THE HOBBIT AUDITION TAPE!!!!

(offscreen) You OK Ben? What are ya...

Ben: I just ... I'm supposed to
be smaller, so I'm like...

(offscreen): Oh, OK.
Ben: Ah... eh. Gandalf. I'm sorry,

I don't know if I can go with you on this.
Y'know I got responsibilities here

at the Shire.

Mark:: We don't know each other yet

but we're gonna go on this great adventure

and we're probably all going to be friends

Listen, I ain't a puss. I know you guys
think I am because I don't got a sword

or nothing.

(offscreen): This is Roland Bloom for
The Hobbit

O: (yelling) Orlando Bloom!
(offscreen): What is it?

Orlando: Don't you know who I am?

I was in Lord of the Rings. I was an elf.
I had pointy ears.

Bam Margera: This is like,
Lord of the Rings, right?

(offscreen): yeah
Bam: The book before the other books?

(offscreen): yes
Bam: Why didn't they make this one first?

The guy's name is Bilbo? (heh heh)

Leo DiCaprio: You can't just go...
running off into the blue.

I'm a Baggins, of Bag End. (puffs)

Jack Sparrow: You wanna come with me,
old Gandalf?

I got adventure for you, Gilbo Balins

Alan Rickman: Bilbo Baggins...
I summon you.

Clint Eastwood: Gimme that damn ring,
right now...

before I break your little neck, you
scrawny little rat.

Ace Ventura: You (incomprehensible)

Joey: Sorry Gandalf, I can't go with you.

I wish I could, really, but I got all this
stuff to do back here at the Shire.

Sorry...
Hey, forget about it.

I'll go on your (?)

Bear Grylls: I'm really used to living

back on the Shire and just picking some

nice ripe beets and tomatoes,

but out here, when you're on an adventure

with Gandalf, it's hard to survive.

Austin Powers: Hey, Frodo, you want to go
on an adventure, baby, hey?

Ben Affleck: You know what, Bilbo?

You owe it to yourself to go on this
adventure. 'K?

Cause I don't got what you got. None of us
got what you got.

Orlando: I'm ORLANDO BLOOM.
(offscreen): Sorry.

(offscreen): Are you classically trained?
Orlando: Classically trained?!?

Orlando: Really? Of course.
(offscreen): What at? Piano?

Orlando: Acting, my friend.

Russell Brand: Oh! (?) if you insist,
Gandalf. OK if I bring my friends as well?

Edward Scissorhands: (clicking)

Russell Crowe: I'm gonna have to stay here

and grow my cor... my crops.

(offscreen): Russell, why are you talking
to an Oscar statue?

Russell: Ah, because I won an Oscar.

Ryan Gosling: What's up? My name's
Bilbo Baggins.

Ben: Know what the best part of my day is?

Those ten seconds when I come up to

your house and I knock on that door.

And I'm hoping that y'ain't gonna be there.

Ed: (clicking, crashing)

Orlando: I was an elf! In Lord of the Rings!

Yes! (offscreen laughter) Don't laugh at me!
Stop laughing!

(theme music, lyrics about hobbits)