Are you a giver or a taker?
-
0:01 - 0:03I want you to look
around the room for a minute -
0:03 - 0:06and try to find the most
paranoid person here -- -
0:06 - 0:07(Laughter)
-
0:07 - 0:09And then I want you to point
at that person for me. -
0:09 - 0:10(Laughter)
-
0:10 - 0:12OK, don't actually do it.
-
0:12 - 0:13(Laughter)
-
0:13 - 0:15But, as an organizational psychologist,
-
0:15 - 0:17I spend a lot of time in workplaces,
-
0:17 - 0:19and I find paranoia everywhere.
-
0:20 - 0:22Paranoia is caused by people
that I call "takers." -
0:22 - 0:24Takers are self-serving
in their interactions. -
0:24 - 0:26It's all about what can you do for me.
-
0:27 - 0:28The opposite is a giver.
-
0:28 - 0:31It's somebody who approaches
most interactions by asking, -
0:31 - 0:33"What can I do for you?"
-
0:33 - 0:36I wanted to give you a chance
to think about your own style. -
0:36 - 0:38We all have moments of giving and taking.
-
0:38 - 0:41Your style is how you treat
most of the people most of the time, -
0:41 - 0:42your default.
-
0:42 - 0:44I have a short test you can take
-
0:44 - 0:46to figure out if you're more
of a giver or a taker, -
0:46 - 0:48and you can take it right now.
-
0:48 - 0:49[The Narcissist Test]
-
0:49 - 0:52[Step 1: Take a moment
to think about yourself.] -
0:52 - 0:53(Laughter)
-
0:53 - 0:56[Step 2: If you made it to Step 2,
you are not a narcissist.] -
0:56 - 0:57(Laughter)
-
0:58 - 1:02This is the only thing I will say today
that has no data behind it, -
1:02 - 1:05but I am convinced the longer it takes
for you to laugh at this cartoon, -
1:05 - 1:08the more worried we should be
that you're a taker. -
1:08 - 1:09(Laughter)
-
1:09 - 1:11Of course, not all takers are narcissists.
-
1:11 - 1:14Some are just givers who got burned
one too many times. -
1:14 - 1:17Then there's another kind of taker
that we won't be addressing today, -
1:17 - 1:19and that's called a psychopath.
-
1:19 - 1:20(Laughter)
-
1:20 - 1:23I was curious, though, about how
common these extremes are, -
1:23 - 1:26and so I surveyed over 30,000
people across industries -
1:26 - 1:28around the world's cultures.
-
1:28 - 1:30And I found that most people
are right in the middle -
1:30 - 1:32between giving and taking.
-
1:32 - 1:34They choose this third style
called "matching." -
1:34 - 1:37If you're a matcher, you try to keep
an even balance of give and take: -
1:37 - 1:41quid pro quo -- I'll do something
for you if you do something for me. -
1:41 - 1:43And that seems like a safe way
to live your life. -
1:43 - 1:46But is it the most effective
and productive way to live your life? -
1:46 - 1:49The answer to that question
is a very definitive ... -
1:49 - 1:50maybe.
-
1:50 - 1:51(Laughter)
-
1:51 - 1:53I studied dozens of organizations,
-
1:53 - 1:55thousands of people.
-
1:55 - 1:58I had engineers measuring
their productivity. -
1:58 - 2:01(Laughter)
-
2:01 - 2:04I looked at medical students' grades --
-
2:04 - 2:06even salespeople's revenue.
-
2:06 - 2:07(Laughter)
-
2:07 - 2:09And, unexpectedly,
-
2:09 - 2:12the worst performers in each
of these jobs were the givers. -
2:13 - 2:15The engineers who got the least work done
-
2:15 - 2:17were the ones who did more favors
than they got back. -
2:17 - 2:19They were so busy doing
other people's jobs, -
2:20 - 2:23they literally ran out of time and energy
to get their own work completed. -
2:23 - 2:26In medical school, the lowest grades
belong to the students -
2:26 - 2:28who agree most strongly
with statements like, -
2:28 - 2:30"I love helping others,"
-
2:31 - 2:33which suggests the doctor
you ought to trust -
2:33 - 2:36is the one who came to med school
with no desire to help anybody. -
2:36 - 2:37(Laughter)
-
2:37 - 2:40And then in sales, too,
the lowest revenue accrued -
2:40 - 2:42in the most generous salespeople.
