I used to introduce myself
as "Andrey", not "Andrew".

But after coming to realize
a lot about myself and my country,

I have started to introduce
myself as "Andrew".

I have begun to drink less vodka.

(Laughter)

And I have to confess to you that I am not
so in love with Russian cuisine.

Although I still love cabbage and herring.

(Laughter)

I am not from here.

I am a stranger,
and for that I don't apologize.

I hope you are starting to feel
how it will look in your case.

You can be on different stages
on different issues at the same time

More, I hope you can see a second step
after throwing back yours,

which does not have to mean to go abroad,
though that has its benefits.

Outside there is no temptation
to quit and pull back,

as you are surrounded by a new environment

and have to live with it
whether you like it or not.

The new language also helps
to separate you from the old world.

So, if you choose to be a stranger,

and decide to go live abroad,

here are five tips from me,
a foreigner and a stranger.

Find people of your own;

meet them, and leave them.

They might be a mirror,
where you see yourself,

and realize what is happening around you.

But for you, they should not be a window
through which you conceive the world.

Become a guide, and a translator
for your friends.

Look for places where you can mediate

between your old and new world.

You will translate in terms
of both language and culture

what you have had to learn, and settle in.

Take the stereotypes about yourself.

Because it is through these that people

show sincere interest in you.

Explore the local culture.

To show your highest
respect for their culture.

Be open to new adventures,

acquaintances and knowledge.

If you are scared to run
the Lake Baikal marathon, do it.

If you are scared to meet new people,

even with this audience,

or to speak at TEDx,

you know what to do.

When you interact with a person

don't stand back from the fear of unknown.

Find out how his lifestyle
is better than yours,

and immerse yourself
in his way of thinking.

Thus, you will become a stranger.

But foreigners also show
how it is not done.

They are not aliens,
but expats, who don't want

to immerse into something new and strange.

The journey doesn't enlarge mentality,
but makes it narrow.

I had a friend from Canada;

a talented young construction expert.

But he couldn't adapt
to the Russian mentality of his employees;

he always argued with them.

After six months he returned home,

and when asked, "How is life in Russia?",

he answered, "You know,
it really sucks there.

It is very strange there!

Can you imagine that each escalator
has a woman on duty.

She doesn't do anyhing.

She just looks at the people
and sometimes argues with them.

(Laughter)

Also, there are different brands
of vodka in the supermarkets,

but there is none of the normal
brands of peanut butter.

Only in Russia one can find such things!"

This is what it means
to "narrow mentality".

Now you can have two responses.

First; "Well, it's wonderful,

but I'm not ready to go to Peru

to find some Kingdom in textiles."

But think about your local problems.

Are there those in this room who think
there are no problems in Russia?

(Laughter)

(Applause)

Yes, there are.

If you've never been
outside of your pride,

how can you figure out how things
could be different?

Second response;

"You, Andrew, such a fine fellow,
a dreamboat, and an Oxford man,

with so much money and time to travel.

But I have neither money nor time.

Whether it means
I have not got any chance of travel?"

You can be a stranger in Textiles as well.

(Laughter)

(Applause)

This is when your usual
and uninteresting habits

turn into obvious, strange,
and eccentric features;

when you listen to a person,
but don't understand him,

even knowing his language;

when you get offended
and hurt by accident;

when you speak to someone

and do not know where his culture, values,

his lifestyle, view of world and life,
upbringing, and where he is from.

At this point, you are a stranger to him.

Which of you understands people
outside the MKAD,

or those in their yard?

Who knows their neighbours,
the head of their apartment building,

or the salesman in the dairy shop
in their neighborhood?

Who gets befriended with Muslim mothers,
or talks with Tadjik janitors?

Which of you has a friend,
begging in the subway,

or handing out paper flyers in the street?

Who knows the policeman,
the subway operator,

pilot, ballet dancer, systems engineer?

(Laughter)

Whether those who are interested in art,
are aware of engineers?

Do you, scientists and engineers,

understand the language and values
of that young pianist who played before?

That looks different for each of us.

We all have our own pride,

which either has to remain
just a home, or become a real kingdom.

But for this to happen, you have to try
to become a stranger.

At least a little bit.

Thank you.

(Applause)