Engaging men in sexual rights for everyone | Tim Shand | TEDxBarcelonaWomen

This talk was given at a local TEDx event, produced independently of the TED conferences.
Tim Shand, the Director of International Sexual and Reproductive Health Rights Programmes for Sonke Gender Justice, talks about men's responsibility in ending violence against women and contraception. He emphasizes that educating men while empowering women is the right path towards gender equality.

The first time I met
a rape survivor I was 20.

I still remember that day, vividly,
the cold and wet weather.

Rachel was dressed casually;

she could have been
any of my female friends,

my stepsister, any of the women
in this audience.

Rachel spoke openly about how
a friend that she trusted

became a sexual abuser.

How he trapped her, and raped her,

the jeans he was wearing,
the smell of his aftershave,

the screaming that got no response,

her concern for getting pregnant,
or a sexually transmitted infection,

her rejection from her family,

her humiliation, and struggle
to be taken seriously by the police.

How nothing had happened to this man
whom she once called her friend.

Can you imagine?
I was saddened and frustrated.

I'd read "[Voices] Unheard"
about rape stories before

but, for the first time, I was seeing
its very real face and consequences.

That was over a decade ago.

I met Rachel when volunteering
for a rape crisis center,

to speak out to groups of men
in schools, in sports clubs,

in rooms like this, about sexual violence
against women and its consequences.

I grew up with parents
that were open about sex,

strong advocates for women's rights,

who gave me a strong sense
of social justice.

They were perhaps too open,

every week my mum would ask me
for an update on my sex life.

(Laughter)

This upbringing and experiences
like meeting Rachel

have shaped the person that I am,
it's driven my work and my passions,

it led me to research on sexual violence
and the role of men in its prevention,

and to work on men
and women's sexual rights ever since.

It's led me to believe in a world

where my female friends
and future daughters don't have to worry

that someone that they trust and love
would become a sexual abuser

or they'd be forced
to have unprotected sex.

And the women of any age,

whether here in Barcelona,
in Ohio, in Delhi, in South Africa,

can walk the streets alone,
wearing whatever they choose

without fear of sexual assault.

(Cheering) (Applause)

But it's also led me to believe
more and more each day

that the current response to promoting
and protecting women's sexual rights

would never succeed
until we truly engage men.

So what's the problem?

Sexual reproductive health and rights
remain seen as a women's issue,

and primarily,
their responsibility and concern.

Across the world today
in households and communities,

women are left to carry the burden

for avoiding unintended pregnancies,
ensuring the healthy spacing of children.

Currently, less than a quarter
of contraceptive users worldwide are men.

In South Africa, where I am from,
some women walk for hours alone

to access the nearest clinic
to get a contraceptive injection.

And other women who take the pill

fear each and every day
that their partner will find out

that they are using contraception
and respond violently.

And this is made worse
by power differences

which means that when a woman
goes to bed with a man,

it can be difficult for her
to insist on the use of condoms.

Where are the men supporting
these women and accessing contraception?

Recently, in Malawi,
I met a man who told me

that in the marriage
he had the right to have sex,

but the family planning
was his wife's responsibility.

When I challenged him, he told me:

"Men need sex more than women do,"
and that's "what women expect."

This man, reflecting the behavior
and views of so many others,

put his own sexual pleasure,
and his sexual desire,

before the rights and safety
of his partner.

This man didn't think
that the implications

of unintended pregnancy,
or HIV/AIDS were his responsibility.

And this is why I believe, more and more,

that we can continue to empower
women as much as we like,

through education,
programs, and other means,

but if these women return each night
to the same abusive partner,

we may have achieved very little.

In fact, we may have put
these women more at risk.

For too long, in our programs,
our policies, and our commitments,

we've talked about
sexual reproductive health

without explicitly focusing
on the roles of men,

the role of men as partners
with responsibility around contraception,

as clients of services
in their own rights,

and as agents of change
in their households and communities.

Therefore, what I want to say to you today

is it's time to talk differently about
sexual and reproductive health and rights.

We need to talk about this
as everyone's issue.