-
2:42 - 2:44I actually reached out
to one of those salespeople -
2:44 - 2:46who had a very high giver score.
-
2:46 - 2:48And I asked him, "Why do
you suck at your job --" -
2:48 - 2:50I didn't ask it that way, but --
-
2:50 - 2:51(Laughter)
-
2:51 - 2:53"What's the cost of generosity in sales?"
-
2:53 - 2:57And he said, "Well, I just care
so deeply about my customers -
2:57 - 2:59that I would never sell them
one of our crappy products." -
2:59 - 3:01(Laughter)
-
3:01 - 3:02So just out of curiosity,
-
3:02 - 3:05how many of you self-identify more
as givers than takers or matchers? -
3:05 - 3:06Raise your hands.
-
3:07 - 3:10OK, it would have been more
before we talked about these data. -
3:11 - 3:14But actually, it turns out
there's a twist here, -
3:14 - 3:17because givers are often
sacrificing themselves, -
3:17 - 3:20but they make their organizations better.
-
3:20 - 3:23We have a huge body of evidence --
-
3:23 - 3:27many, many studies looking
at the frequency of giving behavior -
3:27 - 3:29that exists in a team
or an organization -- -
3:29 - 3:32and the more often people are helping
and sharing their knowledge -
3:32 - 3:33and providing mentoring,
-
3:33 - 3:36the better organizations do
on every metric we can measure: -
3:36 - 3:39higher profits, customer satisfaction,
employee retention -- -
3:39 - 3:41even lower operating expenses.
-
3:41 - 3:44So givers spend a lot of time
trying to help other people -
3:44 - 3:46and improve the team,
-
3:46 - 3:48and then, unfortunately,
they suffer along the way. -
3:48 - 3:50I want to talk about what it takes
-
3:50 - 3:53to build cultures where givers
actually get to succeed. -
3:54 - 3:57So I wondered, then, if givers
are the worst performers, -
3:57 - 3:58who are the best performers?
-
3:59 - 4:02Let me start with the good news:
it's not the takers. -
4:02 - 4:06Takers tend to rise quickly
but also fall quickly in most jobs. -
4:06 - 4:08And they fall at the hands of matchers.
-
4:08 - 4:11If you're a matcher, you believe
in "An eye for an eye" -- a just world. -
4:11 - 4:13And so when you meet a taker,
-
4:13 - 4:15you feel like it's your mission in life
-
4:15 - 4:17to just punish the hell
out of that person. -
4:17 - 4:18(Laughter)
-
4:18 - 4:19And that way justice gets served.
-
4:20 - 4:22Well, most people are matchers.
-
4:22 - 4:24And that means if you're a taker,
-
4:24 - 4:26it tends to catch up with you eventually;
-
4:26 - 4:27what goes around will come around.
-
4:27 - 4:29And so the logical conclusion is:
-
4:29 - 4:32it must be the matchers
who are the best performers. -
4:32 - 4:33But they're not.
-
4:33 - 4:36In every job, in every organization
I've ever studied, -
4:36 - 4:38the best results belong
to the givers again. -
4:40 - 4:43Take a look at some data I gathered
from hundreds of salespeople, -
4:43 - 4:44tracking their revenue.
-
4:44 - 4:47What you can see is that the givers
go to both extremes. -
4:47 - 4:50They make up the majority of people
who bring in the lowest revenue, -
4:50 - 4:51but also the highest revenue.
-
4:51 - 4:54The same patterns were true
for engineers' productivity -
4:54 - 4:55and medical students' grades.
-
4:55 - 4:58Givers are overrepresented
at the bottom and at the top -
4:58 - 5:00of every success metric that I can track.
-
5:00 - 5:02Which raises the question:
-
5:02 - 5:05How do we create a world
where more of these givers get to excel? -
5:05 - 5:08I want to talk about how to do that,
not just in businesses, -
5:08 - 5:10but also in nonprofits, schools --
-
5:10 - 5:11even governments.
-
5:11 - 5:12Are you ready?
-
5:12 - 5:13(Cheers)
-
5:13 - 5:16I was going to do it anyway,
but I appreciate the enthusiasm. -
5:16 - 5:17(Laughter)
-
5:17 - 5:19The first thing that's really critical
-
5:19 - 5:22is to recognize that givers
are your most valuable people, -
5:22 - 5:25but if they're not careful, they burn out.
