The joy of less | Kim Coupounas | TEDxBoulder

This talk was given at a local TEDx event, produced independently of the TED Conferences.
Kim Coupounas is a values-centered leader and entrepreneur who’s a firm believer in the power of corporations to do good in the world. She tells a story about how the hunt for more can never be fulfilled, yet less is achievable, and ultimately, more rewarding.

I want to take you back
to the winter of 1993.

My husband and I are living in Boston.

We're newly married,
and we're kind of early on

in our A-type high-octane
business careers.

So we were working all the time.

We didn't have much time for fun,

and as avid backpackers and climbers,
we longed for time in nature.

So hallelujah, we managed to escape
for a long weekend-backpacking trip

in the White Mountains of New Hampshire.

We were enchanted
by the notion of meandering

into this frozen wintry wonderland,

breathing in the smell of the pines,

feeling the crunch! crunch! crunch!
of the snow beneath our snowshoes,

and snuggling up
next to a campfire at night.

So, in preparation for this trip,

we bought every winter
camping gizmo and doodad

our young wallets could afford.

So there we were, in this beautiful,
pristine winter wonderland

with 80 pounds each on our backs.

(Laughter)

Now, our dream vacation backpacking trip

- probably the only one
we were going to get that year -

turned into a nightmare.

We had welts on our shoulders,
blisters on our feet,

sweat-soaked base layers.

We were seduced by the allure of more,

and we didn't just have more on our backs,

you might say that we were
"more-on" backpackers.

So after a bunch of trips like that,
we took all of those learnings,

and my husband and I
founded an outdoor company

on the basic notion
that when it comes to connection

in the outdoors and your gear,
less really is more.

We really had found the key
to fun and freedom in the outdoors,

and it was simple: go light.

So let's talk about the culture of more.

When we think about the word 'more,'
we think more money, more sex,

more friends, more respect,
more success, more power, right?

So where does all this fascination
with more come from?

From the rise of industrial capitalism
at the turn of the 20th century.

Suddenly, mass-produced products
were available to everyone,

life-enhancing products
that raised the standard of living.

Suddenly, we had more freedom,
more education, more wealth,

higher wages and more democracy.

But let's talk about some of the things
that also came with that.

Suddenly, we filled our days
from morning to night

with no time to breathe,
and we had so many choices.

As a society, we were consumed
with the consumption of things.

Now, tell me, why do we need
24 flavors of ranch dressing?

(Laughter)

So is it any wonder

what this obsession with more
has brought on a global basis?

Folks, we're gobbling up the planet,

and well, we're not having a heck
of a lot of fun while we're doing it.

Capitalism is a good thing,

but it has lost its way, and so have we.

I get the allure of more.

I know the power of the dark side.

I think to myself how I look
so hot, so powerful,

and so sexy in those shoes.

I've got to have them.

So I plunk down my credit card,

and I have that immediate rush
of gratification.

And I take them home
in their fancy packaging

and I stand in front
of the full length mirror.

I put them on my feet,

and I have that sickening realization

of just how much I put on my credit card,

and that they freaking hurt my feet!

(Laughter)

And what's left after that initial rush,

but emptiness and pain?

Fast forward to 2002,

my husband and I are building
an awesome company.

We have product awards and media hits
coming out of our ears,

we are rowing internationally,

and we are riding this huge wave
of traditional business success,

but we're working more
than 100 hours a week.

We're pouring capital in.

We're buying ad-buys for a single page
that cost more than 20,000 dollars each.

We're buying trade show booths
that cost more than a house.

And you know, all of that
was in the pursuit of more:

more market share, more growth,
more recognition, more success.

Can you see the irony
of building a company

all about less but living all
of your time in the land of more?

And what did it really get us?

It got us less time with each other,
less time with the family,

less time with friends,
less time in spiritual pursuit,

less time working out,
and ironically,

less time in nature.

We were running our business
like the "more-on" backpacker.

I want to be honest and tell you

that the seduction of more
led me personally

down a very, very dark path.

I was emotionally,
spiritually, and physically

so worn out and so out of balance

that I spent the next eight years
having five miscarriages,

three failed in-vitro fertilization rounds

and spending a fortune
in Western and Eastern medical treatments.

Can you imagine seeing
your baby's heartbeat

at 12 weeks via ultrasound

only to find out a few weeks later
that the baby had died in your belly?

Why are we so afraid of the word 'less'?

We think we'll have lack.
We think we'll be judged.

We think we won't have enough.

We think we're worried
what other people will say.

And all of that is rooted in fear.

But good people,
what the heck are we afraid of?

We are living in a civilization

with so much prosperity,
and abundance, and wealth.

Happiness, when it comes from buying
things and stuff, is fleeting,

and therefore, an illusion.

Let's reframe the word 'less,'

'less' doesn't mean lack.

'Less' doesn't mean lack.

'Less' means less stress,
less anxiety, less anger,

less worry, and more happiness,

joy, connection, and abundance.

So, after eight years of fertility
treatments and trying everything,

everything to try and have a child,

I was brought to my knees,

and everything in me screamed, "Stop!"

So I did. I got quiet.

I stopped being the CEO
of the company that I cofounded.

I stepped off boards,
I eliminated commitments.

I stopped chasing every notion
I'd been told was my ticket to happiness,

and I stopped with the attachments,

and all of those things
that weren't serving me

like self-judgment, and blame,
and stress, and worry.

And after I cleared out
the clutter of my life,

and I spent time in nature,

and I reconnected
with my family and my friends,

I started to sing again,
and I spent time in prayer.

This was the result.

(Applause)

Let's be honest,

I have trained and worshipped
at the high altars of more,

but I know in my bones the abundance
and joy that comes from less.

Make no doubt, we all have
the power to turn away

from the dark side
to choose a different path,

to change the rules of the game,
to reverse the destructive forces

we have wrought on humanity
and our biosphere.

I'm in the business
of selling you things, but what if,

imagine, what if we all
bought fewer things?

And when we did buy things,

we bought from brands and companies
that were aligned with our values?

What if we trusted and had faith
that on the other side of this wall,

this illusion, this falsehood of more,

is a life of abundance and joy
just waiting for us?

I want to leave you with a question:

What is that abundance, that joy
that your heart aches for,

and what can you have
less of to make room for it?

(Applause)