We need to challenge men's behavior

and reinforce the supportive behaviors
that many men are already taking.

We need to recognize men's
vested interest and responsibility too.

Rape and unintended pregnancies
affect men also.

We are the partners,
fathers, sons, husbands,

friends, and lovers of these women.

But we also need to be concerned
for men's own needs.

We're not very good
at looking after our sexual health.

We tend to go to health services
only when we're very sick,

and we avoid sexual health
and family planning clinics.

Currently, in Africa,

far lower rates of men than women
access HIV treatment and testing services.

But this is also an issue here,
in Europe and in Spain.

I wonder how many men in this room

have recently been
for a sexual health test,

or have supported their partner
in accessing these services.

I've worked in family planning clinics

in Bangladesh where 98%
of the clients were female.

The men in that community told me
that this service wasn't for them,

it didn't respond to their needs,

real men didn't look after their health
or the health of their partners.

But later, those same men
told me in confidence

about their own sexual health concerns.

Their concerns about keeping an erection,
the concerns with infection,

their lack of understanding

of their own bodies
or the bodies of their partners.

These men allowed
the traditional idea of manhood

to prevent them from accessing
the services that they need.

This is bad for men,
but it's also bad for women.

So we need to challenge men and support

those who are already
behaving responsibly,

but we also need to have a concern
for men's own health needs,

and work with men and women together

for everyone's sexual
and reproductive health.

This is the work that I do.

I work for Sonke Gender Justice
in South Africa.

We work to build
the capacity of individuals,

civil society, and government,

to promote gender equality,
prevent sexual violence and HIV,

and enhance sexual
reproductive health and rights.

We are men and women of all races
and sexualities working together.

In Zambia, together with the youth
activist Levy Wire. and others,

we're working with men
to change their behaviors

around sexual and reproductive
health and rights

through the provision
of specific services and outreach.

And we've seen amazing results.

Take Henry Kunda:

Before our work,

Henry believed that family planning
was just his wife's responsibility.

But now he supports his wife
around these issues,

they communicate on sexual health.

He looks after his own health
and is an advocate for these issues

to other men and women in his community
through outreach and other activities.

We're also supporting the next generation
of gender justice leaders in Africa

such as Danny Gotto, in Uganda.

Danny recently supported
one of our leadership training courses.

And we're helping him
with his incredible work,

to address and scale up

advocacy for safe abortion services
for women in Uganda.

And in South Africa,
Sonke's 'One man can' campaign

has reached thousands of men
and women, across the country,

and enable them to take action
for gender equality

in their homes, in their relationships,
and in their communities.

And through our coordination
of the MenEngage African network,

we're working with men and women together
to scale this work up across Africa,

and to create an AfricaWide
Movement for change.

We're not just doing this work
in communities,

but we're working in engaging governments,

to ensure these important interventions
are reflected in laws and policies.

Men like me shouldn't be thanked
for doing this work.

We need to make this work
as an important part of our identity,

of our education, and our careers.

For we do need to support men

and make sure
they're part of the solution.

So what about you here?
Are you part of the solution?

Do you continue to see
gender inequalities,

and a need to advance
sexual reproductive health and rights

as an age-old problem
that would never change,

and be overwhelmed
by the magnitude of the challenge?

Or do you take action now?

I was inspired by Rachel over
a decade ago never to remain silent.

So here's my challenge to you:

men, listen to women
about why these issues are important,

speak out on women's sexual rights,

support your partner, male or female,
to access the contraception that they need

and look after your own sexual health.

Women, never remain silent.

I challenge you to continue
to speak out in your rights,

and to allow men
to support you in doing so.

Speak to your partner,
and help, and encourage men

to be more responsible around
sexual and reproductive health and rights,

for their benefits, and for yours.

And I challenge all of us:
let's all work together,

so that sexual and reproductive
health and rights

is no longer just seen as a women's issue,

but we see men's involvement,
their support and their access to services

as a central part of ensuring

everyone's sexual and reproductive
health and rights.

I am Tim Shand. I am a man
working for gender equality.

Like all of us, I am a man in progress.

(Loud cheering) (Applause)