-
5:25 - 5:27So you have to protect
the givers in your midst. -
5:27 - 5:31And I learned a great lesson about this
from Fortune's best networker. -
5:33 - 5:34It's the guy, not the cat.
-
5:34 - 5:36(Laughter)
-
5:36 - 5:37His name is Adam Rifkin.
-
5:37 - 5:40He's a very successful serial entrepreneur
-
5:40 - 5:42who spends a huge amount
of his time helping other people. -
5:42 - 5:45And his secret weapon
is the five-minute favor. -
5:45 - 5:48Adam said, "You don't have to be
Mother Teresa or Gandhi -
5:48 - 5:49to be a giver.
-
5:49 - 5:52You just have to find small ways
to add large value -
5:52 - 5:53to other people's lives."
-
5:53 - 5:55That could be as simple
as making an introduction -
5:55 - 5:58between two people who could
benefit from knowing each other. -
5:58 - 6:02It could be sharing your knowledge
or giving a little bit of feedback. -
6:02 - 6:04Or It might be even something
as basic as saying, -
6:04 - 6:05"You know,
-
6:05 - 6:07I'm going to try and figure out
-
6:07 - 6:10if I can recognize somebody
whose work has gone unnoticed." -
6:10 - 6:13And those five-minute favors
are really critical -
6:13 - 6:16to helping givers set boundaries
and protect themselves. -
6:16 - 6:17The second thing that matters
-
6:17 - 6:20if you want to build a culture
where givers succeed, -
6:20 - 6:23is you actually need a culture
where help-seeking is the norm; -
6:23 - 6:24where people ask a lot.
-
6:25 - 6:27This may hit a little too close
to home for some of you. -
6:27 - 6:30[So in all your relationships,
you always have to be the giver?] -
6:30 - 6:31(Laughter)
-
6:31 - 6:33What you see with successful givers
-
6:33 - 6:36is they recognize that it's OK
to be a receiver, too. -
6:37 - 6:40If you run an organization,
we can actually make this easier. -
6:40 - 6:42We can make it easier
for people to ask for help. -
6:42 - 6:44A couple colleagues and I
studied hospitals. -
6:44 - 6:47We found that on certain floors,
nurses did a lot of help-seeking, -
6:47 - 6:50and on other floors,
they did very little of it. -
6:50 - 6:53The factor that stood out on the floors
where help-seeking was common, -
6:53 - 6:54where it was the norm,
-
6:54 - 6:56was there was just one nurse
whose sole job it was -
6:57 - 6:59to help other nurses on the unit.
-
6:59 - 7:00When that role was available,
-
7:00 - 7:04nurses said, "It's not embarrassing,
it's not vulnerable to ask for help -- -
7:04 - 7:05it's actually encouraged."
-
7:06 - 7:09Help-seeking isn't important
just for protecting the success -
7:09 - 7:11and the well-being of givers.
-
7:11 - 7:13It's also critical to getting
more people to act like givers, -
7:13 - 7:15because the data say
-
7:15 - 7:18that somewhere between 75 and 90 percent
of all giving in organizations -
7:18 - 7:19starts with a request.
-
7:20 - 7:21But a lot of people don't ask.
-
7:21 - 7:23They don't want to look incompetent,
-
7:23 - 7:26they don't know where to turn,
they don't want to burden others. -
7:26 - 7:28Yet if nobody ever asks for help,
-
7:28 - 7:31you have a lot of frustrated givers
in your organization -
7:31 - 7:33who would love to step up and contribute,
-
7:33 - 7:35if they only knew
who could benefit and how. -
7:35 - 7:37But I think the most important thing,
-
7:37 - 7:40if you want to build a culture
of successful givers, -
7:40 - 7:43is to be thoughtful about who
you let onto your team. -
7:43 - 7:46I figured, you want a culture
of productive generosity, -
7:46 - 7:48you should hire a bunch of givers.
-
7:48 - 7:51But I was surprised to discover, actually,
that that was not right -- -
7:52 - 7:54that the negative impact
of a taker on a culture -
7:54 - 7:57is usually double to triple
the positive impact of a giver. -
7:58 - 7:59Think about it this way:
-
7:59 - 8:00one bad apple can spoil a barrel,
-
8:00 - 8:03but one good egg
just does not make a dozen. -
8:04 - 8:05I don't know what that means --
-
8:06 - 8:07(Laughter)
-
8:07 - 8:08But I hope you do.
