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The (Totally) Phantom Menace

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    Today is a big day.
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    Here is your first lightsaber.
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    It is now time for you to learn how to control this formidable weapon,
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    which only a jedi and sith master with perfection.
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    The golden rule:
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    Never let any hint of menace be displayed.
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    The menace must remain phantom.
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    First off, never point your saber towards anyone.
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    You might hurt them.
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    Aim to the side of them.
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    Then, even if your opponent strives to miss you,
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    dodge his blows.
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    You can never be too careful.
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    A recap: Aim to the side.
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    Dodge as a precaution.
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    Aim to the side
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    Dodge just in case.
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    Squint and aim.
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    Bow down exaggeratedly.
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    Botch your aim.
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    Make a show of your dodge.
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    Aim like a drunkard.
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    Jump like an idiot.
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    If hitting antennas is too hard for you,
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    Ask your opponent to guide you with his saber.
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    You'll just have to hit it.
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    The main thing is to keep a safe distance
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    between your saber and your opponent.
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    Lucas: Let me tell you something.
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    I've been in this business for years,
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    And guys like that,
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    who miss their target by 20 inches,
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    That I've never seen.
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    Audiences will love it.
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    While your opponent is grappling with your partner,
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    He is at his most vulnerable.
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    Avoid any threatening moves---
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    opt for something less harmless,
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    such as a few waltz steps.
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    [Ballet music]
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    If your enemy finds himself in a particularly tricky situation,
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    give him time to recover.
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    Pretend you are doing some warm-up exercises.
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    Or that your opponent is too quick for you,
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    even if admittedly,
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    a drunken jedi would have had time to carry out a whole dance routine.
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    Finally, if your opponent throws himself at your saber,
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    move it out of the way.
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    An accident can so easily happen.
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    NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
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    Aim any old how.
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    Go to the dentist.
Title:
The (Totally) Phantom Menace
Description:

Some say there is a fight scene at the end of "The Phantom Menace"...

French version : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cC7QRT9refU
Thanks to Marine and other friends for the help on the translation.
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Video Language:
English
Team:
Volunteer
Duration:
02:53
Retired user edited English, British subtitles for The (Totally) Phantom Menace
Justin added a translation

English, British subtitles

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