-
8:08 - 8:11No -- let even one taker into a team,
-
8:11 - 8:14and you will see that the givers
will stop helping. -
8:15 - 8:18They'll say, "I'm surrounded
by a bunch of snakes and sharks. -
8:18 - 8:19Why should I contribute?"
-
8:19 - 8:21Whereas if you let one giver into a team,
-
8:21 - 8:23you don't get an explosion of generosity.
-
8:23 - 8:25More often, people are like,
-
8:25 - 8:27"Great! That person can do all our work."
-
8:27 - 8:30So, effective hiring and screening
and team building -
8:30 - 8:32is not about bringing in the givers;
-
8:32 - 8:34it's about weeding out the takers.
-
8:35 - 8:36If you can do that well,
-
8:36 - 8:38you'll be left with givers and matchers.
-
8:38 - 8:40The givers will be generous
-
8:40 - 8:42because they don't have to worry
about the consequences. -
8:42 - 8:45And the beauty of the matchers
is that they follow the norm. -
8:45 - 8:48So how do you catch a taker
before it's too late? -
8:49 - 8:52We're actually pretty bad
at figuring out who's a taker, -
8:52 - 8:53especially on first impressions.
-
8:54 - 8:56There's a personality trait
that throws us off. -
8:56 - 8:57It's called agreeableness,
-
8:57 - 9:00one the major dimensions
of personality across cultures. -
9:00 - 9:03Agreeable people are warm and friendly,
they're nice, they're polite. -
9:03 - 9:05You find a lot of them in Canada --
-
9:05 - 9:07(Laughter)
-
9:07 - 9:10Where there was actually
a national contest -
9:10 - 9:13to come up with a new Canadian slogan
and fill in the blank, -
9:13 - 9:15"As Canadian as ..."
-
9:15 - 9:17I thought the winning entry
was going to be, -
9:17 - 9:20"As Canadian as maple syrup,"
or, "... ice hockey." -
9:20 - 9:23But no, Canadians voted
for their new national slogan to be -- -
9:23 - 9:24I kid you not --
-
9:24 - 9:26"As Canadian as possible
under the circumstances." -
9:26 - 9:29(Laughter)
-
9:30 - 9:32Now for those of you
who are highly agreeable, -
9:32 - 9:34or maybe slightly Canadian,
-
9:34 - 9:35you get this right away.
-
9:35 - 9:37How could I ever say I'm any one thing
-
9:37 - 9:40when I'm constantly adapting
to try to please other people? -
9:40 - 9:42Disagreeable people do less of it.
-
9:42 - 9:45They're more critical,
skeptical, challenging, -
9:45 - 9:48and far more likely than their peers
to go to law school. -
9:48 - 9:49(Laughter)
-
9:49 - 9:52That's not a joke,
that's actually an empirical fact. -
9:52 - 9:53(Laughter)
-
9:53 - 9:56So I always assumed
that agreeable people were givers -
9:56 - 9:58and disagreeable people were takers.
-
9:58 - 9:59But then I gathered the data,
-
9:59 - 10:02and I was stunned to find
no correlation between those traits, -
10:02 - 10:05because it turns out
that agreeableness-disagreeableness -
10:05 - 10:06is your outer veneer:
-
10:06 - 10:08How pleasant is it to interact with you?
-
10:08 - 10:11Whereas giving and taking
are more of your inner motives: -
10:11 - 10:14What are your values?
What are your intentions toward others? -
10:14 - 10:16If you really want to judge
people accurately, -
10:16 - 10:20you have to get to the moment every
consultant in the room is waiting for, -
10:20 - 10:21and draw a two-by-two.
-
10:21 - 10:23(Laughter)
-
10:26 - 10:28The agreeable givers are easy to spot:
-
10:28 - 10:30they say yes to everything.
-
10:32 - 10:35The disagreeable takers
are also recognized quickly, -
10:35 - 10:39although you might call them
by a slightly different name. -
10:39 - 10:40(Laughter)
-
10:42 - 10:44We forget about the other
two combinations. -
10:44 - 10:47There are disagreeable givers
in our organizations. -
10:47 - 10:50There are people who are gruff
and tough on the surface -
10:50 - 10:52but underneath have
others' best interests at heart. -
10:53 - 10:54Or as an engineer put it,
-
10:54 - 10:56"Oh, disagreeable givers --
-
10:56 - 11:00like somebody with a bad user interface
but a great operating system." -
11:00 - 11:01(Laughter)
-
11:01 - 11:03If that helps you.
-
11:03 - 11:04(Laughter)
-
11:04 - 11:08Disagreeable givers are the most
undervalued people in our organizations, -
11:08 - 11:11because they're the ones
who give the critical feedback -
11:11 - 11:13that no one wants to hear
but everyone needs to hear. -
11:13 - 11:16We need to do a much better job
valuing these people -
11:16 - 11:17as opposed to writing them off early,
-
11:18 - 11:19and saying, "Eh, kind of prickly,
-
11:19 - 11:21must be a selfish taker."
-
11:22 - 11:25The other combination we forget about
is the deadly one -- -
11:25 - 11:27the agreeable taker,
also known as the faker. -
11:28 - 11:31This is the person
who's nice to your face, -
11:31 - 11:33and then will stab you right in the back.
-
11:33 - 11:34(Laughter)
-
11:35 - 11:38And my favorite way to catch
these people in the interview process -
11:38 - 11:39is to ask the question,
-
11:39 - 11:41"Can you give me the names of four people
-
11:41 - 11:43whose careers you have
fundamentally improved?" -
11:44 - 11:46The takers will give you four names,
-
11:46 - 11:49and they will all be more
influential than them, -
11:49 - 11:52because takers are great at kissing up
and then kicking down. -
11:53 - 11:56Givers are more likely to name people
who are below them in a hierarchy, -
11:56 - 11:58who don't have as much power,
-
11:58 - 11:59who can do them no good.
-
12:00 - 12:03And let's face it, you all know
you can learn a lot about character -
12:03 - 12:05by watching how someone
treats their restaurant server -
12:06 - 12:07or their Uber driver.
-
12:07 - 12:09So if we do all this well,
-
12:09 - 12:11if we can weed takers
out of organizations, -
12:11 - 12:13if we can make it safe to ask for help,
-
12:13 - 12:15if we can protect givers from burnout
-
12:15 - 12:18and make it OK for them to be ambitious
in pursuing their own goals -
12:18 - 12:20as well as trying to help other people,
-
12:20 - 12:23we can actually change the way
that people define success. -
12:23 - 12:26Instead of saying it's all about
winning a competition, -
12:26 - 12:30people will realize success
is really more about contribution. -
12:31 - 12:33I believe that the most
meaningful way to succeed -
12:33 - 12:35is to help other people succeed.
-
12:35 - 12:37And if we can spread that belief,
-
12:37 - 12:39we can actually turn paranoia upside down.
-
12:39 - 12:41There's a name for that.
-
12:41 - 12:42It's called "pronoia."
-
12:43 - 12:45Pronoia is the delusional belief
-
12:45 - 12:47that other people
are plotting your well-being. -
12:47 - 12:49(Laughter)
-
12:51 - 12:53That they're going around behind your back
-
12:53 - 12:56and saying exceptionally
glowing things about you. -
12:58 - 13:01The great thing about a culture of givers
is that's not a delusion -- -
13:01 - 13:03it's reality.
-
13:04 - 13:06I want to live in a world
where givers succeed, -
13:06 - 13:09and I hope you will help me
create that world. -
13:09 - 13:10Thank you.
-
13:10 - 13:15(Applause)
- Title:
- Are you a giver or a taker?
- Speaker:
- Adam Grant
- Description:
-
In every workplace, there are three basic kinds of people: givers, takers and matchers. Organizational psychologist Adam Grant breaks down these personalities and offers simple strategies to promote a culture of generosity and keep self-serving employees from taking more than their share.
- Video Language:
- English
- Team:
- closed TED
- Project:
- TEDTalks
- Duration:
- 13:28
Brian Greene edited English subtitles for Are you a giver or a taker? | ||
Brian Greene edited English subtitles for Are you a giver or a taker? | ||
Brian Greene approved English subtitles for Are you a giver or a taker? | ||
Brian Greene edited English subtitles for Are you a giver or a taker? | ||
Camille Martínez accepted English subtitles for Are you a giver or a taker? | ||
Camille Martínez edited English subtitles for Are you a giver or a taker? | ||
Camille Martínez edited English subtitles for Are you a giver or a taker? | ||
Leslie Gauthier edited English subtitles for Are you a giver or a taker? |